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Will I ever be his #1?

jennifernyc84

By jennifernyc84,
in The Other Man / Woman

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jennifernyc84

jennifernyc84

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[ previous thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/other-man-woman/353123-he-said-he-loves-me-but-he-s-married ]

 

 

I don't even know where to begin with this post. We have so much back story. Feel free to skim through my other thread if you want. It's been 4 years of ok again off again affair with MM.

 

I have broken it off with him a dozen times but he keeps coming back. He swears that he loves me and can't live without me. And promises that we will be together one day.

 

I've been waiting for what seems like forever and it's killing me!

I have tried dating other guys and it doesn't work. I'm not even remotely interested in anyone else.

 

I told him last month that it was either me or her. He had to make his choice and I basically wanted all or nothing. He told me he wanted me but to just give him a little bit more time.

 

After that, I broke down and said I was done. We went NC for a whole month. The longest we've gone without some kind of contact. But he messaged me Friday.

 

He didn't say much. The message just said "I miss you like crazy. I want to see you".. I stared at it for pretty much the whole weekend, thinking what to say or do. I finally messaged him back but only said I miss you too.

 

I want to see him too but every time we part ways it's like I'm losing him over and over again.

 

I don't know what's worse, being with him and still being alone, or not being with him and being even more alone.

 

I can honestly say that there is no greater feeling of rejection then this. He says he loves me but then doesn't choose me.

 

He says he doesn't love his wife. But yet he stays....

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
added link to previous thread ~6
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jennifernyc84

jennifernyc84

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Would telling his wife get her to divorce him?

 

she found out a while ago. It got ugly. They were on the verge of divorce but they mended things. I cut him out of my life then but he keeps coming back. He won't let me go

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Marc878

Marc878

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You're being played. He's still with his wife and family. Isn't he?

 

Better get out of your fantasy if you ever want to have real life of your own.

 

No one loves someone and strings them along for four years.

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jennifernyc84

jennifernyc84

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You're being played. He's still with his wife and family. Isn't he?

 

Better get out of your fantasy if you ever want to have real life of your own.

 

No one loves someone and strings them along for four years.

 

Ha! You don't know the half of it! It's been so much longer than 4 years. I've been in love with this man since I was a child. He is my best friend in the world and I don't know what I would do without him.

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Marc878

Marc878

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Ha! You don't know the half of it! It's been so much longer than 4 years. I've been in love with this man since I was a child. He is my best friend in the world and I don't know what I would do without him.

 

Friends are loyal, trustworthy, honest.

He's not your friend.

 

Get out of your denial and block everything. Completely dark no contact.

 

If you want to have a life of your own

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freengreen

freengreen

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Think, is this you want to do with the life you got?

 

Breakfree and its worth it. Every morning he choses her over you, enough is enough.

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Satu

Satu

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He keeps coming back because you keep giving him what he wants.

 

He'll probably never give you what you want.

 

Thats the way he wants it.

 

 

Take care.

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jennifernyc84

jennifernyc84

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I see how other couples are and it pains me so much. We're never able to just walk into a place and have dinner. Or shop at a mall. Or just walk down the street together holding hands.

 

No this isn't how I want my life. But I can't get over him. I want him..

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Satu

Satu

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I see how other couples are and it pains me so much. We're never able to just walk into a place and have dinner. Or shop at a mall. Or just walk down the street together holding hands.

 

No this isn't how I want my life. But I can't get over him. I want him..

 

You've volunteered to be a convenience for him.

 

A service provider, even.

 

Pay attention:

 

He is where he wants to be, with the person he wants to be with.

 

You never have been, and never will be, the most important woman in his life.

 

Never.

 

This is the reality of your situation.

 

 

Take care.

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HeCantBreakMe

HeCantBreakMe

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He may love but for some reason he isn't able to make any sort of decision. He wants his marriage and his wife and the comfortable way life is right now and he wants you- and you are allowing that to happen.

 

The best thing is to do right for yourself, your heart, and your sanity and to walk away. If it hurts you to hold on to him and 'wait' for him to do something then you have to be good to yourself and walk away.

 

Enjoy the life you are given- what you are doing is living in purgatory - just waiting, and hoping and it isn't because of anything he is doing but what you are allowing to be done to you.

 

Move forward, smile, enjoy time with friends and family and live your life. If he leaves his wife he will know where to find you and if he doesn't then you can start enjoying life again. My guess is a year or two from now if you can truly let go and move forward you will look back on this thanking God you didn't end up with this man.

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jennifernyc84

jennifernyc84

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Yeah I think you're on the fence too. Conflicting emotions like that are hard to deal with. Have you considered a journal?

 

Yeah actually I do keep one. I've also gone for therapy after he told me he was about to divorce her but didn't.

 

I stayed single for a little then I began dating a guy I met at a company party. We dated for 3 months but josh stayed on my mind.

 

One day we ran into each other and picked up right where we left off. I broke up with my boyfriend right after that. It didn't feel right. I could never care for him like I care for Josh.

 

Josh wants to see me tonight. I didn't agree to it but I didn't say no either.

 

I asked him what would be the point in us meeting...

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freengreen

freengreen

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No this isn't how I want my life. But I can't get over him. I want him..

'I want him, I cant get over him . But this isnt the life I want'... a little juggle in words makes it feel positive.

 

'place all your power in me and I promise i will not ruin you'.. said no one ever.

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Marc878

Marc878

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Answer: to get what he wants. You get more second place.

Afterwards he goes back to his wife and family.

 

And you get to go back to..........

 

Waiting for the next breadcrumb

 

Wake up to reality.

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jennifernyc84

jennifernyc84

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Answer: to get what he wants. You get more second place.

Afterwards he goes back to his wife and family.

 

And you get to go back to..........

 

Waiting for the next breadcrumb

 

Wake up to reality.

 

Oh, I'm wide awake trust me! But each lie he tells sounds so sincere that I believe it every time.

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LexiCat29

LexiCat29

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He's got no reason to divorce his wife. You won't walk away and he knows it. He has all the power and he doesn't care who he hurts as long as he's getting what he wants. He's hurting you, his wife, his kids..but none of that matters..the only person he loves is himself.

 

There's another thread where the OP is asking what's wrong with cake eating.

 

This. This is what's wrong with cake eating.

 

You need to be strong and walk away. That's the only thing that will end your pain in the long run.

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Marc878

Marc878

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You have to fix yourself. The Calvary isn't coming.

 

It's all up to you. If this is how you want to live your life so be it but accept what you're doing. It's a very lonely subsistence though isn't it?

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Foreverago

Foreverago

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The problem is that i want to believe them

 

But that's when it is totally a you problem. You are choosing to believe him and are choosing to accept crumbs. People who fully love someone care enough about their well being that they don't continue to hurt them.

 

You'll never be his number 1, because he's his own number 1. Followed by all the other people in his life. You're somewhere down there at maybe 12, depending on how large his family is. Been there, done that. It's not fun being someone's entertainment while they get to go home to a life and you get left with a void and feeling used. That dating and feeling like no one can stack up? It's created from rejection from him, that feeds on insecurity until the idea of winning him feels like the ultimate goal of awesome. But it's just that, a feeling. It's not reality. You heal from the rejection and you'll find that there are some pretty great people out there and this was all a bad choice time in life.

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