Nightmare Mistress

[LexiCat29]

What kind of relationship do you envision your OW having with your son?

[Forever broken]

I'm actually not planning on marrying ever... I've had plenty of real relationships for years at a time, and I'm friends with a lot of X's... Look at the happiest nation, Denmark, marriage rates have plummeted, most of my Danish friends never marry and have kids...

 

Do I try to work it out in a non marriage with my son's mom, or do I leave her? What do I do with this OW?

 

 

Am sorry but is all about you, you and you. What about your fiancée? Have you communicated your feelings to her? If you don't plan on marrying her, why engage her then?

[tennisman]

not sure, but they have the same birthday... crazy. about the mom, she was a stripper when I met her, super hot, but has some issues with men... where I live Joint Custody is the norm... and as far as help goes, you can have JC with as much help as you want...

[minimariah]

...where I live Joint Custody is the norm... and as far as help goes, you can have JC with as much help as you want...

 

well, this is where your Daddy gene should kick in - your 1st idea should be adapting YOUR life & work hours to your son instead of making your son adapt to you. again, if you can't take care of your son on your own & if you won't be around most of the time... there is no need for joint custody. his mom can take care of him, instead of your OW/nanny/assistant/whoever & you can see him when you're free. you want the kid even though you'll see him almost EQUALLY as you would with mother having primary custody. you want join because you're selfish.

 

Do I try to work it out in a non marriage with my son's mom, or do I leave her? What do I do with this OW?

 

honey, when you start refering to your woman/lover/partner/girlfriend as your "son's mom" - time to turn a new page. you clearly don't think of her as a partner, you don't even think about your union (even though you have a baby together) as something equal to marriage... on the contrary. it's a done deal, move on.

 

BTW, joint physical custody probably won't be available until the child is a little older. no reason a baby who is being breastfed & with irregular sleep + weak immune system will be moved around every other week.

Edited December 7, 2016 by minimariah

[sandylee1]

I'm actually not planning on marrying ever... I've had plenty of real relationships for years at a time, and I'm friends with a lot of X's... Look at the happiest nation, Denmark, marriage rates have plummeted, most of my Danish friends never marry and have kids...

 

Do I try to work it out in a non marriage with my son's mom, or do I leave her? What do I do with this OW?

 

 

Why did you ever get engaged if you have no plans of getting married? Or did you change your mind recently?

 

Don't stay with your son's mother (she deserves a faithful man, even if 50% of people cheat ), she has a good chance of finding someone more compatible ...... and so do you. Just go with the flow with the OW. If it works fine ... if not move on.

[sandylee1]

not sure, but they have the same birthday... crazy. about the mom, she was a stripper when I met her, super hot, but has some issues with men... where I live Joint Custody is the norm... and as far as help goes, you can have JC with as much help as you want...

 

I'd have never guessed.

 

You honestly seem to be on another planet.

 

It's not realistic to see your son every day when you're not with his mum anymore. A new boyfriend won't want that and he'd be right.

 

The single non committed life is better for you. Teaching your son three languages and teaching him to play tennis, isn't what makes you a good father.

 

Teaching him to respect girls/women would be a better role model for him.

 

Don't give your Ex false hope ... set her free.

[BuddyX]

First of all, you're pretty immature for your age. Second, being a dad isn't about ability it's about accountability. And you lack that.

 

You came on this site asking on how you can squeeze out more orgasms out of your Tennis partner. You should be asking, how you can be a better father.

 

Odds are, you're going to introduce your kid to about 20 mommies by the time he's a teenager. You want to talk stats? Kids don't do well in that kind of environment. Those are real stats.

 

How about you stop chasing tail, and start chasing your kid.

[BluesPower]

Man you are so out of your league with the mistress. She has been doing this with men since she could screw.

 

I know that you are a smart lawyer, but you are a fool to keep any contact with the Thai chick. Trust me, I know what I am talking about.

 

She could go nuts on you in a second. You just have no idea. She probably had you targeted from the beginning. Frankly you sound like some of the OW on LS the get taken for a ride by some sooth talking man.

