separated man

[dmma883]

Completely fell for a separated man

 

 

At the start of this year my husband up and left, we had been fighting a lot ect... I really didn't see it coming, he had always been a bit controlling, very clingy and honestly looking back we should have not spent 13 years together. I found out 2 months after he left he had been seeing someone and had moved in with her. It was a extremely hard time for me we decided to get divorced. I lost everything in the divorce. my two kids left with their dad to go back to their home town, I moved in with my sister and her family. Slowly started to get back on my own 2 feet. 4 months after the divorce I found out my ex and the other women had got married. The relationship I have with him was very volatile, he had accused me of cheating the whole time ect which was not true of course.

 

after I found out he got married I decided to try dating again. Went out a few times here and there but nothing too serious. So a friend recommended I try tinder so I figured why not, worth a try right? I kept getting messages from a guy that was going to be in town on vacation and just wanted to hangout. I ignored him for a few weeks. the second day he was in town he messaged me and asked to meet up at the casino he was staying at. His exact words were " come for a ride in my Lamborghini please" so something I never thought I would do I decided to meet up with him. Figured why not its a public place if I need to I can leave no harm no foul. He ended up being from Australia and was here on a golf tournament for 10 days. We hit it off right off the bat, I never thought I would click with someone so quick, he said the same thing. I met all his friends he was visiting with we all hung out ect. He was very honest with me from the get go telling me he was separated and had been for 7 months. He needed to live apart from his wife for a year before they could divorce. We talked a lot about things and had a lot in common regarding our exs. We spent the rest of his time here together, we went on adventures raced sports cars went on helicopter tours just a bunch of amazing things. The last day I drove him and his friend to the airport I tried not to cry and he did the same, we said our good byes and honestly I did not think I would see him again or hear from him.

 

He ended up texting me and calling me everyday, told me he wanted to have a relationship and didn't know how to do the long distance thing. I had no clue either but figured why not try? For a week and a half we chatted all the time despite the time difference and the distance between us. I ended up getting laid off from my job and was extremely heart broken. He calls me and asks me to pick a place anywhere in the world to vacation, I laughed and said my favorite tropical destination. Thinking he was just trying to make me laugh, he calls me back 2 hours later and has the whole trip booked and planned. 2 days later we met in LA and were off to our tropical get away. We had the time of our life best vacation ever, while we were there he told me his plans to move to where I live in the new year. I thought he was a bit crazy but went along with it. why not how often do you click with someone like that.

 

 

After a week in paradise we went our separate ways in LA him overseas me back to Vegas life. Again we talked everyday texting phone calls he always wanted to know what I was up too how I was doing and told me to look into houses for us to live in when he moves here. He was getting his business up and running and also playing professional golf along with spending time with his 3 young boys. He had told me his wife had been very difficult about things and was trying to focus on getting back to the states. A little over a week had passed since our vacation when he calls me late one night and tells me he cant stay away any longer and that he would be back in 2 days for good. I was so shocked excited and completely overwhelmed, the next 2 days went by so slow and finally I picked him up from the airport. The relief I felt when I saw him was crazy really, I never felt that way about my husband and this guy I felt sooo much for. We stayed at one of the casinos for 10 days while we looked for places, I talked him out of buying a house and for now lease a nice condo, we found a beautiful place got amazing furniture ect... started to build ourselves a nice life. He bought me a amazing car for a early Christmas present. I honestly couldn't believe how good things were, he met my family and friends and got along with everyone. Spoiled everyone just like he spoiled me. Everyone loves him felt a complete connection unlike with my ex-husband nobody wanted me to marry him. he never got along with anyone.

