Husband is cheating on me

[Heart broke]

Last night my husband was acting very strange. He kept texting someone and was being very quiet and sarcastic towards me. This behavior is something that has been increasing over the last few months, but I've never seen him text so much. He got up to go to the bathroom and I grabbed his phone. They were sexual texts to another woman...

 

I immediately confronted him, and he told me I was crazy. I said I had seen the texts and he told me to keep my voice down because he didn't want our teenage kids to hear, and in the process called me an idiot. I just got some things and left. All night he was calling me telling me I'm overreacting and the kids were asking where I was. They both text me and I told them I was going to be staying somewhere else for the night and tonight but not to worry about it.

 

I feel so lost. My husband is my world. I don't even know what to do, I'm in shock. We have been married for twenty two years and we have a sixteen year old son and fourteen year old daughter. Today he's been texting me all day to come home, but I just am so sad I can't bring myself to get in the car. I don't know what to do... I feel like the world is ending. Where do I go from here?

[LargoLagg]

You should text him that if he can't man up and answer your questions fully and honestly, then that's the same thing as telling you he doesn't want to act like your husband. Text him that you have some questions, and that you're prepared to hear anything he has to say, but he has to tell you the truth, even if it hurts you, and that you won't hold the truth against him.

 

Then go home. I don't know anything about your sex life, but you may want to consider where there is some kind of sex that he wants that you're not willing to give. Because it's either that, or he's met somebody who is willing to give him a little strange.

 

I'd ask him what he thinks he can get from somebody else that he can't get from you, and then go from there. I'm sure you have tons of questions. Just ask them, and be prepared to hear the answers. The last question you might want to ask is how/if he thinks this can get fixed.

[KimJ1234]

He's probably going to minimize everything and tell you only half truths.

"We only texted"

"There was no sex, only kissing"

 

Trust your instincts, there was more.

Don't leave the house again, he was the one that screwed up and be willing/prepared to kick him to the curb.

 

Your kids are old enough that it may be best to tell them the truth, that's a hard decision but they'll find out anyway.

 

Keep pushing until the whole story comes out. There's nothing worse than starting to heal only to get hit with more hidden truths.

 

Don't trust him to tell you everything, go through phones, emails etc. Except he may have deleted evidence by now.

 

Sorry your going through this but there's lots of people here with good advice.

[tinkerbell16]

Heartbroke

 

So sorry you are going through this.

 

His name calling and anger towards you is all part of the cheater script. Please please put your shield up and do your investigating. You will at best only get half truths from a cheater

 

My "good" husband of almost 30 yrs years was cheating with his Co worker.

 

He started hiding and locking his phone, he was grumpy ALL the time and started to be disrespectful to me.

I had no idea why (till I discovered the affair).

 

You will survive this... read stories here and gain knowledge. Knowledge is power and you need to find the entire truth... and it won't come from a cheater.

 

Get his phone records, VAR his car, get a key logger for his computer.

 

You are not an idiot. That is gaslighting... read up on what cheaters say and do... don't let him tear you down to alleviate his guilt.

 

There is tons of information and support here on LS.

 

Hugs. Tink

[anika99]

Do not trust your husband to tell you the truth. Cheaters lie their faces off. Remember he told you you were crazy when you saw those texts with your own eyes. He's spent the night planning to console you with more lies. You will have to find the truth yourself. Start snooping.

[aileD]

I keep trying to reply with advice but this is too triggery for me.

 

I am sorry this happened to you. It's not fair and it's not right.

 

Your husband needs consequences. I'm glad you left and he's freaking out because he needs to be slapped back into reality. Stay gone a few days. Ignore him.

 

From there. I don't know . We are in reconciliation. It's hard. Your H needs to be all in and open and honest for it to work and he's just full of excuses right now.

 

im sorry

[lovingladyo4]

I can't help but feel angry when I read stories like this. If only the men knew the damage they inflict, and yet some will try to walk away like it's not their fault.

 

Any way you want to look at it, he ws unfaithful to you and he needs to be confronted; like it or not. I can only bet his thought life was racing around in all sorts of diections and he needs to be held accountable to them. He violated his marriage vows to you.

 

You may be having meaningful sex, and it's really none of my business, so I don't buy the fact that you are not satisfying him and he is looking for something he doesn't have. That is a lame excuse, it's deceit, it's a cover up, it's immature, it's selfish, and a whole lot more.

 

If he is struggling with committment, with self-control, with lust, with fantisizing, with pre mid-life crisis, obedience, faithfulness, and his vows; well then, he had better go get himself some help to harness these sins that are bigger than him.

 

I am so sorry you are in this mess through no fault of your own. I can't imagine he thinks his actions will make you want to be there for him when he "needs" you.

