How attractive was the OM/OW?

[KimJ1234]

I look at photos of the OW and think 'wtf?'

My husband had strictly physical affairs and I know he used them for sex so maybe he wasn't being very picky.

 

 

Has anyone else wondered what they physically saw in the OW or OM? Like a big step down?

[central]

I suspect for many it's a combination of availability and variety. And despite how good/bad someone may look in comparison to their spouse, they may treat the WS better and provide positive feedback and validation - at least for a time.

[aileD]

Dont think it's nice to comment on physical traits that you were born with and can't change but I will say she has a bad sense of style. She also looks like a child to me because she is so young it's hard to see her as attractive in a womanly way. She also had a couple trampy boob tattoos but she cleans up nicely for occasions (as seen via fb)

 

 

First OW was heavy metal type all the way. Piercings and tats but not the attractive kind. Grossly overweight which I wouldn't shame anyone for but her choice of clothes were not flattering to to her figure. She had dental issues due to smokin and drugs and bad hygiene.

 

Neither were H's "type"...he claims he fell for them because they were easy to talk to and gave him flattey and attention he wasn't getting at home and their looks didn't matter.

 

I'm overweight myself but I think otherwise I look ok for my age.

[cocorico]

I look at photos of the OW and think 'wtf?'

My husband had strictly physical affairs and I know he used them for sex so maybe he wasn't being very picky.

 

 

Has anyone else wondered what they physically saw in the OW or OM? Like a big step down?

 

My H has that same WTF response when he sees photos of the XBW. I think one's response is conditioned by where one stands.

[BoaConstrictor]

For what it's worth, the OM with whom I had an EA with online is likely not as attractive as my husband. I say likely because I never met him face-to-face. But it wasn't about looks. It was about how he made me feel and his words. Each person who decides to stray has different reasons for doing so and they will likely influence whether or not the physical attributes of the AP factor into it at all.

[Furious]

I look at photos of the OW and think 'wtf?'

My husband had strictly physical affairs and I know he used them for sex so maybe he wasn't being very picky.

 

 

Has anyone else wondered what they physically saw in the OW or OM? Like a big step down?

 

 

Your husband sounds like a serial cheater, the looks of the other women he cheated with is irrelevant.

 

You're probably very attractive and loving and can't wrap your mind around on why he'd cheat on you.

 

For serial cheaters available is the main criteria.

 

You sound hurt and frustrated. Concentrate on you and realize you are not at fault for the choices of a serial cheater.

Edited December 7, 2016 by Furious

[KimJ1234]

Your husband sounds like a serial cheater, the looks of the women he cheated with has nothing to do with the looks of the Other Women.

 

You're probably very attractive and loving and can't wrap your mind around on why he'd cheat on you.

 

For serial cheaters available is the main criteria.

 

You sound hurt and frustrated. Concentrate on you and realize you are not at fault for the choices of a serial cheater.

You're right, I've always had a very good self esteem so when I found out about his affairs it was a big blow. Then I saw the pix and it blew my mind.

I thought it was a physical attraction but i understand now it was because of availability.

He was a serial cheater and did it for thrills and excitement, not attraction. I've learned to work on the emotional connection between us cuz the physical attraction is still good.

 

I guess I always figured that a guy would cheat for a 'younger hotter model'...not the case.

[MidnightBlue1980]

I think men tend to take a step up and women a step down. The guy I had an A with was short, overweight, balding and had performance issues. He was not attractive. This bothers my H as he sees it as bigger insult. My H is very attractive. For me, it was the attention and adoration that hooked me. I knew him for years, I never had an attraction till he said he loved me.

 

My H's exOW was almost 20 years younger than us, very fit, really pretty. She was a trainwreck though, the opposite of me. No job, no money, no education, drug issues, wanted for theft, no home of her own (lived with parents, though she was young though so I cant judge that). I was surprised though. I thought it would have been someone like me but the rich, MILF version. But she adored him and made him like a man as he was better than her.

[Arieswoman]

To be fair the OW didn't look too bad, although I only saw her a few of times. She was 10 years younger than me.

 

However, she's aged badly from what I've seen from her FB page. (That's living with a smoker )

She knocks herself out at the gym to stop weight gain - because he told her one reason he cheated was "because I'd got fat". (I am 5'3" tall and weighed 126 lbs at the time )

 

My issue wasn't how she looked but that she was as thick as a brick. She packed widgets in boxes in his factory.

 

I am degree educated and at the time was working as a senior health-care professional.

 

(For those who haven't read my story, I divorced him over his affair and am now very happily re-married )

[Marc878]

To be fair the OW didn't look too bad, although I only saw her a few of times. She was 10 years younger than me.

 

However, she's aged badly from what I've seen from her FB page. (That's living with a smoker )

She knocks herself out at the gym to stop weight gain - because he told her one reason he cheated was "because I'd got fat". (I am 5'3" tall and weighed 126 lbs at the time )

 

My issue wasn't how she looked but that she was as thick as a brick. She packed widgets in boxes in his factory.

 

I am degree educated and at the time was working as a senior health-care professional.

 

(For those who haven't read my story, I divorced him over his affair and am now very happily re-married )

 

Ha, yep smokers wrinkle up early. BTW 5'3" 126 is pretty slim in case you didn't know

[Arieswoman]

Marc878

 

BTW 5'3" 126 is pretty slim in case you didn't know

 

You are so kind xxxx

[Marc878]

Marc878

 

 

 

You are so kind xxxx

 

No I'm not. It's just the facts. I know many who'd love to be at a petite 126.

