freestyle98 Posted December 12, 2016 Share Posted December 12, 2016 (edited) When I was younger, about 13 or 14 I started dating this girl and at the time I was absolutely crazy about her. Fast forward through high school and into the beginning of college, we were still together and I was deep into the relationship, so was she. We started having troubles into the second year of college and I ended up leaving her. It was not a mutual break-up and came completely from me, but it was the right thing to do. We were holding each other back. Now here I am today, roughly 2 years later and I still think about everything. I do not miss her nor do I wish her back because things were really turning into a nightmare, however I do miss having someone there for me on a daily basis. I have not engaged in any new relationships throughout my college career in New Hampshire and I have had a handful of girls want to be with me but I keep turning my back to anyone who shows affection towards me. The only time I'll hook up with someone is when I'm piss drunk in a crappy bar somewhere (I know, it's pathetic)... I feel as if a part of me died when the relationship did and it's taken me until now to realize it. I have become terrified of commitment and women in general. I used to be able to talk to any girl and not think twice about it. Now every time I try to talk with a girl (outside of my small group of friends) I absolutely panic, I'm worried about what I will say next, what she will think of me, will she enjoy the sex, what if she doesn't like me...I can go on and on. I guess the main reason I'm on here is because I'm getting to the point where I'm starting to feel really alone and regretful. My group of friends just recently told me about this girl that likes me and she tried to sleep with me the other night. I simply could not perform when it came time to because I was over analyzing and panicing as usual. I just cannot find the ambition inside me to connect with a new woman because I do not want to get attached and inevitably hurt in the end. (Just because I left my ex doesn’t mean I was not heart broken). I think it’s fair to say I fell into a borderline suicidal depression after my break up and I don’t ever want to feel that awful about myself again. I just don’t think I can handle it. I’m just looking for some comments from people because I feel like a broken record when I talk to my mother about this subject. She is always giving me advice and I simply cannot execute it. I've listened to "Give me a sign" by Breaking Benjamin about 40 times in the past 3 days and I'm really getting down in the dumps. I appreciate whoever took the time to read this, it's quite long. Thanks Edited December 12, 2016 by freestyle98 Link to post Share on other sites
breakupthrowaway663 Posted December 12, 2016 Share Posted December 12, 2016 Are you saying your old relationship haunts you so much in the sense that you came to be disgusted by it and are now afraid to try again? What exactly is haunting you if you don't miss her? Link to post Share on other sites
AT15 Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 Therapy is the best antidote Link to post Share on other sites
Author freestyle98 Posted December 14, 2016 Author Share Posted December 14, 2016 Are you saying your old relationship haunts you so much in the sense that you came to be disgusted by it and are now afraid to try again? What exactly is haunting you if you don't miss her? Yes you nailed it. When we split it really put me into a dark place and every time I try to get "close" with a new girl I just can't because I start remembering things from the past. That's why I think this girl showing interest in me this past week really triggered things. I know it sounds a little childish and I need to grow up but I just don't want to go through it again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author freestyle98 Posted December 14, 2016 Author Share Posted December 14, 2016 Therapy is the best antidote Perhaps I should go talk to someone. It's a little tough trying to explain things through the internet. Now it's just a matter of finding a good therapist haha. Link to post Share on other sites
breakupthrowaway663 Posted December 14, 2016 Share Posted December 14, 2016 Yes you nailed it. When we split it really put me into a dark place and every time I try to get "close" with a new girl I just can't because I start remembering things from the past. That's why I think this girl showing interest in me this past week really triggered things. I know it sounds a little childish and I need to grow up but I just don't want to go through it again. It's possible this was that traumatizing for you. But trauma usually occurs under extreme circumstances. You may be driving your decisions based on fear. Do you find you make other decisions in your life based on fear? In some cases it's a natural response, but you don't want to be an entirely fear-driven individual, which is something a behavioral therapist can work with you on. It's fixable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author freestyle98 Posted December 15, 2016 Author Share Posted December 15, 2016 It's possible this was that traumatizing for you. But trauma usually occurs under extreme circumstances. You may be driving your decisions based on fear. Do you find you make other decisions in your life based on fear? In some cases it's a natural response, but you don't want to be an entirely fear-driven individual, which is something a behavioral therapist can work with you on. It's fixable. Now that you mention it, yes I think it's fair to say I avoid my fears as much as possible. Especially when it comes to relationships, talking to girls, things of that nature. I'm always paranoid of what people will think and what will happen if screw things up etc etc. It's an endless battle. I have never thought to look into a behavioral therapists. I really would love to stop worrying so much about others' opinions and possibly gain some self esteem in myself. Perhaps a behavioral therapists could point me in the right direction. Link to post Share on other sites
LargoLagg Posted December 15, 2016 Share Posted December 15, 2016 Yes you nailed it. When we split it really put me into a dark place and every time I try to get "close" with a new girl I just can't because I start remembering things from the past. That's why I think this girl showing interest in me this past week really triggered things. I know it sounds a little childish and I need to grow up but I just don't want to go through it again. A little childish? Yeah. You know what sucks? Like really sucks? To be accused of or suspected of something because somebody else once did it to you. How would you like to be treated that way? And just exactly how long are you going to engage in this nonsense? A year? Two? Ten? The rest of your life? These are serious questions. Your answers are just as serious. I'm not sure what makes you this way, but if you can't fix it yourself, then yes, go pay for somebody to fix you, because you are broken. Link to post Share on other sites
callierichey Posted December 30, 2016 Share Posted December 30, 2016 It is really hard thinking about the things that could have been and what it is now. I did that for several years worrying about what my life was going to end up being. I figured out that I can't live my life that way. I have to move on. I have to make plans for myself and let the chips fall where they may. I wonder if this is the time for you to decide to do the same thing? One thing that I found real comfort in while I was dealing with everything as volunteering. I found that I started to get out of my own head when I started helping others. Maybe you want to try it? Everything will work out for your good. I will be thinking of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts