Both married having an affair. [update: First day of NC]

[Cephalopod]

Seriously guys, I'm trying to get over the fact he's just told me his wife is pregnant.

 

I am disgusted. I actually think I hate him.

 

Gosh. How could a husband ever dare to get his wife pregnant? That is just terrible!

 

 

Do you even realize how delusional you sound right now?

[waterwoman]

Why does his wife's pregnancy make him a sick man?

[elaine567]

He is not sick, he is just a guy who wanted some "extra" and so told you just what you wanted to hear to get some... YOU entered into this knowing that, but once feelings were involved, you projected YOUR feelings onto him. I guess he is still a guy just wanting some "extra".

 

He told you he didn't want any more kids as had you gone all gung-ho and got pregnant, then that would have been awkward to say the least. But with his wife? What is wrong with that? People have kids in their 40s all the time.

Did you just assume or did he tell you that he and his wife were not having sex at all?

 

This is the reality of affairs, too many women get caught up in the "love story", but it is a "love story" that they write themselves and it often bears no resemblance to reality.

[freengreen]

Aurora,

 

When I ended same thing happened with me ( i blocked him thou) that I went dull and cranky and would not want anyone around..2 days after it my husband figured it out. DDay happened, it was the best thing ever happened this year.

 

Its like quick sand. The more you move the more you get sucked in. Its the only rule.

 

The man blocked you. How dare! and he got further nerves to ask you to wait. Damn girl, get up , dust yourself and slam the door harder and let him know that no one aint waiting for him.

And on his wife getting pregnant... just leave it be. Not your monkeys hey!

 

 

You have to get up and take charge. YOUR family needs you. He is giving a big hoot about you. Its not hard to chose.

Edited December 18, 2016 by freengreen

[Aurorra79]

Thank you everyone for your replies albeit some harsh ones in there.

 

I am so angry I have been duped and potentially ruining my own life because of some stupid guy who manipulated and used me. I totally understand I was his bit on the side and never did I not believe he was still having sex with his wife.

 

I want to tell his wife. Shall I? Poor innocent child being brought into this world with pathetic parents (they both are just as pathetic as each other). Their own relationship built on lies and deceit.

 

I have a lot of making up to my own family to do.

[AutumnMoon]

Is this the guy that's been married three times ?

 

 

 

There is no need for you to tell his wife anything I do not think you are in the position to have the right to do that I am sure she has her own gut instincts or her own friends and family can tell her their own suspicions .

 

Be mad use that to feel yourself to get over him . Avoid him like the plague .

[MidnightBlue1980]

This what I thought too. He swears black and blue he's not lying.

 

He told me she couldn't have anymore kids, and told me he was worried that I might get pregnant as he definitely did not want anymore kids.

 

I can't believe this is happening.

 

I know who his wife his, I feel like telling her but I won't stoop that low.

 

I'm 44 and the equipment still works. Most men have no idea about women's reproductive equipment. Unless she had her tubes tied, she's fertile until menopause, around her 50s.

 

Sometimes I am in favor of telling but this is not one of those times. You should not cause a pregnant woman extra stress.

[MidnightBlue1980]

I think the harshness is because it is almost Xmas and she has little children and a husband who deserve to be happy in the holidays and she is sobbing her heart out and ignoring them all for the sake of a serial cheater who is only in it for sex...

 

Most of us have kids here and are married, yet we can all relate to this feeling, the unbelievable agony of loving someone who treats us like a piece of garbage and wanting him all the same. At that point, logic has no place.

 

OP, I would not approach him Monday, every step you take when you continue to contact him is one step more in the wrong direction. Plus, it makes you look crazy. I felt every bit the same amount of pain you did but what kept my behavior in check honestly was Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction, where she basically went off the deep end after the married guy rejected her for his wife. She got shot in the head at the end and no one felt sorry for her.

 

You need something to keep your behavior in check. Do not be the crazy other woman after some other woman's husband.

 

I also am in agreement with telling your husband.

[malvern99]

Yes, tell his wife and give her proof.

[BaileyB]

Consider this your reason to end your relationship with this married man.

