HollyTree Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 I will try and make a very long story short! My husband had an affair with a woman who infiltrated his family and we all now know she is a complete narcissist. She had become my friend too when the affair began as well as our daughters became close friends. He had wanted to leave her and he attempted many times and towards the end she was so desperate her last threat was suicide. After he broke things off she saw how happy we were and faked a twin pregnancy. She got caught in her lie before she had the chance to fake a miscarriage. During the 3 weeks it was hell spreading all kinds of lies about me and trying to turn other family members against each other. She even threatened abortion knowing we are against it. The problem is our girls are still friends and I even let my daughter stay over at her house. I regretted that decision and don't want her over there again. The ex mistress is trying to give me a guilt trip and saying I am hindering their friendship, she says she will do anything necessary so their friendship doesn't have to suffer. I came back and told her if she actually cared about their friendship she wouldn't have faked a pregnancy and set out to destroy a happy reunited family, and if she really wanted to do "anything necessary" she would apologize. She didn't reply back. My husband feels so ashamed and guilty as he hurt me, and it affected one of our kids with her friendship and he knows I shouldn't have to have anything to do with her ever. We feel we are right at not letting our daughter be around this woman at all even though it affects a friendship, she is 14. There are a number of lies my daughter knows this person has told, she does not know about the affair at all and it would devastate her, and we don't plan on telling her. We all had to be at a school thing, and my husband and I just ignored her completely which meant we ignored the daughter as well not really realizing it as we both were in just panic/ pain mode being in the same place she was. Which honestly the only reason why she was there at this sign up was so she could try and be around us. That makes a longer story so I will leave it at that. The ex mistress had to text me a guilt trip about it saying I totally upset her daughter. I am honestly fearful of this woman as she shows no empathy or remorse and at one point trying I guess to make me feel sorry for her, or scared of her she told me that she has thought she could end up on an episode of dateline. I think we are right in making this decision to cut this woman off even if it means our daughter will be upset as it will affect a friendship. Neither my husband or I ever imagined we would be in such a sick mess and he doesn't think he can ever forgive himself. Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 Both you and your husband need to be putting your foot down together. If this woman stays in your life, you'll never be able to start healing your marriage from the affair your husband had. For the sake of your family, you need to explain things to your daughter and not let this woman guilt trip you. All she's doing is using her daughter to stay a part of your husbands life, and ruin your chance at a reconciliation. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HollyTree Posted January 7, 2017 Author Share Posted January 7, 2017 It's been almost 5 months since I found out and reconciliation is going great! I have seen the text messages, my husband had tried to just ignore the OW for a long time, when he would, she would give threats of telling people and even threatened suicide. Towards the end of the affair she attempted to try and make my husband jealous by showing him text messages from a mutual married friend that were inappropriate. My H did actually see one string of texts. When my husband didn't seem to care, she stepped it up by saying this friend sent a nude photo, yuck!! The OW set out and made me a close friend at the time the affair started. She lies about everything and is not afraid to slander people for selfish gain or to save her own ego. At one point last spring out of the blue she told me this friend had an affair. The OW was also friends with his wife and I didn't take it well that she was sharing this with me, probably to normalize and make herself feel better about her own affair with my H, I guess. There is a text app out there. I am thinking this friend never sent her any texts at all. I am suspicious his previous affair was a lie too. I have known this couple with young kids for awhile and they have always seemed very happy. But if it's all true she could have started another affair. The fact that she had to have sent texts back that made him feel comfortable enough to send her a nude photo, at the same time she was having an affair with my H, I guess is not surprising. She could have been texting back things liking the attention as well as trying to get further text to use for jealousy. What makes me sick is the OW has been spending time with this family I see it on fb. The wife currently has her and the OW as her profile picture with a comment on how much she loves the OW! Little does this wife know that either an affair is possibly going on, or that her close friend has spread god awful lies about her husband. Do we just keep our mouths shut? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted January 7, 2017 Share Posted January 7, 2017 Well, what is up with you that YOU'RE spending time with her? That's crazy. Get her out of your lives. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author HollyTree Posted January 7, 2017 Author Share Posted January 7, 2017 Sorry if something I said sounded confusing. I absolutely don't hang out with my husband's ex mistress, I can't even stand to hear her voice let alone see her face! On top of her posing as my friend while having an affair with my husband, she knows full well that I don't trust her and that she has a lying problem. I have had to have some communication with her after the affair as our kids are close friends, which has been another issue of which I posted about. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted January 8, 2017 Share Posted January 8, 2017 Sorry if something I said sounded confusing. I absolutely don't hang out with my husband's ex mistress, I can't even stand to hear her voice let alone see her face! On top of her posing as my friend while having an affair with my husband, she knows full well that I don't trust her and that she has a lying problem. I have had to have some communication with her after the affair as our kids are close friends, which has been another issue of which I posted about. You need to block her on all social media. And so does your husband. Why did he have an affair? Are you two in counseling? Time too, to distance your kids from her kids. Keep them busy with other friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 For the sake of your family, you need to explain things to your daughter and not let this woman guilt trip you. All she's doing is using her daughter to stay a part of your husbands life, and ruin your chance at a reconciliation. Better yet you both explain, with him doing most of the talking. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BuddyX Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 (edited) Better yet you both explain, with him doing most of the talking. Yup, where is your husband in all of this? His first and only text message should be "B*tch if you don't stop I'll get the authority's involved". It's time for your hubby to man up. Edited January 9, 2017 by BuddyX Grammar 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 Affairs are sordid secrets. That's part of the excitement & that's why this woman still has so much power over you & your husband. You can either lay low, lie to your daughter & try to break the friendship (hard at that age) & tolerate whatever she throws at you hoping that she will eventually completely move on to another man & loose interest. The girls friendship might drift apart naturally given enough time....or expose yourselves stripping her of her power. If you choose the latter you can tell your daughter in an age appropriate way. She probably already knows that something has been very, very wrong in the family & could have been letting her imagination run wild. You could also do the right thing & inform the other woman who's husband she's messing with. Is your husband truly providing you with all of the things you need to process & work through his adultery? I see a danger here. You seem united by your common loathing of this woman. The way you speak makes it seem like you're seeing your husband as an innocent victim of the evil home-wrecker! He didn't know about this side of her when he started the affair. What would have happened if she'd been a soft, loving, non confrontational kind of woman? What did your husband say & do to HER? She could be the narcissist you describe but given the situation I don't expect you to have a flattering view of her. Was she a 'crazy' before her relationship with your H? Could she be deeply hurt, broken hearted & acting out in this nasty way as a result? Possibly?? It was your husband's choice to enter into a sexual relationship with her. I don't believe this, 'She was blackmailing him into lying, sneaking, betraying you & he just had no choice but to have crazy sex with her against his will!'. It seems like your H is getting off very lightly because all of your anger is focused on the OW. He invited this nightmare into your life!! This can easily become another form of rugsweeping. Your reconciliation is going so well BECAUSE you are united against her. PLEASE make sure that you are also focused on WHY your H chose to betray you in this horrendous way. Has he read-up on "How to Help Your Spouce Recover from an Affair" (free Linda McDonald download) is he taking all of the necessary steps? What's he doing to show you that he's not going to do this again should the opportunity arise? Has he given you a timeline of their relationship? Do you have his passwords to EVERYTHING? How did they communicate? How far did it go? Did he declare his love for her? Did he promise to leave you for her? How often & where did they meet for sex? I know it's incredibly hard but you need to go through these things or they will slowly eat away at you & damage reconciliation long term. Please don't use her as a scapegoat. Your H made the vows to you "Forsaking all others" she didn't! Once her interference in your lives stops you're still living with the man who did this to you & his family. He is supposed to cherish you & protect you from pain NOT invite it into your life. Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 Sorry if something I said sounded confusing. I absolutely don't hang out with my husband's ex mistress, I can't even stand to hear her voice let alone see her face! On top of her posing as my friend while having an affair with my husband, she knows full well that I don't trust her and that she has a lying problem. I have had to have some communication with her after the affair as our kids are close friends, which has been another issue of which I posted about. Your HUSBAND allowed her to pose as your friend! I know it's hard to think about but that's a HUGE, CRUEL betrayal by your husband! My H persuaded me to throw a birthday party for his mistress in our home!! He encouraged a friendship between us. For a long time I placed the blame on HER! "How could she pretend to be my friend only to get closer to my husband? Evil woman!!". It's takes 2 to have an affair! Has your H stepped-up & told her to get-stuffed in no uncertain terms? Has HE confronted her? He should at least be trying to protect his family now. It's his fault that this is happening to you. I'm so very sorry. I know that this is a living nightmare. I've been there. My H's affair was never properly handled & that recently came back to haunt me. Please don't be like me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 First and foremost , keep your child away from this friend and woman. Kids at this age can pick up vibes and are more understanding than you believe them to be. If you don't want to come clean to your daughter then encourage more time with other friends and find some flaws in the friend that you don't want your child to pick up. You need to work around somehow and stop this friendship. It will come around to her somehow. The way this woman is behaving, it's becomes more important for this the daughter's friendship to end. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Blunt Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 By OP I think we are right in making this decision to cut this woman off even if it means our daughter will be upset as it will affect a friendship. By Blunt I am in agreement with you 100%! The adulterous woman cannot bring anything good to your family and has already almost destroyed your family. At the very least she has damaged you deeply but you can get a lot better. Have you threatened to exposed everything this woman did to your family to all her family, friends, and employer? Would that stop her from trying to involve your family with her? You have the power so find a way to keep the kockroarch loser away from your whole family. There is a way to stop her you just have to find it and do it! Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Hamilton Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 The second potential affair... Not your circus, not your monkeys. Cut her and your drama totally out of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Purepony Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 Is this a real thread ? I mean really you let your daughter hang out with her daughter come on this is an easy solution just get away if it keeps happening get a restraining order ... I don't see an issue here really Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 Just block and delete her number/social media/emails. Make sure you put all your social media on private. TBH the girls had nothing to do with this, so why punish them for it by making then end their friendship? If your daughter wants to hang out with her friend, then her friend can come over to your house, so this lady has no access to your daughter. You are going to have to give your daughter an explanation of some kind as to why. You can tell her you had a falling out with her friend's mother and it would make you feel more comfortable that she doesn't go over there anymore. As for all the other crap, your husband needs to step up and put out all those fires that this crazy lady keeps starting with your family. Link to post Share on other sites
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