I have a question...

[unnamed]

I guess this should be directed specifically at Tony, but anyone else with thoughts, please reply.

 

I noticed in a reply below you said that the person will never likely "get over it" (it was in reference to their partner cheating on them).

 

Well, I was wondering if this will apply to my situation. I think you might remember.

 

I'm still getting bogged down by her past; nothing is working, and its always there. Its like I have been plagued, and there is really no cure. I keep hoping that I will finally escape from it, but I never do. And its been one year now.

 

I'm so confused. I love my girlfriend. She's absolutely wonderful. Its just I cannot handle what she's done. I tried to let her go, but she didn't want me to leave. I didn't want to leave either.

 

What do you think the odds are of defeating this? I'm not expecting to forget it suddenly and never remember it, but I'm wondering if there will come a day when I can think of it and not be bothered.

 

What do you think?

[Tony T]

There is a way to forget, but it is a very spiritual act. Not many want to visit the places in their mind and heart necessary. So, no, most people cannot forget because of their ego. Ego destroys relationships, people, events, entire lives.

 

I don't mean to get hokey on you and I give this information out sparingly. The reason for not being able to let go of these types of things is simple ego. It's the same thing about us that causes us to be afraid of life...and death. People are afraid of life because they attach themselves to stuff; people, events, material goods; etc. and their happiness depends on having certain people in their lives, being involved in certain events, having certain things, etc. People are afraid of death because they are afraid of loss of thier ego...for in death, all attachments cease and the ego dies.

 

If you truly love someone, let go of yourself. Let go of your ego. Let them be free to do whatever they have done, are doing and will do and know that it does not affect your relationship with them. Now you may not understand that concept and that's OK. If you don't understand, you will not be able to forget and this will rattle you all the days you are with this girl.

 

But turn lose of the ego and a person's past suddenly becomes totally insignificant. Adopt the spiritual path of living in the present, the eternal now, and you will never be depressed or unhappy. The only time that exists is right now. The paragraph you read seconds ago has gone by and this sentence is all that exists in your life right now.

 

All that exists in your relationship is RIGHT NOW. If you learn to direct your mind to the present, you will find true happiness. In the present, the past does not exist. Plan for the future, but do not live in it. Relish your memories but do not attach your ego to them.

 

Also, if you can understand the concept of separating a person's behavior from them as a person you will soon understand that people are NOT their behavior. They are much more. Whatever your girlfriend did in the past that upsets you took microseconds in comparison to her entire lifetime. Her actions do not define her yet your ego tries to define her by such actions. A person is not defined by any particular behavior.

 

I don't want to lay too much on you at once but you asked how it's done and I have told you. If you have specific questions, please ask me or go see your friendly corner guru. The normal world will never teach you these things. In the regular world, there is jealousy, envy, lust, and all kinds of other garbage. In the spiritual world, there is only love and the present in which only it and nothing else can exist.

 

If you and your girl can live in the present moment and enjoy each and every moment, you will be the happiest two people in the world.

 

I now challenge you!!!

 

OK Scotty, beam me up!!!

[=)]

Tony, you are a god! I love you man! How do you know so much!!!!! I wish I had your kind of mind.

There is a way to forget, but it is a very spiritual act. Not many want to visit the places in their mind and heart necessary. So, no, most people cannot forget because of their ego. Ego destroys relationships, people, events, entire lives. I don't mean to get hokey on you and I give this information out sparingly. The reason for not being able to let go of these types of things is simple ego. It's the same thing about us that causes us to be afraid of life...and death. People are afraid of life because they attach themselves to stuff; people, events, material goods; etc. and their happiness depends on having certain people in their lives, being involved in certain events, having certain things, etc. People are afraid of death because they are afraid of loss of thier ego...for in death, all attachments cease and the ego dies. If you truly love someone, let go of yourself. Let go of your ego. Let them be free to do whatever they have done, are doing and will do and know that it does not affect your relationship with them. Now you may not understand that concept and that's OK. If you don't understand, you will not be able to forget and this will rattle you all the days you are with this girl. But turn lose of the ego and a person's past suddenly becomes totally insignificant. Adopt the spiritual path of living in the present, the eternal now, and you will never be depressed or unhappy. The only time that exists is right now. The paragraph you read seconds ago has gone by and this sentence is all that exists in your life right now. All that exists in your relationship is RIGHT NOW. If you learn to direct your mind to the present, you will find true happiness. In the present, the past does not exist. Plan for the future, but do not live in it. Relish your memories but do not attach your ego to them. Also, if you can understand the concept of separating a person's behavior from them as a person you will soon understand that people are NOT their behavior. They are much more. Whatever your girlfriend did in the past that upsets you took microseconds in comparison to her entire lifetime. Her actions do not define her yet your ego tries to define her by such actions. A person is not defined by any particular behavior. I don't want to lay too much on you at once but you asked how it's done and I have told you. If you have specific questions, please ask me or go see your friendly corner guru. The normal world will never teach you these things. In the regular world, there is jealousy, envy, lust, and all kinds of other garbage. In the spiritual world, there is only love and the present in which only it and nothing else can exist. If you and your girl can live in the present moment and enjoy each and every moment, you will be the happiest two people in the world. I now challenge you!!! OK Scotty, beam me up!!!