 

I find it interesting that you are disgusted that his wife is pregnant, when you have been having an affair with a married man in your own home, with little consideration for your husband or your children. If I may say honestly, your attitude is very entitled and it brings to mind the old saying... People who live in glass houses...

 

Have some self respect and walk away... don't get more involved by telling his wife. You should be focusing on reinvesting in your family and caring for your children. The fact that you are not, is a problem you need to think long and hard about...

Edited December 18, 2016 by BaileyB

[elaine567]

Poor innocent child being brought into this world with pathetic parents (they both are just as pathetic as each other). Their own relationship built on lies and deceit.

 

Why is she pathetic?

[MidnightBlue1980]

Why is she pathetic?

 

I hope it is not because she is 43 and pregnant. She is the innocent one here, and the baby.

 

I read that article linked on the thread too. It is scary men think that way, all to use a woman for sex.

[elaine567]

I read that article linked on the thread too. It is scary men think that way, all to use a woman for sex.

 

Yes. - >

"She believes I’m in love with her, because that is what I’ve told her."

[freengreen]

More than telling his wife Aurorra, you need to focus on your kids.

 

Ask me why?

Its not fair on your kids at all that they are losing the game to this guy.

Its important you get out of this rut and swear to never go back again. Work on yourself.

What does YOUR family get anything out of telling his wife

Well, the wife might already have a clue that he is not loyal.

 

However, if the guy contacts you and wont leave you alone, tell his wife.

[MidnightBlue1980]

Yes. - >

"She believes I’m in love with her, because that is what I’ve told her."

 

I don't want to thread jump but yes, when I read this line in the article, chills went down my spine as the same thing was done to me. I still can't wrap my mind around how a man would lie and say he loves you, just to get sex, but I have learned so much about men and their minds from this site.

 

It's like molecular biology - while I cannot understand it, I believe it to be true.

 

Talk about trust issues.

[elaine567]

Remember that telling the wife may not mean she just curls up into a ball and is completely broken, destroyed and upset.

She may go on the attack and tell your husband, your family, your kids, your neighbours, your friends, she may enlist her friends to bully you on social media, call you out in the street or at the school, ruin your career/job prospects, anything is possible.

 

I am not saying any of it will happen, but you need to be prepared for all eventualities here.

[freengreen]

I don't want to thread jump but yes, when I read this line in the article, chills went down my spine as the same thing was done to me. I still can't wrap my mind around how a man would lie and say he loves you, just to get sex, but I have learned so much about men and their minds from this site.

 

It's like molecular biology - while I cannot understand it, I believe it to be true.

 

Talk about trust issues.

MB, it gets more trippy, while I took pride not falling for any of it in my teen years, I feel for it now, at 34... I think I need to figure out my own molecular biology first...

[MidnightBlue1980]

MB, it gets more trippy, while I took pride not falling for any of it in my teen years, I feel for it now, at 34... I think I need to figure out my own molecular biology first...

 

I fell for it too and remained stuck for a year after it ended, all basically because of those 3 little words. I hope it was worth it to him, destroying another human being, all for sex.

 

I think we fall for it because we become complacent while married. Our husbands love us so when another man says they love us, we just believe it. Whereas when we were single, we were just more skeptical. We got soft.

[DKT3]

Thank you everyone for your replies albeit some harsh ones in there.

 

I am so angry I have been duped and potentially ruining my own life because of some stupid guy who manipulated and used me. I totally understand I was his bit on the side and never did I not believe he was still having sex with his wife.

 

I want to tell his wife. Shall I? Poor innocent child being brought into this world with pathetic parents (they both are just as pathetic as each other). Their own relationship built on lies and deceit.

 

I have a lot of making up to my own family to do.

 

If you're not going to tell your husband then your only motivation is revenge, maybe hoping she will throw him out.

 

Why are you so shocked he was sleeping with his wife? Let me guess, he told you he wasn't right....Were you sexually active with your husband or had you completely cut him off?

 

Point is you're being awefully hypocritical here. His relationship is based on lies and deceit...What about yours. He is a sick man for sleeping with his wife....What about you.

 

Me me me, in reality it's only you that you are concerned about, your feelings are the only ones important.

