My wife is attracted to women - which is OK.

[JHandy]

Your wife and I have a lot in common . We're both attracted to other women and we both gave up the opportunity for sex with them when we married.

 

This is my point. Other people are ruled out until the status of our marriage changes, which I hope it doesn't.

 

I get 100% of what I want and need from my wife.

 

My wife only gets part of what she needs - I think.

 

Just trying to see if there is a way she can enjoy this part of her more in a marriage with a man. If so, I'm willing to take a chance. If not we go on as we were, which is great too.

 

The thing is, if I'm going to lose her to a woman, it's going to happen one way or another. Being the best husband I can be so she can be fulfilled in the world view she wanted at the onset of our marriage, I think I have a good chance at getting to death do we part.

[JHandy]

Ok well if you've already tried everything the right way and got all your answers then you're just at the "accept what she tells you" part. Not sure what else you expect to happen ....?

 

Thanks Jen! You've been helpful.

[JoeSmith357-1]

If you go down this road, your relationship is over. Honestly it probably is anyway. She's been a closet lesbian forever probably and has been suppressing it.

[spanz1]

if it were me, i would not just let her go play with women. If she really wants to experiment, demand you are there, and only allow FMF meetings with you in the room.

[CommittedToThis]

I would offer her a year off from the relationship so she can truthfully explore her sexuality. If she's gay and not admitting it, you are not getting the full picture and therefore are ill-equipped to make proper decisions. How can one make an informed decision if they aren't given the courtesy of the full picture?

 

My concern is, when will she act on these feelings for other women? Has she already?

 

It seems to me like there is a chance she might cheat on you in the future over this confusion.

 

Me? I'd consider walking. She wants something you will never be able to give her. That, alone, would cause me concern as to MY ability to handle it. I'd be wondering about it. Maybe you're less bothered by it than I am.

 

All the best to the both of you.

[JHandy]

I would offer her a year off from the relationship so she can truthfully explore her sexuality. If she's gay and not admitting it, you are not getting the full picture and therefore are ill-equipped to make proper decisions. How can one make an informed decision if they aren't given the courtesy of the full picture?

 

Where I think we are, this is not an issue. She has expressed no interest in having a relationship with a woman. She has no desire for exploration.

 

My concern is, when will she act on these feelings for other women? Has she already?

 

It seems to me like there is a chance she might cheat on you in the future over this confusion.

 

This is where my mind wonders. Could she get caught up in a moment? I don't think she would cheat - it's not in her personality. But she's very sensual and I think she could get caught up in something brief. Even if it's just a fleeting crush. She's the kind of person who would close herself in if that happened.

 

I would hate that if that happened. I think it may have occurred recently. I'm just hoping to keep her from closing up.

 

Me? I'd consider walking. She wants something you will never be able to give her. That, alone, would cause me concern as to MY ability to handle it. I'd be wondering about it. Maybe you're less bothered by it than I am.

 

All the best to the both of you.

 

No way am I leaving her. She's too awesome. If she wants to go, that's one thing, but I'm happy living with her. I'm fine with things as they are. If there was anything I can do or somehow make available in her life that gives her fulfillment and still be happy being married, that would be the icing on the cake.

 

Thanks!

Edited December 12, 2016 by JHandy

[CommittedToThis]

I'm happy living with her. I'm fine with things as they are.

 

That's what I'm talking about! You're good and that's a great place to be.

 

Since this is the only real thing that's concerned you a bit, all you can do is continue to love her with all you've got.

 

But trust your instinct; no one should "close up". Closing up isn't really an option in a relationship, to me anyway.

 

Be realistic, keep your eyes open, trust your gut, and enjoy life.

[JHandy]

Well some time has passed and good times have been had.

 

Recently my wife and I stared talking about stuff - all good - and this topic came up. We talked pretty extensively and I learned a lot. My thoughts about her sexuality were correct. She's very much into women. She's never ventured into anything physical but her imaginary world is full. She started feeling this way a little in college but it got really noticeable to her a little more than 10 years or so ago.

 

She loves me and wants nothing to do with that part of her. She's focused on us. I asked her if I was enough and she said yes. I did ask if she wanted another woman and she said it would be nice but she's happy with fantasy.

 

Why she's with me is a mystery to me, but she said she was genuinely happy and didn't need anything else.

 

So all is great. But I do feel there is things I can do to spice up our sex life that can to some extent feed this part of her. I have stumbled here and there with varying degrees of success.

 

Even though our talk was very open, she's very reserved and gave me the feeling I'd have to be the one to make the move, but that she's open to everything short of a threesome.

 

So, I am wondering what can I do for "safe spice". Since this is unconventional in every way, if you're a committed woman in a relationship, what f-f types of things would you want to do or have fantasized about with your partner or would want your partner provide for you? Guys, have you done things for your wife or girlfriend in this area they liked a lot?

 

I discussed the longevity issues and I understand the risks, but from our talk, at least now I don't think there is a concern. Maybe later, but not now. She's a great woman and I want to make her the happiest she could be. It also excites me as well. Apparently she and I have very similar tastes