Is He Really Trying To Get "Other Woman" Pregnant? WHY???

[cinnamonapples86]

I'm technically the other woman but I think he's trying to get me pregnant..Here's the story...

 

I was dating this man after he newly broke up with his girlfriend. After he and I dated for a couple months, him and his ex decided to give their relationship another shot. The time that he and I were first dating, I was very closed off to him emotionally so it made sense that he might have chose her over me. However, they broke up a second time and he came back to me asking if we can start over. This time, I was completely open to him emotionally and we shared a much deeper relationship. Then his ex girlfriend came back AGAIN and he started to feel confused. He said that he knows now that he can be happy with me but he was with her for so many years and feels obligated to try again. By this time I was very emotionally invested in him. I tried ending things multiple times but somehow he convinced me that he can't live without me in his life. He says that he is in love with us both.

 

I foolishly continue to see him even though I know he is still very involved with her. I don't know if they are officially back together (I think that they are) but I get the impression that he is trying to see if their relationship will really last while also keeping me around just in case it doesn't. He is worried that I will find someone else and he will be alone if they don't work out again.

 

The strangest thing about this situation is that he jokes about getting me pregnant. At first, I didn't take the jokes seriously until he intentionally stopped pulling out and would ask me to take a test to see. He never sounds afraid, he always sounds excited about the possibility.When I asked him about it seriously he said that he doesn't know how he feels about it. He said that a part of him knows its wrong because of the situation but the other part of him wants it to happen and that he would be 100% involved if it did. I am confused as to why he would want to get me pregnant since it would ruin his relationship with his ex for good.

 

Trust me, I know that I am equally as foolish to allow this to happen...but I hate to admit that I haven't really been stopping him either. I am 34 years old, divorced with no children and I have a very successful career. He is 38, with no children, and he is a very wealthy man so money is not an issue for him. And despite this love triangle, we are both very emotionally mature and he and I have wonderful communication. He always says that we'd make such a great team because we do such a good job at communication with one another, much better than he communicates with his ex. So financially and emotionally the both of us could definitely have a child but this is such a strange circumstance. I am personally kind of shocked. Most women try to trap rich men like him but he seems to be encouraging it. It's all so confusing! Anyone have any thoughts on this??

[ThatsJustHowIRoll]

He is not a good bet. Not as a partner, and definitely not as a father.

 

My guess? He's conflict avoidant and hoping getting one of you pregnant will make up his mind for him. Dollars to doughnuts he is trying to knock up the girlfriend too. Sadly, the biggest loser will be the potential baby.

 

Having money doesn't mean he will stick around and be the partner you need. Or the father a child needs. I call BS on the emotionally mature. Both of you.

 

Children are people. For gods sake get on birth control.

[cinnamonapples86]

Well, I didn't say that it was only about money. He said that he would be 100% involved both emotionally and physically if there were to be a child. But it has crossed my mind that he could be doing the same thing to her too.

[cinnamonapples86]

He is not a good bet. Not as a partner, and definitely not as a father.

 

My guess? He's conflict avoidant and hoping getting one of you pregnant will make up his mind for him. Dollars to doughnuts he is trying to knock up the girlfriend too. Sadly, the biggest loser will be the potential baby.

 

Having money doesn't mean he will stick around and be the partner you need. Or the father a child needs. I call BS on the emotionally mature. Both of you.

 

Children are people. For gods sake get on birth control.

 

Well, I didn't say that it was only about money. He said that he would be 100% involved both emotionally and physically if there were to be a child. But it has crossed my mind that he could be doing the same thing to her too.

[ThatsJustHowIRoll]

You mean the way he's 100% invested in YOU right now?

 

Oh wait....

[BTDT2012]

There was a similar story he not too long ago. She is raising the child on her own. At 34 you should be smarter than relying on withdrawal to avoid pregnancy.

[VeveCakes]

yeah and you think a baby will ruin their relationship? It wont. It might make her reel him in stronger and you never see him again.

 

What are you thinking OP? A baby isnt about YOU or HIM. Its about the BABY. What child wants to be brought in this way.

 

This isnt going to make him choose you.

 

Smarten up...you said you have a good career so you can't really be this dumb.