[jah526]

I don't want to thread jump but yes, when I read this line in the article, chills went down my spine as the same thing was done to me. I still can't wrap my mind around how a man would lie and say he loves you, just to get sex, but I have learned so much about men and their minds from this site.

 

It's like molecular biology - while I cannot understand it, I believe it to be true.

 

Talk about trust issues.

 

Sheesh, mine was straight up telling me he wanted to use me for sex and I still didn't believe it. Thought he really must have feelings in there for me somewhere. Turns out he did - he told me has SEXUAL feelings for me. Well, OK then! LOL!

 

I really can't believe all men are this way though. Maybe more men than women can do this, but I'm still holding out hope that not all of them are this way.

[MidnightBlue1980]

Sheesh, mine was straight up telling me he wanted to use me for sex and I still didn't believe it. Thought he really must have feelings in there for me somewhere. Turns out he did - he told me has SEXUAL feelings for me. Well, OK then! LOL!

 

I really can't believe all men are this way though. Maybe more men than women can do this, but I'm still holding out hope that not all of them are this way.

 

Not all men will lie to get sex, they will tell you that boys do that, the sexual urges are something a woman cannot comprehend, but as a boy becomes a man, with maturity a lot of them will not say they love you to get sex.

 

However, they basically all are able to have sex without any emotional attachment and can continue to do without growing feelings. What is important to also understand is that if they tell you they are not interested in anything other than sex, and you sleep with them anyway, they do not have any guilt or bad feelings as they believe you made an educated decision. So when the day comes that they walk away, they don't feel bad and genuinely cannot understand why the woman is upset when they were honest from the beginning.

 

I've spent a lot of time educating men IRL on this and explained to them that even though a woman may say she is okay with FWB - and may actually believe it - women almost always develop feelings AND just because they are upfront about not liking the woman, it does not let them off the hook because they are dealing with someone not capable of doing what they are asking.

 

People bear a certain moral responsibility for how they affect other people. You can't just use people, even if they say it is okay. It is still wrong.

 

Obviously I am generalizing here. There are women capable of FWB and being the OW, just as there are men who are not. But you should always assume you are the rule, not the exception.

[Aurorra79]

Remember that telling the wife may not mean she just curls up into a ball and is completely broken, destroyed and upset.

She may go on the attack and tell your husband, your family, your kids, your neighbours, your friends, she may enlist her friends to bully you on social media, call you out in the street or at the school, ruin your career/job prospects, anything is possible.

 

I am not saying any of it will happen, but you need to be prepared for all eventualities here.

 

You are completely right

[Aurorra79]

I knew he was sleeping with his wife still, so I am not shocked by it. What I am shocked by is that it ended this way. The lies he told me about his wife not being able to have any more children, the lengths he went to to make sure I wouldn't get pregnant, even though I've had my tubes tied.

 

I now know all I was, was his bit on the side, I was younger, more attractive, willing to do things in bed his wife wasn't.

 

He just had an average marriage like everyone else really at the end of the day, I told him this and I told him he needs to accept this is what he has chosen in life. He can't have his cake and eat it too. Neither can I.

 

His wife left her husband for him. So they are both just as dysfunctional as each other. Both married 3 times. I told him he should come clean if they're going to have a baby, but nope.

 

I hate him.

[Aurorra79]

Remember that telling the wife may not mean she just curls up into a ball and is completely broken, destroyed and upset.

She may go on the attack and tell your husband, your family, your kids, your neighbours, your friends, she may enlist her friends to bully you on social media, call you out in the street or at the school, ruin your career/job prospects, anything is possible.

 

I am not saying any of it will happen, but you need to be prepared for all eventualities here.

 

Elaine just wanted to say you make a lot of sense, you know exactly what you're talking about and thank you.

[Nirbhao.Nirvair]

 

I want to tell his wife. Shall I? Poor innocent child being brought into this world with pathetic parents (they both are just as pathetic as each other). Their own relationship built on lies and deceit.

 

 

And yet, you wouldn't tell your own husband. Your own relationship with your husband, from here on, will be built on lies and deceit as well, if you don't tell him.