[Ed]

Dear Unnamed,

 

Tony has offered you some priceless advice. Please, take heed.

 

In my opinion, the problem you are having is - not letting go and allowing yourself to feel the loss of something that you want, but can't have. Most people have to deal with this under very different circumstances than yours. Circumstances that are much more serious, brutal and final, like the death of a loved one.

 

I would guess that many of the people that post here, me included, have experienced some very serious loss during their lifetime. I know this is a big deal to you right now, but, to some, what you are having to deal with and let go of, seems so petty compared to the kind loss I and they have had to deal with. You may never be able to understand this until you have had something or someone taken away from you without the chance of ever getting it or them back.

 

You are attached to a thing, an ideal. Well, you can't have it! At least not with this girl. You must either treat it as a loss and let go of it or find another girl. It's as simple or as complicated as that.

[unnamed]

I have accepted that I will never have "that."

 

But, I'm trying to battle the images/thoughts/suffering that comes along with your girlfriend having a past, and not yourself. I suppose few would be able to relate to me, almost identically at least.

 

Anyway, thanks for the help.

[Dragonflys]

The power of now

 

By Eckhart Tolle

 

That will explain everything Tony has told you very eloquently.

 

It sounds to me like you are the entire source of your own suffering. Consider this: if you lose her you will suffer forever because I doubt you will never find what she has given you again, and if you don't get over it you will suffer forever because this ego will always be in your head feeding you misery.

 

So you wanna suffer for the rest of your life?

 

Oliver

[eternity]

Hey Tony,

 

that was one of the most uplifting things I have read in a while.. You´re an inspiration... That´s exactly how we should attempt to be..a little less self-cenetered and a little more community oriented. Care a little more about our fellow beings...

 

There is a way to forget, but it is a very spiritual act. Not many want to visit the places in their mind and heart necessary. So, no, most people cannot forget because of their ego. Ego destroys relationships, people, events, entire lives. I don't mean to get hokey on you and I give this information out sparingly. The reason for not being able to let go of these types of things is simple ego. It's the same thing about us that causes us to be afraid of life...and death. People are afraid of life because they attach themselves to stuff; people, events, material goods; etc. and their happiness depends on having certain people in their lives, being involved in certain events, having certain things, etc. People are afraid of death because they are afraid of loss of thier ego...for in death, all attachments cease and the ego dies. If you truly love someone, let go of yourself. Let go of your ego. Let them be free to do whatever they have done, are doing and will do and know that it does not affect your relationship with them. Now you may not understand that concept and that's OK. If you don't understand, you will not be able to forget and this will rattle you all the days you are with this girl. But turn lose of the ego and a person's past suddenly becomes totally insignificant. Adopt the spiritual path of living in the present, the eternal now, and you will never be depressed or unhappy. The only time that exists is right now. The paragraph you read seconds ago has gone by and this sentence is all that exists in your life right now. All that exists in your relationship is RIGHT NOW. If you learn to direct your mind to the present, you will find true happiness. In the present, the past does not exist. Plan for the future, but do not live in it. Relish your memories but do not attach your ego to them. Also, if you can understand the concept of separating a person's behavior from them as a person you will soon understand that people are NOT their behavior. They are much more. Whatever your girlfriend did in the past that upsets you took microseconds in comparison to her entire lifetime. Her actions do not define her yet your ego tries to define her by such actions. A person is not defined by any particular behavior. I don't want to lay too much on you at once but you asked how it's done and I have told you. If you have specific questions, please ask me or go see your friendly corner guru. The normal world will never teach you these things. In the regular world, there is jealousy, envy, lust, and all kinds of other garbage. In the spiritual world, there is only love and the present in which only it and nothing else can exist. If you and your girl can live in the present moment and enjoy each and every moment, you will be the happiest two people in the world. I now challenge you!!! OK Scotty, beam me up!!!