My Husbands Pregnant Mistress

[goodyblue]

I have struggled thinking that maybe she will get off the hook and not have to pay for her part in the whole situation. Some people seem to feel that the OW or OM are not at fault and only the spouse is at fault. I personally think both parties are at fault and I think both parties should pay for what they have done. If you don't pay for your bad behavior you will continue to do bad things. Sometimes I think to myself, why does this woman get to walk around with what she claims is my husbands baby? Why does she get to go home to my spouse, wake up to my spouse, eat dinner with him, etc. But after speaking with my pastor, he told me that GOD has a way of changing things whenever he wants. My pastor told me people who do these types of things will not find happiness and GOD will not allow them to be happy while I'm suffering. He said GOD has my back and I have to give this problem to GOD and sit back and watch GOD work. God makes moves when you least expect it. So he told me don't concentrate on why this OW has everything I ever wanted with my husband. He said she may have it today but not tomorrow. I never really looked at it this way until my pastor broke it down to me. But he assured me both the OW and my husband will go through more than they ever knew was possible because GOD does not reward adulterers. He does not reward OW or OM who knew the person they were sleeping with was married to someone else. So as petty as it may sound, I find some relief knowing that they will both have to hurt like I'm hurting.

 

I will tell you why she gets these things, because your husband gave these things to her.

 

Look, it isn't your job to worry about if she b hurts, she may never hurt. But your focus should not be her. It should be you. Concentrate on making a good life.

[goodyblue]

I seriously am curious what you thought the next year of your marriage would be like. That he would stop cheating? You wanted to start a family. Why? Did you think it would stop him from cheating? What was your plan except to bring a child into a miserable household with a man who can't commit?

[anika99]

OP first off all I want to say I'm on your side. You should not be ashamed of still loving your husband and you should not be berated for your current anger at the OW. Those are normal feelings this early on and as long as you don't take your husband back both of those feelings will diminish over time. You will get over your hatred of the OW and you will get over your love for your husband. As a matter of fact, if you divorce, one day you will look back and wonder why you ever accepted such abhorrent behaviour from another human being which brings me to my second point...

 

It seems your mother-in-law, your pastor, and yourself are all using God as a reason for you to stay trapped in this terrible emotionally abusive marriage. The mistake I think many Christians make is that they skew the wedding vows to make marriage something I don't believe God ever intended marriage to be. The vows..'in sickness and in health, for better or worse, until death do us part'. I believe those vows pertain to two people standing united together in the face off all the hardships life might throw at them. One spouse loses a job, you stick together and whether the storm. One spouse gets sick, you stick together and make the best of it. There is death or some other tragedy in the family, the spouses stick together, grieve together and support each other. That's the kind of for better or worse I believe the marriage vows are about.

 

The vows are not about sticking with a spouse who is selfish and who consistently takes actions to hurt their spouse and damage the marriage. You can't stand united with a person like that. A person like that is an enemy to you and an enemy to the marriage. I think God meant marriage to be about 2 people supporting one another and weathering the hardships together. It's not about one person turning themselves into a martyr for the sake of staying married. It's not about one spouse enduring a lifetime of pain and humility while the other spouse selfishly lives their life to suit their own needs. I don't believe for one second that this is what God intended for you or ever intended for you. Please give God credit for being more intelligent and loving then you are currently making God appear.

 

I believe in God and I believe in consequences (not karma) as everybody has to accept the consequences of their choices and that includes you. If you take your husband back then the consequences of that choice is that you will spend years with a man who will cheat on you, lie to you and disrespect you. If you have children with him you will subject your innocent children to the misery of your marriage by your own choice. And you will cry "oh woe is me! Why has God chosen this for poor little ole me?!" But God has not chosen this, you chose this and you can choose better, for yourself and your future children. If you don't choose better then you are free to keep suffering for as long as you wish but please don't blame your poor choices on God, God is not your scape goat for your poor choices, or on some wedding vows that are meaningless because your

husband never meant those vows when he said them.

 

I really hope you get yourself out of this and find the happiness you deserve in life. God doesn't want this misery for you. I actually think you have taken your eyes off God and turned your husband into your God. You have chosen to follow a man who is not good for you, a false idol. Stop doing that.

