I was aggressive

[hollydoodle]

Sunday morning my boyfriend and I had a conversation where he promised me profusely that he wouldn't smoke cigarettes later that night at a party. I am really against it as I've had lots of people in the past lie to me about smoking and it's something that personally upsets me.

 

Later that night he came home. I asked if he had smoked and he said he had because he wanted to. I felt so angry because he had made a promise and then had completely gone against his word. I don't understand why he would make promises if he knew he would just break them. When he was telling me about it he seemed smug and proud that he had smoked. He discounted all my feelings and said he enjoyed doing it. I asked him if he regretted it and he said no, he was just having fun. At this point I got really angry because I felt betrayed. I picked up a glass that was on the table and said to him I wanted to throw the contents at him. I knew this was wrong so I just held it and shook the glass. Some went over the table and over my hand. He then said he wasn't sorry about actually smoking and said he smoked three times. I felt this wasn't just once he betrayed me but now multiple times. I felt so hurt. I then went to throw the juice at him but the glass slipped out my hands and ended up hitting him. Out of panic I then said he should clean it up. And I then asked if he could leave my flat. However I then quickly realised I was so wrong and what a mistake I had made. I asked him to come to bed to get warm and I took his wet clothes off.

 

I know it was physical and abusive, and there's absolutely no excuse. I never intentionally meant to hurt him. I never meant to throw the glass at him. I feel terrible and sick to the stomach that I will loose him because of this. Since then I have contacted a therapist to speak about my behaviour and to see if I can get help. I know how wrong I was and I just hope it's fixable. I love him so much and want him in my life. I am ashamed that I let my anger and frustration get the better of me when I could of just walked away. I've apologised to him so many times but now I'm labelled as an abusive girlfriend which makes me so incredibly sad. I wish I could take back that night.

 

I don't know what to do right now. Should I just let him go?

[VeveCakes]

First of all, you are not the owner of your boyfriends body. You can not tell someone whether they can or can not smoke. You know smoking is an addiction? So making him promise he won't smoke is setting him up for failure. No matter how bad he might not want to it is very very hard for smokers to resist especially in a party setting. This is something you will have to learn with age. If you don't like smoking, then don't date a smoker. Don't demand someone who smokes stop because you don't like it. You do not own your boyfriend. If he is going to quit it will only happen when HE wants to.

 

Second of all, yes you should seek therapy ASAP. You are lucky your bf didn't involve the police.

 

Get help and stop trying to control things you have no right to control.

[Philosoraptor]

First, it sounds like the smoking is quite the deal breaker. And it's something he seems to have no interest in changing.

 

Second, what happened, happened. Nothing can change that now. But good on you for seeking therapy for the underlying issues.

 

There seems to be more to the issues than what has been shared. It would be quite shocking to see such a simple thing cause such issues. There seems to be trust issues, issues of respect, and more. I suggest you open up fully with your therapist and work on you, before you worry about such a volatile relationship.