Author New_girl Posted December 6, 2016 Author Share Posted December 6, 2016 I assume you've already done this but the best way to go about it is to make a spreadsheet. List all of your joint and marital assets. The house (equity = fair market value - current mortgage amount). FMV can be determined by getting an appraisal. 401K's. Investment and savings accounts. Checking accounts. Cars (just use Kelly Blue Book for value - car loan remaining balance). Furnishings (don't get to crazy on the itemization of this - just come up with a number for the stuff you're getting and the stuff he's getting). Once you finalize the assets, do the same for joint debts (credit cards, taxes etc). Hopefully you haven't been accruing joint debt while you've been separated. Car loans and mortgage is already factored into their value so no need to do that here. Just credit cards and taxes etc... Once you're all done with that, divide the asset number by two, figure out how to divide up the debt equitably (doesn't have to be equal - see below) and then start solving by picking things off the list. Here let me give you an example.... Total Joint Assets: $500,000 Total Joint Debt: $100,000 Debt Distribution Husband Takes: $40,000 Wife Takes: $60,000 ------------------------ Debt adjustment +$10,000 to wife Asset Allocation Due Husband: $240,000 Asset Allocation Due Wife: $260,000 Then you just start settling up.... For example Husband takes house: let's assume that's worth $200,000 Husband takes $40,000 of other property/assets Wife gets everything else: $260,000 Now, this gets sticky if the house equity is worth more than $240,000. In that case Husband has to pay Wife the difference to make her "whole". If he can't pay at the time of divorce, then only equitable option is to sell the house and divide up the proceeds. Although it sounds all mathy, it is really an inexact science. A lot of the numbers are subjective and guesses. But in the end, this is what you're working for - an equal division of the joint assets and debts. Usually the issue is that one of the parties wants an asset that is worth more than 50% (or their share) of the allocation. Do you have that here? A few other things: 1. If both parties feel equally screwed, you probably did it right 2. Everything gets a number. If you can't agree on a number then find a third party to put a number on it 3. Whoever cares more, wins Hope this helps! I wish it were this easy! None of the assets are easily valued. There's principle on the house, including the down payment, and then there's the appreciation. He wants each part handled separately and under the law of our state, it can be. Same for the retirement accounts and bank accounts. Between the two of us, we have nine retirement accounts and six bank accounts. Most were opened after we were married, but some not. There's also pensions in the future. It's a lot to figure out! Link to post Share on other sites
Author New_girl Posted December 6, 2016 Author Share Posted December 6, 2016 While that is noble of you to do, I'd advise against that. I'd just go 50/50 and it is up to him to make it work. As soon as you start factoring in subjectivity like that, you run into all sorts of valuation problems. That's what I wanted. 50/50. He doesn't. Thus we are here. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted December 6, 2016 Share Posted December 6, 2016 Yeah, we have had that discussion, too, about if we can't agree then we will have to get lawyers involved and that will cost us both dearly and would frankly be stupid. I know I can't change him. Just ready for this to be over so I can move on with my life. Wait - he gets the house. He only pays a small amount for child support and no alimony? Girl - you are ALLOWING yourself to be screwed over! Get all of what's due to you! Your kids will thank you when they don't have to go without basic needs!!! Get busy demanding MORE! He will get more reasonable when you start demanding a tin of things from him! Ask for half of his retirement and demand he keep a life insurance policy in place for your benefit! What about half the value of the home? Start asking and expect MORE! Link to post Share on other sites
Author New_girl Posted December 6, 2016 Author Share Posted December 6, 2016 No kids. No house. Just a bunch of expensive vehicles, tools, horses, and trailers. The property we lived on was given to me. He tried to fight for a few things, and tried to get some of my inheritance, didn't work. He walked away with his debt, tools, and a mustang Cobra, he couldn't pay for anything since he didn't have a job for 2 years living off of me.. Now I have a 9 month old son, a working amazing fiancé and looking to buy a new house together. It sucks to fight, but if he's going to be like that, might as well get what you can, or make it to where you get everything so he'll then work something out. A new baby and a fiance with a job! Good for you! As I said before, I don't think I'll ever marry again. At least your experience didn't turn you off of marriage forever. Link to post Share on other sites
Author New_girl Posted December 6, 2016 Author Share Posted December 6, 2016 Wait - he gets the house. He only pays a small amount for child support and no alimony? Girl - you are ALLOWING yourself to be screwed over! Get all of what's due to you! Your kids will thank you when they don't have to go without basic needs!!! Get busy demanding MORE! He will get more reasonable when you start demanding a tin of things from him! Ask for half of his retirement and demand he keep a life insurance policy in place for your benefit! What about half the value of the home? Start asking and expect MORE! I'm asking for half the equity in the house and half of the retirement accounts that were contributed to during the marriage as well as the appreciation on those. I won't ask for alimony and hope that he sees that as my way of saying I'm not trying to screw him. And we will both get life insurance policies on ourselves with the other person as beneficiary in the event that either of us dies before the kids are out of the house. Or something like that based on what the lawyers advise. Thanks for the words of encouragement. I feel like he's been manipulating me with saying things like, "there's a lot of gray area in the law and your attorney is paid to get you the maximum amount he can." Uh, no. I'm paying my attorney to inform me of the law so I don't do something stupid! He just thinks the world will screw you in the end. Link to post Share on other sites
eightytwenty Posted December 6, 2016 Share Posted December 6, 2016 A new baby and a fiance with a job! Good for you! As I said before, I don't think I'll ever marry again. At least your experience didn't turn you off of marriage forever. It did for a bit. My only suggestion is to not play nice, because in the end if you don't get what you deserved it'll eat at you. Lawyer up and play ball! Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Peach Posted December 6, 2016 Share Posted December 6, 2016 Sounds like you ended up in a situation much like mine, except you were the one paying child support? And you lost the house? I'm sorry to hear that. Hope you are doing ok. In my state, whoever is the high wage earner is subject to the alimony/cs rules. So since I had a husband that refused to work most of our marriage then I got stuck with this unfortunately. It was tough at first because I had to learn to live on a new budget but I'm doing awesome now. I am such a different person now and I have a much better life. One of my friends asked me "Why are divorces so expensive?" The answer was "Because they are worth it". I can say mine was. Regarding his POV, yes, I am looking at that, too. For example, he is older than me and will retire sooner, so I've told him that once we have a list of all the assets and debts that are marital or divisible and get to a bottom line number, then we should consider that he will retire many years before me and will need more retirement $ coming out of the divorce settlement. I would just split anything accumulated during the marriage unless your local laws are different. If there is something you want (even if it's not money) it may be worth an exchange for some extra money and you can say something like to to make it sound sweeter but I wouldn't offer it up front. Usually men need to feel they won something so give him some room to feel he won something if it becomes necessary. Link to post Share on other sites
Author New_girl Posted December 6, 2016 Author Share Posted December 6, 2016 One of my friends asked me "Why are divorces so expensive?" The answer was "Because they are worth it". I can say mine was. Too funny! And I'm sure there's truth in it in the end. I would just split anything accumulated during the marriage unless your local laws are different. If there is something you want (even if it's not money) it may be worth an exchange for some extra money and you can say something like to to make it sound sweeter but I wouldn't offer it up front. Usually men need to feel they won something so give him some room to feel he won something if it becomes necessary. Yeah, I think when he realizes that both the house and no alimony means he won, he will finally accept the terms. He just wants more. Ugh. Link to post Share on other sites
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