new here- can't get over OM

[DaniCalifornia]

Hi All

It's a shame we can't tell our feelings what to do when our head is telling us to.

I am in love with MOM and I am MOW. H found out- found my texts and had DDay. OM ran for the hills and told me to never contact him again. I am devastated and finding it hard to cope. It has been 2months. He had told me he loved me and had never felt like this before and promised never to hurt me.

 

I am separating from H but that is another story, I am posting here to help me get over OM. It is comforting to read stories of others. It has been 2 months with NC but last night I saw him out with his wife and it cut me deep with hurt. I feel like I am back to square one. How do I get over the hurt?

[Pete2304]

How's your husband holding up?

[road]

What are you doing to help your BH's pain?

[DaniCalifornia]

he is struggling with it. we have spent the last 2 months talking. We have decided to separate

[Pete2304]

he is struggling with it. we have spent the last 2 months talking. We have decided to separate

 

What was wrong before you had an affair?

[Satu]

It would be good to get some counselling, because you're dealing with two big issues:

 

1. Losing the OM.

 

2. The probable end of your marriage.

 

The more support you can get to help you through this, the better.

 

Do you have anyone safe who you can to talk about these issues?

 

 

Take care.

[Midlifecrisis1]

Hi All

It's a shame we can't tell our feelings what to do when our head is telling us to.

I am in love with MOM and I am MOW. H found out- found my texts and had DDay. OM ran for the hills and told me to never contact him again. I am devastated and finding it hard to cope. It has been 2months. He had told me he loved me and had never felt like this before and promised never to hurt me.

 

I am separating from H but that is another story, I am posting here to help me get over OM. It is comforting to read stories of others. It has been 2 months with NC but last night I saw him out with his wife and it cut me deep with hurt. I feel like I am back to square one. How do I get over the hurt?

 

I felt exactly as you are feeling, however my BH doesn't know about the affair. There was no d day. It ended so that we could avoid destroying our families. The withdrawal was awful. It really is like a drug withdrawal. He also had said he loved me, would never hurt me, loved me more than he has ever loved, etc etc. at 2 months NC, I was still crying every day. At 4 months NC I don't cry anymore, but I think that's the lexapro! Therapy has been amazing. Just recently went from 2x per week to one.

 

How long was your affair and what led you to having one?

[DaniCalifornia]

What was wrong before you had an affair?

 

We haven't been married properly for a long time. Slept in separate rooms. but no this wasn't an exit affair.

[DaniCalifornia]

It would be good to get some counselling, because you're dealing with two big issues:

 

1. Losing the OM.

 

2. The probable end of your marriage.

 

The more support you can get to help you through this, the better.

 

Do you have anyone safe who you can to talk about these issues?

 

 

Take care.

 

Thank you for your words. I have started IC and the first session was very inspiring. I am working on myself to begin with.

[DaniCalifornia]

I felt exactly as you are feeling, however my BH doesn't know about the affair. There was no d day. It ended so that we could avoid destroying our families. The withdrawal was awful. It really is like a drug withdrawal. He also had said he loved me, would never hurt me, loved me more than he has ever loved, etc etc. at 2 months NC, I was still crying every day. At 4 months NC I don't cry anymore, but I think that's the lexapro! Therapy has been amazing. Just recently went from 2x per week to one.

 

How long was your affair and what led you to having one?

 

Hi Midlife Crisis- I have read over your threads and a lot of your feelings are just what I have experienced. you have helped me a lot. Thank you. Has OM tried to contact you in the 4 months or do you feel he is really determined to stay away?

[whichwayisup]

Seems your exMOM wasn't as invested emotionally as you were in the affair. He probably did have feelings for you but they didn't run as deep as yours for him, which is why he was able to detach quickly and go NC with you. As painful as that is to read, don't blame yourself.

 

Get counseling to help you cope with the fallout of your affair so you can heal in a healthy way and not let exMOM ruin your life.

[Pete2304]

We haven't been married properly for a long time. Slept in separate rooms. but no this wasn't an exit affair.

