How attractive was the OM/OW?

[RecentChange]

Gah ladies - I gotta say, I don't get it.

 

These short, bald, impotent, bad kissing, ugly dudes were really such charmers?

 

I don't understand how being with such a man could be an ego boost.

 

You know that there are handsome, athletic, sexually accomplished men that will also blow smoke up your ass right? When good sex, especially NSA sex is on the table, many men are willing to do handstands.

[GoldenR]

My ex-wife's OM looked like a grownup version of the catcher from "The Sandlot".

 

[Midlifecrisis1]

Gah ladies - I gotta say, I don't get it.

 

These short, bald, impotent, bad kissing, ugly dudes were really such charmers?

 

I don't understand how being with such a man could be an ego boost.

 

You know that there are handsome, athletic, sexually accomplished men that will also blow smoke up your ass right? When good sex, especially NSA sex is on the table, many men are willing to do handstands.

 

Mine was a great kisser and was so caring with kids, especially my son, during a time when my husband was being such a douche and making him cry all the time.

[RecentChange]

Ugh - I am not gonna touch it - I find having children involved in affairs extra cringe worthy

[Midlifecrisis1]

Ugh - I am not gonna touch it - I find having children involved in affairs extra cringe worthy

 

He was my sons coach!

[MidnightBlue1980]

Gah ladies - I gotta say, I don't get it.

 

These short, bald, impotent, bad kissing, ugly dudes were really such charmers?

 

I don't understand how being with such a man could be an ego boost.

 

You know that there are handsome, athletic, sexually accomplished men that will also blow smoke up your ass right? When good sex, especially NSA sex is on the table, many men are willing to do handstands.

 

Well first of all, handsome, athletic, sexually accomplished men tend to not be interested in 40 year old married women (no matter how hot we may be). They go for the girls in their 20s because they make them feel like da man. If they are married, they probably already have the 1.0 version of us at home. They want something different, young, sweet and single.

 

But the short, fat, bald guys tend to marry women who are worse looking and they typically get no sex and have performance issues (from no sex and overeating and drinking). So when they see an attractive woman they could never have gotten normally, they try really hard because it is so new and exciting to be with a beautiful woman. They shower you with attention. Hot guys do not need to do this, because they want to showered with attention.

 

These guys cry on our shoulders about how their wives made them fat, they are unloved, no sex, etc. Women can get the knight in shining armor thing too. We love to fix people's problems.

 

This is a generalization but somewhat true after all I have read here. It is no accident that there are all these hot 40 year olds with ugly 50 year guys. Someone said it's easier for them too (don't want to name him here) because being so unattractive, he can slip into a woman's world without her being suspicious.

[RecentChange]

I guess I made the age cut off, and had zero interest in saving anyone.

 

But, I have often been accused of "thinking like a man" and have a hard time empathizing with these situations.

[Noirek]

xMM was tall and had a very sexy appeal about him. Sometimes he dressed to young. But when he dressed his age he was just sexy. But he isn't overly handsome. I'm not overly pretty myself so not hot guy for me, plus I wasn't actually shopping.

 

The odd thing about it is I have no idea what colour his eyes are. Normally I notice eyes. My husband has killer eyes. But I just don't know what colour xMM's are.

 

Personality wise, he was difficult and as time progressed the sexual appeal waned because of that.

 

Intelligence I will never comment on. I hate when people act all superior like they are somehow better when they have a degree. There are so many different kinds of intelligence no degree covers them all. My dislike of this is because my father is a wonderful man who didn't eveb finish school. He can't spell at all and doesnt care for reading. But he can design and build houses, fix many broken things and figure out problems that most people don't even know are a problem. -end rant-

[MidnightBlue1980]

I guess I made the age cut off, and had zero interest in saving anyone.

 

But, I have often been accused of "thinking like a man" and have a hard time empathizing with these situations.

 

There is no need. They are not good situations and only weak people get targeted and sucked into them. Consider yourself lucky.