[Birdies]

It's not the 1950s, lady! Take some responsibility for your fertility! Unprotected / pull-out sex with some cheater who lies to you and seems to want to knock you up is SUCH a bad idea.....

[BTDT2012]

It's not the 1950s, lady! Take some responsibility for your fertility! Unprotected / pull-out sex with some cheater who lies to you and seems to want to knock you up is SUCH a bad idea.....

As well as possible exposure to STD's.

[elaine567]

I am 34 years old, divorced with no children and I have a very successful career. He is 38, with no children, and he is a very wealthy man so money is not an issue for him. And despite this love triangle, we are both very emotionally mature and he and I have wonderful communication.

 

So why are you acting like a couple of teenagers and basically having unprotected sex?

OK now he says he will be there 100% emotionally and physically for the child, but once his gf finds out, she may not let him. Words are cheap.

Attached men are often big fat cowards and when the proverbial hits the fan, they slink back to their gfs/wives/partners and usually throw the OW under a bus.

He has always rejected you in favour of her, so do not think that a baby will mean he will choose you this time.

He has already shown you she is his primary concern, you are the OW, he will want to keep it that way baby or no baby.

I'd advice you to not bring a child into this mess.

[Michelle ma Belle]

I'm technically the other woman but I think he's trying to get me pregnant..Here's the story...

 

I was dating this man after he newly broke up with his girlfriend. After he and I dated for a couple months, him and his ex decided to give their relationship another shot. The time that he and I were first dating, I was very closed off to him emotionally so it made sense that he might have chose her over me. However, they broke up a second time and he came back to me asking if we can start over. This time, I was completely open to him emotionally and we shared a much deeper relationship. Then his ex girlfriend came back AGAIN and he started to feel confused. He said that he knows now that he can be happy with me but he was with her for so many years and feels obligated to try again. By this time I was very emotionally invested in him. I tried ending things multiple times but somehow he convinced me that he can't live without me in his life. He says that he is in love with us both.

 

I foolishly continue to see him even though I know he is still very involved with her. I don't know if they are officially back together (I think that they are) but I get the impression that he is trying to see if their relationship will really last while also keeping me around just in case it doesn't. He is worried that I will find someone else and he will be alone if they don't work out again.

 

The strangest thing about this situation is that he jokes about getting me pregnant. At first, I didn't take the jokes seriously until he intentionally stopped pulling out and would ask me to take a test to see. He never sounds afraid, he always sounds excited about the possibility.When I asked him about it seriously he said that he doesn't know how he feels about it. He said that a part of him knows its wrong because of the situation but the other part of him wants it to happen and that he would be 100% involved if it did. I am confused as to why he would want to get me pregnant since it would ruin his relationship with his ex for good.

 

Trust me, I know that I am equally as foolish to allow this to happen...but I hate to admit that I haven't really been stopping him either. I am 34 years old, divorced with no children and I have a very successful career. He is 38, with no children, and he is a very wealthy man so money is not an issue for him. And despite this love triangle, we are both very emotionally mature and he and I have wonderful communication. He always says that we'd make such a great team because we do such a good job at communication with one another, much better than he communicates with his ex. So financially and emotionally the both of us could definitely have a child but this is such a strange circumstance. I am personally kind of shocked. Most women try to trap rich men like him but he seems to be encouraging it. It's all so confusing! Anyone have any thoughts on this??

 

 

Sweet Jesus, it's posts like this that make it so damn difficult NOT to be judgmental!

 

**smh**

 

My God, I don't even know where to begin with pointing out all the gaping holes in your situation not the least of which is how insanely RECKLESS you BOTH have been and continue to be and then to even entertain the idea of bringing an INNOCENT child into your web of lies and deceit and dysfunction is beyond irresponsible and unforgivable.

 

Shame on you both.

 

Stop being so naive. And please do not have children with this man.

[NTV]

If he's very very wealthy do you think he's saying it to try to find a way to figure out if you're with him only for the money? Do you think if you agreed to have his kid that he would leave?

 

Being caught by a woman who wants to have a child just to have a steady paycheck is a real fear for a lot of men. And no one can say it hasn't happened before.

 

That's just my 2 cents on your question. Now if you decide that you want help getting out of that relationship and finding someone that's better suited to you and a future together let me know!