 

 

He needed to go back overseas to finish the details on his business, see his kids, family and all that. Said he will be back as soon as he can, I was really bummed out but understood this has to happen every few months if we are going to be together. Few days later he calls me to tell me he had told his wife he was moving to the states and she flipped out. He was worried she was going to try and get a hold of me on fb since apparently she had already found out my name and checked out my page. I assured him everything was on lock down and no need to worry. I understood the whole possessive ex thing and am still dealing with it even tho my ex is already remarried. We laughed about it and kept chatting. 5 days after he left I did receive messages from her and they were terrible and nasty, saying I broke up the marriage Im a terrible person, they would be together if it wasn't for me. That he was abusive to her and their children he has PTSD and needs to be heavily medicated. I was kinda in shock. He had warned me but I just didn't really expect the nastiness. I told him she had messaged me and he said to just delete the messages and block her, I should have but I guess after all I went threw with my ex I was really curious. The messages kept coming and she even tried to call me. I didn't answer but kept accepting the messages, what got me the most is she said they had been together after he returned from Vegas. I was really hurt, I turned to one of my guy friends we drank way too much and ended up sleeping together. I felt terrible guilt immediately, that whole night he had been trying to get a hold of me calling and leaving me sweet messages saying he wont let her break us up I'm so special to him he just wants to come home but cant til the business is up and running which is in a few weeks. I finally talked to him in the morning and he was really honest saying he wasn't with her he does have PTSD explained what happened. Just seemed genuinely concerned and hurt that I had ignored him for the night.

 

So this has been the longest we have been apart its been 2 weeks already and will be another 2 weeks before he comes back. We continue to talk everyday and message all day long send pics ect... I think the hardest thing I am dealing with and need advice on is him still being married, why would his wife be so upset about me when they are planning a divorce. I heard his conversations with his lawyer. Should I believe that they had been together after he met me? my ex-husband right before the divorce really tried to be with me even living with the other women. This is so new still and I care for him deeply but I guess I feel overwhelmed, not sure if I should be honest with him and the fling I had, is this moving too quickly, can he really care for me so deeply after only a few months. I feel like it was love at first sight and we clicked so quick, but is that foolish? We have a place together now and are starting to build our lives together I guess I don't know if I'm getting cold feet? I honestly cant picture my life without him but don't want to get hurt or blind sided. His life was on the other side of the world so I really don't know whats going on outside of what he tells me and he seems so genuine and honest but after being lied too for so long by my ex I guess I have trust issues. I've never been impulsive and these past 2 months I have stepped out of my comfort zone and never been happier. Everyone tells me Im like a different person, my sister especially which never approved of me dating and hated my husband. I guess my question is should I just keep moving forward with this relationship, should I trust him and what he says about his ex? Should I come clean about the fling? which by the way will never happen again I feel horrible about it. Any advice is greatly appreciated, can you really fall so hard for someone in such a short period of time and have them feel the same way? My best friend has always told me I overthink things and end up sabotaging myself. Shes right I always have, everyone that has met him which is everyone important in my life outside of my children have said he is amazing and I should go with the flow. Am I over thinking again? Just really confused.

[somanymistakes]

Do you know for certain that they're separated and heading for divorce, or that they were before he met you? With his family being so far away, it would be possible for him to fudge some of the details of what he's telling you because it would be hard for you to check. Have you been in contact with any of his friends/relatives in Australia?

[amomwhoknows]

It is too soon for either of you to be jumping into anything serious.

 

That said, what kind of man moves around the World from his children. If he will do it to him, he will do it to you.

 

You have children, can you imagine only seeing them every few months? What kind of role model do you think this guy would be for your kids?

[Satu]

From my journals:

 

 

Getting back on the horse

 

"Never begin a new relationship until you've fully moved on from the one before.

 

Also never begin a new relationship with someone who hasn't fully moved on from their one before.

 

By 'moved on,' I mean any necessary grieving done, not preoccupied with the ex, enjoying life, feeling good about yourself, and optimistic about the future.

 

The best way to move on is to decide to be single for a while; not dating, not hooking up, no fwb. Some short term counselling if the breakup was particularly traumatic..

 

'Get back on the horse' is sound advice, but its best to let the cuts and bruises heal before you do."

 

Not married, not separated, goes without saying.

 

Take care.

[dmma883]

I chat with his good friend that he vacationed with which happens to be his neighbor. He has been really supportive, and vouched for his story. Also with him being a professional golfer he has traveled all over the world his children's whole lives so its not anything new for them. I understand he could just up and leave thats a possibility with any relationship. I guess its just a scary thought. Thankyou for the advice I appreciate everyone taking the time to read about my issue. Feels good to get things off your chest sometimes.

