I really need advice on what I should do with my relationship...please read this

[confused_guy87]

Please help me...I have been dating my girlfriend for almost 2 years now, and I am not sure if I should stay in this relationship. This my first time ever using a forum, but i didn't know where else to turn. I really hope someone out there can give me some advice on what to do.

 

I met my girlfriend two years ago in high school...I am a fairly attrative person and so is she, but she was a little overweight (not that i care about it...i am just painting the picture for you so you can understand the situation). Ok..what else...umm we are generally average people both very agreeable, understanding, and caring people...anyway here is what happened.

 

Eventually, after we had been dating for a while we found each other falling in love with each other (soo we really, really liked each other).....I would always do anything for her, anything she ever wanted...(ok i was a little whipped), but i really don't mind doing things for her, i treated her like a queen (her words), and i don't mean i showered her gifts, but i treated her in a way that made her feel so good, and i made her so happy...anyway i don't want to bore anyone there...but basically what i am saying is that we both were really really happy

 

Now...lets cut to today...i am sitting here at her house, and she is laying about 10 feet away from me...and she doesnt know i am writing this. Ok so lately (the past few months) she has been being so so so mean to me...she doesn't say thank you anymore...she never wants to do romantic things anymore, she just sits and watches tv all day, and when she is not watching tv she is sleepying and she really is turning into a fatass (sorry but she really is). She doesn't kiss me goodnight, she never says bye when she is leaving...her whole entire aura (the feeling when i am around her) is sooonegative and bad...it almost puts me in a bad mood just to sit with her.

 

I just don't feel like i deserve this, i have worked so hard at making this a great relationship and it feels like she just destroyed all my work...she is perfectly healthy, she is not sick......so i really, really have no i dea about what to do.

 

Please send any advice you have, or any explanation as to what is wrong with her....anything will help

[Samantha2005]

she has been being so so so mean to me...she doesn't say thank you anymore...she never wants to do romantic things anymore, she just sits and watches tv all day, and when she is not watching tv she is sleepying

 

 

Okay, so she might be perfectly healthy, but that's what women do when they're DEPRESSED. Three things:

 

1. She could be angry and depressed about the weight issue and this comes through by her not being happy, sleeping all the time, and never thankful for the things you do. Weight issues can make women extremely grouchy.

 

2. She has self esteem issues, maybe as a result of the weight problem.

 

3. You're being too nice. It's great to show respect and love for your partner, but if the pendulum swings to far in the other direction, you can open yourself up for just this sort of abuse. They'll start taking you for granted.

 

So try to find a happier medium there.

 

Don't know what to tell you except maybe to write her a letter and tell her exactly how you've been feeling. Tell her you care for her, but you want her to realize what the relationship has become, it is not fair to you (or to her) and both of you can either work on it constructively or best to end it.

 

Good luck on this

[outdated]

She doesn't know how to tell you she's through.

[Samantha2005]

But then again, maybe not.

[confused_guy87]

Thank you so much for your advice, I think I will write her a letter about how I feel...i just think that is probably the best way to tell her exactly how I feel. Ok, so I will do it today, and leave a message here telling you how it went.

 

Thanks agian for your idea

[Samantha2005]

I know you probably have alot you want to say to her, but try to be brief and straight to the point on the things you really want to say. So, when she reads it there will be less clouding of issues.

 

Whatever you write, I'm sure it will be fine... you have really good writing skills.

 

We'll be waiting to hear. Good luck.

[lostNconfusedx10]

the weight thing is definetly a good thougt, i never would have thoght about that. But what i am wondering is what the weight is caused by? Does it have to do with her body changing (which girls do around that age) or is eating some kind of self therapy to her. If its her body changing then yes, i could see how it would make her irritable and self consumed. But when it comes to break ups its never straight to the point. Things just dont go great and then all of a sudden BAM! Thats just nqot how it works. Things go downhill and the most common strategy is just to make the partner break up with you so that you dont have to do it. Just have a talk with her. Find out what is going on in her head and what she thinks about you guys. Only you and she knows what is going on between you.

[Samantha2005]

Well... I am f (female) and I've been a female all of my life .

 

And I'm here to tell you that when females put on weight ... no matter the reason, period related, thyroid related, just being plain lazy related they are going to be grouchy and irritable !! It's a self esteem issue. In reading the original post, he states that all she does is sit and watch tv or sleep.

 

He'd be best served to go ahead and send that letter to her because there is just no way of knowing what it really is until he asks.

 

Finally, I have a feeling that if she REALLY didn't want him there, she'd have found a way to stop his visits... I always did and still do ...and most of the women I know the same.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Ok so lately (the past few months) she has been being so so so mean to me...she doesn't say thank you anymore...she never wants to do romantic things anymore, she just sits and watches tv all day, and when she is not watching tv she is sleepying and she really is turning into a fatass (sorry but she really is). She doesn't kiss me goodnight, she never says bye when she is leaving...her whole entire aura (the feeling when i am around her) is sooonegative and bad...it almost puts me in a bad mood just to sit with her.

 

She could be depressed - but ... if she is only this way with you, and the rest of her behaviors with other things/people are normal and she shows motivation and desire in other things then her problem isn't depression - its the relationship.

 

If its the relationship that is the problem, then she may be breaking up slowly without giving you the courtesy of letting you know that she is emotionally withdrawing herself from the relationship. Time for you to make the move here.

 

This is the time where you may want to approach her, and let her know that she doesn't seem happy with the relationship anymore, and that as a result you aren't happy either. (No need to bring up her specific behaviors - those are just symptoms of her unhappiness so keep it to the 'unhappy with the relationship' angle). Ask her if she thinks the two of you would do better with some time apart.

 

If she says yes, then that's what you'll have to deal with. Tell her that "friends" isn't an option, and that "time apart" would best be served in the form of a breakup.

[Samantha2005]

This is the time where you may want to approach her, and let her know that she doesn't seem happy with the relationship anymore, and that as a result you aren't happy either.

 

My point exactly... that's why he needs to send the mail.

 

I'm still hesitant to say it's the relationship. It could be the weight problem or some other problem completely unknown to confused guy.

 

Speaking with first hand experience, that of my own and my girlfriends, if she did not want him around and thinking of HIM as the primary (rather than a secondary) problem, she would have found a way to push him off long ago.

 

Send the letter ASAP ... then let us all know what she says.

[confused_guy87]

Alright, well I wrote her the letter, and what it said was basically what i already told you, I told her how I felt that she didn't care about the relationship anymore, and I told her how it had been making me feel, and I told her that if she didn't want to be in this relationship anymore than she should tell me.

 

After she read the letter she started to cry and she told me that she didn't realise she was actually doing those things, and she told me that she was really, really stressed out about having to start university pretty soon...

 

So...we have now made up, and she has changed back into her old self.

 

Thank you to everyone who gave me advice, without it I would have been lost

 

~Chris