Is He Really Trying To Get "Other Woman" Pregnant? WHY???

[cinnamonapples86]

My best guess is you brought it up at some point, he knows it's something you've thought about, he capitalized on that. He hasn't the foresight to want to be involved, he'll say or give you want you want to stick around. No skin off his back, it's a situation he can buy himself out of and move on.

 

No. I never brought it up to him. I have always wanted children before I met him but I have NEVER mentioned having them with him. In fact,he doesn't even know I'm considering this. When he brings it up I always say no or I ignore him. I took a plan b one morning after sex and he told me that I shouldn't take that because he wants me to have his child. And when I got on birth control he kept telling me that it's bad for me. It did give me depression so I did have to get off of it, my doctor actually agreed.

[cinnamonapples86]

In looking for parent, look for genetic code right? Intelligence, attractiveness, physical strength, medical history etc.

 

Well yeah. This may sound overly logical to some people but he is a very attractive, intelligent, and successful man. Definitely above average in all categories and if I was speaking from a biological perspective only, it's a great man to reproduce with. We actually met at the gym so we are both very active and healthy. Even took std tests together. Sure, I may not be choosing the most faithful man but I have yet to meet an attractive and wealthy man who is (sorry). This may seem very odd and untraditional to many people but there are so many other things I can appreciate about him that surpasses the relationship status. He's always been there for me, he drops what he's doing to talk to me whenever I need him (he even canceled a business meeting to talk because I was having a bad day), we supported each other through difficult times. He even drove 6 hours to see me one night. Sometimes actions speak louder than words.

[gettingstronger]

No. I never brought it up to him. I have always wanted children before I met him but I have NEVER mentioned having them with him. In fact,he doesn't even know I'm considering this. When he brings it up I always say no or I ignore him. I took a plan b one morning after sex and he told me that I shouldn't take that because he wants me to have his child. And when I got on birth control he kept telling me that it's bad for me. It did give me depression so I did have to get off of it, my doctor actually agreed.

 

Well, maybe its kismet. Your AP is a mind reader and you have a doctor that doesn't have knowledge of the different types of birth control for those that experience depression.

[BaileyB]

What do you say to a woman who is using the pull out method and not doing anything about birth control? We women have to be smarter and take more control of our reproductive health than this!

 

If you want to have a baby, that's your choice. Do I think it's wise to bring a child into this very dysfunctional relationship... Absolutely not. However, you can certainly get pregnant if it's really what you want. But saying "I don't understand what he's doing" when he refuses to pull out is just about the most ridiculous thing I've heard...

Edited December 16, 2016 by BaileyB

[whatatangledweb]

How long have you been seeing each other this time? I would ask him why he wants a child with you? Guessing will drive you crazy.

[cinnamonapples86]

Well, maybe its kismet. Your AP is a mind reader and you have a doctor that doesn't have knowledge of the different types of birth control for those that experience depression.

 

Funny....but my doctor agreed that I should get off that particular birth control, she didn't advise me to get off completely. She just said that because I was having an adverse reaction to it that I should discontinue usage. That's not uncommon. Not sure if you're a man or a woman, but for women it happens.

[cinnamonapples86]

What do you say to a woman who is using the pull out method and not doing anything about birth control? We women have to be smarter and take more control of our reproductive health than this!

 

If you want to have a baby, that's your choice. Do I think it's wise to bring a child into this very dysfunctional relationship... Absolutely not. However, you can certainly get pregnant if it's really what you want. But saying "I don't understand what he's doing" when he refuses to pull out is just about the most ridiculous thing I've heard...

 

I don't think it was a ridiculous question. If he says that he is confused then him being the person to push for a baby seems to contradict that. I was only asking to see if anyone could pin point his motivation behind wanting that. The relationship doesnt have much to do with the child and how we chose to raise it. Its not like the child would be alone and unloved or not properly taken care of. It's not like the child will be in an abusive household or anything crazy like that. The child would have parents who love them. How relationship status won't affect the child unless we allow it to.

[PinkElephants]

Well, he's a pretty great guy despite his inability to chose between two lovers.

Anything said before the "but" is negated by it. He's not a great guy. A great guy would be with you proudly, openly, and with the intent to start a family.

 

He's just caught up in a love triangle. I don't think that makes someone a completely awful person if they are confused between two lovers.

No, no he's not. Every text was a choice. Every time he took his pants off was a choice. He chose this triangle; he wasn't caught up in it. And I'm not so sure love has anything to do with it.

