bigman1 Posted December 9, 2016 Share Posted December 9, 2016 While I think that sometimes BS's do go a bit rabid on a WS and project onto them, I think that something else is at work, too. It is ridiculous for a WS to think that just by confessing or, as the case is here, getting caught and "coming clean" that they get to skip a few grades. Admitting that one cheated and feels sorry and recognizes that one has screwed up many lives is hardly advanced level stuff. That just qualifies you to enter the school of hard looks (and hard knocks). Expecting soft words after such a betrayal is ludicrous. Expecting folks to accept that one is remorseful, regretful, sorry, and repentant is also a bit premature. A WS has spent so much time being deceitful that those habits die hard. You may still be deceiving yourself in addition to the BS. There is trickle truth, there is re-writing marital history, there is unlearning how to process things through a sense of entitlement or resentment, and more. I mean, there is just so much to cut through and NO, you don't get more credit for realizing that you did something bad early on and want to fix it. That, again, is the minimum required for admission. In short, you get put through the ringer and every word scrutinized. Every phrase gets parsed. Your motives are completely under suspicion. It is as it should be. I look at a traitor the same, no matter who they betrayed. Having proven themselves unworthy of belief, they enroll in the school of hard looks, because everything they say is looked at hard. Then they take some hard knocks. Eventually, they move up a grade. It is not punishment, it is purging. The truth will withstand the heat, but the crap will get burned and so will you if you keep holding on to it. Some graduate into FWW or FWH. Some get sent into exile by their spouse and become EXWW or EXWH. The thing is, an EX can be remorseful and really turned things around, but they are not worthy of being married to their BS. That is not to say that they are not worthy of being married, just not to the BS. Either way, the school is tough. Sorry, but then again, not sorry. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Owl6118 Posted December 9, 2016 Share Posted December 9, 2016 I understand... but you were in an exit affair... she was happily married.... and she did not stop the affair... her brother in law caught her... Wouldn't you think that reading here for two years might have had at least some effect? I dunno... I am really having a hard time understanding all this now Maybe an analogy will help. I started reading about alcoholism and researching alcoholism when I knew I had a problem. It still took me two years to go to AA. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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