Mom doesnt want me to au pair in spain? should i not go?

[Tallgirl91]

so to be clear:skyping is the ultimate decider that this is a legitimate transaction? Spain does not allow its citizens to cover the Insurance for a foreign visitor/worker that is there less then 3 months.....

 

Your work visa for Spain.? what has your consulate said on this matter? One piece of advice, tell him you don't need Medical "shorts", But you would like to get the list of Medicinal shots for traveling abroad...Hopefully they have that available so you can have your doctor update and administer.

 

How many foreign languages do you proficiently convey?

Gosh so many logistics to this ..

I can see why your mom is concerned....

 

 

Skype is not the only decider... I am doing this through an IAPA certified agency, this means that this agency is 100% not a scam and is legitimate. The agency can be found on the IAPA's website list of certified agencies https://www.iapa.org . In order to be apart of the agency, the family has to go through a screening process that includes references, passport, medical certificate, criminal records,etc. Getting medicinal shots will not be an issue, as said before. I took spanish for 5 years and am more than proficient in the language. No need for a work visa because I will be there less than 3 months. Already looked into insurance and my carrier provides an extensional form of international insurance that is fairly cheap and covers all that I would need covered.

[angel.eyes]

I did a ton of international travel as a college and grad student. That included working overseas during summers. I picked up so many skills from my experiences that have been invaluable in my professional career!

 

Go! You're at a stage in your life where you are still unencumbered by a husband, kids, etc. It's a great opportunity to explore a little and learn more both about another culture, and more importantly, yourself. I never was an au pair, but I have about a dozen friends who were. They made close, lifelong friends and became fluent in another language. I'm not sure how your program is set up, but many of my friends were also able to take some university courses, and there were strict guidelines around the max number of hours they worked for the family and pay. Obviously some clicked more with their host family than others, but all were glad for the experience.

 

You've certainly done your research. I suspect you'll have a great time!

[umirano]

Concerned people are going to concern tallgirl, nothing you can do about.

 

We're talking about Spain here, right? Most of the US has worse diseases that a traveler can pick up, the wild life is more dangerous in the US too. Spain is a member state of the European Union, labor laws are enforced. Slavery for foreign workers? Give me a break, we're not talking about a Philipino in Saudi Arabia, or a Mexican in the US, for that matter.

 

In pretty much any European City the public transport is easily available and cheap. The trains might not run as punctual as in Switzerland, but you'll be fine. Also biking is safe and popular everywhere in Europe. You really do not need a license. Some countries have managed to get a decent, accessible transportation system up without having to burn through millions of gallons of fuel on a daily basis.

 

WRT insurance, my recent ex was a non-EU national and worked in the EU, her regular travel insurance confirmed they'd cover all medical expenses, as long as her job was short term engagements, non-industrial, which it was. I can't see how any insurance company worth its money would make a fuss about an au-pairing job. Just call them to confirm.

 

In light of the condescension displayed here, you might want to consider how an au-pairing trip may prevent you from becoming a narrow minded stay-at-home american who's afraid of a trip to western europe

 

How to handle your mother? Well, I had a similar conflict with my parents, it was about going for a language stay in North America. They didn't like it at all, and when I was over there I met Mexicans and spontaneously decided to visit there as well. My parents liked that idea even less, I did it anyway, made wonderful friends for life and learned so much about yet another country.

 

Travel, learn, make friends, become a world citizen, and don't let the concerners and worriers tie you down.

[ElizabethIII]

she has seen the movie "Taken" and is convinced that i'll end up in sex trafficking and she is also terrified about ISIS. She also thinks that I should start working right away after I graduate in May.

 

I live in Europe. Your mom is going way OTT with being cautious. Spain is perfectly safe, I have been there a few times. You also dont need a car especially if you are going to be a big city such as Madrid or Barcelona. You are better on public transport.

 

In my country in Europe, teenagers shooting up their high schools has never happened but it happens with alarming frequency in the USA.

 

You are probably safer from violence in Europe than in the US. You also speak the language.

 

Bottom line you will be 23 when you go, what she cannot do is stop you. You do not need her consent. It is only 2 months, she will get over it. This is the only life you will ever have are you going to let your mom tell you how to live it?

Edited January 12, 2017 by ElizabethIII

[ElizabethIII]

what training do you have in child care? C p r? Nutrition? Licensed to drive in this foreign place? Your safety? Insurance? Medical shots? Furthering education? Social life?

 

I tend to think you are seeing it as a free ride... And children are by far deserving of a well versed care giver.

