HeCantBreakMe Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 N/M scratch my questions above i just read and caught up. I do NOT scratch that he is a mess- that is still standing. Link to post Share on other sites
Forever broken Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 Men are very good in saying what they know you want to hear .. like marriage and kids. I had an Ex who would even come up with names for these future kids of ours, . It's all a loaf of bo***cks. Funny you mentioned that. My ex came up with our future children names. But today he and I are total strangers. Is so funny how you think you know people. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted December 13, 2016 Author Share Posted December 13, 2016 N/M scratch my questions above i just read and caught up. I do NOT scratch that he is a mess- that is still standing. He has been trying to contact me. The first time in a month was on Friday. He just said that he missed me and wanted to see me. The only response I gave was on Sunday. I only said I missed him too but what would us seeing each benefit either of us. He has given me 100 reasons to answer that question but I haven't responded to any of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Jemima1234 Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 Oh god, are you sure you wanna know? Hurricane sandy ruined their place. They were staying with her parents when things blew up. He told her about me, she kicked him out, and he came to stay with me. He stayed for around 2-3 weeks. Then one day I came home from work and saw all his stuff was gone. I tried calling and calling him but he wouldn't answer. 3 months passed and i began dating a guy named ray I met at an office Christmas party. And that's when I heard from Josh. He apologized a trillion times until I gave in and we became friends again. Soon after that the sex started again, and I broke up with ray. We continued the affair for about 8 months I think. Then I called it off because I found out they were going to fertility doctors. Didn't speak to him again for another 2-3 months. Then I ran into him randomly and we fell right back into it. I could go on and on. It's a horrible mess of a story with no ending. Just a whole lot of plot twists. It's exhausting. Wow that's hard! And I get how painful it must now be for you. I had an affair that ended and restarted years later. No words for how much I regret going through all the pain again! Sending you lots of positive thoughts and support 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LexiCat29 Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 Oh god, are you sure you wanna know? Hurricane sandy ruined their place. They were staying with her parents when things blew up. He told her about me, she kicked him out, and he came to stay with me. He stayed for around 2-3 weeks. Then one day I came home from work and saw all his stuff was gone. I tried calling and calling him but he wouldn't answer. 3 months passed and i began dating a guy named ray I met at an office Christmas party. And that's when I heard from Josh. He apologized a trillion times until I gave in and we became friends again. Soon after that the sex started again, and I broke up with ray. We continued the affair for about 8 months I think. Then I called it off because I found out they were going to fertility doctors. Didn't speak to him again for another 2-3 months. Then I ran into him randomly and we fell right back into it. I could go on and on. It's a horrible mess of a story with no ending. Just a whole lot of plot twists. It's exhausting. Josh sounds like a handful. I'm not one to judge as far as not being able to resist guys from the past. Never been an OW but I have a nasty habit of letting exes back into my life and getting back into things with them even after they've hurt me beyond a normal persons' level of forgiveness. I'm currently paying a very painful price for doing just that. Abandonment issues..I'm sure you've got them too. Jen, you know what you need to do. Step 1. Stop telling yourself that you keep 'falling back into it' and take ownership of your actions. You don't fall into things, you make a series of decisions that put you in a bad situation. This is not criticism..it's a lesson that I'm learning myself right now. It's up to you to stop this awful cycle. Step 2. Put up an unbreakable barrier and STOP LETTING HIM BACK IN. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted December 13, 2016 Author Share Posted December 13, 2016 Josh sounds like a handful. I'm not one to judge as far as not being able to resist guys from the past. Never been an OW but I have a nasty habit of letting exes back into my life and getting back into things with them even after they've hurt me beyond a normal persons' level of forgiveness. I'm currently paying a very painful price for doing just that. Abandonment issues..I'm sure you've got them too. Jen, you know what you need to do. Step 1. Stop telling yourself that you keep 'falling back into it' and take ownership of your actions. You don't fall into things, you make a series of decisions that put you in a bad situation. This is not criticism..it's a lesson that I'm learning myself right now. It's up to you to stop this awful cycle. Step 2. Put up an unbreakable barrier and STOP LETTING HIM BACK IN. But I do keep falling. I can tell myself I won't let it happen again and I always end up right back where I was again. I don't plan it. It just happens. Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 "It just happens?" SMH 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 But I do keep falling. I can tell myself I won't let it happen again and I always end up right back where I was again. I don't plan it. It just happens. You allow it to happen. Ask yourself why you want to be part of a drama triangle. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted December 13, 2016 Author Share Posted December 13, 2016 "It just happens?" SMH You've never had something that you feel weak around? Even super man had kryptonite Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted December 13, 2016 Author Share Posted December 13, 2016 You allow it to happen. Ask yourself why you want to be part of a drama triangle. I feel like I love him. I forget about all the problems when I'm with him. I could just sit in his presence forever. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jacxie Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 I feel like I love him. I forget about all the problems when I'm with him. I could just sit in his presence forever. I felt the same, I was even thinking he's the one! Can you believe it?! How stupid I was! Obviously he's not the one and only because if he was, we would've been together, but we're not. You need to reread my one longest post in this thread. He's using you, my xmm was using me too. For their own pleasure. Sad, but true. You don't love him, you love the idea of him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LexiCat29 Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 But I do keep falling. I can tell myself I won't let it happen again and I always end up right back where I was again. I don't plan it. It just happens. No, you don't. You choose it. You're not a victim, you are a volunteer. You are choosing to remain in pain. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
eye of the storm Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 I feel like I love him. I forget about all the problems when I'm with him. I could just sit in his presence forever. Jennifer, this isn't a fairy tale. Things like that is what teenagers say. He messages you because you won't block him. You won't block him because you are not done suffering. You are not done degrading yourself. You are not done. You throw words like I love him but the truth is you currently enjoy the pain. The suffering shows how devoted you are....but nobody cares. He doesn't. Your suffering pleases him because it is an ego boost. He must be such an amazing man!!! Look how you suffer for him. How you hang on with so few breadcrumbs tossed into the dirt for you to search for. When you are sick and tired of being treated like a secret habit he is ashamed of you will finally block him. When you decide you are done being second you will start the hard work of recovering. What's that famous meme? Don't cling to a bad habit just because you spent so much time making it. Getting past an unhealthy addiction is hard. But at the end of it you have a shot at a good life. You can do this. But only if you want to. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
jacxie Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 Jennifer, this isn't a fairy tale. Things like that is what teenagers say. He messages you because you won't block him. You won't block him because you are not done suffering. You are not done degrading yourself. You are not done. You throw words like I love him but the truth is you currently enjoy the pain. The suffering shows how devoted you are....but nobody cares. He doesn't. Your suffering pleases him because it is an ego boost. He must be such an amazing man!!! Look how you suffer for him. How you hang on with so few breadcrumbs tossed into the dirt for you to search for. When you are sick and tired of being treated like a secret habit he is ashamed of you will finally block him. When you decide you are done being second you will start the hard work of recovering. What's that famous meme? Don't cling to a bad habit just because you spent so much time making it. Getting past an unhealthy addiction is hard. But at the end of it you have a shot at a good life. You can do this. But only if you want to. Yup!!! This!!!! ?? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 You've never had something that you feel weak around? Even super man had kryptonite I don't make anyone a priority when I'm nothing but an option to them. I ask myself "are you a positive influence in my life?" Every 6 months I reassess all my friends. If they're not positive, I trim dead wood. Delete them from my life. Nothing more pathetic then hanging on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cloche Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 I couldn't help but feel like he really did love me though. He may very well do. While I find myself agreeing with much of what others have said here, I don't think one need trash everything about this man - nor devalue your profound love for one another - to nevertheless conclude that you are vastly better off walking away from him. What you feel for each other is real. Quite possibly beautiful. Unfortunately, this in no way implies that a happy future together awaits the two of you. As all of us here can attest, that happy ending is staggeringly unlikely. And, what's more, it is not at all within your control. Your need for him, however, is. NC, counseling, and time, can address that. Change that which you can; let go of what you cannot. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 But I do keep falling. I can tell myself I won't let it happen again and I always end up right back where I was again. I don't plan it. It just happens. The only way is to block him out of your life and very firmly say that you don't want to hear from him again, unless he has left his wife and filed for a divorce. And that you want to see the papers. Draft an email to his wife, send it to him. And tell him if he contacts you and he hasn't left her, that you'll send that email to her. Not because you want to cause trouble, but because you don't trust yourself not to get back into it and you can't continue with the torture anymore. That should be a powerful message to him. