Christian woman in love with church worker

[Samanthajay84]

Samantha, I highly doubt anyone wakes up and says I'm going to cheat. And you say this guy would never. But if you don't fix this, then if its not this man, it will be another.

 

But maybe not, you might just start drinking to dull the day, or become so depressed you have to rely on antidepressants.

 

You are unhappy. Why would you choose to stay that way?

 

If you are this unhappy, I bet your H is too.

 

I keep saying talk to him and you act like I am telling you to have sex in public.

 

Talk to him. Sit him down and say, I'm not happy. Are you? I love you but I'm not happy. Lets fix this. Lets work on being happy.

 

Don't you want to be excited when he comes home? Don't you want to look forward to him coming into the kitchen and giving you a kiss while you are finishing dinner?

 

Don't you want to be happy? If you do, then put on your big girl pants and make it happen.

 

More than anything in the world! I miss those times. I miss him. I've tried talking to him we end up fighting.

[eye of the storm]

More than anything in the world! I miss those times. I miss him. I've tried talking to him we end up fighting.

 

Ok, work from there.

 

"Honey, I love you. I am not happy. I don't think you are either. I want both of us to be happy and excited to see each other.

 

Because when we try to talk about this we end up fighting, I have scheduled an appointment at a MC. "

 

If he says he doesn't think its necessary, then ask him if he would talk to your pastor. Or would he be willing to go to a marriage retreat (find one prior to this talk you are interested in)

 

But you need to be a strong warrior. This is a battle you must win. Your marriage hangs in the balance.

 

I read a book once called "what to do when your spouse says I don't love you anymore" I think that was the title. It really opened my eyes about communication.

[Logan787]

Thank you for the advice. That's exactly why I came here, to hopefully seek advice from a Christian brother/sister in the faith. I appreciate it. And the answer your question, it's actually a funny answer. I think part of what attracts me to this man is he fact that he is a true servant of the lord. I've been praying for my husband to be saved for the better part of 10 years and the lord is working with him. He has gotten closer to God, but I want a man strong in faith like this man is. How ironic does that sound?

 

Samantha,

I've seen women in your position before. Is your husband a Christian? If not then that is issue #1. It's really hard to find strong Christian men as the church has become somewhat effeminate.

 

Does God or the Bible come up at all away from church?

[dreamingoftigers]

I'm afraid that opening my mouth might make things worse. Truth is I don't know how to talk to my husband anymore. I feel like we are strangers at times. Then other times, we are happy. I don't know. Maybe it is me. Our church does have counseling but I'm not sure if I'm ready to state how unhappy I am at times.

 

Not facing it is being conflict-avoidant.

 

Avoiding the issue will only lead to it becoming larger and nastier.

 

Almost every person I know personally that cheated had their roots firmly planted in conflict-avoidance.

[BTDT2012]

Best advice I've gotten all day. I guess it's easy to get caught up with life and feelings but sometimes you need to remember God the almighty is in control. I'm not super happy in my marriage but I'm against divorce. This church man is the opposite of what my husband is and I want that.

You don't really know what he is, as you don't live with him or know what he is like in private.

[dreamingoftigers]

More than anything in the world! I miss those times. I miss him. I've tried talking to him we end up fighting.

 

Yes, there will be fights

 

That's a sign your relationship is still alive

 

Figure out how to fight CONSTRUCTIVELY.

[Samanthajay84]

Thank you for the advice. That's exactly why I came here, to hopefully seek advice from a Christian brother/sister in the faith. I appreciate it. And the answer your question, it's actually a funny answer. I think part of what attracts me to this man is he fact that he is a true servant of the lord. I've been praying for my husband to be saved for the better part of 10 years and the lord is working with him. He has gotten closer to God, but I want a man strong in faith like this man is. How ironic does that sound?

 

Samantha,

I've seen women in your position before. Is your husband a Christian? If not then that is issue #1. It's really hard to find strong Christian men as the church has become somewhat effeminate.

 

Does God or the Bible come up at all away from church?

 

 

He is, technically. But he wasn't at first. I was a young Christian when I met him. On fire for the lord and while he was Christian, he didn't have an active relationship with the lord. As a matter of fact, he hadn't even entered a church until I began forcing him to go. I prayed, prayed, and prayed some more. Now he is getting closer to God, I'm afraid I'm growing weary. I want to be where I know I should already be spiritually and I feel like my husband isn't ready yet

[Samanthajay84]

You don't really know what he is, as you don't live with him or know what he is like in private.

 

This is true. I don't REALLY know for sure how he is. But I can't deny the fact that there is physical attraction also

[Logan787]

He is, technically. But he wasn't at first. I was a young Christian when I met him. On fire for the lord and while he was Christian, he didn't have an active relationship with the lord. As a matter of fact, he hadn't even entered a church until I began forcing him to go. I prayed, prayed, and prayed some more. Now he is getting closer to God, I'm afraid I'm growing weary. I want to be where I know I should already be spiritually and I feel like my husband isn't ready yet

 

Wow, I really sympathize with you. Please understand though love bears all things. I know the process is slow, but God can work all things to your good. I would also tell your husband that you need a date night and maybe a hot make out session. ; ) it would probably get a lot of pent up steam out of you. Hope that doesn't sound bad.