[Foreverago]

You do realize that children never sway a someone to stay, or leave, or not cheat or cheat. For long anyway. His character has zero to do with his sperm count. Look at how many dead beat parents there are in the world. I mean seriously, Google the statistics. Imagine how many of those people made promises to their sex partners.

 

Beyond that, a child isn't a gambling tool. A child is a living being who grows into an adult. Someone with needs that go beyond your affair feelings. What happens if you get pregnant and he bails? Are you prepared for a child growing up feeling rejected by their father? It messes with you as a kid, trust me. The "why arent I enough?" questions are way more heartbreaking coming from a childs mouth than a mistress.

 

Think about the possible outcomes for the CHILD and not yourself when you play this game.

[cinnamonapples86]

yeah and you think a baby will ruin their relationship? It wont. It might make her reel him in stronger and you never see him again.

 

What are you thinking OP? A baby isnt about YOU or HIM. Its about the BABY. What child wants to be brought in this way.

 

This isnt going to make him choose you.

 

Smarten up...you said you have a good career so you can't really be this dumb.

 

I'm not trying to get chosen by him. That's not even what I said. Why is it wrong for a woman who wants a child to have a child? Everyone doesn't get the chance to live the happily ever after life and find their husband. Every woman doesn't get married. What if I want children but I never find a spouse? So does that mean that I can't have a child? I am completely capable of raising a child. I have a very large and supportive family.

[cinnamonapples86]

You do realize that children never sway a someone to stay, or leave, or not cheat or cheat. For long anyway. His character has zero to do with his sperm count. Look at how many dead beat parents there are in the world. I mean seriously, Google the statistics. Imagine how many of those people made promises to their sex partners.

 

Beyond that, a child isn't a gambling tool. A child is a living being who grows into an adult. Someone with needs that go beyond your affair feelings. What happens if you get pregnant and he bails? Are you prepared for a child growing up feeling rejected by their father? It messes with you as a kid, trust me. The "why arent I enough?" questions are way more heartbreaking coming from a childs mouth than a mistress.

 

Think about the possible outcomes for the CHILD and not yourself when you play this game.

 

Once again, I never said that I wanted to have a child to keep him. That was never my intention. It was more about the fact that I have always wanted children and unfortunately society doesn't realize that not everyone meets her prince charming. Not every woman finds a husband. And if you are a woman who is getting older and wants a child, why is it so "stupid" to have a child regardless if you are married or not. My parents separated when I was really young and I never felt reject. My mom remarried and my dad remarried and both my step mom and step dad loved me dearly. My father was always there for me. These are all misconceptions that do not apply to everyone.

[cinnamonapples86]

Sweet Jesus, it's posts like this that make it so damn difficult NOT to be judgmental!

 

**smh**

 

My God, I don't even know where to begin with pointing out all the gaping holes in your situation not the least of which is how insanely RECKLESS you BOTH have been and continue to be and then to even entertain the idea of bringing an INNOCENT child into your web of lies and deceit and dysfunction is beyond irresponsible and unforgivable.

 

Shame on you both.

 

Stop being so naive. And please do not have children with this man.

 

Why is this stupid? Because we aren't married? Do you know that plenty of people never find a spouse? So if a capable, financially, and emotionally stable adult wants a child should they just not have one all because they don't have a spouse? I think everyone is assuming that I want a child to keep him. That is not the case at all. I am the one who has ended things so I can do fine without him. This is more about the fact that I feel ready to have a child. I'm sorry that I'm not sticking to tradition by finding a husband first but can we all admit that not everyone finds a life partner? And what should those people do if they want children?

[Foreverago]

You're not thinking with your head though and from your post its not about having the child, it's about having him. Come on now, you are on a mistress forum.

 

If you're going to pick a random or sperm donor to make a child for yourself, more power to you. What you're playing with is choosing to bring a child into ready made drama. No kid deserves that. There are absolutely other ways to have a child without this instability.

 

Let's say he wants to stay with her and you are already pregnant. Let's say he decides you should split custody so he and his girlfriend can raise your child 50/50 and play happy family? You ok with that? Again, think. Think of all the possible outcomes for the kid and not your desire to pretend this is remotely wise.