[Danny32]

Bear in mind that those consequences are not guaranteed to come down the pipe in this lifetime.

 

The world's design has been mutilated and there are countless evil doings that occur everyday without earthly consequences.

 

That's why justice is left to God. We don't always see it here. In fact, probably not even proportionally often.

 

Well my spouse is suffering as we speak. He texted me today because his car broke down and he was stuck on the side of road. I told him to call our insurance provider for roadside assistance. He texted back a couple hours later and stated the engine had blown. He said he now has no car, his credit cards are maxed out, his credit score has dropped drastically and he does not know what he is going to do. It's funny how he never had these problems with me. We were a team and when we were down, I was always there to pick him up. If the car was down we got it fixed, if money was tight, we worked it out, etc. Now the OW he is with has nothing and can barely afford to take care of herself. So he has no one to help him financially and is lost and broke. He said he is being punished and I agreed. I told him I feel GOD is working on him just like I told him GOD would. Its only going to get worse from here because like I said GOD will make you pay. GOD hates adultery and loves marriage. So when you go against GOD, you will pay and its starting to happen for him. I'm just going to sit back and watch GOD work. Hopefully, he works on the OW too because she needs to go through somethings as well. Neither one of them should get away without paying for the the hurt they have caused innocent people.

[Danny32]

I seriously am curious what you thought the next year of your marriage would be like. That he would stop cheating? You wanted to start a family. Why? Did you think it would stop him from cheating? What was your plan except to bring a child into a miserable household with a man who can't commit?

 

I wanted to start a family because I am almost 33 years old with no children. I wanted to wait until marriage before I had children. I was not having a child to keep him. I'm not some 20 year old trying to keep a man. I thought I was doing the right thing and he said before we got married that all that old stuff was behind us. He said he would not be that same person he was before we got married and he said it would just be him and I once we got married. However, he could not do what he promised. He said he really did believe in his heart that he could be a better man because he didn't want a bad marriage. However, he said he realized he was wrong and was not ready to be a better man and husband. But now since this has happened he realizes what he had all along and is upset with the choice he has made and said if he could go back and change things he would.

[Poe77]

I have been with my husband since 2001. We met in high school and have been together ever since. Since about 2004, he started cheating on me off and on.

 

He was staying with his affair partner and now she's pregnant with what she claims is his child. I am beyond heartbroken and devastated. I'm humiliated because we have not even been married 4 months. I have not told my family yet because I don't know where to start. I only speak to my mother in law about the situation and she is sick over what her son has done to me. I am so confused because I still love my husband very much. But I hate what he has done.

 

My husband said since the woman is pregnant he has to be there with her in case something happens. He said he must take care of his responsibility to the child. He claims he's not in love with her but he never pictured having a kid and not being with the mother. The woman wants him to file for an annulment and not speak to me. She wants him to marry her and take care of her, the child she has from a previous relationship and the baby that's due next year. However, she's upset because he told her he is not ready to end his marriage and does not know if he wants too.

 

I want to end the marriage but a part of me wants to see if it can be restored. My husband said if it were not for the unborn child he would come back home. But now he does not know what to do because of the child. Have any of you been in this situation? What should I do? I'm so lost and don't know where to turn.

 

 

Ok 1st off why on earth did you marry a man whose been cheating on you since 2004? ...I honestly dont get that and after a good decade or more of being cheated on you marry him? did you honestly expect him to just stop having his cake and eating it to? why should he?...he got the best of every world and now you are left hurt and embarrassed...He didn't care about his responsibilities to the women he legally married yet now hes going to go all Mr morality dont you see anything wrong with that? he wouldn't leave her if she was not preggers he wants to be with her and you and maybe who ever else catches his eye while you two slug it out and he can sneak out like the slug he is..let her have him cut him out of your life take the loser for how ever much you can get in court and move on..this has never been a healthy relationship OP and you do not deserve that..

[Danny32]

OP first off all I want to say I'm on your side. You should not be ashamed of still loving your husband and you should not be berated for your current anger at the OW. Those are normal feelings this early on and as long as you don't take your husband back both of those feelings will diminish over time. You will get over your hatred of the OW and you will get over your love for your husband. As a matter of fact, if you divorce, one day you will look back and wonder why you ever accepted such abhorrent behaviour from another human being which brings me to my second point...

