Is He Really Trying To Get "Other Woman" Pregnant? WHY???

[cinnamonapples86]

No, it's stupid because a) you never said anywhere that you actually WANT a kid and you seem completely uninterested in being responsible about your own fertility / reproductive health,

 

and b) not only are you not married, you're not in a real relationship and he probably has a live-in partner, oh except you don't even have mature enough communication with him to know that!

 

I'm not judging the affair, I had one myself, but jeez girl. This is all a hot mess and that's not a good environment to CREATE A HUMAN BEING!

 

Again, missing the point. The question was mostly aimed at why he was so interested in having a child with me. I never said anything about having a child to keep him. It doesn't really matter if he is with me or not, if we are co-parenting and taking care of the child then our relationship status doesn't matter. And I do actually know what his situation is with his ex because we have had mature conversations about it. The only thing a child needs in love. emotional and financial support. If we both provide that then how is it bad?

[cinnamonapples86]

I'm just going to leave this post with this:

 

When the mistress crowd is telling you it's a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad plan and you want to deflect about it being just for wanting kids, there's not much one can say. Be honest with yourself first. Go read the post about the mistress who thought her guy would fall in line when she got pregnant. As always, I feel so bad for the kids caught in the mess.

 

I think I'm being pretty honest with myself. Not once did I say I hope that a kid will keep him. It doesn't matter if he and I are together or not. Kids only need love, emotional support, and financial support. People can provide that without being in a relationship.

[Birdies]

Again, missing the point. The question was mostly aimed at why he was so interested in having a child with me. I never said anything about having a child to keep him. It doesn't really matter if he is with me or not, if we are co-parenting and taking care of the child then our relationship status doesn't matter. And I do actually know what his situation is with his ex because we have had mature conversations about it. The only thing a child needs in love. emotional and financial support. If we both provide that then how is it bad?

 

You said in your original post that you don't know if he and his ex are back together.

 

I'm not missing the point. I just think that I, and many other people, were surprised at the nonchalance at which you discussed maybe getting knocked up by a guy who is maybe in a serious partnership but you're not really sure, as if you had no control over the matter. Wondering why he's interested in doing that is like wondering why the Titanic is sinking. Who cares why it's happening, the point is is that it's a disaster in the making and you need to get away from that situation.

 

If you don't see why it's a bad idea to have a baby with a guy who may or may not be cheating on his life partner with you, and definitely only wants to keep you around on the back burner.... well I'm not sure what else to say. Except find a sperm donor if you really want a kid - don't bring an innocent child into this dumpster fire of a situation.

[Lady2163]

Again, missing the point. The question was mostly aimed at why he was so interested in having a child with me. I never said anything about having a child to keep him. It doesn't really matter if he is with me or not, if we are co-parenting and taking care of the child then our relationship status doesn't matter. And I do actually know what his situation is with his ex because we have had mature conversations about it. The only thing a child needs in love. emotional and financial support. If we both provide that then how is it bad?

 

You're looking at this with rose colored glasses.

 

His girlfriend may not be so onboard with him having a baby and a baby mama.

 

Have you spent extended periods of time with newborns under a year?

 

Babies don't care if you're tired. Babies don't care if you have to work ten hours. Babies don't sleep through the night for a really long time. Even longer if they have any problems.

 

Do you think the baby daddy is going to come spend the night and get up with the baby? Do you think he's going to take him/her a full 50% of the time? Ve known a lot,of single parents and if the child is sick, nn custodial parent often zooms them back to the primary caregiver.

 

I don't think you're thinking this through at all.

 

Oh - and pulling out is ineffective as birth control. Give it time, you'll be pregnant.

[cinnamonapples86]

You're looking at this with rose colored glasses.

 

His girlfriend may not be so onboard with him having a baby and a baby mama.

 

Have you spent extended periods of time with newborns under a year?

 

Babies don't care if you're tired. Babies don't care if you have to work ten hours. Babies don't sleep through the night for a really long time. Even longer if they have any problems.