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 I feel like I love him. I forget about all the problems when I'm with him. I could just sit in his presence forever. Of course you forget about all the problems when you're with him because HE IS THE PROBLEM. But then he leaves doesn't he? ANd all the problems go back He's a drug. Something bad for you that makes you feel temporarily good. Something you're weak for. And something you have no willpower against. Start treating him like a drug addiction. Change your surroundings, block and avoid him, start dealing with your pain instead of using him to escape it. Start realizing that while he feels really really good he is going to end up killing you inside. This isn't love. You're an addict 3 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 I don't make anyone a priority when I'm nothing but an option to them. I ask myself "are you a positive influence in my life?" Every 6 months I reassess all my friends. If they're not positive, I trim dead wood. Delete them from my life. Nothing more pathetic then hanging on. Totally agree with this. ^^^^^^^^^^^ No matter how much I love or like someone, if they aren't treating me as an equal, I just pull away and stop contacting them. Life's too short to waste on people who don't hold you in the same regard. I was heartbroken many years ago, but I would not give him the satisfaction of seeing me hurting over him. I believe if a man doesn't love me as I love him, he isn't deserving of my love. When a man knows you really really like him, you can get used and abused without even realising. Your massive lifetime crush on him, is clouding your judgement. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 Maybe you should get into sadomasochism for this pain you like to put yourself through? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted December 13, 2016 Author Share Posted December 13, 2016 Start realizing that while he feels really really good he is going to end up killing you inside. This isn't love. You're an addict That's exactly how i feel. Like a drug addict desperate for my next hit. I go through withdrawal when he's gone. Not saying I'm going to cave. Just saying it sucks badly to feel this way. How crazy would it be if I told you I actually feel bad for not speaking to him? lol seriously I feel like I'm hurting him and that makes me sad. How dumb is that Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 How crazy would it be if I told you I actually feel bad for not speaking to him? lol seriously I feel like I'm hurting him and that makes me sad. How dumb is that Your massive lifetime crush on him, is clouding your judgement. Your massive lifetime crush on him, is clouding your judgement. Your massive lifetime crush on him, is clouding your judgement. Your massive lifetime crush on him, is clouding your judgement. Your massive lifetime crush on him, is clouding your judgement. Your massive lifetime crush on him, is clouding your judgement. Your massive lifetime crush on him, is clouding your judgement. Your massive lifetime crush on him, is clouding your judgement. Your massive lifetime crush on him, is clouding your judgement. Your massive lifetime crush on him, is clouding your judgement. Your massive lifetime crush on him, is clouding your judgement. Your massive lifetime crush on him, is clouding your judgement. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted December 13, 2016 Author Share Posted December 13, 2016 Your massive lifetime crush on him, is clouding your judgement. Your massive lifetime crush on him, is clouding your judgement. Your massive lifetime crush on him, is clouding your judgement. Your massive lifetime crush on him, is clouding your judgement. Your massive lifetime crush on him, is clouding your judgement. Wow!! Point taken ? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jennifernyc84 Posted December 13, 2016 Author Share Posted December 13, 2016 I've already promised myself that I wouldn't break NC. I have no plans on doing so. I've blocked him everywhere that I can. All of social media, I've blocked all his emails, I've even blocked his number out of my phone. I changed my number also and made my number unlisted. The lady at the phone company wanted to charge me $20 to do that, but I told her I was trying to cut off a bad ex and she said she could sympathize so well, she waived the fee lol maybe the relationship did have some perks lol I'm just saying, I may sound like I'm weakening but I'm not. Yes, I've cried more over him than I care to admit. yes, I miss him. Yes, if he does wind up leaving her, I'd be first in line to fill the new opened position. BUT... I think (I hope) I've learned my lesson. Oh but I do have a confession... I have an old voicemail. From him. It was a good message. A happy one. He sounds so upbeat and happy and you can hear the smile in his voice. And at the end he says I love you more than you know. I've listened to it a few times in the passed few days. Ok..I feel better for saying it! I felt like I was hiding something from you guys lol 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 Oh but I do have a confession... I have an old voicemail. From him. It was a good message. A happy one. He sounds so upbeat and happy and you can hear the smile in his voice. And at the end he says I love you more than you know. I've listened to it a few times in the passed few days. Ok..I feel better for saying it! I felt like I was hiding something from you guys lol Your only human Jenn. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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