[gettingstronger]

What surprised me was that she was the stereotypical southern all dressed up kind while I'm the laid back athletic type. He's always loved my long thick hair, she had the hairsprayed bob thing. When I asked about it, he said it wasn't looks, it was accessibility. He tired of the whole, wow you look great thing knowing he needed to say that as she spent hours getting ready- but it was part of the game. Ego stroke for ego stroke. Still grosses me out.

[BTDT2012]

His AP was ok looking. What hooked him was her neediness and adoration. I assume she must had been pretty good in the sack since her jilted fiance married her anyway.

[LexiCat29]

The OW in my case was 20 years older than me, physically unattractive but very, very rich. He was literally her sugar baby..she paid him for sex. She went so far as to set up a fake company to 'employ' him. He works in technology and he's a contractor so it was hard to keep track of all the different companies he worked with..to me it was just another client. I've got to give them credit, it was actually a pretty smart scheme. Expensive..but smart.

 

She fell in love and he tried to dump her so she outed him to me.

 

This was 4 years ago and he still calls me every couple of months. Sigh. I guess one might call him my own personal case of herpes...

[ShatteredLady]

People have told me that my H's OW looks just like me!! I can't see it myself though. She's a lot less intelligent but he said that was part of the attraction the first time! Yup...my H cheated because I was far too clever & popular. (That's the first time)

 

12 years later he had ANOTHER affair with her. This time EA. He sent her MY THINGS!! He gifted my wine, favorite flowers, my favorite music CD's, my English children's books etc.

 

Maybe he was trying to turn her into me? This time he said it was because I was chronically sick so I guess she's a healthier, dumber version of me. I love my life.

[wmacbride]

My H has that same WTF response when he sees photos of the XBW. I think one's response is conditioned by where one stands.

 

Interesting.

yet she was attractive enough to start a relationship with her, marry her, have sex with her, have children with her, and continue to stay with her.

Edited December 9, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
rude ~T

[wmacbride]

My H's ex-ow was a bit younger than me, and physically, she was pretty.

 

too bad her insides didn't match her outside...but I guess I am not being fair. To purposely choose affairs as her relationship of choice really says a lot about a person and a desperately low self esteem.

 

As the song goes " She aint pretty, she just looks that way"

[Arieswoman]

BDT2012 nails it here

 

What hooked him was her neediness and adoration.

 

The OW isn't special, she's available and willing to be a sidepiece.

 

My view is from (UK), so let's look at Prince Charles, who cheated on Lady Di with IMO a frumpy old trout.

 

He was fine to start with, with lady Di who was a naive virgin, as long as she was subservient and happy to provide him with an "heir and a spare" and be dutiful wife.

But when she grew up, matured, developed her style, appeared on the front of magazines, became an independent, popular woman he got pretty miffed. Especially as she looked like she could eclipse him in popularity

 

So back he went to reliable 'ole Camilla, who would hold his hand and say "there there never mind".

[oldshirt]

While it may seem counterintuitive on the surface, most OW are a step down. Sometimes a big step down. Sometimes they may be younger and may be prettier, but as far as overall package, they are almost always a step down.

 

There are a number of reasons for that -

 

-For starters, men tend to marry the best that they are able to get. That means that most other women available to them are automatically a step down to begin with.

 

- when men cheat, it is usually for additional sex and excitement. They rarely cheat because they are unhappy or dissatisfied with their wife and are rarely looking for a replacement.

 

- When they are dissatisfied and are looking for someone else, they tend to pack up and leave when they find it. If someone is in an ongoing, long term affair, the OW is almost always a step or two down.

 

- women will rarely agree to be a married guy's side girl and there for a MM's options are always limited. If a MM wants a side girl, he almost always has to settle for what he get, and that is typically a significant step down from his wife.

 

- And finally, in general men very rarely actually formally break up with women. Given their druthers, men tend to try to simply add more women to their stable rather than dump the one(s) they have. It's almost always women dumping men. They may be dumping them because the men are seeing other women and occasionally if the OW does happen to be an upgrade, she may twist his arm to dump the previous woman, but typically what takes place is men tend to try to add more women to his harem rather than giving the previous woman the boot.

[BuddyX]

It's simple, Availability trumps Appearance any day.

[Mr. Lucky]

So back he went to reliable 'ole Camilla, who would hold his hand and say "there there never mind".

 

Do you think she was willing to hold more than his hand ??? I read that, near the end, Charles and Di were doing the whole separate bedroom thing.

 

My husband had strictly physical affairs and I know he used them for sex so maybe he wasn't being very picky.

 

When someone says this, I always wonder how you know it to be true? Since you don't know what promises, lies or stories he told them, I'd guess you're basing this on his version. Dangerous concept...

 

Mr. Lucky

[JohnAdams]

I think most BS's like to think the om/ow was not that attractive. In reality, there was some type of attraction. I must be in the minority as I was told that the om was the best looking man she had ever met.

[KimJ1234]

 

When someone says this, I always wonder how you know it to be true? Since you don't know what promises, lies or stories he told them, I'd guess you're basing this on his version. Dangerous concept...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Because I saw firsthand the communication between them. Also, I've learned to trust my instincts and smell bullsh*t. Thanks for your concern though

[Starswillshine]

I don't typically like to comment on people's looks as there is so much more to a person than their physical attributes.

 

In my case, wh didn't have time to see much of anything else but the physical and it leaves me a but perplexed. They met in a bar, exchanged numbers. And the rest is history. She is slightly younger (but looks older), a severe alcoholic, no career, she's thin? But otherwise, very much not attractive. WH said it didn't have to do with her physically because he was never interested in face to face... she just talked really dirty. So there ya have it. (And i'm not some prude... it was the classic madonna/whore thing)