 

It seems your mother-in-law, your pastor, and yourself are all using God as a reason for you to stay trapped in this terrible emotionally abusive marriage. The mistake I think many Christians make is that they skew the wedding vows to make marriage something I don't believe God ever intended marriage to be. The vows..'in sickness and in health, for better or worse, until death do us part'. I believe those vows pertain to two people standing united together in the face off all the hardships life might throw at them. One spouse loses a job, you stick together and whether the storm. One spouse gets sick, you stick together and make the best of it. There is death or some other tragedy in the family, the spouses stick together, grieve together and support each other. That's the kind of for better or worse I believe the marriage vows are about.

 

The vows are not about sticking with a spouse who is selfish and who consistently takes actions to hurt their spouse and damage the marriage. You can't stand united with a person like that. A person like that is an enemy to you and an enemy to the marriage. I think God meant marriage to be about 2 people supporting one another and weathering the hardships together. It's not about one person turning themselves into a martyr for the sake of staying married. It's not about one spouse enduring a lifetime of pain and humility while the other spouse selfishly lives their life to suit their own needs. I don't believe for one second that this is what God intended for you or ever intended for you. Please give God credit for being more intelligent and loving then you are currently making God appear.

 

I believe in God and I believe in consequences (not karma) as everybody has to accept the consequences of their choices and that includes you. If you take your husband back then the consequences of that choice is that you will spend years with a man who will cheat on you, lie to you and disrespect you. If you have children with him you will subject your innocent children to the misery of your marriage by your own choice. And you will cry "oh woe is me! Why has God chosen this for poor little ole me?!" But God has not chosen this, you chose this and you can choose better, for yourself and your future children. If you don't choose better then you are free to keep suffering for as long as you wish but please don't blame your poor choices on God, God is not your scape goat for your poor choices, or on some wedding vows that are meaningless because your

husband never meant those vows when he said them.

 

I really hope you get yourself out of this and find the happiness you deserve in life. God doesn't want this misery for you. I actually think you have taken your eyes off God and turned your husband into your God. You have chosen to follow a man who is not good for you, a false idol. Stop doing that.

 

I did not mean to come off as stating GOD wants me to stay in this marriage regardless of what has happened. I'm saying that GOD loves marriage and I feel he would prefer if we worked at it before going our separate ways for good. I am just stating my opinion at this time so please don't take it personally. Their have been people who have healed their marriages even after horrible things like a love child. It takes a lot of work and forgiveness but it has been done. However, there are also a lot of people who cannot deal with this and they divorce and move on. You can only do what's right for you or what you feel is right at that time. I never once blamed my choices on GOD and I understand I make my own choices. I know I stayed in the relationship and now this has happened. I know my part and what I have done and never once blamed GOD for it. So stop jumping to conclusions and don't use the words GOD and blame in the same sentence because I would never do that. I have never taken my eyes off GOD and I pray to him day and night and I told GOD I am giving this situation to him to do with whatever he sees fit.

[Poe77]

I'm saying that GOD loves marriage and I feel he would prefer if we worked at it before going our separate ways for good. I have never taken my eyes off GOD and I pray to him day and night and I told GOD I am giving this situation to him to do with whatever he sees fit.

 

its been almost 13 years of this man cheating on you that has now ended off with him getting his mistress preg how much more working it out do you think is possible op? god cant file for divorce for you..but a good lawyer can you need to speak to one..asap

[anika99]

I did not mean to come off as stating GOD wants me to stay in this marriage regardless of what has happened. I'm saying that GOD loves marriage and I feel he would prefer if we worked at it before going our separate ways for good. I am just stating my opinion at this time so please don't take it personally. Their have been people who have healed their marriages even after horrible things like a love child. It takes a lot of work and forgiveness but it has been done. However, there are also a lot of people who cannot deal with this and they divorce and move on. You can only do what's right for you or what you feel is right at that time. I never once blamed my choices on GOD and I understand I make my own choices. I know I stayed in the relationship and now this has happened. I know my part and what I have done and never once blamed GOD for it. So stop jumping to conclusions and don't use the words GOD and blame in the same sentence because I would never do that. I have never taken my eyes off GOD and I pray to him day and night and I told GOD I am giving this situation to him to do with whatever he sees fit.

