Minka101 Posted December 15, 2016 Share Posted December 15, 2016 I have a general question. If two people are in a LDR, and they text and communicate regularly. But then one day there is nothing for the entire day. They text on what's up, and she can see he was there at 4pm and then at 10pm (he usually comes online more frequently than that). He could have been talking to someone, he could have just opened the text he received or he could have even texted his coworkers and employees. It is midnight and the girl contacts the guy asking wht's going on. Hasnt she crossed his mind once? And he replies he has been busy, he is actually still at work (he is not lying), and nothing is going right. Would you say he cares for her? I have a male friend and we discussed this situation. He said that if he cared for the girl, he would have found time and put stress aside and reached out to her (at least one text). In this case, my friend thinks, the guy just doesnt care too much. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Karma24 Posted December 15, 2016 Share Posted December 15, 2016 I agree with your friend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted December 15, 2016 Share Posted December 15, 2016 I have a general question. If two people are in a LDR, and they text and communicate regularly. But then one day there is nothing for the entire day. They text on what's up, and she can see he was there at 4pm and then at 10pm (he usually comes online more frequently than that). He could have been talking to someone, he could have just opened the text he received or he could have even texted his coworkers and employees. It is midnight and the girl contacts the guy asking wht's going on. Hasnt she crossed his mind once? And he replies he has been busy, he is actually still at work (he is not lying), and nothing is going right. Would you say he cares for her? I have a male friend and we discussed this situation. He said that if he cared for the girl, he would have found time and put stress aside and reached out to her (at least one text). In this case, my friend thinks, the guy just doesnt care too much. I think you need to get a grip on your neediness and insecurity. You shouldn't need constant communication/contact from anyone. Mature, secure, independent women with a life of their own don't fall apart because a guy doesn't contact her for 1 day. Your friend is full of sh*t. If you don't get a handle on your neediness, you will drive him away. Sometimes people do get stressed out and really busy. I don't fall apart if my SO doesn't reach out for a day. he is actually still at work (he is not lying), and nothing is going right. -- Trust him or don't. If you don't trust him, end it. Unless he's given you some real reasons to distrust him, you need to chill and see if things return to normal soon. Once in a while there might be a "blip". Deal with it by keeping yourself busy and focused on your own life for a while. In this case, my friend thinks, the guy just doesnt care too much. -- Your friend isn't where your boyfriend is right now. You friend isn't a mind-reader. Your friend may be trying to stir up trouble for you so he can have a go at you . . . It doesn't matter what your friend thinks. What matters is what you think. If your boyfriend is otherwise attentive on a regular basis and making you feel he does care, then that's what you rest on for a while. Grow up and sit back a little and observe a little bit longer instead of going off right away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 15, 2016 Share Posted December 15, 2016 Depends on perspective. Me being much older, I understand that you can't be their first priority, because life and responsibilities happen. I'm wise to know they don't care for you any less when they are busy or need their space. It's actually healthy to have a break or time apart to do your own thing or focus on something else. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted December 15, 2016 Share Posted December 15, 2016 I have a general question. If two people are in a LDR, and they text and communicate regularly. But then one day there is nothing for the entire day. They text on what's up, and she can see he was there at 4pm and then at 10pm (he usually comes online more frequently than that). He could have been talking to someone, he could have just opened the text he received or he could have even texted his coworkers and employees. It is midnight and the girl contacts the guy asking wht's going on. Hasnt she crossed his mind once? And he replies he has been busy, he is actually still at work (he is not lying), and nothing is going right. Would you say he cares for her? I have a male friend and we discussed this situation. He said that if he cared for the girl, he would have found time and put stress aside and reached out to her (at least one text). In this case, my friend thinks, the guy just doesnt care too much. You need to have a long talk with your boyfriend about your expectations. If you need him to text you all throughout the day, then you need to speak up for yourself--he may think that's too suffocating and needy (read: not confident/manly) on his part to be doing this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Minka101 Posted December 15, 2016 Author Share Posted December 15, 2016 You need to have a long talk with your boyfriend about your expectations. If you need him to text you all throughout the day, then you need to speak up for yourself--he may think that's too suffocating and needy (read: not confident/manly) on his part to be doing this. He does text, but once in a while he would just be completely quiet (either the entire day or lets say till evening hours). He knows that his gf is upset about it but claims that is th way he copes with stress. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted December 15, 2016 Share Posted December 15, 2016 He does text, but once in a while he would just be completely quiet (either the entire day or lets say till evening hours). He knows that his gf is upset about it but claims that is th way he copes with stress. Well, if that is the way he handles stress, then you have to decide whether or not you can handle that. And, if not, then you tell him you are moving on because that doesn't work for you. Nagging him and having a fit about it isn't going to help him and if it's just a day or so, give it to him. It's not much to ask. If it's a week or more, that's a different story. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted December 16, 2016 Share Posted December 16, 2016 The problem here is you usually text quite a lot from the sound of it. If he sends one text - even just saying he is having a bad day and will be working late then that one text leads to a text from you - which he then has to reply to, then you'll reply, he has to reply. That all puts more pressure on his day. I know because one of my exes was like this and wouldn't accept that I was busy and that I really needed to focus and didn't need to know what he had for lunch that day. Once he got a text from me even if it said I'm gonna have to catch up later/tomorrow he would still continue sending texts to me. If I didn't reply he would follow up with several and then it'd be the 'where are you' type texts. Sometimes people just can't get into text tennis Link to post Share on other sites
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