Why is that I only attract unattractive girls?

[Imported]

Well, you consider yourself to be a 5 to a 7 in your own opinion and no "decently pretty" girl has ever shown interest in you. I think that's pretty normal. No one, guy or girl shows interest to a 5, just because of looks. There's nothing that stands out and grabs interest. You would have to bring more to the table than just being average looking. Average is what you settle for.

 

I don't know what you look like and I'm not saying you're ugly, but if you don't get women that you consider to be attractive showing obvious attraction....ever...you're probably not a 7 and at best are just a solid 5, if that.

 

Work on being a good provider and just go for it, like with your ex.

[LookAtThisPOst]

I think it's completely appropriate to call you shallow. You're rating women's attractiveness based on numbers? I didn't know that we're still in the adolescent era?

 

Sorry... let's discuss then. What's your assumed 'rating' do you think? Do you personally think you deserve better or what?

 

Believe it or not, there's some men that do it and combine geography along with the rating.

 

Like, "She's a Los Angeles 5, but <name of small city> 9." Crazy stuff.

[LargoLagg]

Oh, come on. You guys are acting like nobody does this. A 1 - 10 rating system is universally understood. It's a quick shorthand for relative attractiveness. There are other ways to say it, but the lower numbers are actually the kindest way you can get the idea across.

 

What OP is saying is that only girls who are butt-ugly are attracted to him and give him time. So what kind of girl is that?

 

Rosie O'Donnell has been mentioned. I'd throw Joan Cusack into the same club. The Cat lady?

 

I've known a really nice woman since college who was a definite 2, skinny body, no butt, no chest, a face that literally resembles a pug and the worst haircut you could imagine, just to top off the look. She has had a tough time getting guys, and basically had to relax her moral standards to get some badly needed action.

 

I know another one who is even less attractive, a 1, and it's not because she lets herself go. It's what genetics did to her, and she is also a perfectly nice woman who, to my knowledge, has not compromised her moral standards. She has a nice body too, but the face is what drives men away.

 

I think that given a mirror and years of feedback, these unfortunate ladies understand their predicament, and I have to believe that it works against them on their confidence and their ego.

 

That the OP is actually approached by someone described that way is astonishing in and of itself. These women are not known to approach men, by and large, because they know all too well what rejection feels like, and they aren't eager to experience more.

 

It makes sense to me then, that in his own way, OP is a 1 or a 2. Maybe not in the face - maybe it's height, weight, proportion, complexion, effeminate characteristics, missing body parts. Who knows? But something is giving these ordinarily ultra-shy women the courage to go hit on him and that very same something is preventing the 4+ women of the world from doing the same.

 

Nothing else makes sense.

[Dark Horse]

Most women arne't initially attracted to me either OP and I already know i'm not a male model by any means.

[ZA Dater]

While we are talking about numbers I'll say something 99.9% of the forum wont agree with. Like begets like, unfortunately its simply impossible to date above, UNLESS you throw money at the problem. That's a great leveller of the field and 90% of the time the hot girl with an average guy is with him because of the size of his wallet.

 

 

The simple fact is looks get you a knock at the door versus standing at the garden gate. My advice to the OP is to reconcile this fact and simply save yourself years of pain like I experienced. I am tall and slim but not macho man so I know nobody is going to be interested, conversely the most obese people imaginable find me attractive, seriously so. No offence meant to obese people.

 

 

I actually think the sooner one realises that dating and attraction represent nothing more than a collection of superficial qualities the better. We are brought up to believe we are all attractive and we should all consider ourselves attractive, likewise many of us believe in being a good person, whichever way you want to define that but the simply truth is looks and material wealth are the only real things that matter in the dating world. You can have the most terrible manners but have money and that's overlooked. You can be a fantastic caring nice generous normal guy who doesn't sleep around but you will mostly always come up short against a good looking guy irrespective of his character traits.