 

You want to believe the best in him and are doing your best to justify his actions. It's not surprising; you want him to be a good father to your potential child are and are going defend him until he proves you wrong.

 

It sounds like you've already made the decision to do it but I suspect you're on LS discussing it because you know the logic is flawed. You'd be choosing to have a child into a broken home under deceitful terms while feeling no responsibility to provide an intact two parent household. It's heartbreaking and desperate. I'm sad for both you and your unborn child. I have a 6 month old and I could never imagine hurting her this way.

 

I wish you the best of luck when this blows up, he abandons you and chooses his gf because I'll bet money that's what happens.

[goodyblue]

I don't think it was a ridiculous question. If he says that he is confused then him being the person to push for a baby seems to contradict that. I was only asking to see if anyone could pin point his motivation behind wanting that. The relationship doesnt have much to do with the child and how we chose to raise it. Its not like the child would be alone and unloved or not properly taken care of. It's not like the child will be in an abusive household or anything crazy like that. The child would have parents who love them. How relationship status won't affect the child unless we allow it to.

 

Um. Rarely does this happen. We can't all be Bruce and Demi.

[freengreen]

I cant fathom why.. just like you.

 

Its not an adrenaline game to bring a child.... I bet in him not knowing the seriousness of a little life. Hope atleast you do.

[NTV]

How much of his attractiveness is related to his position of power and his current career field versus actual physical attractiveness? And what about physical strength?

[BaileyB]

I don't think it was a ridiculous question. If he says that he is confused then him being the person to push for a baby seems to contradict that. I was only asking to see if anyone could pin point his motivation behind wanting that. The relationship doesnt have much to do with the child and how we chose to raise it. Its not like the child would be alone and unloved or not properly taken care of. It's not like the child will be in an abusive household or anything crazy like that. The child would have parents who love them. How relationship status won't affect the child unless we allow it to.

 

It sounds like you have already made the decision, but you know that you thinking is very flawed. You are very, very defensive and focusing attention away from the issues that matter onto other things that are irrelevant to your situation. I would say, with no disrespect intended, that you are quite naive in your thinking.

 

But, I wish you all the best with your baby. I just hope you really are prepared to raise this baby alone because that very well be what happens. All the best.

[elaine567]

He is worried that I will find someone else and he will be alone if they don't work out again.

 

Get an IUD would be my advice.

YOU don't really know this man well enough to have his child.

He is keeping you around as some sort of plan B, a secondary, his OW, his no.2.

Many men even rich ones, find it difficult to find suitable women who will agree to be no. 2, and once found they want to hang onto them as finding a replacement is hard work. That is often why at first they will seem to go the extra mile for her (which is often interpreted as "love" by the OW), she is besotted, he is wonderful. Once settled into the routine, she is still besotted, he isn't quite so wonderful.

He may think that if you have his child that will give him a permanent right to come a knocking on your door for years to come, whilst he gets on with his real life with someone else.

 

I think you are rationalising your position here by concentrating on the fact you could have been NO. 1 once, but you screwed it up and so in your mind you still have the chance of being No. 1 again.

Unfortunately as you have slotted in so well to the No.2 slot I guess that is where you will stay. Easier to find a new gf, than to find a discreet woman willing to put up with just about anything in order to keep him around.

 

Instead of letting him dictate the rules and you going with the flow, perhaps you need to dictate some rules of your own. You may then find out just how "serious" he really is about you.

[Starswillshine]

No, no, no. Please do not bring a child into this dysfunction.

 

There will come a time when you will be tired of being his dirty little secret. There will be a time when you are tired of being #2. There will be a time when you will want to walk away. Look through this forums and read time after time how hard it is to move on when you still have to see the person.

 

Your relationship is currently conducted in fantasy land. Bringing a child into that will not only pop that bubble but is horribly irresponsible.

 

If you would like a child so bad, I suggest IVF with a supermarket bank. Or dumb this guy for someone who can actually give you the relationship/family you may deserve.

 

/endrant

[BaileyB]

Your relationship is currently conducted in fantasy land. Bringing a child into that will not only pop that bubble but is horribly irresponsible.

 

Ain't that the truth!

[cinnamonapples86]

It sounds like you have already made the decision, but you know that you thinking is very flawed. You are very, very defensive and focusing attention away from the issues that matter onto other things that are irrelevant to your situation. I would say, with no disrespect intended, that you are quite naive in your thinking.