 

I know women who've had a child without a spouse and they didn't go about doing it this way. You are 34, in theory, there's still plenty of time to have a child in a healthier setting.

[cinnamonapples86]

You're not thinking with your head though and from your post its not about having the child, it's about having him. Come on now, you are on a mistress forum.

 

If you're going to pick a random or sperm donor to make a child for yourself, more power to you. What you're playing with is choosing to bring a child into ready made drama. No kid deserves that. There are absolutely other ways to have a child without this instability.

 

Let's say he wants to stay with her and you are already pregnant. Let's say he decides you should split custody so he and his girlfriend can raise your child 50/50 and play happy family? You ok with that? Again, think. Think of all the possible outcomes for the kid and not your desire to pretend this is remotely wise.

 

I know women who've had a child without a spouse and they didn't go about doing it this way. You are 34, in theory, there's still plenty of time to have a child in a healthier setting.

 

 

I have thought of all the outcomes and those are not outcomes that scare me. If I am able to handle this with a mature mentality then it won't be an issue for the child. I won't be bitter if he decides to be with her. I'm completely capable of co-parenting even if she remains involved. The child's well being is based on how well he and I work together and if we work together fine then the child will be fine, regardless if he and I are together or not.

[NTV]

Why is this stupid? Because we aren't married? Do you know that plenty of people never find a spouse? So if a capable, financially, and emotionally stable adult wants a child should they just not have one all because they don't have a spouse? I think everyone is assuming that I want a child to keep him. That is not the case at all. I am the one who has ended things so I can do fine without him. This is more about the fact that I feel ready to have a child. I'm sorry that I'm not sticking to tradition by finding a husband first but can we all admit that not everyone finds a life partner? And what should those people do if they want children?

 

It's not stupid and you have every right to feel how you feel. We can only go by what you tell us. And each person here comes from a different place in their life with different experiences to draw from and yes sometimes they judge or sound that way... but they don't say these things because folks ust want to be mean.

 

A lot of the advice that you're getting and the questions you're getting that may come across as harsh but truly comes from a place where they actually do care about you. I know I don't post because I want the people I'm talking to to fail. And honestly I don't think there's many posters here that are like that.

 

No not everybody finds a life partner you're right. But that doesn't mean they couldn't. And just speaking to probabilities here.... there is a much higher probability that you could find a life partner if you weren't in a relationship with this guy. Or do you think he is material that qualifies to be one of the great loves of your life?

 

I also think that it could be a little irritating to get responses that don't answer your original question but address the circumstances instead. I get that. Please don't let that irritation get in the way of hearing them out.

 

Just take what you can use and leave the rest. Kwim?

[elaine567]

No-one said as a 34 yo divorced woman you have no right to have a child as a single woman, and had you come on here asking questions regarding that very topic then I guess many would have been highly supportive, but no, you come on a this forum as an OW wondering what her affair partner is thinking, whilst acting seemingly totally irresponsibly as regards potential parenthood.

You are having unprotected sex in some sort of a fantasy relationship, where he repeatedly chooses his gf over you every time.

Given responses that were not what you wanted to hear and that didn't fit your agenda, you are now turning this into a "Surely a woman can have a child without a husband?" argument.

[cinnamonapples86]

I get that a lot of people are used to people who have children because they want to keep a man or they have children and become bitter when the man does not stay with them but I am not bothered by either of those outcomes. That is because I am fully capable of co-parenting if another partner is involved. What if I get married and my husband leaves me? Wouldn't I have to co-parent in that situation too? When you're focused on the child, you don't care about if they are with you or not. You only focus on doing what's best for the child.

[Foreverago]

I'm just going to leave this post with this:

 

When the mistress crowd is telling you it's a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad plan and you want to deflect about it being just for wanting kids, there's not much one can say. Be honest with yourself first. Go read the post about the mistress who thought her guy would fall in line when she got pregnant. As always, I feel so bad for the kids caught in the mess.

[Birdies]

Why is this stupid? Because we aren't married?

 

No, it's stupid because a) you never said anywhere that you actually WANT a kid and you seem completely uninterested in being responsible about your own fertility / reproductive health,

 

and b) not only are you not married, you're not in a real relationship and he probably has a live-in partner, oh except you don't even have mature enough communication with him to know that!