 

 

Its just the way it is and nothing I have seen indicates otherwise. The reverse of this whole scenario is also true for guys but to a lesser extent because most guys never have the luxury of choice, you have to basically take whatever is offered, you line up metaphorically with other guys and compete or you simply cant be bothered and live life alone. Walk into any club, or any place where there are ladies and you will see all of the above scenario(s) playing themselves out.

[MisterRoySpike]

Ah yeah I see what you mean, change the scale and that will make a difference. I hadn't ever thought of it that way. I'd only ever considered the standard (or as I like to thing of it classic) 1-10 scale but you bring a whole new dimension to things. There have been times when I've been attracted to someone but can't decide if they fit my own minimum 5 criteria but if you change the numbers and bring in the option of making her an 11 I guess after a couple of beers I might be prepared to give her a chance. Hard life for single guys right buddy!? Guessing you are single, just a hunch.

 

Widowed, actually. Introduced myself in this thread a few days ago.

[normal person]

For some unknown reason, I have never in my life had an even decently pretty girl take an interest in me. My ex, who was about a 6 or 7 out of 10, wasn't even attracted to me when I asked her out, but I eventually grew on her. Meanwhile, girls who are only about a 1 or 2 are attracted to me all the time and are all over me. I don't need a girl to be a 10 out of 10, but I'd at least like her to be a 7 or so. And personality is important too, of course. Both looks and personality are very important to me. I consider myself about a 5-7 and a nice guy, so I don't understand why the lowest on the scale are always interested in me, but no attractive girls ever are. Is it possible that I am, after all, unattractive? I don't know any other guys in this situation. Only me, and it increasingly pisses me off. And please don't call me shallow, because looks and personality are both important to me. I want to be able to be physically attracted to a girl as well as enjoy interacting with her.

 

 

People typically attract the same sort (intelligence, social class, lifestyle, looks) of person they are. That's why you'll see very successful, attractive people pairing off, very unsuccesful, unattractive people pairing off, etc. You're likely to attract someone similar to what you are.

 

But here's the kicker, most women aren't as eager to show attraction as men are. Men are typically the pursuers. So if you're waiting around for women to come onto you (it works for a lot of guys, but it doesn't seem to be working for you), you're probably not going to have much luck.

 

Secondly, desirable women don't need to bother going out of their way to make themselves vulnerable in displaying interest towards someone who's merely on their level. The more aggressive men will go after them so they don't need to. The only men those women will go after themselves are the men who are more desirable than those women.

 

So basically, if you're expecting someone to be attracted to you, you'd better be more desirable (in whatever areas are important to her) than the men who she could currently have without expending any effort.

[LargoLagg]

While we are talking about numbers I'll say something 99.9% of the forum wont agree with. Like begets like, unfortunately its simply impossible to date above, UNLESS you throw money at the problem. That's a great leveller of the field and 90% of the time the hot girl with an average guy is with him because of the size of his wallet.

Yeah, I'd have to disagree. That's why the term SUGAR MAMA was invented.

 

Money is the great leveler when you're competing with me. I'll give you that much, but not an inch more!

[BoaConstrictor]

One thing I've noticed about a man close to me is that he doesn't have a concept of who is "in his league" so to speak. For instance, we went to this party, and there was this woman there who was remarkably beautiful. I mean, I don't swing that way, and I couldn't stop looking at her. She's the type of woman that other women are jealous of and all the men in the room want to date.

 

Anyway, a few weeks later, said guy said to me, "I'm interested in her and think I'll ask her out." No big deal. This guy is average looking, but who's to say she won't say yes? But what floored me is that I said, "Yeah, she's gorgeous", to which the guy replied, "Really? Huh. I thought she was average looking."

 

That was 15 years ago. He's still single.

 

OP, are these women very overweight and you're just afraid to mention that is what makes them a 1 or a 2? I find that if a person is fit and dresses well, that usually mitigates most unattractive qualities. Some people are attractive enough to pull off the weight and would likely be the most attractive person in the room if they lost the weight. Rarely do I meet a person whose face is so ugly that that is what makes them unattractive. Usually it's weight or styling.

