Am I being unreasonable? H might work w/ ex-ow again

[StillHurtin]

H has been trying ver hard to get another job that pays well. His job the exOW got him fired from was a pretty decent paying job. Since he got fired he hasn't been able to find a job that pays as well.

 

We no longer live in the same town as the exOW lives and she no longer works for the same company her and H worked together at.

 

He was looking online for jobs and their is a position open for same line of work he got him fired from. Only problem is, it's in the same town as the exOW and she also works there. He told me he wasn't going to apply. I told him it would be dumb to drive an hour and half for that job. I didn't mention the exOW. He told me he could stay down in his mom's rental apartment and come back home on the weekends. UH, what part did he NOT understand when we went through the stupid A and reconciling that I did not want him working w/ her anymore did he not get? I still didn't mention the exOW but it ticked me off that he was thinking about applying for a job where she works.

 

I am slowly regaining my trust back, but there is no way in HE!! I want him to work w/ her again. Am I being unreasonable? I don't like to tell H what he can and cannot when it comes to a job he wants, but I feel I need to put my foot down on this one. I don't trust the exow. She was the one that persued him for so many years, what would stop her from doing it again. I don't even want her talking to him anymore let alone working w/ him. I don't think H would have an A w/ her again but I just don't like the thought of them working together again.

 

I hope he isn't serious about this job.

[A Fly onThe Wall]

Originally posted by StillHurtin

Am I being unreasonable?

 

No

 

But on another note.. If paying the bills is impossible then maybe he could take the job temporarily until something else comes along.

 

But if it's not a huge rush then I would think it would do more damage than good to your relationship

[whichwayisup]

You are NOT being unreasonable. HE is! My god, it's like in his head, he's already decided he's taking the job, already making plans on his coming home and heading back to work!!

 

BIG RED FLAG here. If he takes the job, that's just playing with fire. HE may not have any intention of seeing or speaking to the OW, but who knows what HER intentions are? No way! Definately put your foot down.

[shygurl]

How long ago was their EA? / how long did it last?

 

How long ago did it end?

 

Does it seem too coincidental that he would just suddenly happen to find this job advertised in the very same town and at the very same place the exOW lives in/works at?

 

Has she tried to re-establish any contact with him since their EA ended?

 

Just out of curiosity, how did she get him fired, exactly? What were the grounds for it?

 

It DOES seem odd, though, that he'd want to have anything to do with a woman who got him fired - you'd think he'd have a lot of animosity toward her because of that?

 

Do you really feel it's accurate that there's just no other jobs around, that "pay well" that he could find other than this one?

 

What kind of compromise could YOU make? Do you presently work? If not, maybe you could get a part time job to supplement whatever income he would make @ a lesser paying job?

 

I think it's unfortunate that on one hand he's said he wouldn't apply for it yet he's already thought about how he'd do it (stay in that town during the week, live in his Mom's basement apt, etc) - kind of contradictory?

 

Do you think he's just feeling desperate to find a job - are your finances really tight?

 

Is he currently working at something now or no job @ all?

[StillHurtin]

Originally posted by shygurl

How long ago was their EA? / how long did it last?

I don't know exactly when their EA started. I know about a year b4 he filed for a D he kept talking about the exOW. It wasn't about things she said or did w/ work, but personal things. I flat out asked him if he wanted to sleep w/ her b/c he talked about her a lot. He told me if he wasn't M he would. My heart sank! About a year later is when he filed for a D. I am sure their EA started a year b4 he filed. After he filed it turned into a PA along w/ the EA.

The EA/PA lasted for about 2 months.

 

How long ago did it end?

The A ended 2 years ago.

Does it seem too coincidental that he would just suddenly happen to find this job advertised in the very same town and at the very same place the exOW lives in/works at?

I don't think it's coincidental that he would happen to find this job advertisement. He has thought about applying at the factory he worked at when we started dating and several years into our M but the exow didn't work there.

He grew up in a town a few miles from B (where we lived for several years) so it was almost his hometown. The exow lives in the same town where he grew up. We still have a lot of friends down there so I know he would like working there again so he could see his friends again more often. My mom is from B so I have been going there since I was born to see her family. I also went to college there. I lived there for 15 years until the D and then I moved back to my hometown 90 miles away.

