Springsummer Posted December 12, 2016 Share Posted December 12, 2016 Newsflash...Most guys who aren't gay don't hang around women or "do fun things" just to be a buddy....They are thinking that they are going to eventually get you at a weak point, drunk or you will just cave in...He obviously picked up on something you said or did(maybe talking about sex with him and being on his turf?) and he felt he had a green light... So, what does it means if a guy keep adding women in his facebook? Link to post Share on other sites
LargoLagg Posted December 12, 2016 Share Posted December 12, 2016 (edited) Exactly this... Newsflash to all women There is no such thing as a platonic relationship between a (non-gay) guy and a girl. He's just waiting for the chance to bang you End of story. Please stop with the naivety. If he's chatting with you, he's planting the seeds for an EA, which he is hoping leads to him banging you. He's also doing it to other women at the same time. Not understanding why you are heartbroken or surprised about the fact that he was trying to get in your pants. It's what heterosexual guys do:lmao: Newsflash! WRONG! Granted, there are some men who are like that. They don't really see women as people, but more as an object to be claimed sexually, or not. And by not, I mean if a woman isn't attractive to those men, then they want nothing to do with them. I know guys like that and this characteristic shines through in other parts of their personality. I think, and no disrespect intended, that projecting this mindset onto "all heterosexual men" is merely a way to deflect or deny the obvious sociopathic implications of this kind of thinking. It must be difficult to realize this about yourself, that this is the kind of person you are, and it must make you feel better to convince yourself that all men think that way, right? I mean, that way, you're not a bad guy. You're just a regular guy. My anecdotal observation is that these kinds of guys have to work pretty hard to get sex from a woman, and it may be that this is what makes them think that way. We're all a product of our experiences. I'd also argue that once a woman gives in to a guy like that, she is not going to have an EA. The premise of this mindset is that there is no E in the A. It's about banging. But there are some non-gay men who can actually enjoy a woman's company, think of her as a friend, and not have one objective in mind when they talk to her. That said, Anyways, I went to his place afterwards and that's where the misery began. It started with him cuddling me, after a few hours of just talking on the couch, and me being all kinds of confused and before I knew it we were kissing and laying half naked on top of each other. I stopped it, because I do not want a FWB situation with this guy, admitted that I liked him and therefore do not want to proceed any further to protect myself. He said he didn't feel mutual about that for me but he had a suspicion about my feelings towards him. He said I thought I wanted sex because we were discussing it earlier and I admitted missing it too (I mean sure I love sex but heck it has to be with the right person). I'm mad at myself and the guy too tbh, we had both established to stay friends, he knows I'm seeing other guys, he KNEW or had suspicions that I felt something towards him yet he still decides to have sex with me? 1) You talked about your boyfriends 2) You talked about sex, and it got quite intimate 3) You went to his place 4) You talked some more for hours 5) You started cuddling 6) You started kissing 7) You got half naked and now you're mad at him for misreading you, despite what you said in the past? I've bolded the one common thread in your story. That's probably where you should start looking, if you're looking for something to blame. Edited December 12, 2016 by LargoLagg 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cigbunt Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 Honestly, the best way to deal with women is either FWB or more. If a woman tries to cut WB from FWB, then she's out of my life for good. I don't have, or want, female "friends". Guys do a way better job at being great friends (there are a plethora of reasons). For me personally, being just "friends" with a woman is an enormous waste of time. Link to post Share on other sites
cigbunt Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 So, what does it means if a guy keep adding women in his facebook? He is getting to know more women, which adds social validation which he can then use on other women. Women have a herd mentality "Oh she likes him! I must like him too!", whereas men have a more lone-wolf mentality (I care more about what I think of a girl, than what my mates think of her). I personally only add women I contemplate hitting on. Pretty simple: Add to facebook -> chat a bit on facebook -> ask for Whatsapp (*) -> chat a bit on Whatsapp -> ask her out on Whatsapp All within a few days to set up a date for the next week. Should she say she is busy without giving an alternative date twice or she flakes even once, then I'm onto the next. Got no time for bull****. * Ask for Whatsapp, they are waaay more (10x) likely to give you their numbers this way. Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 In the future, don't talk about sex with a male friend. That gives him the green light to test your boundaries and see how far he can get. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thecrucible Posted December 22, 2016 Share Posted December 22, 2016 OP, I know how you feel. You were curious about him and you were growing fond of him but you just didn't want him to make advances in that way. I mean you've know each other as friends so maybe he feels he can skip a lot of the 'getting to know you' stuff but it doesn't mean you don't want at least some kind of build up. I can understand why that would make you feel very comfortable. I've been in that kind of situation before and I try and be very careful not to be alone with guys who are just friends unless I have known them for years and I know they have a heart of gold. I've been in some very close situations when men have put the moves on me when I've not wanted it and I haven't even hinted that that would be something I wanted. I mean there was the male friend who pushed me into a broom cupboard, pinned me to the floor and tried to have his way with me...Some guys get fixated on what they want and they don't think about how this makes you feel. Anyway I don't know about the guy you were with. I don't want to assume anything bad about him. It can be tricky talking about sex around a guy who's a friend. Either they don't fancy you and you just become one of the lads when you do that, or they take it as a green light that you're up for it and make a move. I'm cynical about this. I would hope that a guy who liked me but was more boyfriend material would want to have