Did I ruin it all?

[elanue]

So I have this guy friend whom I've liked for some time now. We got it on last weekend and it was my first time, while he's got a lot of experience. I didn't tell him about it because I was drunk and I was a bit ashamed of it. Well, I regret it now as I was rather clumsy and not so good, and I feel like I put him down. He was so sweet and gentle to me and made sure I felt good but now I feel as if I was being selfish and didn't care as much about him... I asked what he liked, and he basically said "everything" but I don't know what to do...

 

Anyway, I can't stop thinking about our night together and want to do it again, so I can learn how to have, you know, nice and proper sex I guess, but I just don't know what I should say to him. We haven't talked since then, like two days ago, but I didn't feel as if it was awkward afterwards, we cuddled for a long time and then kind of just resumed our previous relationship as friends and acted like nothing happened lol... But I really want to say something to him and explain myself but anytime I'm thinking about writing to him I feel like I will come off as desperate and clingy, and I don't want to do that... I feel as if I ruined my chance of showing what I can go for, and that he doesn't want to have sex with me again, that he's going to look at me as only a friend again. Any input would be nice... Should I move on? Should I talk to him? What should I say?!

[Miss Clavel]

i find your way of expressing yourself charming and disingenuous.

 

if you didn't have feelings for him you could just "show him what you can go for" but since you do care it might be better to wait and see if he has feelings for you.

 

judging from what you wrote he does seem to be a, "sweet and gentle" person. one that "cuddles for a long time after" and likes "everything". you just don't know if he's that way with everyone he sleeps with.

 

and i would not tell him it was your first time until after the next time because after it would sound more natural.

 

you'd just express your hope that he enjoyed your attempts to please him and add that "it being my first time, i wasn't sure if i made you happy".

 

since you are now, officially, a woman, just be aware that it's bad for your self-esteem to have sex with men that don't return your affection. it leaves you wondering "why not me, what's wrong with me", which can be really painful.

 

good luck

[LargoLagg]

If you can't be completely up front and honest with him, you really shouldn't be having ongoing sex with him.

 

I'd suggest that you tell him that you have a confession to make, that it was your first time, and that you thought he was a kind and generous lover. Tell him you've been thinking about it and that rather than go out and have clumsy, awkward sex with a bunch of guys who probably just want to get off, you'd like to learn how to please a man from a man who knows how to please. Tell him you'd also like him to show you what you might like.

 

If you can somehow manage that irresistible combination of coy and sexy and sincere when you ask, I can't imagine why he'd say no to the offer.

 

The question you have to ask yourself is whether or not your emotions will become involved by doing this. That's the risk, that yours will and his won't.

[preraph]

Look, you are not the one who needs to make the next move here. If he is interested, he needs to contact you a couple days ahead of time and ask you out on a date. If he doesn't, I think we both know what that was.