The last frontier: How to get over the anger

[freengreen]

Anger is ok. Its a form of regret. I am going thru anger, disappointment and embarassment at the sametime for actually letting all that happened.

 

Why do we have to ruin ourselves for weeks together when they are just gliding over?. I dont know if I am going to flourish extensively in my life or not but what I know is I aint going to sulk over this guy who would just move on like nothing happened.

 

I would never want him back even if he was in more pain that me because it was all wrong in the first place but for the fact that he just lets it go so easily makes me angry, sad and stupid about myself (wow that was a big sentence).

[freengreen]

1) I thought he was the love of my life whom I've waited a looong time for. We clicked instantly even before meeting. Upon meeting, people stared at us because we were so natural together. A friend of mine saw a picture of us together on the night we met and remarked that we looked like we'd been together for years. I loved his mind and personality. I shared myself with him in a way I don't share myself with others. I felt a special connection with him. He understood me and admired me and I felt the same about him. He was very intelligent and appreciated my intelligence, etc.

 

2) I see that he is very manipulative. By narcissist, I mean traits I've come to know as narcissistic: one sided relations, manipulations, selfishness, etc. He definitely has a cold, dark side to him. He could be cruel. He ignored me at times--my suggestions or requests. He was manipulative and told me stories of how he'd manipulate family members to get what he wanted. He was never concerned about what his wife thought or felt. He only cared about his job's consequences--he didn't want trouble at work--ironically I was his firm's client plus he told one of his work buddies all about me, the affair, showed work buddy my picture. He didn't care about the outcomes for his clients. For example, I asked if I could watch him in court. He said it would make him nervous and affect his performance. When I said I wouldn't watch then, he said if he didn't perform well that would be his client's problem, not his. He would be paid either way and I'm welcome to watch him. Multiple times he told me he loves it when I call him devious.

 

3) I don't see it so much as folly, because he has both good and bad. It's just the bad outweighs the good, and I was more focused on the good earlier on.

Hm, those were my points too until one day I realised that all the point 1) is actually a manupulation. That drags point 1). into 2). leaving nothing in 1). Ughh!

[Miss Clavel]

i think you stop getting angry when it gets boring. how many times can you get to the point of outrage over and over and over, before the "heat" is gone.

 

and i have a way of always trying to see how things that blow up started. usually it's something i did. which i will then have to correct. as much as possible without causing harm.

Edited December 7, 2016 by Miss Clavel

[MidnightBlue1980]

i think you stop getting angry when it gets boring. how many times can you get to the point of outrage over and over and over, before the "heat" is gone.

 

 

This is true. I met with a friend this week who knows the entire saga and he asked how it was going. I felt like I couldn't even talk about it anymore. It is unbelievably boring to keep rehashing and talking about the same thing, I couldn't bear to listen to myself let alone force my friend to listen to me. Eventually you just are like, enough already.

[Outofmysystem]

Miss C and Blue are right.....it does get boring as TIME exposes the real person not the affair bubble one....I still feel the anger as well, I think most all of us do....and it works both ways as my X treated me just like most OW here on the board, doesn't matter if you are a man or woman, the same BS can happen on both sides. She was just as bad as all the stories that I've read on here over the last year. I didn't believe that time would ever help, ever....but it does, you just need to take care of yourself and let time do the rest.

[HeCantBreakMe]

I don't want to threadjump but HCBM, did you leave your job? I recall it was supposed to be early Dec.

 

No, I couldn't do it. I just couldn't be without a job right now especially being so unsure about my marriage.

 

I did work something out so I am only in the office the M/W which are the days he is not in the office- so I do not have to see him. I have him blocked everywhere else so it is like i disappeared

 

I am still looking but you were right i can't just leave with no job. Soo.. searching like a mad woman!

[MidnightBlue1980]

No, I couldn't do it. I just couldn't be without a job right now especially being so unsure about my marriage.

 

I did work something out so I am only in the office the M/W which are the days he is not in the office- so I do not have to see him. I have him blocked everywhere else so it is like i disappeared

 

I am still looking but you were right i can't just leave with no job. Soo.. searching like a mad woman!

 

I do agree about the job. It's bad out there. Perhaps your husband could tell his wife, then he might leave like xmm did. It's not right xmm gets off scot-free.

 

But in any event, keep looking. I can tell you that I really only am starting to feel better now that I do not see him. Yesterday was the first day without him. I do still feel bad, I'm not sure I made the right decision, it was a long road.

 

You won't feel better 100% till one of you is gone.

[MidnightBlue1980]

No, I couldn't do it. I just couldn't be without a job right now especially being so unsure about my marriage.

 

I did work something out so I am only in the office the M/W which are the days he is not in the office- so I do not have to see him. I have him blocked everywhere else so it is like i disappeared

 

I am still looking but you were right i can't just leave with no job. Soo.. searching like a mad woman!

 

What is going on in your marriage?

[FoundMyStrength]

i think you stop getting angry when it gets boring. how many times can you get to the point of outrage over and over and over, before the "heat" is gone.

 

and i have a way of always trying to see how things that blow up started. usually it's something i did. which i will then have to correct. as much as possible without causing harm.

 

Same here, for me, I stop getting angry when I force myself to look at my own role in it. Yes, he was manipulative. Yes, he "managed" me in a way that I find really distasteful now. But I *allowed* him do those things. Maybe because I was caught up in my feelings, but still. I'm a smart girl. I should have known better. Plus, I had friends who were pleading with me to stay away from him, and I ignored them all. I *really* should have known better.