[VeveCakes]

My guess?

 

OP watches a lot of porn.

 

Thinks average porn star is like a 9 or 10....so the average hot chick is probably a 6 or 7 to him whereas people who don't watch porn constantly might see a 9 or 10.

 

Stop watching porn OP.

 

Correct me if Im wrong

[Recon33]

My guess?

 

OP watches a lot of porn.

 

Thinks average porn star is like a 9 or 10....so the average hot chick is probably a 6 or 7 to him whereas people who don't watch porn constantly might see a 9 or 10.

 

Stop watching porn OP.

 

Correct me if Im wrong

 

It's possible, but I don't know. I think people take porn a bit too seriously sometimes. He might just not have many options for whatever reasons and the most attractive people he knows are already paired up? Just a guess.

[Blanco]

In general, women are able to make concessions about a guy's appearance as it relates to traditional good looks and their subsequent dating viability. Not usually so much the other way around. I see a lot more beautiful women with doofy looking guys than I do good looking guys with homely or gawky women.

 

So I tend to agree with others that OP is likely not as good looking as he thinks he is OR there's something about personality-wise that's off-putting.

 

I've been chubby at different points in my adult life and it's definitely affected the caliber of women who are interested in me. When I'm on the chubbier side, I still have a "cute" face (sup, ladies!), but it's definitely more open to interpretation because of the extra fluff accompanying it. When I'm on the leaner side, I find I get far more attention and usually from a mix of average or very good looking women.

 

It's easy to blame it on something else, but ultimately, it comes down to my own appearance and probably how I conduct myself socially (for better or worse).

 

P.S. I consider myself shallow, but I have never been able to partake in this 1-10 scale thing with any seriousness. It seems so arbitrary and immature.

 

My guess?

 

OP watches a lot of porn.

 

Thinks average porn star is like a 9 or 10....so the average hot chick is probably a 6 or 7 to him whereas people who don't watch porn constantly might see a 9 or 10.

 

Stop watching porn OP.

 

Correct me if Im wrong

 

This is a good point, and as someone who has watched porn in some capacity for many years, I'd say it definitely skews how you perceive the appearance of "real" women. It's something I'm trying to be more mindful of these days, because it's easy to let these mediums influence you without you even realizing it.

Edited December 14, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Merge three consecutive posts

[JuneJulySeptember]

My guess?

 

OP watches a lot of porn.

 

Thinks average porn star is like a 9 or 10....so the average hot chick is probably a 6 or 7 to him whereas people who don't watch porn constantly might see a 9 or 10.

 

Stop watching porn OP.

 

Correct me if Im wrong

 

In my experience it's the opposite.

 

Me and my good buddy have watched a ton of porn (separately of course) and both of us have done pretty poorly with women. We both have a really wide, wide range of women that we are attracted to. Race is no barrier, size and shape is no barrier, age isn't really a barrier. We stand on the street and we can literally find 8 out of 10 women who pass attractive.

 

The guy who has always done well with women, and has had relationships since he was in 5th grade, and is socially adept, Director/Junior Vice President of a Logistics Company, is more likely to have watched very little porn. They're too busy going out and hitting on real women and succeeding. Those guys are way more likely to find women unattractive due to race, body type, small physical nuances, etc, be way more picky.

 

The guys women consider 'losers' and socially off are the ones who jack off every day to porn. Those guys in my experience have a MUCH wider range of what they find attractive. Anyway, if you really think about it, it makes sense.

Edited December 14, 2016 by JuneJulySeptember

[xxgreen20]

In my experience it's the opposite.

 

Me and my good buddy have watched a ton of porn (separately of course) and both of us have done pretty poorly with women. We both have a really wide, wide range of women that we are attracted to. Race is no barrier, size and shape is no barrier, age isn't really a barrier. We stand on the street and we can literally find 8 out of 10 women who pass attractive.

