drasifus Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 Hey guys my first post. New to the forum. So here goes: Thanks for the patience ;-) I broke up with my girlfriend 4 months ago after dating for 6 months. She mentioned she wasn't happy and attempted to dump me, but we worked it out. That night for some odd reason, i impulsively replied to a message to a girl on OKCupid for the first time during our relationship...very non-flirtatious, with literally no intentions of taking it further (it was impulsive, just a friendly reply). She snooped (for the first time) the following morning and confronted me. I said that it meant nothing, obviously I should have properly addressed the matter in hindsight (she was smiling at the time, so it seemed ok i guess?). A week later she dumped me giving a myriad of other reasons e.g. its not you etc etc. Now im beating myself up over it. Still to this day, I wonder if this was the straw that broke the camels back...one lapse of concentration. Well its clear that im still in love with her, yes you might say it was a short relationship, but in my world (religious) it was long enough to discuss the prospect of marriage and get serious etc....i have not been in contact with her, but gosh do i desperately want her back...stunning girl both inside and out....the annoying thing is i still cant think of a bad thing to say about her. She was literally perfect in every sense. This is driving me nuts. Any chance of initiating contact and trying again? I've tried everything to move on...but i am constantly beating myself up about it. Thanks for your time guys! Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 A lapse in concentration? I hope you didn't expect your ex to actually buy that. I assume she is much smarter than that. A lapse in concentration is not the reason you replied to a girl from a dating website. At least be honest with yourself. I think you probably have killed any chance of reconciliation. Why would she want to get back together with a man who broke her trust at the precise time she was giving him a second chance? All you did was confirm that she made the right decision the first time she tried to end it. Take this as a lesson. Don't repeat this mistake with future girlfriends. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Bee4Shine Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 Chances are your ex was thinking of making a change before you got on the dating website. Especially if you broke up and made up. If my bf had done that (the dating site), I would seriously consider making a change. The question is why did you feel the need? Why did she feel the need to snoop? Seems like there is more to the story. The next step is to seriously work on yourself. Be confident in who you are. If she is the person for you, and takes note of the changes you are making, maybe she will come back. If not, move on. You cannot control her only yourself and your future. I do agree with the PP - don't make that mistake with future girlfriends. It is very hurtful. Link to post Share on other sites
LargoLagg Posted December 13, 2016 Share Posted December 13, 2016 Hey guys my first post. New to the forum. So here goes: Thanks for the patience ;-) I broke up with my girlfriend 4 months ago after dating for 6 months. She mentioned she wasn't happy and attempted to dump me, but we worked it out. That night for some odd reason, i impulsively replied to a message to a girl on OKCupid for the first time during our relationship...very non-flirtatious, with literally no intentions of taking it further (it was impulsive, just a friendly reply). She snooped (for the first time) the following morning and confronted me. I said that it meant nothing, obviously I should have properly addressed the matter in hindsight (she was smiling at the time, so it seemed ok i guess?). A week later she dumped me giving a myriad of other reasons e.g. its not you etc etc. Now im beating myself up over it. Still to this day, I wonder if this was the straw that broke the camels back...one lapse of concentration. Well its clear that im still in love with her, yes you might say it was a short relationship, but in my world (religious) it was long enough to discuss the prospect of marriage and get serious etc....i have not been in contact with her, but gosh do i desperately want her back...stunning girl both inside and out....the annoying thing is i still cant think of a bad thing to say about her. She was literally perfect in every sense. This is driving me nuts. Any chance of initiating contact and trying again? I've tried everything to move on...but i am constantly beating myself up about it. Thanks for your time guys!Some words stick out at me: she wasn't happy and attempted to dump me i impulsively replied to a message [the girlfriend] snooped (for the first time) the following morning she was smiling at the time A week later she dumped me You see what happened there OP? You were set up. You didn't go quietly on your own the first time you were dumped, you needed a better reason, and so she gave you one that you couldn't refute. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author drasifus Posted December 14, 2016 Author Share Posted December 14, 2016 Thanks for the responses guys, much appreciated. Yes the reasons for us ending is obvious. I guess my issue is what she thinks of me now. I failed to explain or apologize to her at all why i had sent that one message on okcupid (for some reason didn't think it a big deal at the time), but from her perspective she probably thinks i was sending messages to girls throughout the relationship which is false. I have to continue to interact with this girl as we have overlapping social circles, but i have this social complexion now of what she thinks of me...yes this might be due to the fact that i still have feeling for her...or it might be pride/ego...she really is lovely, and i hate to think she has bad blood towards me. Should i tell her about the OKcupid scenario just for my peace of mind even though its completely irrelevant? Grrr these feelings...all in my head :-( Link to post Share on other sites
LargoLagg Posted December 14, 2016 Share Posted December 14, 2016 Thanks for the responses guys, much appreciated. Yes the reasons for us ending is obvious. I guess my issue is what she thinks of me now. I failed to explain or apologize to her at all why i had sent that one message on okcupid (for some reason didn't think it a big deal at the time), but from her perspective she probably thinks i was sending messages to girls throughout the relationship which is false. I have to continue to interact with this girl as we have overlapping social circles, but i have this social complexion now of what she thinks of me...yes this might be due to the fact that i still have feeling for her...or it might be pride/ego...she really is lovely, and i hate to think she has bad blood towards me. Should i tell her about the OKcupid scenario just for my peace of mind even though its completely irrelevant? Grrr these feelings...all in my head :-(Uh, no, disagree. She dumped you for the same reasons as the first time. The OKCupid thing was the excuse. She doesn't care that you did that, and she probably doesn't think poorly of you right now, believe it or not. But if you keep on bugging her with relationship stuff now that you're not in one, she's going to think poorly of you, in the most irredeemable of ways. If you really want to look good in her eyes, disappear as much as possible and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted December 14, 2016 Share Posted December 14, 2016 six months is way too short of a time for so much drama. You should be in absolute limerence at that point, rose colored glasses that make everything appear perfect. I would say this relationship was doomed from the start. Why wasn't she happy? Why did she break up the first time? I don't think healthy relationships should be so rocky. Link to post Share on other sites
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