Cake Eating

[sassyunicorn]

We have talked about being together but I just don't think it's realistic for us . Our situation is different in that we have all mutual friends are kids know one another that kind of thing. Ending up together would probably be pretty awkward for a lot of people and I feel like I'm saving people that awkwardness I guess I'm probably lying to myself Too!

 

I'm cake eating but I truely love both men. In very different ways.

 

This is exactly the situation I'm in. We have a strictly EA with nothing physical. We're both happily married and are quite supportive of each other's marriages. We just want each other also!

[ladydesigner]

Actually in many cases the opposite is true. If you share custody of the kids then he is forced to spend more time with them because he doesn't have you to rely on as the primary care giver when he's around.

 

I was thinking this as well.

[AutumnMoon]

The idea of my husband wanting custody hasn't really crossed my mind. That would drastically change his life. But yes maybe.

[DKT3]

ok then

 

Actually just reality that no person is perfect.

 

I never at all said anything about quality time, someone else used that phrase. I think you actually.

 

I said when he comes home he relaxes.

I've also said in past posts that a big reason I would never want to divorce is that the little time they spend with him would be even less.

 

He's not a jerk, he's not a saint either. Simple. Not using that to justify anything.

 

Actually you did, but I'm too lazy to go back and find the post. You also said "I plan to stay married forever, right now" which is extremely telling about where your head is and the state of your confusion.

 

Like your husband I worked away from home a ton. After her affair and divorce I changed careers to make sure I spent all my allotted time with my kids.

 

Honestly, I don't think you are thinking clear about much of anything, just kinda letting things happens.

 

Now we all know the most likely outcome here, his wife finds out and it blows up your little bubble. You find that most of what he is telling you is in fact bull$hi+ he stays married your husband divorces you and you are utterly heartbroken...you've been posting here long enough to know this. But if course your situation is different, your MM is different and this will all end up different, until it doesn't.

[AutumnMoon]

Actually you did, but I'm too lazy to go back and find the post. You also said "I plan to stay married forever, right now" which is extremely telling about where your head is and the state of your confusion.

 

Like your husband I worked away from home a ton. After her affair and divorce I changed careers to make sure I spent all my allotted time with my kids.

 

Honestly, I don't think you are thinking clear about much of anything, just kinda letting things happens.

 

Now we all know the most likely outcome here, his wife finds out and it blows up your little bubble. You find that most of what he is telling you is in fact bull$hi+ he stays married your husband divorces you and you are utterly heartbroken...you've been posting here long enough to know this. But if course your situation is different, your MM is different and this will all end up different, until it doesn't.

 

 

 

Ah I get it now.

I'm not your ex wife. And I do not need your advice.

[DKT3]

Ah I get it now.

I'm not your ex wife. And I do not need your advice.

 

Your not, and I'm lucky for that. There is no projection here, my situation is settled. Also right, you don't need my advice or any other sound advice.

 

Good luck

[Ruffian1]

He's not a jerk, he's not a saint either

 

You just described the majority of human beings on the planet, for either gender.

 

Surley this describes you too?

[LexiCat29]

Serious question.

 

Why do you feel like you deserve both your own husband and another woman's husband? Where does that extreme sense of entitlement come from?

 

I'm not asking to be rude, I'm genuinely curious about where this mindset comes from.

[LargoLagg]

Why is it horrible? I guess I mean why is it deemed worse than being with the person and wanting them to leave their husband or wife and family life.

 

I guess I'm clearly a cake eater because I love this guy but I do not want him to leave his family for me, and I am not ready to leave my kids or husband.

The reason it is horrible is the same reason you continue to hide it, rather than proclaim it to your husband and to his wife.

 

If it wasn't horrible, you'd tell them, so that they could accommodate your dalliance schedule.

 

I think your premise is wrong. I don't think it is worse, or better, really. Hiding is hiding. That you're doing this with or without intent to change the outward appearance of lives has little to do with it. In this way, I think I agree with you.

[CommittedToThis]

It's horrible because due to your deceit you are robbing everyone other than you and your OM of the ability to make important decisions based in reality rather than fantasy.

 

Basically, you're f*cking everyone over. And you do seem entitled.

 

I guess all of this is easier than just, you know, owning up.

 

Sorry you're where you are. Hoping for the best for all of you.

[AutumnMoon]

I am not sure why I feel entitled.

I'm not going to deny I do. I think because I tell myself as long as I keep all other areas I am responsible for successful, and I am descreit and nobody finds out, then I'm aloud this.

 

I'm going to get jumped on for saying it but I'm only being as honest as I can in answering that.

[AutumnMoon]

I again have went another day, happy, and not feeling horrible. Nothing's been outted, my world, their worlds.. not blown up.

 

But still.. eventually right. I know every time I post no matter how many months or years there will still be those who say it WILL blow up.. it will.

Ok.

[Jersey born raised]

Do you ever think your husband is unhappy, that he feels stuck? That your adultery would give him the reason to end his marrage to you?