 

Do not let him coerce you into thinking it was "nothing". He is using that tactic to escape the truth and shift the blame somewhere else. Do not let him dodge the truth as a means to deny his wrong-doing.

 

I believe that something good can eventually evolve from this. Sometimes a crisis can drive two people apart or is can bring them closer. He must be the one to evaluate the true meaning of love as it was outlined in the words he spoke to you on your wedding day. He made promises he did not keep, and now there is the pain that must be addressed.

 

Trust is something that is fragile, and when broken is not easily repaired. He has his work cut out for him that will decide what kind of character he has. Is he sorry that you bear the brunt of this? Or is he sorry he got caught? Much will be revealed about his true nature and the condition of his heart. I promise to be praying for you.

[BuddyX]

First things first. Deep breaths. Deeep breaths.

 

Sorry to say, but the next 6 months will prob be the most difficult in your life. Your husband, your best friend will call you crazy numerous times. He will blame you for his affair. DO NOT Fall for that.

 

Keep a journal. Take notes. But the most important thing for you is to gather info. Phone records will be vital. Purchase a VAR and Velcro it under his car seat. Odds are he'll take this affair under ground.

 

You have to take back the house. He's going to have to move out for a little bit. After all, he screwed up.

 

If they messaged explicit content odds are they screwed. I don't care if you're not 100% sure but call him out on the affair.

[KimJ1234]

What's a VAR?

[Doorstopper]

What's a VAR?

 

Voice Activated Recorder

[Heart broke]

I came home early so I could be here when the kids left for school. After they'd gone I started asking him about it. He's known her a few months, and one of our good friends introduced them. They slept together once. I got in his face over it, and he punched me in the stomach. I fell to the ground and he told me to not act pathetic. He said he didn't hit me that hard... he's never hit me before. He's never acted violent before.

 

We have a good relationship, we still have chemistry. We made love earlier this week. I'm a stay at home mom, and we have a beautiful home, money, I always try and make everything perfect for him. I am in great shape, I support and encourage him, I try to be s good wife.

 

Over the last year he's gained a lot of weight. I haven't said a word because I know it bothers him, and I don't mind. He works so hard to give us everything we want and need that I don't have a reason to nag him.

 

I had so much I wanted to do today, but my heart is broke. I can't get out of bed. I can't stop crying. He just text me and asked if I am okay, but I haven't responded.

[Philosoraptor]

I came home early so I could be here when the kids left for school. After they'd gone I started asking him about it. He's known her a few months, and one of our good friends introduced them. They slept together once. I got in his face over it, and he punched me in the stomach. I fell to the ground and he told me to not act pathetic. He said he didn't hit me that hard... he's never hit me before. He's never acted violent before. .

Call the police and have him removed from your home. This is what you need to do right now.

[RecentChange]

He cheated on you, called you an idiot and then PUNCHED YOU?!?;

 

GAME OVER. Call the police. I am so sorry that your world is crashing down but he is a piece of S*** and obviously has zero respect for you.

 

It's time consequences for his actions come crashing down on him. This is bull S**** punched you!?!!

 

In my family, I would be scared for my dad and brother, because they would be getting charges for beating the crap out of him, because that is what he deserves.

 

Punched you!?

[frigginlost]

I came home early so I could be here when the kids left for school. After they'd gone I started asking him about it. He's known her a few months, and one of our good friends introduced them. They slept together once. I got in his face over it, and he punched me in the stomach. I fell to the ground and he told me to not act pathetic. He said he didn't hit me that hard... he's never hit me before. He's never acted violent before.

 

We have a good relationship, we still have chemistry. We made love earlier this week. I'm a stay at home mom, and we have a beautiful home, money, I always try and make everything perfect for him. I am in great shape, I support and encourage him, I try to be s good wife.

 

Over the last year he's gained a lot of weight. I haven't said a word because I know it bothers him, and I don't mind. He works so hard to give us everything we want and need that I don't have a reason to nag him.

 

I had so much I wanted to do today, but my heart is broke. I can't get out of bed. I can't stop crying. He just text me and asked if I am okay, but I haven't responded.

 

Game over.

 

No matter if he never has, he now has the capacity to do so. A line was crossed. File a report and have his a$$ thrown out. Then take him for everything he has...

[aileD]

GAME OVER is right.

 

If you do not force him to have consequences for punching you, then you are giving him the power to do it again and again.

 

And I'm sorry to say this---but if that was his reaction to you, then this is NoT his first affair and he's probably cheated a lot more than once if he's calling you pathetic .

 

Stand up for yourself NOW. Set an example for your children. No one is allowed to PUNCH their spouse .

[KimJ1234]

What the f*ck!? This gave me goosebumps. Take the children and get out.

 

Your not thinking straight, your justifying his actions.

 

Go to a trusted family member who can help with the kids until you have some time to think.

