I want to meet another man

[anubis57]

First time poster,

 

Just a background for content , I have benn with my current boyfriend for 2 years now and I thought it was going well. We have known each other for years prior.

Before him I was in an abusive relationship, the day I ended that relationship the next day I started seeing my current boyfriend.

 

But I have always had feelings for this other man, we went to college together and we do talk and he was there for me and we have met up before.

 

But, I feel as though something is missing in my relationship, I have wanted to meet this other man for a long time and i do play hard to get with him. We are meant to meet in a mutual city (we live in different towns) go for a drink and some food , go to the zoo catch up and go home.

 

But here is the confusion, I like him and want to see if he is an option and if something is there before settling down. He is single and i am not, he respects my relationship and current partner and has been clear.

 

Can anyone explain why i have feelings for him as i feel bad what im about to say but i would be wiling to see him without my current boyfriends knowledge.

[Marc878]

First time poster,

 

Just a background for content , I have benn with my current boyfriend for 2 years now and I thought it was going well. We have known each other for years prior.

Before him I was in an abusive relationship, the day I ended that relationship the next day I started seeing my current boyfriend.

 

But I have always had feelings for this other man, we went to college together and we do talk and he was there for me and we have met up before.

 

But, I feel as though something is missing in my relationship, I have wanted to meet this other man for a long time and i do play hard to get with him. We are meant to meet in a mutual city (we live in different towns) go for a drink and some food , go to the zoo catch up and go home.

 

But here is the confusion, I like him and want to see if he is an option and if something is there before settling down. He is single and i am not, he respects my relationship and current partner and has been clear.

 

Can anyone explain why i have feelings for him as i feel bad what im about to say but i would be wiling to see him without my current boyfriends knowledge.

 

Obviously neither of you in realty respect your current relationship. Do the right thing and end it with your current BF.

 

You aren't ready for a committed realationship.

Edited December 11, 2016 by Marc878

[whichwayisup]

Before him I was in an abusive relationship, the day I ended that relationship the next day I started seeing my current boyfriend.

 

End your relationship with your current boyfriend and be ON your own, alone so you can find happiness without having to rely on a man to provide that for you. You were in an abusive relationship and then the next day started a new one with someone else. That's not good nor is it healthy.

 

Find yourself, love yourself - Grow as a woman and bond with your women friends.

 

Forget this other guy, until the timing is better.

[40somethingGuy]

First time poster,

 

Just a background for content , I have benn with my current boyfriend for 2 years now and I thought it was going well. We have known each other for years prior.

Before him I was in an abusive relationship, the day I ended that relationship the next day I started seeing my current boyfriend.

 

But I have always had feelings for this other man, we went to college together and we do talk and he was there for me and we have met up before.

 

But, I feel as though something is missing in my relationship, I have wanted to meet this other man for a long time and i do play hard to get with him. We are meant to meet in a mutual city (we live in different towns) go for a drink and some food , go to the zoo catch up and go home.

 

But here is the confusion, I like him and want to see if he is an option and if something is there before settling down. He is single and i am not, he respects my relationship and current partner and has been clear.

 

Can anyone explain why i have feelings for him as i feel bad what im about to say but i would be wiling to see him without my current boyfriends knowledge.

 

You need IC to understand why you are attracted to an abusive relationship over what I assume is not one. You probably go tg bored when the honeymoon phase was over and ready to gain short term excitement in exchange for putting your life on a dangerous course long term. How old are you by the way?

[Satu]

Its never a good idea to go fishing for somebody new, when you're still in a relationship with somebody else.

 

Even better is to spend some time alone between relationships.

 

 

Take care.

[Space Ritual]

Can anyone explain why i have feelings for him as i feel bad what im about to say but i would be wiling to see him without my current boyfriends knowledge.

 

Since moving forward in this fashion is a bell you can't unring, at least have the respect for someone you are with and let them know you want to explore things with someone else. By doing so, you will not only keep some level of dignity, but if you have any feelings for your boyfriend, you would want him to be able to make his own choices as to whether or not to continue a relationship with someone who has developed feelings for someone else.

 

If the tables were turned, would you not want to be forewarned so you did not feel like you were wasting your time on someone that didn't love you anymore?

 

Part of being an adult is taking responsibility for our actions and accepting the consequences for those actions, whether they be positive or negative.

 

So grow up, tell your boyfriend you want to see someone else and be adult enough to own your actions and let your boyfriend go so he may find someone who will treat him with the respect he deserves. Currently that person is not you.

[michaelm700]

Yep, I agree with other posters here. End your current relationship for the benefit of both of you. However, why would you want to hookup with a man with whom you have a bad history?

[anubis57]

Im 24,

 

In your opinion if I do you feel as though i just want an affair?