[Daisy2013]

You don't say the Deacon is interested in you, but that you are crushing on him. Keep it to yourself, don't confess your feelings. Try to find a different ministry to work in. I had a LTA with a Deacon and fellow ministry worker...I can tell you the guilt and conflict was horrible knowing what God wanted vs what we wanted. He confessed his feelings to me about 10 years after we had been working together and had become friends. His wife is a miserable shrew (I know her), and he is miserable, but will stay because well, that's what God wants. But, tells me all,of the time it is me he loves. Please keep quiet and stay away from him. Nothing good for you will happen. And it will be difficult to work together if you cross that line.

[BTDT2012]

This is true. I don't REALLY know for sure how he is. But I can't deny the fact that there is physical attraction also

 

Have you considered the possibility that Satan is trying to work through you? Do some reading on the Jezebel spirit. I would suggest that you find a good Christian therapist to work with you. I would hate to see you try to entice the deacon. You haven't said anything about hi approaching you.

[Samanthajay84]

He is, technically. But he wasn't at first. I was a young Christian when I met him. On fire for the lord and while he was Christian, he didn't have an active relationship with the lord. As a matter of fact, he hadn't even entered a church until I began forcing him to go. I prayed, prayed, and prayed some more. Now he is getting closer to God, I'm afraid I'm growing weary. I want to be where I know I should already be spiritually and I feel like my husband isn't ready yet

 

Wow, I really sympathize with you. Please understand though love bears all things. I know the process is slow, but God can work all things to your good. I would also tell your husband that you need a date night and maybe a hot make out session. ; ) it would probably get a lot of pent up steam out of you. Hope that doesn't sound bad.

 

 

 

Doesn't sound bad at all. I think that is exactly what I need to do. And I know God has a plan. When we first began dating, he was as stubborn as a mule about church. And at times it got very discouraging. One time I was "praying", I use quotations because I was kind of yelling at God lol, and I remember asking him point blank "Lord, if you want me to stay with my husband tell me now. Because this relationship is draining me spiritually and I don't know if I'm strong enough". Like I said I was a young christian. I was basically begging god for an answer right then and there. And you know what? He did exactly that. As I was having it out with God the number 16 kept flashing in my head. Something told me to open my bible and sure enough the heading on the page said 1 Corinthians 7:16. The scripture read "Don’t you wives realize that your husbands might be saved because of you? And don’t you husbands realize that your wives might be saved because of you?"

so i closed my bible and never questioned my marriage again. No matter how bad it got.

[Samanthajay84]

Have you considered the possibility that Satan is trying to work through you? Do some reading on the Jezebel spirit. I would suggest that you find a good Christian therapist to work with you. I would hate to see you try to entice the deacon. You haven't said anything about hi approaching you.

 

Oh no! He hasn't come on to me and I haven't come on to him. But yes, I believe you are right about Satan trying to attack.

[Marc878]

Talk with your husband about what you think is lacking. Not the other man per se. Sometimes with men you have to be very direct to get their attention. A good 2x4 would work.

 

Don't beat around the bush. More like we have a major problem.Better to deal with it because it will only grow!

[Logan787]

Doesn't sound bad at all. I think that is exactly what I need to do. And I know God has a plan. When we first began dating, he was as stubborn as a mule about church. And at times it got very discouraging. One time I was "praying", I use quotations because I was kind of yelling at God lol, and I remember asking him point blank "Lord, if you want me to stay with my husband tell me now. Because this relationship is draining me spiritually and I don't know if I'm strong enough". Like I said I was a young christian. I was basically begging god for an answer right then and there. And you know what? He did exactly that. As I was having it out with God the number 16 kept flashing in my head. Something told me to open my bible and sure enough the heading on the page said 1 Corinthians 7:16. The scripture read "Don’t you wives realize that your husbands might be saved because of you? And don’t you husbands realize that your wives might be saved because of you?"

so i closed my bible and never questioned my marriage again. No matter how bad it got.

 

Wow, I'm impressed Samantha. I'm wondering if you are like I am about numbers. ?

 

When you said God showed you that with the #16 it kinda reminded me about my obsession with numbers. I love even. Sounds weird I know. It's an OCD thing.

 

You sound like a dear Christian gal.

[Samanthajay84]

Doesn't sound bad at all. I think that is exactly what I need to do. And I know God has a plan. When we first began dating, he was as stubborn as a mule about church. And at times it got very discouraging. One time I was "praying", I use quotations because I was kind of yelling at God lol, and I remember asking him point blank "Lord, if you want me to stay with my husband tell me now. Because this relationship is draining me spiritually and I don't know if I'm strong enough". Like I said I was a young christian. I was basically begging god for an answer right then and there. And you know what? He did exactly that. As I was having it out with God the number 16 kept flashing in my head. Something told me to open my bible and sure enough the heading on the page said 1 Corinthians 7:16. The scripture read "Don’t you wives realize that your husbands might be saved because of you? And don’t you husbands realize that your wives might be saved because of you?"

so i closed my bible and never questioned my marriage again. No matter how bad it got.