 

Has she tried to re-establish any contact with him since their EA ended?

She has contacted H for 2 years. However, after he broke it off w/ her she would still flirt w/ him, talk about sex, would call him, would stop over at the house so she wasn't leaving him alone. She called one day and I answered. She asked me if it was me. I should of lied and said it was some other woman, lol. Anyhow, she asked me if H had heard about a co-worker having an accident and was in the hospital. I was too pi$$ed at the time to tell her to stop calling and H would find out about it at work so there was no excuse for calling. I was so angry I was at a loss for words so I handed H the phone. After he got off the phone w/ her I called her back and told her to stop calling. She started crying that this co-worker might die. She acted like I was suppose to be ok w/ her calling b/c of that. I wasn't. She told me I had no reason to be upset w/ her b/c my H was the one that started it all. I told her that was BS, she was after him since day one. She fell silent. She told me she wished the best for our M. I told her I had nothing more to say to her and hung up. She hasn't called him since.

 

Just out of curiosity, how did she get him fired, exactly? What were the grounds for it?

This is kind of a long story. H filed a lawsuit agains the company but he didn't win b/c H didn't work for a contract and it gave the company any reason to fire him. The grounds were for sexual harrassment but his lawyer stated it simple horseplay and was no reason to terminate him. What happened was that H shared an office w/ two or three other guys. The exOW was in the office talking to the guys and she made some smart comment about H (I can't remember what it was, hard telling w/ her). H grabbed her around the waist and kind of tickled her and she fell to the floor laughing. After she got up she immediately went to the HR dept and filed a complaint. The next day H was called into the HR dept and admitted to the A. He said he felt this was the exOW's way of getting him fired b/c she was afraid he was trying to get her fired (which he didn't try), it even says in his IM to her that he showed me he wasn't out to get her fired but wished she would find another job so it wouldn't be so uncomfortable working together. So H basically got fired for sexual harrassment.

 

It DOES seem odd, though, that he'd want to have anything to do with a woman who got him fired - you'd think he'd have a lot of animosity toward her because of that?

B4 the exOW got him fired they were getting along the best they could but she kept flirting and making sex comments. He told her to stop, they were only to speak on professional issues. He never said anything really bad about her, that he didn't like her, ect. But as soon as she got him fired s*** hit the fan. He said some awful things about her, things I wouldn't even say. He had a lot of animosity towards her. I guess the next day after she got him fired she was in the office crying about it. I guess she didn't realize her complaint would go that far.

 

Do you really feel it's accurate that there's just no other jobs around, that "pay well" that he could find other than this one?

B is almost twice as big as where we live now so there isn't as many job opprotunties around here. The factories here do a lot of lay off's and H doesn't want to risk being laid off a lot.

 

What kind of compromise could YOU make? Do you presently work? If not, maybe you could get a part time job to supplement whatever income he would make @ a lesser paying job?

Yes, I do have a FT job. Right now I am on a 6 week lay off b/c the preschool I work for closed down for a summer break.

 

I think it's unfortunate that on one hand he's said he wouldn't apply for it yet he's already thought about how he'd do it (stay in that town during the week, live in his Mom's basement apt, etc) - kind of contradictory?

That is what I thought. One second he says he isn't going to get the job b/c he isn't applying for it and when I made the comment it would be stupid to drive that far every day. Then he said he could live in the apartment and stay there all week.

 

Do you think he's just feeling desperate to find a job - are your finances really tight?

He is very desperate to find a better paying job. And yes, our finances are really tight. In fact we had to borrow money from his mom just to pay the darn rent, ugh! I hate borrowing money from ppl!

 

 

Is he currently working at something now or no job @ all?

Yes, he is currently working as a dept manager but makes half as much as what he did at his job the exow got him fired from.

 

 

WWIU, I agree w/ what you said. I fell like I have to take a tack hammer to his head and tell him to wake up! I didn't want to mention the exow working there b/c I am trying hard not to bring up her name anymore b/c H says when I do, it makes him think about the A and he doesn't want to think about it anymore. It's a part of his life he wants left behind. I wish it was that easy for me. Coming here doesn't help though.

 

Shygurl, I answered your ?'s in the quote box.