 

But, I wish you all the best with your baby. I just hope you really are prepared to raise this baby alone because that very well be what happens. All the best.

 

Some people's advice I listened to because they addressed my question directly and brought up legitimate concerns. The people who focused on my relationship with him are the people I had a more defensive reaponse to because I don't see how my relationship status affects my ability to raise a child. Again, this is someone who has been here for me as a friend long before we dated, and has been there for me even when he got back with his girlfriend so I just don't see him disappearing from his only child's life. Remember, we've known each other for years. But I definitely don't think that a child will make him want to be with me, but that's not what I want anyway. I would want him to be with me because he wants to be with me, not out of obligation. I get that people see a lot of deadbeats disappear but you can't say that every man is willing to walk away from their child. Not all men are like that. Yes I am prepared for that outcome but it's an outcome that I honestly don't expect from someone who has literally been super supportive (more supportive than some of my family) since I've known him.

[cinnamonapples86]

No, no, no. Please do not bring a child into this dysfunction.

 

There will come a time when you will be tired of being his dirty little secret. There will be a time when you are tired of being #2. There will be a time when you will want to walk away. Look through this forums and read time after time how hard it is to move on when you still have to see the person.

 

Your relationship is currently conducted in fantasy land. Bringing a child into that will not only pop that bubble but is horribly irresponsible.

 

If you would like a child so bad, I suggest IVF with a supermarket bank. Or dumb this guy for someone who can actually give you the relationship/family you may deserve.

 

/endrant

 

 

I am prepared to end things with him at any moment if it starts to feel more stressful and hurtful than good. I don't feel bonded by him and if he treats me poorly I have no problem finding someone else, he knows this. But at the moment, I am genuinely happy with having him in my life. He drops what he's doing to help me through lots of problems and has been someone I can call for anything at any moment. He has supported me in my personal and professional life, he gives me what ever I need. We both work a lot (I run a consulting firm) so the time we don't spend together I am usually traveling and working so I am too busy to sit and worry about who is with when he's not with me. People assume that any man who isn't completely faithful is a terrible person but that not always true. This is a man who was there for me when my mother was sick , gave me my down payment to buy my condo, drove 6 hours to see me, and we have invested in commercial property together. Not sure how that's so horribly irresponsible when he hasn't given me a reason to think otherwise. Also how is a soerm donor any different? Anyway I never said I'm not open to meeting someone else, I am always open to that but for now he's been a great man in my life no reason to end it before I find someone else.

[Michelle ma Belle]

It sounds like you have already made the decision, but you know that you thinking is very flawed. You are very, very defensive and focusing attention away from the issues that matter onto other things that are irrelevant to your situation. I would say, with no disrespect intended, that you are quite naive in your thinking.

 

But, I wish you all the best with your baby. I just hope you really are prepared to raise this baby alone because that very well be what happens. All the best.

 

My thoughts exactly.

 

I love when people start threads asking for opinions yet can't handle it when they don't hear what they want to hear.

 

 

You're right OP, not everyone gets their fairy tale romance and happy ending. In fact, it's pretty likely that the majority of people don't.

 

Does that give you justification to have a baby in an adulterous affair? Absolutely not!

 

The issue isn't necessarily the fact that you may want a child of your own, regardless if marriage is part of the equation or not, but it's the context in which you want it that is troubling to most of us responding to this thread.

 

It's very selfish.

 

It's clear your dramatic thread title isn't as worrisome as you made it out to be. Seems pointless to try and decipher his supposed intentions to knock you up since it appears you're on board with the whole idea anyway..

 

Good luck to you both.

[Starswillshine]

I am prepared to end things with him at any moment if it starts to feel more stressful and hurtful than good. I don't feel bonded by him and if he treats me poorly I have no problem finding someone else, he knows this. But at the moment, I am genuinely happy with having him in my life. He drops what he's doing to help me through lots of problems and has been someone I can call for anything at any moment. He has supported me in my personal and professional life, he gives me what ever I need. We both work a lot (I run a consulting firm) so the time we don't spend together I am usually traveling and working so I am too busy to sit and worry about who is with when he's not with me. People assume that any man who isn't completely faithful is a terrible person but that not always true. This is a man who was there for me when my mother was sick , gave me my down payment to buy my condo, drove 6 hours to see me, and we have invested in commercial property together. Not sure how that's so horribly irresponsible when he hasn't given me a reason to think otherwise. Also how is a soerm donor any different? Anyway I never said I'm not open to meeting someone else, I am always open to that but for now he's been a great man in my life no reason to end it before I find someone else.