 

Now for the real stuff. Look, work with F and get her on some meds so she can get back to normal, or break up with her.

 

It will be so much easier to pick up the right kind of girl if you are single. But at least say away form the crazy ones. Actually. while I don't necessarily agree with prostitution, if you just want a FB to travel with you could probably just find a really hot escort and be way better off.

 

But is you are going to live like this break it off with the F. This could get so messy.

[basil67]

Without more information, I don't necessarily see either your partner or your mistress as bad or evil.

 

Did you seek help for your partner when she had PPD? Were you an engaged husband and father during this time?

 

As for your mistress, you're promised to someone else. Your mistress owes you nothing. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her coming and going as she pleases and sleeping with other men.

 

Lastly, how does one get all the way to being a successful lawyer and not know about paragraphs?

[LargoLagg]

What I didn't say is that I broke off the engagement a few months back and told her I don't want to get married, also recently told her I want to separate

leave it to a lawyer to propose a hypothetical with only half its basis in fact

just looking for sage advice.

well, but for the omissions, you might actually get some.

 

Your situation is too easy.

 

Bang the Thai chick when you can. Use protection so you don't end up with two baby mamas or maybe an early grave. You're 45 with money. Why get married? Why even be in a committed relationship? Go have fun, why get all bogged down now when the part of your life where that would make sense is nearly over? Find some hot women that are little kid-free and live the life of Riley.

 

I'm out.

[elaine567]

When our boy was 3 months his mom was berating me daily making me feel like hell. She's just an emotionally abusive person when she does not feel right... The stress of the baby and probably some post partum depression made her impossible to deal with, constantly being super aggressive with me to the point where I just didn't want to be home.

 

 

Ok so your fiancée was having a hard time with PPD and your baby son and your response was to go off and find a mistress and now you are unhappy as the hot young mistress doesn't want to play your little game any longer and is turning the tables on you by seeing another man. She is NOT evil she is just doing what she wants to do with her life.

 

YOU got bored with your 14 years younger fiancée when she was no "fun " any longer and ill whilst looking after your child, so you deserted her for a 20 years younger mistress.

YOU are just NOT husband/father material.

[BaileyB]

Lastly, how does one get all the way to being a successful lawyer and not know about paragraphs?

 

Good point.

 

It's amazing to me how a very intelligent man who has been engaging in what is essentially an extramarital affair can come to this site and then get upset by the "moral BS" that is posted in response. It is not so much projection as harsh reality. The truth hurts sometimes.

 

But seriously, try to find an effective way to coparent with your child's mother. If you can, try to do the right thing for your child. Let the mistress go, she is bad news. And if you are such a catch, continue to impress the women with your good looks, athletic skill, and let's not forget humility while throwing money around, taking great trips, and enjoying LOTS of great sex... But know that your child will not be amused when they mature and realize that daddy is a selfish, immature, and very superficial man.

Edited December 7, 2016 by BaileyB

[wmacbride]

If I got joint custody which I think I would, I would have an au pair, and more assistance as well. But yes, I would spend more time with my son, primarily because his mom wouldn't be there to dominate the situation... I see a lot of projection in these responses. What I didn't say is that I broke off the engagement a few months back and told her I don't want to get married, also recently told her I want to separate.... I'm having a hard time actually doing just that... I want to see my son every day... I also don't want to run into the arms of the OW as I think that may be worse for me... honestly, I may not be great relationship material as I've slept with hundreds of women... but I'm a great lawyer and a great tennis player and will teach my son three languages and will provide for everyone involved... all this moral BS is really pathetic, 50% of couples cheat at some point... no need to defend myself here, just looking for sage advice.

 

honestly,I think you're full of it.

 

You are away on trips,playing tennis, going to bars,hooking up, leaving your ( I don't know what to call her) to do all the work, raise your son, plus hold down a job as an accountant.

 

This is not projection, which, btw, is what so many say when they don't like the advice/feedback they are given.