 

The guy who has always done well with women, and has had relationships since he was in 5th grade, and is socially adept, Director/Junior Vice President of a Logistics Company, is more likely to have watched very little porn. They're too busy going out and hitting on real women and succeeding. Those guys are way more likely to find women unattractive due to race, body type, small physical nuances, etc, be way more picky.

 

The guys women consider 'losers' and socially off are the ones who jack off every day to porn. Those guys in my experience have a MUCH wider range of what they find attractive. Anyway, if you really think about it, it makes sense.

 

Uh, nope. I have never watched porn in my life, and it does not appeal to me.

[Kerrith]

Hi Learningtolive ,Could it be that "attractive" conscious women intuit your "Shallow Hal" mindset?

 

Me, I find it works to walk around looking happy, confidant and handsome and let women approach me. It's a great high to be chosen. Most women who like a man enough to approach them (to consciously choose them) make it work. I discovered that telling the truth works, "You're not my number ten. Is that OK?" in which case they immediately reply, That's OK , you're not mine." and they turn into #10's (someone with whom I can say anything and they can get it). It could be that you don't look like a happy person, rather that you're waiting for a relationship to make you happy.

Edited December 21, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[LordVader]

there's he good looking people and the rich/famous, and then the rest of us

 

and just like practically no girls ever gave a dam about me or worse that badly of me, made fun of me, etc

 

well the reverse is true, I only have eyes for a certain level of looks, I don't see the rest of the girls

 

and for sex it won't even matter in the dark, but I don't know past porn anyways

[carhill]

If you're still in your 20's, physical appearance reigns supreme, in general; however, you can be noticed for other qualities but results vary on how that interest is felt. The general reason for relationships, especially in the 20's on down, is the person has something the other person wants. You alluded to this in your own post, which you exclude a portion of women you meet or interact with because of their appearance. They don't posses what you want.

 

The same works for women and, like yourself, they range throughout the physical attractiveness scale. That doesn't mean their eyes don't covet pleasing images and exclude displeasing ones. Hence, you may, and likely will, encounter women who are quite unattractive to you, or in general and they won't give you a second glance because, well, you simply don't measure up.

 

This changes a bit as the brain matures but, largely, even in the 30's and older, romance is driven by appearance though I've noticed it becomes more nuanced and individual rather than more generalized. You'll see the same parameters in use in my age group as women will gravitate to younger and more physically attractive males, same as men do. Normal human behavior. I get quite a kick out of being 'too old' for women 5 to 10 years my senior. They like what they like. IMO, as long as you're alive, like what and who you want and dislike what and who you want. Thousands more being born each hour. Lots of variety.

 

I walked a bit of your path, more trending to being invisible rather than noticeably unattractive, and found, having done all the relationship stuff, I might have changed the world with the time and energy expended on figuring out how to attract a mate and do the reproductive path thing. To apply that to your situation, each moment you spend on figuring out why you attract only unattractive girls is a moment of your life you'll never get back. Ever. It's gone. Up to you. It's a choice, like my taking moments I'll never get back to share some experience. Choices are freedom. Enjoy yours.

[preraph]

People typically attract the same sort (intelligence, social class, lifestyle, looks) of person they are. That's why you'll see very successful, attractive people pairing off, very unsuccesful, unattractive people pairing off, etc. You're likely to attract someone similar to what you are.

 

But here's the kicker, most women aren't as eager to show attraction as men are. Men are typically the pursuers. So if you're waiting around for women to come onto you (it works for a lot of guys, but it doesn't seem to be working for you), you're probably not going to have much luck.

 

Secondly, desirable women don't need to bother going out of their way to make themselves vulnerable in displaying interest towards someone who's merely on their level. The more aggressive men will go after them so they don't need to. The only men those women will go after themselves are the men who are more desirable than those women.

 

So basically, if you're expecting someone to be attracted to you, you'd better be more desirable (in whatever areas are important to her) than the men who she could currently have without expending any effort.