 

Wow, I'm impressed Samantha. I'm wondering if you are like I am about numbers. ?

 

When you said God showed you that with the #16 it kinda reminded me about my obsession with numbers. I love even. Sounds weird I know. It's an OCD thing.

 

You sound like a dear Christian gal.

 

 

 

I desire to be. I pray every day to be a good Christian woman and that's why I feel so horrible for thinking of another man in an intimate way.

[Logan787]

I desire to be. I pray every day to be a good Christian woman and that's why I feel so horrible for thinking of another man in an intimate way.

 

Any advice I can give you or any questions you have, feel free to ask. ?

[Samanthajay84]

I desire to be. I pray every day to be a good Christian woman and that's why I feel so horrible for thinking of another man in an intimate way.

 

Any advice I can give you or any questions you have, feel free to ask. ?

 

Thanks and God bless.

[Samanthajay84]

Hi I'm new to the forum. I feel like I have nowhere to turn because this is a very private matter. I'm 32, married, have 2 kids, and have attended the same church since I was 15. I am a Christian woman and do not, I repeat, DO NOT condone cheating or adultery. That being said...I can't stop thinking about the church deacon. He's 34, also married, has 3 kids and has also attended the same church as me since he was a teenager. I always had a crush on him to be honest. But when he got married I kind of pushed those feelings aside. It hurt..a lot. But I knew it meant he was off limits. Anyway, fast forward 10 years. I'm married, he's married, we are both happy, living our lives, raising our kids. But for the passsd few weeks I can't seem to get him out of my head. I've even had dreams about him. Fantasizing about him all day. I am finding ways to get closer to his wife just to be closer to him. All the old feelings came back and 10 times stronger! I don't know how to stop these feelings. And the worse part is, I don't want to. I know this sounds bad. Any advice? My husband is the kindest man I have ever met. I know that makes me sound like such a villain.

 

I posted this in a different section as well. Like I said, I'm new here. Not too sure of the proper etiquette. If I did something wrong please let me know. Not trying to spam you guys lol

[Satu]

Welcome to Loveshack.

 

You're married and a Christian, but you're also human, so don't be too hard on yourself.

 

Posting here can be very helpful, and people here will do their best to support you, but I think you'd benefit from some counselling.

 

Have you considered that?

 

You could also consider talking to minister of your denomination, but from a different church, perhaps.

 

In the meantime, keep posting.

 

I'll say no more just now, and leave it to other members to reply.

 

 

Take care.

[OpenBook]

Don't try to stop the feelings - just let them run right through you.

Whatever you do, don't act on them!

 

Keep them in their place - they are FEELINGS. They are not reality. They don't mean anything at all... unless you do something to legitimize them. Don't go there! Don't let your feelings control you.

 

Keep your eyes wide open to the truth. You're seeing this guy through rose-colored glasses - take them off!

 

Do the right thing, no matter how you feel.

 

Pray, and lean on the Lord. He will give you the strength to weather this storm. Eventually it will pass, and you will be able to see everything more clearly. In the meantime, don't do anything you'll regret! You'll be SO glad you didn't later, after you've gotten through this tunnel and out into the bright sunshine again.

 

Good luck and God bless you!!

[BuddyX]

Don't want to be cynical but Not Acting towards this Man will you do more good than praying. Just above, there's story of infidelity with a Deacon. Please tell me how God wanted infidelity to be part of two marriages? You know what God wants? A solid marriage.

 

Time to stay away from the MM and focus on your marriage. Your husband deserves one more solid shot from you.

 

My ExW bailed on me cause she thought the grass will be greener on the other side. Guess what? You still have to mow the lawn.

[adna89]

so what made you suddenly notice this man more than before after so many years?

[Samanthajay84]

so what made you suddenly notice this man more than before after so many years?

 

My husband and I have been having a bit of a situation in our faith, trying to make changes to reach the next level. Kinda hard to explain. and he reached out to us giving us some advice. And I don't know, I guess I saw him as a man I admired. He's so kind and caring, you can see his faith in all he does. and also he is very attractive I can't deny that

[Samanthajay84]

Don't try to stop the feelings - just let them run right through you.

Whatever you do, don't act on them!

 

Keep them in their place - they are FEELINGS. They are not reality. They don't mean anything at all... unless you do something to legitimize them. Don't go there! Don't let your feelings control you.

 

Keep your eyes wide open to the truth. You're seeing this guy through rose-colored glasses - take them off!

 

Do the right thing, no matter how you feel.

 

Pray, and lean on the Lord. He will give you the strength to weather this storm. Eventually it will pass, and you will be able to see everything more clearly. In the meantime, don't do anything you'll regret! You'll be SO glad you didn't later, after you've gotten through this tunnel and out into the bright sunshine again.

 

Good luck and God bless you!!

 

The guilt is killing me! Whenever he comes near me my whole body starts to shake and my heart begins to pound outside of my chest. It's so crazy and embarrassing.