sex with me but he would want a more romantic setting, not just think "she seems horny. I'd love to take advantage of that". I'm not saying that that's how it happened though. Perhaps because you stayed around talking for a while, he thought things were heading in that direction? Either way be careful to enforce boundaries as it's a way to protect yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted December 22, 2016 Share Posted December 22, 2016 No offense but you seem pretty naive OP. You are going about this "friends" thing all wrong, if that was really truely your intent. You may have said one thing, but your actions say something very different. I have platonic male friends, one life long one that I am close with. Here are some guidelines with male FRIENDS. I don't talk about sex with them, EVER. That would be flirting. I don't touch them, I don't hold hands, and I sure as hell don't cuddle with them. A pat on the back maybe, or maybe an elbow to the rib cage if I am giving them a hard time. Cuddling!? Naw, way over the line. Cock tease territory. I don't get naked, half naked, or even a little naked with them. Curious why are you "heart broken" about this? Because he doesn't have the same feelings for you as you do for him? Is this the same guy you were considering sleeping with to change his mind about you? If so, I warned you that sort of game takes a certain type of constitution / compartmentalization to be able to come away from unscathed. This thread makes it clear that is not the sort of game you should be playing. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
LoveFiend Posted January 1, 2017 Share Posted January 1, 2017 (edited) Hi guys I'm a bit heart broken, mad at myself and just confused too. I met up with a guy friend of mine (we kissed before but established later to just stay friends because we didn't feel a click). The more often I met up with him the more I started liking him though but I told myself I'd get over it as I am currently dating with other people. Anyways, we did some shopping during the day, went out for dinner where we discussed the guy I'm dating (he was pretty curious). I wanted his perspective about this guy so at some point we discussed sex and it got pretty intimate. We both admitted that we miss the intimacy and that sucks about being single. Anyways, I went to his place afterwards and that's where the misery began. It started with him cuddling me, after a few hours of just talking on the couch, and me being all kinds of confused and before I knew it we were kissing and laying half naked on top of each other. I stopped it, because I do not want a FWB situation with this guy, admitted that I liked him and therefore do not want to proceed any further to protect myself. He said he didn't feel mutual about that for me but he had a suspicion about my feelings towards him. He said I thought I wanted sex because we were discussing it earlier and I admitted missing it too (I mean sure I love sex but heck it has to be with the right person). I'm mad at myself and the guy too tbh, we had both established to stay friends, he knows I'm seeing other guys, he KNEW or had suspicions that I felt something towards him yet he still decides to have sex with me? I've tried ignoring him before, once I established that I felt something towards him yet he kept contacting me, wanting to do fun things with me etc. So how do I move forward now? Ignore him? What if he contacts me again? I find no fault with the guy and find a lot of fault with your behavior. If I was in his shoes I would think by your behavior you wanted sex too. I mean you seemed to be leading him on that is what you wanted. I have put in bold parts of what you said that as a guy would seem to be sending a signal that a woman wanted sex. A woman going to a guys place and cuddling usually means "lets have sex". You didn't want sex yet proceeded to get "half naked". Getting half naked is signalling you wanted sex from him, I am sorry no other way to gently put it. So I really don't find any fault with him. You totally lead him on that you wanted to make out with him and he responded to what you were telling him. Edited January 1, 2017 by LoveFiend Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted January 1, 2017 Share Posted January 1, 2017 I'm actually quite confused about your account and so I am not surprised that you are shocked and confused about what happened. If you like the guy, why are you not with him instead of others? Is it because he is only looking for casual sex? (In which case, I agree that you should not get involved with him if you want a relationship.) If you spend intimate time chatting with a guy and sex becomes part of the conversation, he is likely to take that as a sign that the idea is not out of bounds. Basically don't get onto that subject unless you are with a group or somewhere where there is no chance of it being taken the wrong way. I don't know what you and he were chatting about with regarding to your current sexual partner, but it is not good practice to talk to another guy about your sexual partner. It is not discreet. I know you may not have been sharing anything too personal but it is hard to tell that from what you said. Dinner, going back to his/your place, emotional sharing, talk about sex - would be interpreted as a possible way in to sex with you. If you have dinner with a male friend in future, make it clear at different points that you view it as friendship and don't talk about sex. It's about boundaries and setting the framework for the relationship. It sounds to me like you might have wanted this to go this way but have doubts because of his lack of commitment. Link to post Share on other sites
SmartDude Posted January 4, 2017 Share Posted January 4, 2017 Is it possible that you could let your feelings cool down for awhile, spend time with other people, and then have sex with him? All my female friends who I have had sex with in the past are close to me and STILL friends. Even though I don't have sex with them now. The female friends who chose to seperate sex and friendship just ended up not being friends, and quite honestly forgotton within the chasm of time and faded memories. If you really really have a crush on him right now, of course you can't have sex with him. And if it goes deeper than a crush, perhaps it will be difficult even being friends in the future. You can have sex with friends, it is possible. To do this you need to be able to let go of the notion that sex is only reserved for people you are "in love" with. Link to post Share on other sites
FUP Posted January 20, 2017 Share Posted January 20, 2017 Flawed reasoning. I can want to have sex AND want to be friends with a woman. They are not mutually exclusive. true. then, when you get a chance you want to have sex with her. Link to post Share on other sites
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