 

 

I have also seen this my whole life. Average or below guys who think someone who looks like an actress or model is "the girl next door" and average and that they ought to be able to get her. Entitlement like that astounds me, but I believe it's not only porn but even more so, media, that promotes it. I meah, if you go by who's on tv or in movies, you very rarely see a woman who isn't a 9 or 10 and they are often portrayed as "average housewife" or "girl next door" and then on tv, it's rare you see a really 10 man, but you see average palookas with hot 10 women. It's not real life.

 

Average is a size 14, to begin with, and the biggest you'll see on tv or media is a 6. Although you NEVER see women with flaws on tv, many young women have skin problems and even if they are thin, their bodies aren't symmetrical -- and NONE of them have huge boobs like virtually ALL the actresses have or loonnnng waists like all the models have. Huge boobs don't come with skinny bodies. They come with fully, more matronly figures.

 

I agree with Normal that he's limiting his choices by letting the women do the approaching, but I also feel that THOSE are the women he can get unless he can make himself more outgoing and develop a five-star personality. Men rarely rate themselves realistically because before online dating, they assumed women valued them for other things than looks more. And women ARE more flexible about that, but an 8-10 woman which is what every guy in every bar or at every party I ever went to only looked at, can pretty much do the picking, just as an 8-10 man can.

 

I'm saying if your mother is the only one who's told you how handsome you are, just realize in her eyes you are the most beautiful thing on earth, but it doesn't translate to how other women think. Some of the guys I've seen who had a better impression of themselves than was warranted it was because there wasn't anything glaringly wrong with them, but they have no concept what women find attractive in a male face or they think that like many men, all women should care about is a honed body, because men most prize the body. But most women aren't all about the body and like a nice face, great hair, striking eyes and of course tallness, over someone say short and built like a wrestler with no hair.

Edited December 26, 2016 by preraph

[Weezy1973]

People match up in terms of looks. Lots of research on this. Just Google the matching phenomenon. Hilarious how each gender thinks the other one has totally unrealistic expectations!

 

I will say if the OP is not outgoing it is possible that less attractive women are approaching him. Sometimes less attractive women need to be a bit more aggressive...as do less attractive men...

[ZA Dater]

People typically attract the same sort (intelligence, social class, lifestyle, looks) of person they are. That's why you'll see very successful, attractive people pairing off, very unsuccesful, unattractive people pairing off, etc. You're likely to attract someone similar to what you are.

 

But here's the kicker, most women aren't as eager to show attraction as men are. Men are typically the pursuers. So if you're waiting around for women to come onto you (it works for a lot of guys, but it doesn't seem to be working for you), you're probably not going to have much luck.

 

Secondly, desirable women don't need to bother going out of their way to make themselves vulnerable in displaying interest towards someone who's merely on their level. The more aggressive men will go after them so they don't need to. The only men those women will go after themselves are the men who are more desirable than those women.

 

So basically, if you're expecting someone to be attracted to you, you'd better be more desirable (in whatever areas are important to her) than the men who she could currently have without expending any effort.

 

Regrettable but true in totality. I have seen this often and the reality is you make a choice

1: you leap and hope for the best

2: you walk away knowing it would never work.

 

 

Its a difficult thing to define what attraction is, I still have no idea barring the glaringly obvious superficial attributes.

 

 

I don't not agree that like pairs with like. Its possible to overcome but extremely difficult and unlikely

[DV1979]

.

 

.

 

all women should care about is a honed body, because men most prize the body. But most women aren't all about the body and like a nice face, great hair, striking eyes and of course tallness, over someone say short and built like a wrestler with no hair.

 

So that's "all" women demand from a man physically? How nice lol

[Popsicle]

Oh, I have a chart for this. lol

 

Image - TinyPic - Free Image Hosting, Photo Sharing & Video Hosting

 

PS - Before anyone gets all pissy with me, I didn't make the chart, nor do I 100% agree with it.

[preraph]

So where's the guy one?

[Popsicle]

So where's the guy one?

 

I wondered the same thing. I've never seen that one. Would be interesting...