 

I'm not judging the affair, I had one myself, but jeez girl. This is all a hot mess and that's not a good environment to CREATE A HUMAN BEING!

Edited December 15, 2016 by Birdies

[cinnamonapples86]

It's not stupid and you have every right to feel how you feel. We can only go by what you tell us. And each person here comes from a different place in their life with different experiences to draw from and yes sometimes they judge or sound that way... but they don't say these things because folks ust want to be mean.

 

A lot of the advice that you're getting and the questions you're getting that may come across as harsh but truly comes from a place where they actually do care about you. I know I don't post because I want the people I'm talking to to fail. And honestly I don't think there's many posters here that are like that.

 

No not everybody finds a life partner you're right. But that doesn't mean they couldn't. And just speaking to probabilities here.... there is a much higher probability that you could find a life partner if you weren't in a relationship with this guy. Or do you think he is material that qualifies to be one of the great loves of your life?

 

I also think that it could be a little irritating to get responses that don't answer your original question but address the circumstances instead. I get that. Please don't let that irritation get in the way of hearing them out.

 

Just take what you can use and leave the rest. Kwim?

 

Thank you for this balanced response! I will try to listen and be open. And trust me, I get that the situation doesn't sound great and honestly, I never would've even thought about it if he hadn't mentioned a baby but ever since he has discussed an interest in it, it has got me thinking about where I am in my life and if that is something that I could have. I've always wanted children and I have always wanted a family. I'm sure there is more time for me to wait to find a suitable spouse but I just feel like my interest in having a child outweighs my interest in waiting until I find a mate. I have already had one unsuccessful marriage so I don't have these rose tented glasses about marriage before babies. In my mind, a husband is just as capable of leaving so why put so much faith in that? People are people, marriage isn't bullet proof. Despite his back and forth, I genuinely believe that he is not the type of guy to abandon a child. He even mentioned that he could never live with himself if he denied a part of him (a baby). So I don't think he'd go MIA. And even if he did, my love for the child would be great enough to compensate. I initially asked the question because I was not sure why he wanted to have a child with me. I was just curious about it what his intentions and motivation was since he's the apparent "confused" one.

[cinnamonapples86]

It's not stupid and you have every right to feel how you feel. We can only go by what you tell us. And each person here comes from a different place in their life with different experiences to draw from and yes sometimes they judge or sound that way... but they don't say these things because folks ust want to be mean.

 

A lot of the advice that you're getting and the questions you're getting that may come across as harsh but truly comes from a place where they actually do care about you. I know I don't post because I want the people I'm talking to to fail. And honestly I don't think there's many posters here that are like that.

 

No not everybody finds a life partner you're right. But that doesn't mean they couldn't. And just speaking to probabilities here.... there is a much higher probability that you could find a life partner if you weren't in a relationship with this guy. Or do you think he is material that qualifies to be one of the great loves of your life?

 

I also think that it could be a little irritating to get responses that don't answer your original question but address the circumstances instead. I get that. Please don't let that irritation get in the way of hearing them out.

 

Just take what you can use and leave the rest. Kwim?

 

hank you for this balanced response! I will try to listen and be open. And trust me, I get that the situation doesn't sound great and honestly, I never would've even thought about it if he hadn't mentioned a baby but ever since he has discussed an interest in it, it has got me thinking about where I am in my life and if that is something that I could have. I've always wanted children and I have always wanted a family. I'm sure there is more time for me to wait to find a suitable spouse but I just feel like my interest in having a child outweighs my interest in waiting until I find a mate. I have already had one unsuccessful marriage so I don't have these rose tented glasses about marriage before babies. In my mind, a husband is just as capable of leaving so why put so much faith in that? People are people, marriage isn't bullet proof. Despite his back and forth, I genuinely believe that he is not the type of guy to abandon a child. He even mentioned that he could never live with himself if he denied a part of him (a baby). So I don't think he'd go MIA. And even if he did, my love for the child would be great enough to compensate. I initially asked the question because I was not sure why he wanted to have a child with me. I was just curious about it what his intentions and motivation was since he's the apparent "confused" one.