 

This is from the first post on a thread you started in 2013 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/426897-bs-wants-my-friend. Kinda sums it up.

Edited December 19, 2016 by Jersey born raised

[LexiCat29]

I am not sure why I feel entitled.

I'm not going to deny I do. I think because I tell myself as long as I keep all other areas I am responsible for successful, and I am descreit and nobody finds out, then I'm aloud this.

 

I'm going to get jumped on for saying it but I'm only being as honest as I can in answering that.

 

But the fact that you have to keep reassuring yourself that you're entitled to this should prove to you that you're not. If you really thought there was nothing wrong with it you wouldn't have to hide it.

 

You may think you're discreet but all it takes is one mistake and the whole world knows.

[AutumnMoon]

Do you ever think your husband is unhappy, that he feels stuck? That your adultery would give him the reason to end his marrage to you?

 

This is from the first post on a thread you started in 2013 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/426897-bs-wants-my-friend. Kinda sums it up.

 

I've reread some of my first posts I was heavily in denial about the affair in the beginning would tell myself every single day it was only sexual. I convinced myself u was a sex addict and addicted. It's very different now.

 

No. my husband is happy. He just called last night he's loving life right now. Sometimes I feel stuck but that's just being bored.

[AutumnMoon]

But the fact that you have to keep reassuring yourself that you're entitled to this should prove to you that you're not. If you really thought there was nothing wrong with it you wouldn't have to hide it.

 

You may think you're discreet but all it takes is one mistake and the whole world knows.

 

I know there is something wrong with it, I've never said I don't.

People do the wrong thing often.

[LexiCat29]

I know there is something wrong with it, I've never said I don't.

People do the wrong thing often.

 

That's immature. Just because other people are doing it doesn't mean it's ok for you. People often jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. Gonna try that next?

 

I'm not trying to be mean, I'm trying to get you to pull your head out of the clouds. You are not entitled to this and you are NOT immune to tragedy. The longer it goes on the more dangerous it gets. You're already SO cocky about not getting caught. One of you will get careless or lazy and slip eventually.

 

Don't you have kids? I have a friend who discovered her fathers affair when she was a kid. She hasn't spoken to him since she was 18. You may still get legal custody but they'll never look at you the same way again.

 

Will it still be worth it then?

[CommittedToThis]

Will it still be worth it then?

 

Yes, because "people do the wrong thing often."

 

Autumn is invincible right now because she hasn't been caught. She will, eventually, her cockiness assures it.

[Poppy47]

I know there is something wrong with it, I've never said I don't.

People do the wrong thing often.

 

You don't have to be doing the wrong thing just because others do. It is not a popular fad that you must follow.

 

The number of people doing wrong does not lessen the wrongness.

 

Poppy.

[aileD]

Op you are just lazy

 

Too lazy to do the right thing

Too lazy to get out of a marriage you're unhappy in

Too lazy to care

 

Or maybe it's indifference and depression. Do you feel numb? You sound numb.

[Maddieandtae]

I don't know if AutumnMoon is lazy, it could be that she is more inclined to have some sort of poly or open relationship? Unfortunately her husband has not been brought into the loop that AutumnMoon enjoys having two men in her life. I could be completely off base it just seems that Autumn would be more than happy if all parties involved were up to sharing each other?

Edited December 20, 2016 by Maddieandtae

[AutumnMoon]

Op you are just lazy

 

Too lazy to do the right thing

Too lazy to get out of a marriage you're unhappy in

Too lazy to care

 

Or maybe it's indifference and depression. Do you feel numb? You sound numb.

 

?? lazy

I own my own business, work more than full time, keep two men happy and raise young kids virtually on my own. Funny

 

Not the definition of lazy

 

I'm not all that unhappy. I love my life most days.

I've claimed loneliness not unhappiness.

[AutumnMoon]

Definitely would be happier if it was in the open but it just isn't an option.

 

Where did I ever give the impresssion that because others do wrong it give me the right?

Never said that at all.

Just admitted I know it's wrong but do it anyway, and many people do that, I'm far from alone. It's not all that shocking.

[aileD]

?? lazy

I own my own business, work more than full time, keep two men happy and raise young kids virtually on my own. Funny

 

Not the definition of lazy

 

I'm not all that unhappy. I love my life most days.

I've claimed loneliness not unhappiness.

 

Not lazy in the traditional sense. Good for you for doing all that stuff.

 

But why are you here?

[AutumnMoon]

Not lazy in the traditional sense. Good for you for doing all that stuff.

 

But why are you here?

 

What do you mean by 'here'

 

Actually this forum or at this point in my life?

 

I post here and I read here when I am thinking things through a lot, when I am self reflecting or when I feel guilty, when I feel lonely. All of which happens it's not as if I am just floating through life thinking everything is fine.

I wish things were different sometimes but overall I'm pretty happy, I might want it to last forever but I don't think it will.

 

I am at this point in the situation in my life because I was lonely and I found somebody who helped that and filled that need. Before I knew it I was in love with him and completely addicted and I couldn't get out or I didn't want to get out, more accurate.