My commitment phobe man finally committed to me!

[ilovemefirst]

I was dating a guy for 3 years. He didnt want anythin serious and he told me that from the very beginning. He wasn't into me as much as i was. I was way too invested, while he didnt give a damn. I was basically there at his beck and call. I was hoping for some miracle to change his mind about me. Nothing worked..i then realized i wasnt letting go. I was holding on too tight. I had put him on a pedestal so high. I literally was obsessed about getting him to commit, that i forgot about my self respect.

I then decided to ask him straight up, where this relationship was going and if i was wasting my time. He said yes. Straight up. That's when i realized, i need to let go. I deserve better. I decided to end things with him and disappear from his life. It was heard, but i had to salvage whatever self respect i had left.

I just had to accept things the way it was, and try and move on.

I decided to focus on myself. I started focusing on my hobbies and my career and made new friends. That was when i started truly letting go. I distracted myself and when i thought of him, i forced myself to do the things that made me happy. I no longer allowed him to control my feelings and thoughts.

He called, texted, emailed me asking to talk. I said i had nothing to say. I really just beleived that if hes meant for me, he will say it straight out " i am sorry and i want to commit to u"...something to that effect!

A few days later, i started to feel good. I was accepting of whatever was coming my way. I no longer needed him to be happy. I no longer needed him to commit to me to make me feel complete. I was fine on my own. I was happy! With or without him. I still loved him, but i no longer obsessed about him, because i took him off the pedestal, and put myself up there!!!

He showed up at my house a week after and told me he loved me and wanted to commit to me. We have been together 4 years now and we are planning to marry next year.

I have decided since then to help others find themselves and become stronger and to realize their own worth! So if anything needs help, please message me.

[dreamingoftigers]

I was dating a guy for 3 years. He didnt want anythin serious and he told me that from the very beginning. He wasn't into me as much as i was. I was way too invested, while he didnt give a damn. I was basically there at his beck and call. I was hoping for some miracle to change his mind about me. Nothing worked..i then realized i wasnt letting go. I was holding on too tight. I had put him on a pedestal so high. I literally was obsessed about getting him to commit, that i forgot about my self respect.

I then decided to ask him straight up, where this relationship was going and if i was wasting my time. He said yes. Straight up. That's when i realized, i need to let go. I deserve better. I decided to end things with him and disappear from his life. It was heard, but i had to salvage whatever self respect i had left.

I just had to accept things the way it was, and try and move on.

I decided to focus on myself. I started focusing on my hobbies and my career and made new friends. That was when i started truly letting go. I distracted myself and when i thought of him, i forced myself to do the things that made me happy. I no longer allowed him to control my feelings and thoughts.

He called, texted, emailed me asking to talk. I said i had nothing to say. I really just beleived that if hes meant for me, he will say it straight out " i am sorry and i want to commit to u"...something to that effect!

A few days later, i started to feel good. I was accepting of whatever was coming my way. I no longer needed him to be happy. I no longer needed him to commit to me to make me feel complete. I was fine on my own. I was happy! With or without him. I still loved him, but i no longer obsessed about him, because i took him off the pedestal, and put myself up there!!!

He showed up at my house a week after and told me he loved me and wanted to commit to me. We have been together 4 years now and we are planning to marry next year.

I have decided since then to help others find themselves and become stronger and to realize their own worth! So if anything needs help, please message me.

 

That's a nice story.

 

A good example of how to value yourself and not end up in a rut sitting around wishing & hoping that they'll change their mind.

[DarrenB]

Congratulations. Best of luck on your future aspirations and endeavors together.

[Rockdad]

It's a very cool thing you learned somethings about yourself. I think that's an ongoing thing for all of us we need to do.

 

What forever baffles my simple male mind is the incessant female drive to get a ring on the finger.

[ilovemefirst]

It's a very cool thing you learned somethings about yourself. I think that's an ongoing thing for all of us we need to do.

 

What forever baffles my simple male mind is the incessant female drive to get a ring on the finger.

 

Thank you. I appreciate your kind words.