 

Do you think the baby daddy is going to come spend the night and get up with the baby? Do you think he's going to take him/her a full 50% of the time? Ve known a lot,of single parents and if the child is sick, nn custodial parent often zooms them back to the primary caregiver.

 

I don't think you're thinking this through at all.

 

Oh - and pulling out is ineffective as birth control. Give it time, you'll be pregnant.

 

I have spent plenty of time with newborns, children, and teenagers from my time as a teacher. I am no weak woman who folds easily to life pressures, the thing I am most sure of is that I can and will handle a child just fine. What his girlfriend decides to do or not to do has nothing to do with what I can do for the child. He has already expressed what his role will be in the child's life.

[cinnamonapples86]

You said in your original post that you don't know if he and his ex are back together.

 

I'm not missing the point. I just think that I, and many other people, were surprised at the nonchalance at which you discussed maybe getting knocked up by a guy who is maybe in a serious partnership but you're not really sure, as if you had no control over the matter. Wondering why he's interested in doing that is like wondering why the Titanic is sinking. Who cares why it's happening, the point is is that it's a disaster in the making and you need to get away from that situation.

 

If you don't see why it's a bad idea to have a baby with a guy who may or may not be cheating on his life partner with you, and definitely only wants to keep you around on the back burner.... well I'm not sure what else to say. Except find a sperm donor if you really want a kid - don't bring an innocent child into this dumpster fire of a situation.

 

If the child is receiving love, emotional support, and financial support then how is that a bad situation? Kids don't care about relationship status, they only care about being loved, taken care of, and nurtured. How does his dealings with the two of us have any thing to do with how he will be as a father? And how does my relationship status have anything to do with my ability to be a mother?

[Birdies]

I have spent plenty of time with newborns, children, and teenagers from my time as a teacher. I am no weak woman who folds easily to life pressures, the thing I am most sure of is that I can and will handle a child just fine. What his girlfriend decides to do or not to do has nothing to do with what I can do for the child. He has already expressed what his role will be in the child's life.

 

alright well since the two of you have your minds made up and have all these mature conversations, why are you here asking us why he's doing what he's doing? (Especially since you're disregarding all advice given.) Why not just talk to him? Honest question If you don't feel that you can talk to him about this in great depth, do you really think you should have a baby with him?

[basil67]

Why is he trying to get you preganant?

 

I would imagine it seems like a good idea at the time. Given his lack of commitment to you and his other partner, I doubt he's given the long term outcome much thought at all.

 

This guy prioritises his own desires above all else. He will continue to do so even when a child is around.

[elaine567]

Again, missing the point. The question was mostly aimed at why he was so interested in having a child with me. I never said anything about having a child to keep him. It doesn't really matter if he is with me or not, if we are co-parenting and taking care of the child then our relationship status doesn't matter. And I do actually know what his situation is with his ex because we have had mature conversations about it. The only thing a child needs in love. emotional and financial support. If we both provide that then how is it bad?

 

Some guys love to bring up having children to the women they are seeing as often to a woman's mind it tells her he is "serious" about her. She is not just casual, she is the potential mother of his children. Many men play on that to keep a woman on board to prevent her straying.

She thinks "Things may not be perfect but he thinks enough of me to tell me he wants to have kids with me so I had better hang on in there".

Many men lay on the pregnancy "jokes", the kids names, the kid's school etc. as a form of "future faking". I remember one poster here went on and on about her bf and his pregnancy jokes and how he couldn't wait for her to get pregnant and to become a dad, he then gradually faded away completely... it was all just BS on his part.

Affairs are great places to "future fake" as a man can string an OW along for almost forever in the hope that one day they will be together... if only he didn't have a wife/gf...

This man is taking it one step further, but my worry here is that the moment you get pregnant, he is going to do a u-turn and say "OMG you weren't on BC???", "You knew I've got a gf, you'll have to get rid of it...I'll pay to get it done"

He may just love the bareback sex and the "thought" of getting you pregnant, the reality - not so much...