[gettingstronger]

Well first of all, handsome, athletic, sexually accomplished men tend to not be interested in 40 year old married women (no matter how hot we may be). They go for the girls in their 20s because they make them feel like da man. If they are married, they probably already have the 1.0 version of us at home. They want something different, young, sweet and single.

 

But the short, fat, bald guys tend to marry women who are worse looking and they typically get no sex and have performance issues (from no sex and overeating and drinking). So when they see an attractive woman they could never have gotten normally, they try really hard because it is so new and exciting to be with a beautiful woman. They shower you with attention. Hot guys do not need to do this, because they want to showered with attention.

 

These guys cry on our shoulders about how their wives made them fat, they are unloved, no sex, etc. Women can get the knight in shining armor thing too. We love to fix people's problems.

 

This is a generalization but somewhat true after all I have read here. It is no accident that there are all these hot 40 year olds with ugly 50 year guys. Someone said it's easier for them too (don't want to name him here) because being so unattractive, he can slip into a woman's world without her being suspicious.

 

I read his theory too and it left me thinking- who are these hot women that only ugly guys notice? I don't get the theory but again, I'm not hung up on looks and really find it odd to call ones self hot. I'm a little old for that.

[Midlifecrisis1]

I read his theory too and it left me thinking- who are these hot women that only ugly guys notice? I don't get the theory but again, I'm not hung up on looks and really find it odd to call ones self hot. I'm a little old for that.

 

It's because the less attractive men are married to even less attractive women so they swoon over the pretty women. The better looking men have good looking wives.

[MidnightBlue1980]

It's because the less attractive men are married to even less attractive women so they swoon over the pretty women. The better looking men have good looking wives.

 

Exactly. My H is pretty attractive, tall, fit, funny, etc 40 year old guy. I am attractive, a late bloomer so to speak. He went for a silly girl in her mid 20s who had no idea the train that was about to hit her.

[Deeplyhurt30]

Well one thing I can agree with here is that affairs are not always about looks.

In my situation the woman was 10 years older. clearly more aged in the face (deep wrinkles) body type was also incomparable.

[DKT3]

Well one thing I can agree with here is that affairs are not always about looks.

In my situation the woman was 10 years older. clearly more aged in the face (deep wrinkles) body type was also incomparable.

 

Many guys marry the hot chick, but cheat with available willing women. Convenience and availability thump looks.

[DKT3]

Also it's much easier to turn the head and grab attention from a bored married mother.

[gettingstronger]

It's because the less attractive men are married to even less attractive women so they swoon over the pretty women. The better looking men have good looking wives.

 

 

 

Ok, serious question- when you are in a group do you look around to see who is better looking than you? Just wondering because my husband seriously notices people's clothing- like did you see that watch so and so had on, he must make a lot of money. I don't notice looks, brand names, etc... Wondering about the link between comparing outward signs and appearances and those that get involved in affairs.

[aileD]

My husband isn't about looks. It's all about the attention. The ability to "talk". First OW was 3x my size. The other one is thinner than me but not thin and her face is nothing amazing.

 

But she can talk. They both could. So good at conversation, flattery and making him the knight in shining armor. Seriously they both had huge issues. I think he's just always dealt with drama in his life from his alcoholic mom to his abuse to his father/stepmother dynamic....it's like he says he hates it but is drawn to it...

 

It's not always about looks for the men. Of course there are men that are like that, but it's not all of them.

 

But for all of them, 8 do believe it's what they get out of it that makes them want it--whether its new and exciting conversation or a booty call with a hot secretary.

[Midlifecrisis1]

Ok, serious question- when you are in a group do you look around to see who is better looking than you? Just wondering because my husband seriously notices people's clothing- like did you see that watch so and so had on, he must make a lot of money. I don't notice looks, brand names, etc... Wondering about the link between comparing outward signs and appearances and those that get involved in affairs.

 

I notice attractiveness. I don't pay attention to brands or jewelry. But I do notice weight, hair, general style, etc.