 

This guy is a price of crap.

[Heart broke]

I don't want to file a report because I don't want our kids to know. I don't want them to think that about him. I know I should be angry, but I'm not. I'm just sad that my best friend could do that... I'm going through everything in my head that could have led us to this point and I can't think of anything. He keeps texting me asking if I need anything and he's sorry he doesn't know what came over him... I don't think I deserved that.

 

I love him. I don't want to leave him, but I know he'll just keep seeing her. Don't they always?

 

I don't know what I've done to make him want someone else...

Edited December 9, 2016 by Heart broke

[Doorstopper]

If you are in the US, call the domestic abuse hotline: 1-800-799-7233

 

Even if you hope to reconcile, though most will say don't, you need to protect yourself and be sure that this does not happen again.

 

You need a restraining order and charges, filed against your husband. They will help you with the process.

 

Don't wait until you are in the hospital ....or worse. Than man you married is not who you think he is.

[Philosoraptor]

I don't want to file a report because I don't want our kids to know. I don't want them to think that about him. I know I should be angry, but I'm not. I'm just sad that my best friend could do that... I'm going through everything in my head that could have led us to this point and I can't think of anything. He keeps texting me asking if I need anything and he's sorry he doesn't know what came over him... I don't think I deserved that.

 

I love him. I don't want to leave him, but I know he'll just keep seeing her. Don't they always?

Would you rather raise your kids with a man who can be violent? By protecting him you are both putting yourself, and your children at risk.

[RecentChange]

He has no respect for you, and you are falling perfectly in line with the victim role.

 

Your children will learn that husband's do not have to respect their wives.

 

PLEASE PLEAE PLEAELSE get yourself to a counselor. You really need to talk to a professional because you are so very confused right now.

 

Yes you are hurt, but you should also be ANGRY!!!

 

He has all of the control, and you have none. And he is abusing that control.

 

Stay... if you want to stay in line. Be the good subordinate wife. Don't dare talk against him because he may smack you again. Don't stop him from seeing his mistress because thay will upset him. Keep your mouth shut ans live that existence. Is that what you want? Is that what you want to exemplify to your children as normal?

 

He doesn't respect you. He called you an idiot and pathetic!?

 

Here is a thing - his reaction, this is not how all cheaters react. My husband cheated, you know what he did? Cried for hurting me, showed sorrow and remorse. Begged for a second chance. Sure as hell didn't call me an idiot and hit me.

 

Honey, it's time to stand up for yourself

[RecentChange]

 

I don't know what I've done to make him want someone else...

 

This is HIS FAILING not yours!!!!!!

 

Please get counseling - you are so messed up. I have a feeling he has pushed you down so low you do not have any self worth left.

[usa1ah]

I came home early so I could be here when the kids left for school. After they'd gone I started asking him about it. He's known her a few months, and one of our good friends introduced them. They slept together once. I got in his face over it, and he punched me in the stomach. I fell to the ground and he told me to not act pathetic. He said he didn't hit me that hard... he's never hit me before. He's never acted violent before.

 

We have a good relationship, we still have chemistry. We made love earlier this week. I'm a stay at home mom, and we have a beautiful home, money, I always try and make everything perfect for him. I am in great shape, I support and encourage him, I try to be s good wife.

 

Over the last year he's gained a lot of weight. I haven't said a word because I know it bothers him, and I don't mind. He works so hard to give us everything we want and need that I don't have a reason to nag him.

 

I had so much I wanted to do today, but my heart is broke. I can't get out of bed. I can't stop crying. He just text me and asked if I am okay, but I haven't responded.

 

Call the police and fill a report. Never let him get away with hitting you. Pull yourself together and take a deep breath. Not safe for you and kids if he is showing violence.

[usa1ah]

I don't want to file a report because I don't want our kids to know. I don't want them to think that about him. I know I should be angry, but I'm not. I'm just sad that my best friend could do that... I'm going through everything in my head that could have led us to this point and I can't think of anything. He keeps texting me asking if I need anything and he's sorry he doesn't know what came over him... I don't think I deserved that.

 

I love him. I don't want to leave him, but I know he'll just keep seeing her. Don't they always?

 

I don't know what I've done to make him want someone else...

 

 

 

 

Would you rather them come home one day with you black and blue with you explaining you fell down?

 

 

Would you want your daughter to learn by your example its ok to get hit when she confronts her husbands one day for something he might have done?

 

 

Fill a report with the police, please.

[usa1ah]

You have done nothing to cause him the cheat. He has no morals about it. I doubt this is the first time.

[TrustedthenBusted]

You're afraid. And making a bunch of poor decisions because of it. I'm sorry. This must be awful for you.

 

But he's cheating on you, and he hit you. If this happened to your sister, or another good friend, what advice would you give them?