[dmma883]

I've seen emails to his lawyer and his soon to be ex-wife so the divorce is in the works. Also heard conversations to his lawyer so I don't doubt hes divorcing her I guess I'm just more shocked she would be nasty that he is trying to move on. But again my ex is still very nasty and doesn't like the fact I've been moving on he has tried keeping the kids away from me ect... we have very similar issues with our exs which is one of things we bonded over.

[Satu]

If you both want to, there's nobody who can tell you not to carry on seeing each other, but I would strongly advise you both to go slowly until your unfinished business is squared away.

 

No major commitment until the divorce is over and done, and then a period of old-fashioned courting.

 

Make no plans to marry until at least a year after his divorce.

 

 

Take care.

[BuddyX]

Just FYI, every time he TD's in a new town he flips his Tinder on. Ask me how I know? I do it. But I'm single.

 

And oh yeah, my male friends would vouch any story I would tell them. Bros b4..

 

I also work with Photoshop everyday. Pictures take me 1 min to brush up. PDF files take me less than 30 sec.

 

You don't understand the lengths guys will go to get a piece of A$$.

[S2B]

Why don't you pick up the phone and ask his wife when the divorce was filed and when it's expected to be finalized. Ask her.

 

If he really intends to be with you why not have him buy you a house cash - and put it only in your name? See if he's really serious about you.

 

I bet he's home trying to do damage control with his wife who didn't know he was leaving the marriage.

 

He could be lying about everything. Don't laugh - it happens.

 

What you do know is that he pursues women and buys them off.

 

Honey, that life he's showing really isn't the real world.

 

 

Get a job and support yourself so you make sure you never need to depend on ANY man.

[Poppy47]

If you both want to, there's nobody who can tell you not to carry on seeing each other, but I would strongly advise you both to go slowly until your unfinished business is squared away.

 

No major commitment until the divorce is over and done, and then a period of old-fashioned courting.

 

Make no plans to marry until at least a year after his divorce.

 

 

Take care.

 

I so agree with Satu.

 

He must have remnants of feelings about his marriage. Relationships do not just go whooshka into the atmosphere. He needs to recover completely before he gets into another relationship.

 

There could be unexpected legal complications that you wouldn't imagine.

 

Leave him to sort it out before you make a commitment to each other.

 

Poppy.

[somanymistakes]

Just FYI, every time he TD's in a new town he flips his Tinder on. Ask me how I know? I do it. But I'm single.

 

And oh yeah, my male friends would vouch any story I would tell them. Bros b4..

 

This is why I was concerned if the main verification is friends that travel with him and are part of his lifestyle, because I know that certain kinds of world-traveling men like pilots and such are well-known for having a woman in every port, and friends who think this is fine and will back them up on it.

 

It doesn't mean he's definitely lying but I would be concerned if his wifes story was different from his and his old life was so far away and hard for me to see.

[anika99]

Is anyone else thinking about Tiger Woods? He had OW all over the place and I think most of them believed they were his one and only.

 

This guy is bad news and a poor father. Imagine yourself sitting alone at home while he is travelling and chatting up new women. What if you have a big fight with him right before he leaves on a trip? Think he won't be looking to get his ego stroked and soothed by another woman?

 

While the surprise vacation and buying you a new car may have felt very exciting and romantic, it's an inappropriate way to begin a serious relationship. He acted like a man who can purchase whatever he wants, even people. You will do whatever you wish but I have a feeling this is going to end in heartache for you even if he is getting a divorce.

[sandylee1]

I'm sorry your Ex was so horrible and you lost your children. That must have been awful.

 

Your new romance has happened so very fast though. How did she find out who you are? I would be very wary of a guy moving across the world, leaving his kids behind like that.

 

I mean .... he sounds like a nice guy, but it's just moved terribly quickly.

 

Take it easy.

[BuddyX]

Give yourself some time off, from men.

And don't be naive. Guys go on Tinder to get laid. Now, if that's your goal as well, by all means, have fun. But you can't come here and say "Met a guy on Tinder and I'm not sure where this is going?"

 

Focus on you and your kids.