[grassisorisntgreener]

My ex-AP wasn't anywhere close to as good looking as my husband. I was starving for attention and had a chip on my shoulder than I could do what I wanted. Looks didn't really matter to me.

[MidnightBlue1980]

Ok, serious question- when you are in a group do you look around to see who is better looking than you? Just wondering because my husband seriously notices people's clothing- like did you see that watch so and so had on, he must make a lot of money. I don't notice looks, brand names, etc... Wondering about the link between comparing outward signs and appearances and those that get involved in affairs.

 

I see people's numbers all day so I am aware that a Rolex, expensive suit, car or big house typically bears no relation to actual wealth. Actually the guys with the cars and watches tend to be broke. People with money don't really care about that stuff, they tend to be thrifty actually.

 

I do notice looks and style and I do judge somewhat. xmm had a lot of money but you would not know it. He was so cheap, drove an old car and wore literally a golf shirt with these out of style pleated khakis every single time I saw him, even the winter. I hate that style on men, unless you are actually playing golf, or its July. And no one should be wearing pleated khakis or puffy Members Only jackets. It is not 1988. I have no idea what I saw, it certainly was not his style as he had none.

[fenix]

I see people's numbers all day so I am aware that a Rolex, expensive suit, car or big house typically bears no relation to actual wealth. Actually the guys with the cars and watches tend to be broke. People with money don't really care about that stuff, they tend to be thrifty actually.

 

I do notice looks and style and I do judge somewhat. xmm had a lot of money but you would not know it. He was so cheap, drove an old car and wore literally a golf shirt with these out of style pleated khakis every single time I saw him, even the winter. I hate that style on men, unless you are actually playing golf, or its July. And no one should be wearing pleated khakis or puffy Members Only jackets. It is not 1988. I have no idea what I saw, it certainly was not his style as he had none.

 

I agree, I used to be impressed by guys in a suit till I realized that they worked for a guy in a shirt

[Noirek]

I don't notice brands or details. I may notice a very striking person, male or female, but I don't spend a lot of time noticing. If I am in a general place of people watching I will notice more things for sure but that is because I am deliberately people watching. I have always joked that I would be terrible as a witness unless I knew I needed to take account of what was going on before hand.

 

I don't really think there is a cheater type one size fits all. No matter how often Chump lady preaches it. Lol.

[Midlifecrisis1]

Would be fun to post pictures of ourselves and xmm

[Noirek]

Would be fun to post pictures of ourselves and xmm

 

Me

https://goo.gl/images/iaHKs1

 

xMM

https://goo.gl/images/pf3Cbw

 

hubby

https://goo.gl/images/Z9BTDb

[Midwestmissy]

Individual style, regardless of price, stands out to me. There are stylish women who buy vintage and thrift and knock it out of the park without a lot of money. And I know women who have a small budget and can kill at target and Kmart, just with effort. That said, I do love a man in a great suit.

 

So style and confidence are attractive to me. I like individuals, whether I like their style or not. I mix my 80s concert shirts with current things, I like to be unique, I'm an artist. My wh is pretty vain and wears a shirt, not a suit lol, so his choice of ow reflected how he felt about himself at the time. As the owner and boss, how he's viewed is important. I think had he really cared about her or loved her, he would have taken her places and shown her off. Fellow employees complained to him about her crassness. That must have been awkward, right? But he was a hot mess at the time, ignoring a lot of personal and professional disasters, and she was a way to hide from all of it further. Spoiler alert: the problems didn't go away. I kind of envision him dodging bullets and grabbing the closest thing available - the ow - as a shield. He used her, no question. But she didn't care for him past the bank account she envisioned. When it ended, there was a lot of anger at the injustice and unfairness. No heartbreak. Her last text said, "you win." She was pretty pissed. So unlike some of the other stories here, this was not a love affair. Regardless of the ow's looks, the whole debacle was unattractive. They each showed how ugly they were inside.