 

No one can be sure how it will play out for certaino, BUT....

 

He is there for you NOW because his SO has no clue about you. That will likely change when a baby is in the picture and he can no longer hide his little secret.

 

I know many single mothers who do an amazing job raising their children with or without the fathers involvement. That isn't the problem. The potential problem is that he is involved with someone else. This isnt a relationship a child is being brought into but a triangle. One that when it comes to light will be filled with drama. A potential stepmom that will have to overcome a lot of resentments. I believe myself to be a pretty good person... I don't think I could overcome that amount of resentment. I know all logical reason points to it isn't the child's fault, but that child will be a constant reminder of that time he betrayed her.

 

Personally, I would be disgusted at his callousness. That would be a HUGE turn off.

Edited December 16, 2016 by Starswillshine

[wmacbride]

I have spent plenty of time with newborns, children, and teenagers from my time as a teacher. I am no weak woman who folds easily to life pressures, the thing I am most sure of is that I can and will handle a child just fine. What his girlfriend decides to do or not to do has nothing to do with what I can do for the child. He has already expressed what his role will be in the child's life.

 

When I read this, it's sounds like you are not really thinking clearly.

 

Having spent time as a teacher, you know yourself that teaching a child isn't the same as raising a child. You also know that choosing to have a baby isn't about what's best for you, it's about what's best for your potential son or daughter.

 

You may have the makings of a wonderful parent, but it doesn't sound like he can say the same thing. take a step back and look at the situation. here you have a guy who is seriously involved with two women and actively trying to get one of them pregnant. What sort of parent is he going to make if he will do something like this? He's acting like a child who's too wishy washy to make up his own mind. His behaviors that may seem charming and quirky now may seem very different when you have a two year old, you're trying to chase him for child support, he's supposed to come by and pick up the toddler for visitation and he's buggered off somewhere and is late or doesn't show up at all.

 

What about if the baby is born with health problems,developmental delays, or goes on to develop health issues. Do you feel like you could count on this guy to be there for your child, or will he be too busy with some new woman he's decided he can't without?

 

It sounds like you have a big heart and a lot of love to give. I understand wanting to have a baby, but why does it have to be with him? If you do, you will be forever tied to him, and is that really what you want? Do you really, deep down, feel like you can trust him and count on him? If not, then is he really father material?

 

If you want a baby, find a sperm donor. That way,you will only have to worry about being able to count on yourself. You'll have family support, and you won't have Mr.Peter Pan like some albatross around your neck for the next 18 years.

[wmacbride]

Some people's advice I listened to because they addressed my question directly and brought up legitimate concerns. The people who focused on my relationship with him are the people I had a more defensive reaponse to because I don't see how my relationship status affects my ability to raise a child. Again, this is someone who has been here for me as a friend long before we dated, and has been there for me even when he got back with his girlfriend so I just don't see him disappearing from his only child's life. Remember, we've known each other for years. But I definitely don't think that a child will make him want to be with me, but that's not what I want anyway. I would want him to be with me because he wants to be with me, not out of obligation. I get that people see a lot of deadbeats disappear but you can't say that every man is willing to walk away from their child. Not all men are like that. Yes I am prepared for that outcome but it's an outcome that I honestly don't expect from someone who has literally been super supportive (more supportive than some of my family) since I've known him.

 

You can;t trust him.he is showing you that, right smack in your face. I expect you think that he only lies to his significant other ( is she his wife, girlfriend?)and not to you, but do you really think he's honest with you? If he's capable of lying to her- and I bet he's got her convinced he would never lie to her- then what makes you think he won't lie to you as well?

 

Does she know about you? if so,how does he explain who you are and your relationship?

 

the situation is not stable, and it's wrong to bring a child into that.

[cinnamonapples86]

No one can be sure how it will play out for certaino, BUT....

 

He is there for you NOW because his SO has no clue about you. That will likely change when a baby is in the picture and he can no longer hide his little secret.

 

I know many single mothers who do an amazing job raising their children with or without the fathers involvement. That isn't the problem. The potential problem is that he is involved with someone else. This isnt a relationship a child is being brought into but a triangle. One that when it comes to light will be filled with drama. A potential stepmom that will have to overcome a lot of resentments. I believe myself to be a pretty good person... I don't think I could overcome that amount of resentment. I know all logical reason points to it isn't the child's fault, but that child will be a constant reminder of that time he betrayed her.