 

Regarding the driving point: the USA is the only country in the world whose citizens are banned from driving in the UK long term unless they pass the UK driving test. The reason being the standard of driving is the USA is so poor and far below UK standards. In the USA it is all automatic cars, easy driving tests. The UK driving test is the hardest in the world to pass.

 

Again the standard of driving in Europe is far superior and she will be safer and she doesnt even need to drive in Europe as the trains and buses are very good.

 

It can be tempting to think that home is the safest place on earth but it really isnt. She will be fine is Spain.

Edited January 12, 2017 by ElizabethIII

[Tallgirl91]

Hello,

 

So i recently bought my ticket to spain for June 9th- August 24th, so I am officially going. I also have bought my international health insurance. I have a secured a postgrad job that I'll be able to start a little bit before I leave and will continue once I return from Spain. My question is, how do I go about telling my mom without ruining our relationship? I most likely will need to stay with my parents for a few months at most after I return so that I can build credit and save enough money. I'm so nervous to tell her!

[SpiralOut]

I have no clue how you should tell her, but you should put together a back-up plan in case she freaks and cuts you off. I don't know if she's the type of person to do that, but it's good to plan for a worst-case scenario. It's also easier to put your foot down with parents when you're not dependent on them.

 

I'm glad that you're following through with the trip.

[Satu]

Hello,

 

So i recently bought my ticket to spain for June 9th- August 24th, so I am officially going. I also have bought my international health insurance. I have a secured a postgrad job that I'll be able to start a little bit before I leave and will continue once I return from Spain. My question is, how do I go about telling my mom without ruining our relationship? I most likely will need to stay with my parents for a few months at most after I return so that I can build credit and save enough money. I'm so nervous to tell her!

 

This will ultimately improve your relationship with your mother, because she will learn to respect you and begin see you as an adult.

 

She might kick and scream a bit before she gets there, but thats OK.

 

Cross that bridge when you come to it.

 

 

Take care.

[anduina]

Are you aware that in Spain, au pairs take care of the cooking and cleaning for the family too? Your days will be 16 hours long for pocket change in return.

 

https://www.thelocal.es/jobs/article/au-pair-spain-agency-placement

[preraph]

One of the main scams out there in human trafficking is bringing women over to be a nanny. There are necessarily women involved in these scams too, of course, so you really can't trust it.

 

Here is what I would do. If this is a service rather than an individual, I would check with the US Embassy to see if they know anything about them. If not, I wouldn't do it. If it's an individual, I would NOT trust it. You'd be better off being a nanny here and then saving for a Spanish vacation.

 

You might also contact your local FBI office and see if they have any info or recommendations. This is how they get so many women trapped into human slavery.

[Tallgirl91]

Are you aware that in Spain, au pairs take care of the cooking and cleaning for the family too? Your days will be 16 hours long for pocket change in return.

 

https://www.thelocal.es/jobs/article/au-pair-spain-agency-placement

I've spoken with the family and the past au pairs that they had and the house work is minimal and I only have to make breakfast for the child. I'm fine with receiving pocket change because my trip duration is so small, and I have money saved, also room and board is covered.

[Tallgirl91]

One of the main scams out there in human trafficking is bringing women over to be a nanny. There are necessarily women involved in these scams too, of course, so you really can't trust it.

 

Here is what I would do. If this is a service rather than an individual, I would check with the US Embassy to see if they know anything about them. If not, I wouldn't do it. If it's an individual, I would NOT trust it. You'd be better off being a nanny here and then saving for a Spanish vacation.

 

You might also contact your local FBI office and see if they have any info or recommendations. This is how they get so many women trapped into human slavery.

 

 

Yes this service is with an agency supported by the IAPA, the family has gone through background checks and has had positive references from past au pairs.

[Tallgirl91]

I have no clue how you should tell her, but you should put together a back-up plan in case she freaks and cuts you off. I don't know if she's the type of person to do that, but it's good to plan for a worst-case scenario. It's also easier to put your foot down with parents when you're not dependent on them.

 

I'm glad that you're following through with the trip.

 

Yes, I'm worried she might do that too... even though my dad doesn't mind me going, he won't stand up for me because he is too intimidated by my mom. So worst case scenario, I'll have to live in an airbnb for the 2.5 weeks I'll be back in town. I'm really hoping it doesnt come to that.

[SpiralOut]

Yes, I'm worried she might do that too... even though my dad doesn't mind me going, he won't stand up for me because he is too intimidated by my mom. So worst case scenario, I'll have to live in an airbnb for the 2.5 weeks I'll be back in town. I'm really hoping it doesnt come to that.