[Birdies]

If the child is receiving love, emotional support, and financial support then how is that a bad situation? Kids don't care about relationship status, they only care about being loved, taken care of, and nurtured. How does his dealings with the two of us have any thing to do with how he will be as a father? And how does my relationship status have anything to do with my ability to be a mother?

 

I agree that kids do well if given love and emotional support from both parents. What I DON'T agree with is that you should believe that this guy will be able to do so. He has a partner, remember?! You don't think that might influence his ability to be a completely present and committed parent?

 

OK obviously you're not interested in hearing any advice, so good luck to you.

[cinnamonapples86]

alright well since the two of you have your minds made up and have all these mature conversations, why are you here asking us why he's doing what he's doing? (Especially since you're disregarding all advice given.) Why not just talk to him? Honest question If you don't feel that you can talk to him about this in great depth, do you really think you should have a baby with him?[/quote

 

Plenty of people talk to their partners and then have outside conversations with other people about the same topic. It's not strange for people to turn to multiple people on any issue. It was simply a question. I feel very comfortable with having this conversation with him. It's not even about that at all. He has encouraged me to talk to him about anything that is on my mind so that's not the problem. I was only asking for an outsiders observation.

[cinnamonapples86]

I agree that kids do well if given love and emotional support from both parents. What I DON'T agree with is that you should believe that this guy will be able to do so. He has a partner, remember?! You don't think that might influence his ability to be a completely present and committed parent?

 

OK obviously you're not interested in hearing any advice, so good luck to you.

 

This is actually a very fair observation and something I can honestly consider. My initial backlash was towards the people who thought that I was having a child to keep him or that somehow the child's life would be ruined because we are not together. I never asked anyone's opinion on that, nor was it an accurate observation. I only asked why, considering the circumstances, was he so interested in having a child. Which of course, I can ask him. I just don't think that it's impossible to co-parent just because you're not married or living together.

[cinnamonapples86]

Some guys love to bring up having children to the women they are seeing as often to a woman's mind it tells her he is "serious" about her. She is not just casual, she is the potential mother of his children. Many men play on that to keep a woman on board to prevent her straying.

She thinks "Things may not be perfect but he thinks enough of me to tell me he wants to have kids with me so I had better hang on in there".

Many men lay on the pregnancy "jokes", the kids names, the kid's school etc. as a form of "future faking". I remember one poster here went on and on about her bf and his pregnancy jokes and how he couldn't wait for her to get pregnant and to become a dad, he then gradually faded away completely... it was all just BS on his part.

Affairs are great places to "future fake" as a man can string an OW along for almost forever in the hope that one day they will be together... if only he didn't have a wife/gf...

This man is taking it one step further, but my worry here is that the moment you get pregnant, he is going to do a u-turn and say "OMG you weren't on BC???", "You knew I've got a gf, you'll have to get rid of it...I'll pay to get it done"

He may just love the bareback sex and the "thought" of getting you pregnant, the reality - not so much...

 

Yeah, this makes sense. Thank you for this non judgemental and rational response. This is definitely something that I should think about.

[NTV]

So is this the best candidate for father you can find?

[aileD]

You're his exit affair.

 

He doesnt have the balls to make a real man decision to leave the ex girlfriend for good so if he gets you pregnant it's ok for him to leave he because now he has "obligations"

 

Run honey. Run

Edited December 15, 2016 by aileD
You're/your

[ThatsJustHowIRoll]

I get that a lot of people are used to people who have children because they want to keep a man or they have children and become bitter when the man does not stay with them but I am not bothered by either of those outcomes. That is because I am fully capable of co-parenting if another partner is involved. What if I get married and my husband leaves me? Wouldn't I have to co-parent in that situation too? When you're focused on the child, you don't care about if they are with you or not. You only focus on doing what's best for the child.

 

Why? Because you are choosing to bring a child into a dysfunctional environment that begins before it's even conceived. If you don't want better for yourself, at least demand better for your potential child.