 

OP I'm not attacking you so please don't take it that way, but you are not being honest with yourself. If you had spend the last 13 years living your life according to God's word you never would have married this man. Praying is just words, it's not actions. This man has spent years disrespecting you and emotionally abusing you. God doesn't want this for you and he never wanted this for you. Also when I say you blame God I didn't mean that you actually lash out at God and blame him. I just meant that you have made very irrational choices and seem to ascribe those choices to God's will or God's command which is not the case. It is not God's will that you reconcile with this man. Good grief, your husband is living with the OW! He doesn't even want to reconcile, so let God lead you to a better life.

Edited December 21, 2016 by anika99

[beautifulinside2]

Well my spouse is suffering as we speak. He texted me today because his car broke down and he was stuck on the side of road. I told him to call our insurance provider for roadside assistance. He texted back a couple hours later and stated the engine had blown. He said he now has no car, his credit cards are maxed out, his credit score has dropped drastically and he does not know what he is going to do. It's funny how he never had these problems with me. We were a team and when we were down, I was always there to pick him up. If the car was down we got it fixed, if money was tight, we worked it out, etc. Now the OW he is with has nothing and can barely afford to take care of herself. So he has no one to help him financially and is lost and broke. He said he is being punished and I agreed. I told him I feel GOD is working on him just like I told him GOD would. Its only going to get worse from here because like I said GOD will make you pay. GOD hates adultery and loves marriage. So when you go against GOD, you will pay and its starting to happen for him. I'm just going to sit back and watch GOD work. Hopefully, he works on the OW too because she needs to go through somethings as well. Neither one of them should get away without paying for the the hurt they have caused innocent people.

 

Danny sometimes God send you help through strangers, forums, friends and family to help you through difficult situations. Hopefully you listen to God in that way as well. Your husband picked his path a long time ago, it's clear you two are unevenly yoked. 2 Corinthians 6:14:

Edited December 22, 2016 by beautifulinside2
Addition

[sandylee1]

I've only read your first post, but why on earth are you even considering staying with your serial cheater husband?

 

He's cheating on you throughout the relationship and marriage.

 

Do you really think he won't cheat again? He will. He'll do so because you've made it clear it's not that big of a deal for you and you take him back again and again.

 

Why don't you think you can do better than this?

 

What does marriage mean to your husband?

 

You may be the innocent party here ..... but every sign and warning was given anyd, you've let him trample on you over and over. You are allowing yourself to be hurt, by putting up with the nonsense your husband is dishing to you.

 

I see years of misery ahead in your marriage.

 

He's not remorseful, or he would have stopped cheating after the first time.

[sandylee1]

Danny[/b, you've quoted God an awful lot here and as

a religious person, who delivers pre marriage courses, I'm very much pro marriage. However, your situation is not one I'd advise anyone I cared about to remain in.

 

God helps those who help themselves. You need to start helping yourself.

 

I understand the shame of being married for just 4 months and this happens, but the writing was on the wall.

 

Has he ever been diagnosed as a sex addict? Or is it a convenient excuse for not being able to stay faithful?

 

Your husband is nothing more than a liability. I fail to see what redeeming qualities he brings to the table.

[Mr. Lucky]

But now since this has happened he realizes what he had all along and is upset with the choice he has made and said if he could go back and change things he would.

 

But what good does that knowledge or even having that conversation do you? If I could go back I'd do some things differently also, we all would. But I can't, you can't and he can't so we're stuck with the choices we've made and the resulting consequences.

 

Nothing you've posted changes these 3 things:

 

1). He's cheated

2). She's pregnant

3). He's chosen her.

 

I admire your faith and conviction. You'd benefit from using that strength to move on and live a healthy and happy life...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Freebee007]

1. Get yourself tested for STI/STD's

 

2. Don't let your husband get you pregnant.

 

3. Divorce your husband.

 

4. Try not to marry serial cheaters.

 

This!!!! +++++++