xxgreen20 Posted December 12, 2016 Share Posted December 12, 2016 (edited) For some unknown reason, I have never in my life had an even decently pretty girl take an interest in me. My ex, who was about a 6 or 7 out of 10, wasn't even attracted to me when I asked her out, but I eventually grew on her. Meanwhile, girls who are only about a 1 or 2 are attracted to me all the time and are all over me. I don't need a girl to be a 10 out of 10, but I'd at least like her to be a 7 or so. And personality is important too, of course. Both looks and personality are very important to me. I consider myself about a 5-7 and a nice guy, so I don't understand why the lowest on the scale are always interested in me, but no attractive girls ever are. Is it possible that I am, after all, unattractive? I don't know any other guys in this situation. Only me, and it increasingly pisses me off. And please don't call me shallow, because looks and personality are both important to me. I want to be able to be physically attracted to a girl as well as enjoy interacting with her. Edited December 14, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted December 12, 2016 Share Posted December 12, 2016 Probably because you’re overestimating your own attractiveness. Most people do. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/you-are-less-beautiful-than-you-think/ We tend to attract people that are about the same level of attractiveness that we are. I always have, about average even a bit less than I suppose, a wee bit of variation. A few traits can boost attractiveness like communication skills, happiness, sense of humor, warmth, sincerity, health and vibrancy, and so on. Attitude (as in, “I feel great today!”) boosts our attractiveness to other people. While physical appearance is given disproportionate importance these days, it really isn't all that important when it comes to living a happy fulfilling life or when it comes to loving someone. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted December 12, 2016 Share Posted December 12, 2016 You have to forget about who shows interest in YOU, and instead, focus on asking out girls you are actually attracted to. Because looks are subjective. Your "1 or 2" may be someone else's 7, and vice versa. So rather than sitting around waiting for pretty girls to flirt with you, just keep talking to them and asking them out. Yeah, some of them will say no. But those answers aren't just because you don't look attractive enough for them. There are all kinds of reasons a girl will say no. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
WomenWubber Posted December 12, 2016 Share Posted December 12, 2016 I believe in you attract what you are. Not sayin you're an ugly guy or anything but maybe you just happen to have some things in common with those girls you find unattractive. Think about what kind of girl you find attractive and where you could meet them. Make it happen. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
GoodOnPaper Posted December 12, 2016 Share Posted December 12, 2016 Sounds like you are a little too conscious of who's "reaching" and who's "settling" - speaking from my own experience, if you let that kind of thing occupy too much of your thoughts, it can really suck the joy and satisfaction from your dating and relationships, no matter which side you happen to be on at a particular time. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 12, 2016 Share Posted December 12, 2016 Sounds like you are a little too conscious of who's "reaching" and who's "settling" - speaking from my own experience, if you let that kind of thing occupy too much of your thoughts, it can really suck the joy and satisfaction from your dating and relationships, no matter which side you happen to be on at a particular time. I agree. If you are always rating the girls you are with and comparing them to other girls, then you will never be happy, as there are always more attractive people around. What does a 1-2/10 girl actually look like? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted December 12, 2016 Share Posted December 12, 2016 The sexiest part of any person is their mind. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxgreen20 Posted December 12, 2016 Author Share Posted December 12, 2016 Probably because you’re overestimating your own attractiveness. Most people do. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/you-are-less-beautiful-than-you-think/ We tend to attract people that are about the same level of attractiveness that we are. I always have, about average even a bit less than I suppose, a wee bit of variation. A few traits can boost attractiveness like communication skills, happiness, sense of humor, warmth, sincerity, health and vibrancy, and so on. Attitude (as in, “I feel great today!”) boosts our attractiveness to other people. While physical appearance is given disproportionate importance these days, it really isn't all that important when it comes to living a happy fulfilling life or when it comes to loving someone. Wow. So unless I look like James Bond, you're saying no attractive girl will ever show interest in me as long as I live? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxgreen20 Posted December 12, 2016 Author Share Posted December 12, 2016 Sounds like you are a little too conscious of who's "reaching" and who's "settling" - speaking from my own experience, if you let that kind of thing occupy too much of your thoughts, it can really suck the joy and satisfaction from your dating and relationships, no matter which side you happen to be on at a particular time. It just sucks though and makes me feel that I am quite ugly myself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted December 12, 2016 Share Posted December 12, 2016 It just sucks though and makes me feel that I am quite ugly myself. Being as you like to rate women, how do you think they would rate you? They are only one side of the equation, after all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CommittedToThis Posted December 12, 2016 Share Posted December 12, 2016 For some unknown reason, I have never in my life had an even decently pretty girl take an interest in me. I've seen plenty of cases where absolutely drop-dead gorgeous women are with less-than-average looking/built men. Many women will tell you looks are far less important to them than they are to men. So why are the amazing babes sometimes with these average men? Because those guys radiate confidence, they put out the vibe that their passion in life is their main focus, that they don't NEED a 10 or a 9 woman, that they don't need a woman at all really, because they've got an interesting life of their own going on. This sounds stupid but go to YouTube and look up some pick-up videos for guys who aren't Brad Pitt. Half the stuff you'll hear is b.s. but you'll find some great tips to get you started. Watch videos by both male and female "dating coaches" and you'll realize there are a million approaches but only a few key things in common. Focus on those key things and you're gonna be fine. I'm excited for your first time getting a date and then going out with someone freakishly attractive. But really, aside from good personal hygiene and at least an attempt at a personal style of dress, your looks are about the last thing that's gonna work in your favor scoring a 10. All the best. Send pics. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MisterRoySpike Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 Probably because you’re overestimating your own attractiveness. Most people do. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/you-are-less-beautiful-than-you-think/ We tend to attract people that are about the same level of attractiveness that we are. I always have, about average even a bit less than I suppose, a wee bit of variation. A few traits can boost attractiveness like communication skills, happiness, sense of humor, warmth, sincerity, health and vibrancy, and so on. Attitude (as in, “I feel great today!”) boosts our attractiveness to other people. While physical appearance is given disproportionate importance these days, it really isn't all that important when it comes to living a happy fulfilling life or when it comes to loving someone. There's more then just how they look that determines attraction. Their looks gets you to do door. Their personality says "have a seat, let's talk." But then that chemical component sets in. Then she gives off this aura, that draws her to you, you want to be with her, even though she isn't on your perfect 10 list. You're talking alone with them, yours and her pheromones are oozing out, and its those pheromones that make you attracted to her. During sex, your pheromones and hers chemically bond. The women I've been with have all been beautiful to me. But I have a problem similar to the OP: I do NOT overestimate my intelligence, it is above average (somewhere between 127 and 139), I want smart, quirky women. But compatible women snub me and I end up with women who seemed to be drawn to how "alien" I am compared to them. But the novelty of dating the alien wears off, and when it does, they leave (except for the one that actually married me, but with her gone I'm back in that pattern). Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 Very few twenty somethings aare a 1 or 2. Most of them are degrees of average. With this in mind, I don't believe that all the girls who who interest are as unattractive as you describe. Link to post Share on other sites
Leigh 87 Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 Very few twenty somethings aare a 1 or 2. Most of them are degrees of average. With this in mind, I don't believe that all the girls who who interest are as unattractive as you describe. He is just being fussy. A 1 or a 2? Please. He is probably just referring to girls like me. Average plain chicks. When. Really looking, weather resistant a cute 5 or 6 to most men with realistic standards. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ChatroomHero Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 He is just being fussy. A 1 or a 2? Please. He is probably just referring to girls like me. Average plain chicks. When. Really looking, weather resistant a cute 5 or 6 to most men with realistic standards. I don't think so. Ive gone through stretches like what this guy is describing.someone like you Leigh, seriously, itd be like she's hot, let's bang a lot.you are too hard on yourself, you are pretty hot and I am picky. What he is referring to I think is you get someone that looks like a manlier Rosie O'Donnell that approaches you like she's out of your league. I find it is about being approachable. They can tell I prob won't be mean or reject them outright. I notice when I approach women I find very attractive and assume they have no interest, quite a few times they have been interested but without me approaching I never would have known. I think OP needs to realize very attractive women are less inclined to approach and he probably has a look that puts less attractive women at ease. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxgreen20 Posted December 13, 2016 Author Share Posted December 13, 2016 I don't think so. Ive gone through stretches like what this guy is describing.someone like you Leigh, seriously, itd be like she's hot, let's bang a lot.you are too hard on yourself, you are pretty hot and I am picky. What he is referring to I think is you get someone that looks like a manlier Rosie O'Donnell that approaches you like she's out of your league. I find it is about being approachable. They can tell I prob won't be mean or reject them outright. I notice when I approach women I find very attractive and assume they have no interest, quite a few times they have been interested but without me approaching I never would have known. I think OP needs to realize very attractive women are less inclined to approach and he probably has a look that puts less attractive women at ease. The Rosie O'Donnel thing is exactly what I mean. I'm fine with decently pretty girls, but not people that are way below average. And the way below average category is exactly who I attract. Link to post Share on other sites
Pete2304 Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 He is just being fussy. A 1 or a 2? Please. He is probably just referring to girls like me. Average plain chicks. When. Really looking, weather resistant a cute 5 or 6 to most men with realistic standards. This. I find the OP a bit arrogant if I'm honest. I have never in my life looked at someone and decided to mark them out of 10. What actually happens if you meet someone and fall head over heels is that person becomes the most gorgeous woman you've ever met. You can't imagine ever wanting anyone else and all that. I reckon OP if you want a 9 or a 10, put your best clothes on, go sit in a bar and start throwing money around on champagne. Some shallow 9 or 10 will probably take an interest in you. Or...you could stop giving girls marks out of 10 and try spending some time getting to know people you meet. Just a thought. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MisterRoySpike Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 I don't think so. Ive gone through stretches like what this guy is describing.someone like you Leigh, seriously, itd be like she's hot, let's bang a lot.you are too hard on yourself, you are pretty hot and I am picky. What he is referring to I think is you get someone that looks like a manlier Rosie O'Donnell that approaches you like she's out of your league. I find it is about being approachable. They can tell I prob won't be mean or reject them outright. I notice when I approach women I find very attractive and assume they have no interest, quite a few times they have been interested but without me approaching I never would have known. I think OP needs to realize very attractive women are less inclined to approach and he probably has a look that puts less attractive women at ease. Yeah, but 1 or 2. This guy is either exaggerating or has really high standards. 1 or 2 does not constitute plain or homely. 1 or 2 implies "gross". Gross people are usually like that way because they simply do not care about themselves and don't see why they have to. They're easily enough avoided as long as you're sober. If he really is being beset by disgusting freaks, then I pity the fool, but I suspect that what he is rating as a 1 or 2 would be rated a 4 by most of us here. P.S. And I don't think it's egocentric to consider myself a 5. But why a scale of 1 to 10? A scale of 1 to 20 gives us more options. I'd be an 11 there. Link to post Share on other sites
Pete2304 Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 Yeah, but 1 or 2. This guy is either exaggerating or has really high standards. 1 or 2 does not constitute plain or homely. 1 or 2 implies "gross". Gross people are usually like that way because they simply do not care about themselves and don't see why they have to. They're easily enough avoided as long as you're sober. If he really is being beset by disgusting freaks, then I pity the fool, but I suspect that what he is rating as a 1 or 2 would be rated a 4 by most of us here. P.S. And I don't think it's egocentric to consider myself a 5. But why a scale of 1 to 10? A scale of 1 to 20 gives us more options. I'd be an 11 there. Ah yeah I see what you mean, change the scale and that will make a difference. I hadn't ever thought of it that way. I'd only ever considered the standard (or as I like to thing of it classic) 1-10 scale but you bring a whole new dimension to things. There have been times when I've been attracted to someone but can't decide if they fit my own minimum 5 criteria but if you change the numbers and bring in the option of making her an 11 I guess after a couple of beers I might be prepared to give her a chance. Hard life for single guys right buddy!? Guessing you are single, just a hunch. Link to post Share on other sites