 

Your son is not some toy to be taken on and off the shelf when you feel like spending time with him. You have choices here. You can wallow in self pity and blame everyone else for your actions, or you can act like an adult and take some responsibility for your life.

 

Sleeping with over a hundred women doesn't make you a man. All it does is make you a fool who is led around by the head between your legs instead of the one on your shoulders. It also makes it very easy a woman who is only after your money and is laughing at you behind your back to take advantage of you. Is that really who you want to be? Set an example for the son you say you love about how to be a good, decent and honest man. After all, isn't that what you want for him?

 

My brother is very much like you, now he has two grown kids who don;t know him because he felt making money was more more important than spending quality time with them. At least he never ran down their mother like you do. Don't be the man who does that. Smarten up and put him first before yourself. Childhood goes by so fast. Don't waste it like this. You don;t have to stay with his mom, but be good to her, and him. It may take time, but you will reap great rewards.

[merrmeade]

... When our boy was 3 months his mom was berating me daily making me feel like hell. She's just an emotionally abusive person when she does not feel right...

 

The stress of the baby and probably some post partum depression made her impossible to deal with, constantly being super aggressive with me to the point where I just didn't want to be home. So I started playing more and more tennis, working out every day, not drinking much at all and as a result lost 15 pounds and I'm close to my college tennis team playing weight.

 

- So you had no choice. It was all your fiance's fault. She was so abusive, aggressive and difficult - with no excuse (new baby doesn't count). that you had no choice but to get relief.

 

Well, one Friday night when she went ballistic on me I went to the bar for a drink and ended up meeting a hot Thai 24 year old great tennis player.

 

... She then was acting in such a rude way I cut things off completely for about 3 weeks ...

 

...her evilness is astounding... I blocked her chats with me and need to get rid of her, any suggestions?

 

I know she will contact me again at some point, apologize, she also needs me for business purposes, etc.. It will be hard to do, but for my own sanity I need to move on... On top of it she tells me she loves me all the time and honestly I probably love her too, but she's such a huge Biat.h that I can't take it anymore... How to get over this?

What a hard time you've had! Nightmare mistress and Feisty Fiancé. One is aggressive and mean to you with the flimsy excuse of being a new mom and the other is just an evil two-timer (is it three-timing if someone cheats on a cheater?). Imagine cheating with another cheater actively cheating on the cheater.

 

 

 

You blame everything on others and don't seem to care about anyone else's happiness but yourself. Even your affection for your son seems to be about how smart he is. At least you share the credit for his intelligence with her.

[ShatteredLady]

Oh love yourself, make excuses, brag about your conquests, spend your money to get laid & have fun. Why not?

 

Have you seen how men like you spend the last quarter of their lives (if they're fortunate & live a long healthy life until then)? Study them. If you fancy that future just carry on & try to have a little respect for the women that you screw over. Learn about contraception. It's not that complicated, there are instructions on the packets.

 

If you're happy why even think about changing? Why are you asking for help here? You seem to have it all better figured out than any of us.

 

Be happy.

[Mr. Lucky]

about the mom, she was a stripper when I met her, super hot, but has some issues with men...

 

Why am I not surprised?

 

I also play a lot of tennis so I guess I'm qualified, at least by your standards, to give you advice. And it should be near and dear to you - get a lawyer ASAP.

 

You need the advice and counsel of someone specializing in family law to understand your choices with your son and your exposure to support and other issues. Lots to address, especially if you want joint custody going forward.

 

Has your personal life always been such a mess ???

 

Mr. Lucky

[BaileyB]

about the mom, she was a stripper when I met her, super hot, but has some issues with men...

 

Not surprised at all.

 

In fact, I predict that the next girlfriend will share a similar story, if not the same birthday.

Edited December 8, 2016 by BaileyB

[sandylee1]

 

Lastly, how does one get all the way to being a successful lawyer and not know about paragraphs?