[ThatsJustHowIRoll]

I think I'm being pretty honest with myself. Not once did I say I hope that a kid will keep him. It doesn't matter if he and I are together or not. Kids only need love, emotional support, and financial support. People can provide that without being in a relationship.

 

Yeah - I thought I was an expert on parenting and what kids needed too - until I had kids. You're being naive. Because under the current arrangement you don't even have a good 50/50 chance of providing a child what they need emotionally. You're not setting yourself up for success. And watching your child suffer because of the poor decisions you put on them will eventually tear your heart out.

 

Sure, have a baby on your own, but not to a man who brings drama, dysfunction and will make your own child question your integrity.

[Birdies]

 

A) he's not your partner

 

B) sure people CAN talk to their partners and others about the same thing. It's very clear, though, that for whatever reason - you haven't been able or willing to talk to him about why he wants to knock you up. Why? And if you can talk about it in all its depth, do you really think you're ready to have a child with this man?

[cinnamonapples86]

So is this the best candidate for father you can find?

 

Well, he's a pretty great guy despite his inability to chose between two lovers. He runs his own very successful law firm, he volunteers at a children's hospital in his free time, and he runs a foundation that gives scholarships to college students, and he's been there for me 100% in spite of the circumstances. Even when he went back to his ex, he helped me with what ever I needed. He's never ignored me or disappeared. Much of this has been him admitting that he's confused and him apologizing. So yeah, I actually think he's a pretty great guy. He's just caught up in a love triangle. I don't think that makes someone a completely awful person if they are confused between two lovers.

[cinnamonapples86]

A) he's not your partner

 

B) sure people CAN talk to their partners and others about the same thing. It's very clear, though, that for whatever reason - you haven't been able or willing to talk to him about why he wants to knock you up. Why? And if you can talk about it in all its depth, do you really think you're ready to have a child with this man?

 

I told him that we should talk about it, right after I posted this and read everyone's response and he said he'd come over to discuss-- so yeah, it'll happen. In some ways we do have some form of a partnership. Titles are great and all but I know some married women who don't even communicate with their S/O like he and I do. The both of us have even made some business investments and other personal commitments together so in some ways we do have a partnership.

[Hummingbird17]

How are you going to feel sending your new baby to have visitation with him and his girlfriend? Her playing mommy to the baby?

[cinnamonapples86]

How are you going to feel sending your new baby to have visitation with him and his girlfriend? Her playing mommy to the baby?

 

Well if she treats the child well then I wouldnt have any issues. My focus would be on the child and not our relationship together.

[NTV]

Well, he's a pretty great guy despite his inability to chose between two lovers. He runs his own very successful law firm, he volunteers at a children's hospital in his free time, and he runs a foundation that gives scholarships to college students, and he's been there for me 100% in spite of the circumstances. Even when he went back to his ex, he helped me with what ever I needed. He's never ignored me or disappeared. Much of this has been him admitting that he's confused and him apologizing. So yeah, I actually think he's a pretty great guy. He's just caught up in a love triangle. I don't think that makes someone a completely awful person if they are confused between two lovers.

 

In looking for parent, look for genetic code right? Intelligence, attractiveness, physical strength, medical history etc.

[gettingstronger]

My best guess is you brought it up at some point, he knows it's something you've thought about, he capitalized on that. He hasn't the foresight to want to be involved, he'll say or give you want you want to stick around. No skin off his back, it's a situation he can buy himself out of and move on.

[BTDT2012]

Well, he's a pretty great guy despite his inability to chose between two lovers. He runs his own very successful law firm, he volunteers at a children's hospital in his free time, and he runs a foundation that gives scholarships to college students, and he's been there for me 100% in spite of the circumstances. Even when he went back to his ex, he helped me with what ever I needed. He's never ignored me or disappeared. Much of this has been him admitting that he's confused and him apologizing. So yeah, I actually think he's a pretty great guy. He's just caught up in a love triangle. I don't think that makes someone a completely awful person if they are confused between two lovers.

If they are being honest with both parties, they might not be an awful person.