DarrenB Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 I think it's completely appropriate to call you shallow. You're rating women's attractiveness based on numbers? I didn't know that we're still in the adolescent era? Sorry... let's discuss then. What's your assumed 'rating' do you think? Do you personally think you deserve better or what? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Poe77 Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 For some unknown reason, I have never in my life had an even decently pretty girl take an interest in me. My ex, who was about a 6 or 7 out of 10, wasn't even attracted to me when I asked her out, but I eventually grew on her. Meanwhile, girls who are only about a 1 or 2 are attracted to me all the time and are all over me. I don't need a girl to be a 10 out of 10, but I'd at least like her to be a 7 or so. And personality is important too, of course. Both looks and personality are very important to me. I consider myself about a 5-7 and a nice guy, so I don't understand why the lowest on the scale are always interested in me, but no attractive girls ever are. Is it possible that I am, after all, unattractive? I don't know any other guys in this situation. Only me, and it increasingly pisses me off. And please don't call me shallow, because looks and personality are both important to me. I want to be able to be physically attracted to a girl as well as enjoy interacting with her. If you cant see people as anything more then "numbers" then its prob more your personality and not just your 5-7ish "good looks"... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GunslingerRoland Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 "Nice guy" seems to be the most common thing that men who can't get a date say about themselves. It's good that you don't walk around kicking puppies but really everyone is nice most of the time, and just calling yourself a nice guy isn't going to distinguish you from the guy who also is nice most of the time, until he gets into a serious relationship and slowly becomes abusive. If you're a 5, you are going to need to figure out the parts of you that are special and foster those, and sell them to others. The reality is that most men aren't that good looking. Women tend to have strong physical attraction to a very small percentage of men. But lots of men still do okay, because of their other traits. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 Too simplistic... Its entirely appropriate for a guy to not consider unattractive women...And sure, maybe its possible that he is rating himself higher than he really is, we don't know... There are all kinds of women in this world rejecting under 6' guys and everyone seems cool with that...Heck, Im not 6' and you will never hear me criticize any woman for being shallow for discounting shorter guys... We all have standards...Sure, Ive always felt life is probably far easier for the guys who have no problem dating heavy or unattractive women.,,,But its not really shallow to want what you want... You just have to realize that depending on what you bring to the table, you may never get it....But try all you want...Either gender... TFY 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 OP is it possible that you're nervous around women you're attracted to? That could cause the dynamic you're experiencing. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 (edited) Wow. So unless I look like James Bond, you're saying no attractive girl will ever show interest in me as long as I live? Not what I said -- but to use your example, if you won’t be happy with anything but Bond Girls then you probably won’t be successful in finding a partner that you are happy with unless you’re James Bond. If you’re OK with being alone unless and until someone you consider attractive dates you, there’s no problem. Just don’t date (and use) people that you consider beneath you or not good enough. I’m not saying you do that, but there are people who do, who date and even marry people and then talk about how they settled for someone they still view as less than what they want or think they deserve. That’s truly awful, a real character flaw which is ugly. You missed my joke though. I said I’m average and that people overestimate themselves. lol Maybe it wasn’t funny. Be realistic about what you have to offer to a partner and assess what the people you date bring, and consider more than just physical appearance. We are what we are and we can be happy or not with the cards we hold. There’s no such thing as holding 5 aces. So play the cards you were dealt and you’ll be happier. Edited December 13, 2016 by BlueIris 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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