 

Couldn't agree more.^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

[LexiCat29]

FYI I wouldn't go around bragging to women you're trying to sleep with about how many other women you've slept with. They won't be impressed, they'll be grossed out. Save that kind of thing for when you're strictly speaking to other men.

[ShatteredLady]

FYI I wouldn't go around bragging to women you're trying to sleep with about how many other women you've slept with. They won't be impressed, they'll be grossed out. Save that kind of thing for when you're strictly speaking to other men.

 

 

Not a very large percentage of grown MEN....but I bet you know the sort that are impressed or at least fake it because they're getting something from you. Some men take pride in having family, children, love. They may smile & joke with you but they would NEVER swap places.

[MJJean]

I'm actually not planning on marrying ever... I've had plenty of real relationships for years at a time, and I'm friends with a lot of X's... Look at the happiest nation, Denmark, marriage rates have plummeted, most of my Danish friends never marry and have kids...

 

Do I try to work it out in a non marriage with my son's mom, or do I leave her? What do I do with this OW?

 

If you don't want to marry, don't. That simple.

 

Your relationship with your Baby Momma is trash, so let it go and work on co-parenting.

 

I'd dump the AP, too, in favor of something sane. A nice arrangement where everyone is happy and there are clear boundaries in place to ensure that no one gets hurt unnecessarily. Have you thought about being a Sugar Daddy?

 

not sure, but they have the same birthday... crazy. about the mom, she was a stripper when I met her, super hot, but has some issues with men... where I live Joint Custody is the norm... and as far as help goes, you can have JC with as much help as you want...

 

Of course you can have an au pair caring for your son during your parenting time. But why would you want to?? If the choice is between him being cared for by an au pair or his mother, as long as the mother is sane, responsible, and loving, I see no reason why you shouldn't just leave him with his mother when you aren't available to care for him yourself.

 

Your description of your lifestyle seems to suggest you have the ability to be much more flexible than most working parents. For example, you said you are only required to work about 4 days a week, yes? If I remembered that figure correctly, that leaves you 3 days a week you can spend physically, mentally, and emotionally caring for your son.

 

Your a first time parent late in life. You seem unlikely to have another child, barring any accidents. This is your one and only shot. You do NOT want to look back and regret the time you could have spent with your child bonding through providing hands on care for him.

[ShatteredLady]

I have divorced friends who coparent wonderfully. They will be spending Christmas Day together. He is sleeping over at her house (spare bedroom) Christmas Eve so they can be together as a family when the kids wake.

 

It is possible! They had a bit of a bitter divorce but snapped out of it & have actually become very good friends. He rented the house 3 doors down when they first split up. You BOTH have to be mature about it. Cheating DOESN'T make for an amicable split!!

 

We are lucky if we live in the western world at this time in history. We don't have to 'follow the script' in life. I always say "Do the work. Know yourself & be true to YOU!" just don't hurt people!!

[Whoknew30]

I'd have never guessed.

 

You honestly seem to be on another planet.

 

It's not realistic to see your son every day when you're not with his mum anymore. A new boyfriend won't want that and he'd be right.

 

The single non committed life is better for you. Teaching your son three languages and teaching him to play tennis, isn't what makes you a good father.

 

Teaching him to respect girls/women would be a better role model for him.

 

Don't give your Ex false hope ... set her free.

 

 

Agreed with everything you say minus it's not realistic for him to see his son everyday...if adults can put their issues to the side for their kid's best interest, it's extremely possible. My H & I were separated for 6 months & we both saw our daughter everyday...the only time this doesn't work out is bc the kid's are thrown in the middle & or the primary care taker chooses to move away...any other reason is petty.

[Karma24]

1. Why is it relevant that she's Thai?!

 

2. Maybe your S.O. is "impossible to deal with" because you're cheating on her?

[William]

Hi folks, I noted this member hasn't returned for nearly a week so closed this up pending their return. Thanks so much for your thoughtful replies to those who made them. I've queued the thread for review by the other moderators, both of the starter and replies. As always, our guidelines of interaction apply to all discussions on this web site.