Boyfriend just told me that he has slept with his best friend

[gulfball]

It is only coincidence because you allow it to be.

 

 

The boundary between lover and best friend should always remain a boundary in any relationship. I never could consider the same person as both.

 

Really, I was never best friends with any of my lovers. They were my lover, not my friend. I don't want friendships with my lovers, as my friends are my confidants, and my lovers are my lovers.

 

Best friends will advise you based on what they think is solely in your best interest. A lover who you consider your best friend will always advise you from a position of how a decision will directly affect them, and your best interest will at the end of the day take a back seat to theirs, simply by the nature of being thrust into the position of lover/best friend.. So in essence my opinion is that

 

People tend to want to merge the two, with mixed results. Because if you are having a relationship issue, can you really feel safe bouncing compromise scenarios with your best friend if your best friend is also your partner? The two must remain separate, in my opinion.

 

I trust that was as clear as mud, lol. It is simply my opinion due to my experience over the course of my life. So with any advise here, take what you need and leave the rest.

 

 

I still think you are settling here. I still advise you to get rid of him.

 

This is an interesting and highly valuable perspective that I never considered before. Thank you, Space Ritual.

[skywriter]

how do they act together now? She calls him "boo" and rubs his face endearingly when she sees him. They take pictures of each other and they spend whole days together alone. They like to swap dating and hook up stories, I guess.

 

This is not cool with me. From what I've been reading you are the one willing to compromise and set boundaries and he doesn't seem to be doing the same in return for you. in fact quite the opposite.