 

Since you've already spoken to the family, it might put your mother's mind at ease to speak to them too, if that's possible? You should also have an alternative way to communicate with your family. Maybe bring a prepaid cell phone with you. I'm not sure how that works long distance, but I'm guessing there must be a plan that works for that purpose. You could also reassure her by checking in once you arrive in the airport, arrive at the family's home, etc.

 

When I first moved away from home, my mother gave me whistles to wear around my neck. I never used them, but she gave me a new whistle each year for four years, lol. Your mom probably won't stop worrying until you get home from your trip and she can see for herself that nothing happened to you.

Edited April 10, 2017 by SpiralOut

[Tallgirl91]

Since you've already spoken to the family, it might put your mother's mind at ease to speak to them too, if that's possible? You should also have an alternative way to communicate with your family. Maybe bring a prepaid cell phone with you. I'm not sure how that works long distance, but I'm guessing there must be a plan that works for that purpose. You could also reassure her by checking in once you arrive in the airport, arrive at the family's home, etc.

 

When I first moved away from home, my mother gave me whistles to wear around my neck. I never used them, but she gave me a new whistle each year for four years, lol. Your mom probably won't stop worrying until you get home from your trip and she can see for herself that nothing happened to you.

 

I doubt that this would help her. The family speaks english but has a very thick accent, this isn't an issue for me because I understand them fine and speak a bit of spanish BUT my mom is very irrational when she gets in one of her moods and I worry that she'll be very impatient and rude with the family and their thick accents if I were to have them skype her.

[whichwayisup]

Hello,

 

So i recently bought my ticket to spain for June 9th- August 24th, so I am officially going. I also have bought my international health insurance. I have a secured a postgrad job that I'll be able to start a little bit before I leave and will continue once I return from Spain. My question is, how do I go about telling my mom without ruining our relationship? I most likely will need to stay with my parents for a few months at most after I return so that I can build credit and save enough money. I'm so nervous to tell her!

 

I hope she realizes what a smart, strong, level headed and educated daughter she's raised. She has given you the tools of life and now it's time for her to trust that you can make your own decisions and fly away on your own.

 

This experience is going to be great and will only enhance your life.

 

Good that you're going and not allowing her to ruin it for you.

 

It sucks that she is reacting this way and hopefully she'll get over it and accept that this is something you need to do.

[Roger72]

I'm glad you made the decision to go:) I think stepping out of your comfort zone and experiencing life is always the right decision.

[SpiralOut]

I doubt that this would help her. The family speaks english but has a very thick accent, this isn't an issue for me because I understand them fine and speak a bit of spanish BUT my mom is very irrational when she gets in one of her moods and I worry that she'll be very impatient and rude with the family and their thick accents if I were to have them skype her.

 

Yeah, I see what you mean. Let us know how it goes when you tell her.

[h57zf]

I'm a guy and when I was 18 my mom didn't want me going to another town 400 miles away to go to college. I went anyways, and she eventually got over it.

 

When I graduated, my dad didn't want me moving to another country for work/grad school. I did it anyways and he got over it.

 

When I got out of grad school my dad wanted me to move back in, and I didn't. He was mad at first, but he accepted it.

 

Bottom line is that your parents will probably have to come to terms with it and accept it at some point.

[Tallgirl91]

I just told my mom. I did it by reading her and my dad a letter that I wrote, over the phone. She immediately gave the phone to my dad and went into her bedroom and kept saying "this doesn't sit well with my spirit". She wouldnt stop yelling so I told her that I would talk to her once she has calmed down. Now my dad just told me that my mom told him she wont be going to my college gradutation next month. I can't believe how manipulative she is being.

[darkmoon]

ex back-packer's, 4 great years of it, tips -

 

1. always carry enough money for an emergency flight home

 

2. establish where local youth hostels are for cheap overnight digs and/or immediate to run to in case of whatever

 

3. do not give them your passport to look after, it is a trick, keep it on you, you will be stranded without it, a work-slave, only a US embassy could help if you can afford to get to their office, seen a few suffer

 

4. be adventurous, you might find a great new niche out there, look around

my mother worked her au pairs to the bone, but you might land a job in a bar and fall in love with a local.

 

5. carry a dictionary

Edited April 27, 2017 by darkmoon

[umirano]

Your mother is being very immature. Be bigger than her, if you can. Congratulations on your decision and on, you will come back a richer person.

[SpiralOut]

How is your father taking it?

 

If your mom wants to be that way, that's her choice. It's a bit jolting to realize that a parent isn't quite the adult you always thought they were. I remember how shocked I felt when I realized that my own mother is less mature than myself. Good for you for sticking to your guns.