I cant make any sense of it

[Sommer]

Allright, let me start with this information. Me and this girl had been friend for about a year. Then, at the begging of January we started dating. There was a time about three days ago when I started to say I might drop here for specific reasons which I wont get into. Then something made me wholeheartidly want to end it all. But I still had that part of me that told me to just think about it, and put some space between it all. Well, as it goes, i realized last night that thats not at all what I want. I read up on a lot of love and infatuary stuff and came to my senses. Now, this is a relationship that probably wont go anywhere, but at one time I had told her that I loved her, and I truly believe I do. There was no obsession, we were fine by ourselves, but I had so much fun with her and we could always work things out.

 

So, thats when it all declined. How she took it, I'll never know. But everything got bad after that. It wasn't fun anymore, and the relationship was constatnly up and down. Thats one reason I tought about breaking up with her. The other, is despite how Id ask if there was ever anythign wrong, namely with us, she'd say no. next thing I know shes telling my friend that I was too serious about it. That, I think, is what triggered me. But I decided against it all, they were stupid reasons that could be wroked out, right?

 

So I told her today I'd call her and we'd talk about it all. (She'd heard the rumors by this time). So when we finally get to the subject, I tell her that I don't want to end it, and if it happened, it wouldn't be my decision. I had heard rumors that she also wanted to end it, but i didn't know if she was panicing and trying to rival the rumors. Well, it was slow and painfull then. Neither of us are the type to cry or open up like that, so the conversation was clear and understood. But I don't think I can understand the reason. She claimed it was because there was too much going on with her life, namely with her family. She said she had too many problems, and she had to take a break. I know break is a bad word to use, because it's never a break. And why end a relationship because of troubles? Wouldn't that be a reason to strengthn it? Talk about it all, or go to your bf/gf for comfort. So, she said she didn't want me to avoid talking to her because of it, and I said I probably would, because its be too painfull.

 

Also, last night I had a dream, and I rarely remember dreams. It was me, her, and two other friends at a stadium. I also noticed my marching band was getting ready to go out and perform, so I had to rush over and join them. After a performence that went well, despite me not knowing what peice we were playing, I walked back to where I was sitting. My friends had fallen asleep, and I wanted to explain myself to my g/f. As I prepared to speak, she beat me to it. She said to me, just about everything I wanted to say to her. The rest is a blur, but I woke up trusting the dream with high spirits.

 

So now ive had my trouble times for a few hours, and theres been no one to turn to. So here I am. I cant understand any of this, and nothing makes the least amount of sense. I am having trouble picturing myself without her, and my suicidal urges are returning, but I am in high doubt that will be somehting I turn to. But I cant make make sense of anything here. Should I still talk to her? Should I try and get more involved? Should I try to even get back together with a bit of time? Im out of any answers from common knowledge and facts. Any help?

[Tony T]

I'm going to be very honest with you. I don't understand your post very well...but that's a problem of mine, not yours.

 

But I will tell you first that no person is worth killing yourself over...or going through this kind of mental anguish.

 

Otherwise, I hate to answer your post without clearly understanding it...like most other people. Noboby wants to give you wrong information.

 

Generally, relationships aren't good to force. If this girl doesn't want to be around you, by all means stay away. There are just too many other ladies for consideration.

 

I'm sorry I don't more clearly understand what has happened here.