[anubis57]

Yep, I agree with other posters here. End your current relationship for the benefit of both of you. However, why would you want to hookup with a man with whom you have a bad history?

 

The guy im meeting is not the guy who was abusive

[OatsAndHall]

You can't have your cake and it it too. You need to call it off with your boyfriend and then take a step back. This may sound harsh but I would refer to you as a "serial monogamist" at this point. You are moving from one serious relationship to another in short periods of time and that just isn't healthy.

[smackie9]

A relationship doesn't have to end because things are bad....sometimes they just run out of steam and feelings fade. All you are doing is escaping this reality, enjoying the attention, the thrill of meeting discretely, feeling desired by this other man. Many people get caught up in emotional affairs, and yes that is what this is. If you ever step back and remove yourself emotionally from this guy, you will realize how foolish you are being. It's very addictive, and you are willing to risk your relaiotnship just to spend time with this guy. What I'm trying to do is make you see how much of a mistake you are making here. You don't need him, and you don't need to be in your relationship. You need to feel some freedom, and not depend on a man for your happiness. What you are missing is discovering who you are, your individuality and develop substance.....be single, stand on your own two feet, make new friends, and add interests that enhance your life. You will not find it being with these men.

[elaine567]

I guess you stumbled out of your abusive relationship and grabbed the first guy who showed any interest and it just happened to be this guy who had been hanging around for years, probably just "waiting" for you.

You were very glad to be out of the abuse, so the next 2 years went swimmingly whilst you recovered. Such a relief for you to be free from the anxiety and stress.

Now, I guess you are finally seeing clearer, and your head is now up and you are looking around at the bigger world.

You no longer NEED your bf any more. he did his job, he "saved" you, and now the "healed" you wants to go and explore pastures new.

 

To be completely fair to your bf, then you need to let him go. Trying out other options, whilst he believes you are wholly committed to him, is unfair and cruel.

[BTDT2012]

Tell your current boyfriend that you want to date other people. And be single, unattached and date other people.

[NTV]

Well you've heard all the right answers so far. But you knew those before asking the question. I think you should look around here at what folks who do what you're thinking about doing go through. Plenty of those stories here.

 

If you do decide to do it at least know what you're really getting into. It's not a fairy tale ending.

 

You can also find tons of stories about what your boyfriend will go through. Not pretty.

 

Just my thoughts.

[road]

It is one thing to want to end a relationship.

Another to come here seeking approval to cheat on your BF.

Even worse to think that you OM respects you or relationships when he wants you to be his AP.

Also extremely naïve to think that this OM is pursuing you just to watch the primates mate at the zoo with you.

When all this OM wants to do is to get you to mate with him before this date is through.

[breakupthrowaway663]

Well you've heard all the right answers so far. But you knew those before asking the question. I think you should look around here at what folks who do what you're thinking about doing go through. Plenty of those stories here.

 

If you do decide to do it at least know what you're really getting into. It's not a fairy tale ending.

 

You can also find tons of stories about what your boyfriend will go through. Not pretty.

 

Just my thoughts.

 

Yep. You don't know this man and in your head you have put him on a pedestal. It's not hard to get butterflies if you pay mind to those feelings.

 

Truly step back and weigh in on what you are throwing away. Do not devalue your current relationship if it truly is a good one. You need to gain perspective on what it is you are trading here.

 

Feelings are fickle and blinding. Tread carefully.

[gorf]

 

But, I feel as though something is missing in my relationship,

 

 

Like what?....

 

I dont think you will find anyone who will encourage you to go ahead and cheat on your bf. And you know thats exactly what you are talking about but you do not want to say the word.

 

This guy gives you a feeling, Im guessing its a feeling of being wanted and needed, like validation of self worth, and your bf is not giving it to you. Maybe the honeymoon faded, like it always does.

 

Break up with your current bf if you cannot handle the work involved in a relationship, or really dont think it will work out. But dont do this. Dont be that girl

[CommittedToThis]

OP, do you have abandonment or childhood abuse issues?

 

Maybe you're afraid of your current BF abandoning you, so you are devaluing him at this stage in order to convince yourself he's the bad guy so you can go pursue Back Up Plan B, therefore avoiding your fear of being abandoned.

 

Or maybe you're just a deceptive, devious woman who feels wonderful cheating on someone who loves them?

 

Either way, you're not relationship material at this point of your development, end of story. Keep pushing your BF with this confusing b.s. and maybe he'll snap one day.

 

You don't want to risk getting some guy so angry at you because, you know, you lied and cheated on him. Some guys don't react well to that kind of stuff.

 

Be careful and maybe consider looking into therapy to address why you stayed in your earlier abusive relationship (and CONGRATS for getting out of it!) and why you feel it's appropriate to consider cheating on the man you have committed your heart to.