 

Didn't suggest it was, just wondering what was actually wrong. Sleeping seperately doesn't just happen. I understand that you are hurting and I wouldn't wish that on anyone but I also know your husband will be hurting too.

[Miss Clavel]

sometimes the OM comes back. right about the time you're starting to breathe.

[freengreen]

Affairs are like a ticking time bombs which are dressed up like cup cakes.

 

May be you loved him (not sure if you will feel this way after an year of nc, I already have doubts after 6 weeks), but he ran after the instant danger creeped in. Not worth. After getting seperated, find someone who will stay.

 

2 months NC, its hard for me too but we dont want this quake again do we. He will probably be back (most will). Do not engage or you will repost this post.

[Logan787]

Hi All

It's a shame we can't tell our feelings what to do when our head is telling us to.

I am in love with MOM and I am MOW. H found out- found my texts and had DDay. OM ran for the hills and told me to never contact him again. I am devastated and finding it hard to cope. It has been 2months. He had told me he loved me and had never felt like this before and promised never to hurt me.

 

I am separating from H but that is another story, I am posting here to help me get over OM. It is comforting to read stories of others. It has been 2 months with NC but last night I saw him out with his wife and it cut me deep with hurt. I feel like I am back to square one. How do I get over the hurt?

 

The guy you were seeing was using you. Simple. Your affair was an illusion and now the clock has struck midnight and the carriage has turned back into a pumpkin. Don't look for the prince to come to you with a slipper. If your husband was faithful and treated you right, then you just simply must understand how he feels.

[Midlifecrisis1]

Hi Midlife Crisis- I have read over your threads and a lot of your feelings are just what I have experienced. you have helped me a lot. Thank you. Has OM tried to contact you in the 4 months or do you feel he is really determined to stay away?

 

He is very determined for it to be over. We have had no contact other than a quick hello at my son's baseball tryouts. We pass each other in our cars at school pickup sometimes and don't even wave. It's painful...I won't lie. As much as it seems like he doesn't care and is just fine, it must appear to him the same for me...I have not tried to contact him either. He made a decision that he couldn't keep things going and had to try to make his home life better, and I am respecting that. I try to keep in mind that what I really loved was how he made me feel, not necessarily the person he was since I ultimately don't know everything about who he is. It was an affair...fantasy...all passion and romance.

 

I don't know if I love my husband. I honestly don't feel much towards him but I wish I did...he is a good guy, smart, successful, handsome...life feels bleak sometimes. But I'm not leaving him for the foreseeable future. We have kids to raise.

 

What caused your marriage to deteriorate into nothing? How long was your affair?

[HeCantBreakMe]

Hi All

It's a shame we can't tell our feelings what to do when our head is telling us to.

I am in love with MOM and I am MOW. H found out- found my texts and had DDay. OM ran for the hills and told me to never contact him again. I am devastated and finding it hard to cope. It has been 2months. He had told me he loved me and had never felt like this before and promised never to hurt me.

 

I am separating from H but that is another story, I am posting here to help me get over OM. It is comforting to read stories of others. It has been 2 months with NC but last night I saw him out with his wife and it cut me deep with hurt. I feel like I am back to square one. How do I get over the hurt?

 

It is typical for them to run for the hills. He got scared your H would tell his wife and the affair bubble popped and reality crept in. My thoughts are he will be back when the smoke clears up a bit.

 

Have you blocked him from everything? Don't let him creep back into your head especially when you will be at your most vulnerable from ending your marriage. Work on yourself- figure out who you are and what you want. Start finding validation from within but do NOT I repeat DO NOT entertain conversation from xOM when he returns- and he will.

 

Also, don't throw up any smoke signals or he will return quicker than you think. TRUST me on this.

[MidnightBlue1980]

They all say they love you forever and all that crap. And then they all run for the hills out of fear their wives will find out. And then they come creeping back once the longing for sex outweighs the fear of discovery.

 

I am sorry you are in pain, I have certainly been there. It sounds like your marriage was not in a good place. As bad as that is, now you will have a chance to do a redo on your life. Do not, do not get back with this guy. You can go meet single guys once you file and figure your marriage out. If you get back with the OM, trust me, he will only do this all over again.