- girlfriend is cold when we are away from eachother

[lonely1129]

Me and my "girlfriend" have been dating since October. She was the one pursuing me 2 years ago but I ignored her since I had no interest. So this October I approached her and we started hanging out in the library during studying. After about 2-3 weeks about listening how she likes relationships and seeing how great and smart she is, I fell in love and started contacting her more and more. After those 2-3 weeks we went to the movies together and had sex, after cuddling in bed she tells me she is broken and not a girlfriend material and feels strangled in the relationship, however I kept pursuing her as I dated a few girls in my life and each and every one of them has problems that you get to know sooner or later, so I said to myself Why not trying to continue with this one.

 

One morning after another week or two of dating and sleeping over, I text here "where should we go eat later, heart?" and I get this long message how she sees that Im falling in love with her and that she is afraid she will never be able to love me as much as I love her. We met at a bar and discussed how Im willing to work with her on her problems since everyone has them etc. She didnt agree and I went cold for 4-5 days and she started contacting me again. And we started dating again.

 

She is great when I meet her in person, but its always me arranging plans, she says she is indifferent towards everything, she doesnt care where she will be during New Year etc, however that if I really want, she will be with me. She rarely texts me, only if I text her first. I want to sleep over at her place every night but she says it looks like we are married and that we are most likely gonna sleep over 2 times per week.

 

What should I do, I really love this girls and everything is great when we are together but she is so cold over texts?

 

I know she is not cheating or anything since she keeps her phone unlocked and says I can check it if I want, but I never do, i respect privacy. She also started taking birth control pills a week ago just for me.

Edited December 7, 2016 by lonely1129

[RoseHeart]

There is a chance that she is just not big on texting and that it's just not her natural style to be very descriptive or emotional over it. However, her lack of effort to meet up is a problem. A relationship must have 2 partners doing equal "work". Otherwise, it's not a balanced or healthy relationship. A healthy one is give and take. Seems like she is really just taking at this point. You are right, we all have problems in our lives and that is not a excuse for her to half ass it. If she is into you, she'll need to step it up and make you feel special too and it sounds like by communicating better and making plans too will do that for you. She needs to hear you out and make changes if she values you.

[Sunkissedpatio]

She sounds quite guarded. Ever dig deeper to find out what she meant when she said she was broken and not gf material?

[lonely1129]

A friend of mine and her told me that she had troubled past relationships where everyone would treat her badly and break up with her very quickly after shes given herself to him.

 

She also told me her past relationships were short term and confirmed that this is true. That every guy used her in the past. She says Im perfect and sweet and everything she ever wanted tho... She also brought up the fact that she feels strange since she expected this "relationship" to be short lived and that she got used to being a strong individual due to her past. However, when I told her she can be open with me about her past relationship, she said she does not want to talk about the past.

 

I really want to take things slow, but its hard, I constantly think about her and want to spend time with her.

Edited December 7, 2016 by lonely1129

[RoseHeart]

A friend of mine and her told me that she had troubled past relationships where everyone would treat her badly and break up with her very quickly after shes given herself to him.

 

She also told me her past relationships were short term and confirmed that this is true. That every guy used her in the past. She says Im perfect and sweet and everything she ever wanted tho... She also brought up the fact that she feels strange since she expected this "relationship" to be short lived and that she got used to being a strong individual due to her past. However, when I told her she can be open with me about her past relationship, she said she does not want to talk about the past.

 

I really want to take things slow, but its hard, I constantly think about her and want to spend time with her.

 

She can't keep holding her past against you and let it influence your current relationship. Most of us have been through heartbreaks before. It's not fair to let it impact a new relationship. She still needs to make a effort.

[lonely1129]

I dont know what to do

 

The only reasonable thing would be to break up, i know

[Sara1989]

I dont know what to do

 

The only reasonable thing would be to break up, i know

 

This girl likes you, she is taking birth control because she trusts you and believes you should both be faithful to each other.

 

I am guessing you guys are pretty young? I was the same with my ex at the start, I was very detached and I suppose quite cold at times. He eventually had an conversation with me and told me how he was feeling about us, at that point I decided I had to become more open or I was going lose him.

 

So before you think of breaking up, time for one last serious talk?

[RoseHeart]

There's no need to break up so soon. You need to communicate with her and have a heart to heart about what you value in the relationship.

[Miss Peach]

Nothing sounds too odd to me yet. It sounds like she expects you to pursue. I always make the man arrange everything at first.

 

If something isn't right or isn't working for you then have a talk about it.

[hannahph]

It sounds like what she is saying with her body is not what she means. She is telling you she is completely yours physically, then stopping from getting anywhere emotionally. This is a recipe for disaster and broken hearts as sex is not something to be taken lightly. Body language is just as important as talking. You should talk to each other, communication is key in any relationship. Be honest.

[joseb]

Nothing sounds too odd to me yet. It sounds like she expects you to pursue. I always make the man arrange everything at first.

 

If something isn't right or isn't working for you then have a talk about it.

 

But would you be indifferent when he is pursuing, unwilling to commit to meeting him, telling him you are broken and not gf material? It sounds a bit off to me.

 

If I was hearing all that I would just keep her as a possible fwb and pursue other better options that are actually interested in me.

[bachdude]

It sounds like she has the expectation that your relationship is going to end anyway so why put in the effort or allow herself to fall in love.

 

 

Unfortunately, this can become a self fulfilling prophesy, i.e. BF ends it because she is not putting in the effort and she says to herself, 'See, I knew it."

 

 

As I see it, she doesn't trust you yet. It's going to take some time for her to take her guard down. You just have to decide how much you really want to pursue a relationship with her.

 

 

If you do, I recommend taking it nice and slow. Patience is key.

[lonely1129]

I told her I want to see her more than 2 times per week and she said im being possessive and that we should end it. In the end, she invited me to stay over and we cuddled and had loads of sex then we started talking about the situation.

 

She confessed she didnt even expect me to start pursuing her and that me kissing her and started making her horny was a very unexpected feeling and that she wanted to give relationship a try but she got to know that she likes her private life too much and just cant commit. The talk was great, we both opened up and I confessed that this is good for my self control (since i am very emotional) and agreed to stop making out in public and talk in free time. I told her that i didnt even like her in the first place and that I wanted her to be my fwb (which is true) and that I forced myself to fall in love with her with little tricks (such as calling her cute names, keeping her stuff close etc) and it worked. Ive done that because she kept telling me how shed love o be in a relationship and I didnt want to hurt her since she seemed very genuine about it during the getting to know eachother phase. Ive also told her that i got the feeling that she is a good manipulator from what I can see and she told me im the first one to see through her in such a short time, she seemed very impressed and relaxed.

 

I feel quite calm actually. Some feelings are still there but I can feel them dying. We talked about everything and agreed to remain fwb. I told her I cant completly control my emotions but that doesnt mean I cant control myself for the bigger part. She became even more aroused after that. The morning was good, we went to the faculty and parted our ways until next week. I think It will work out until the semesters and exams are over. And even if it doesnt, it will be a pleasant experience, she is very good at sex and I also make her orgasm a few times during one session. I really wanna see where this goes even if I will be broken hearted after that, I think its a nice experience... More distant I am, more attracted it she I feel. Reminds me of House of Cards series.

 

How ****ed up is this

 

P.s. I know this cant lead to a relationship so I am not fooling myself

Edited December 8, 2016 by lonely1129