 

But i do have to clarify. I wasn't looking to get married tomorrow. I was wanting to know if we were going forward. I did not want to waste my time, neither his.

 

Although he was upfront from the very start, that he did not want a relationship, and i appreciated the honesty, i did not press for a really long time but in time i guess i got really attached and wanted more. I think 3 years a long time for a casual thing.

 

I met tons of guys in between, but i had one foot in the door and one foot out. I needed to know where i stood.

[VienneseCoffee]

It's a very cool thing you learned somethings about yourself. I think that's an ongoing thing for all of us we need to do.

 

What forever baffles my simple male mind is the incessant female drive to get a ring on the finger.

 

I'm a woman and not looking to get married necessarily. I think it's more about knowing if there is security in the relationship. Do you want the same things out of life, like to build a future with someone? In OP's case 3 years seems like plenty of time for "dating" to see if they are compatible and want to give things a shot.

Edited December 7, 2016 by VienneseCoffee

[jorgeg3d]

I was dating a guy for 3 years. He didnt want anythin serious and he told me that from the very beginning. He wasn't into me as much as i was. I was way too invested, while he didnt give a damn. I was basically there at his beck and call. I was hoping for some miracle to change his mind about me. Nothing worked..i then realized i wasnt letting go. I was holding on too tight. I had put him on a pedestal so high. I literally was obsessed about getting him to commit, that i forgot about my self respect.

I then decided to ask him straight up, where this relationship was going and if i was wasting my time. He said yes. Straight up. That's when i realized, i need to let go. I deserve better. I decided to end things with him and disappear from his life. It was heard, but i had to salvage whatever self respect i had left.

I just had to accept things the way it was, and try and move on.

I decided to focus on myself. I started focusing on my hobbies and my career and made new friends. That was when i started truly letting go. I distracted myself and when i thought of him, i forced myself to do the things that made me happy. I no longer allowed him to control my feelings and thoughts.

He called, texted, emailed me asking to talk. I said i had nothing to say. I really just beleived that if hes meant for me, he will say it straight out " i am sorry and i want to commit to u"...something to that effect!

A few days later, i started to feel good. I was accepting of whatever was coming my way. I no longer needed him to be happy. I no longer needed him to commit to me to make me feel complete. I was fine on my own. I was happy! With or without him. I still loved him, but i no longer obsessed about him, because i took him off the pedestal, and put myself up there!!!

He showed up at my house a week after and told me he loved me and wanted to commit to me. We have been together 4 years now and we are planning to marry next year.

I have decided since then to help others find themselves and become stronger and to realize their own worth! So if anything needs help, please message me.

 

That's awesome! If only everyone can reflect on themselves this way. Know their worth and know what it takes to make it work, on both of your sides of the story!

 

I'm hoping my ex finds herself, and realizes the same. That she doesn't need anyone to be happy, and that happiness comes within. And well, I hope she comes back to me, though I'm moving on with my life regardless.

[jorgeg3d]

Thank you. I appreciate your kind words.

 

But i do have to clarify. I wasn't looking to get married tomorrow. I was wanting to know if we were going forward. I did not want to waste my time, neither his.

 

Although he was upfront from the very start, that he did not want a relationship, and i appreciated the honesty, i did not press for a really long time but in time i guess i got really attached and wanted more. I think 3 years a long time for a casual thing.

 

I met tons of guys in between, but i had one foot in the door and one foot out. I needed to know where i stood.

 

I'm surprised if you were one foot in/out the door, how did you not lose interest in him or lose your love for him? Seems in most similar situations this would be the case.

[ilovemefirst]

I'm surprised if you were one foot in/out the door, how did you not lose interest in him or lose your love for him? Seems in most similar situations this would be the case.

 

There was something about him. I kept finding myself being pulled back in. I needed to get stronger to finally put both my feet out.

[ilovemefirst]

Its been a while since ive been on here, but i wanted to give an update.

 

We got closer over the months and he finally proposed. Ive realized that ive changed and i no longer allowed myself to be treated that way. I put my foot down and said ur either in or out. He choose in...and hes been great since.

 

Thanks to all for the support

 

Much love