 

Personally, I would be disgusted at his callousness. That would be a HUGE turn off.

 

You make lots of valid points. This is his girlfriend (ex girlfriend) not his wife so she has no obligation to stay involved with a man who had a child with another woman. Would be different if she was his wife and they had children or something that forces her to except this but she could potentially not want to deal with this either. But yes, I get your points, thanks!

[cinnamonapples86]

You can;t trust him.he is showing you that, right smack in your face. I expect you think that he only lies to his significant other ( is she his wife, girlfriend?)and not to you, but do you really think he's honest with you? If he's capable of lying to her- and I bet he's got her convinced he would never lie to her- then what makes you think he won't lie to you as well?

 

Does she know about you? if so,how does he explain who you are and your relationship?

 

the situation is not stable, and it's wrong to bring a child into that.

 

She is a girlfriend, not his wife. They break up a lot because of their differences and one of the issues is that he doesn't think he wants to marry her. But I think he's honest with me, yes, I do. Honestly I purposely avoid conversations about her, she's not who I think about when we talk or see each other. So I don't know if she's knows me and I don't really care either. As I said before, he's been very helpful to me. We have invested in commercial property together, he gave me money to put a down payment on my condo, he's been there when my mother was sick. He's actually been a very solid and steady person in my life despite the relationship drama. Even when we broke things off, he told me that I can call him at any time for anything and he'll always be there for me, which he has. Not always as a lover, but definitely as a friend.

[LexiCat29]

It sounds like you already have your mind made up that you want him to knock you up..so what are you looking for here?

 

Why would he dump either of you? He's got it made. He's got the full love, attention, and affection of two women while he is allowed to half-ass it with both of you. What man would give that up?

[anika99]

I'm technically the other woman but I think he's trying to get me pregnant..Here's the story...

 

I was dating this man after he newly broke up with his girlfriend. After he and I dated for a couple months, him and his ex decided to give their relationship another shot. The time that he and I were first dating, I was very closed off to him emotionally so it made sense that he might have chose her over me. However, they broke up a second time and he came back to me asking if we can start over. This time, I was completely open to him emotionally and we shared a much deeper relationship. Then his ex girlfriend came back AGAIN and he started to feel confused. He said that he knows now that he can be happy with me but he was with her for so many years and feels obligated to try again. By this time I was very emotionally invested in him. I tried ending things multiple times but somehow he convinced me that he can't live without me in his life. He says that he is in love with us both.

 

I foolishly continue to see him even though I know he is still very involved with her. I don't know if they are officially back together (I think that they are) but I get the impression that he is trying to see if their relationship will really last while also keeping me around just in case it doesn't. He is worried that I will find someone else and he will be alone if they don't work out again.

 

The strangest thing about this situation is that he jokes about getting me pregnant. At first, I didn't take the jokes seriously until he intentionally stopped pulling out and would ask me to take a test to see. He never sounds afraid, he always sounds excited about the possibility.When I asked him about it seriously he said that he doesn't know how he feels about it. He said that a part of him knows its wrong because of the situation but the other part of him wants it to happen and that he would be 100% involved if it did. I am confused as to why he would want to get me pregnant since it would ruin his relationship with his ex for good.

 

Trust me, I know that I am equally as foolish to allow this to happen...but I hate to admit that I haven't really been stopping him either. I am 34 years old, divorced with no children and I have a very successful career. He is 38, with no children, and he is a very wealthy man so money is not an issue for him. And despite this love triangle, we are both very emotionally mature and he and I have wonderful communication. He always says that we'd make such a great team because we do such a good job at communication with one another, much better than he communicates with his ex. So financially and emotionally the both of us could definitely have a child but this is such a strange circumstance. I am personally kind of shocked. Most women try to trap rich men like him but he seems to be encouraging it. It's all so confusing! Anyone have any thoughts on this??

 

OP if you think seeing this guy and having his baby is such a marvellous idea then why did you say you were being foolish twice in your very first post?

 

I think even before you came here, you knew deep down in your gut that this relationship is dysfunctional and having a baby with this guy would be very foolish but for whatever reason you enjoy an argument and for the sake of arguing you are contradicting yourself.

 

I also think you are being very naive if you think it will be so easy to hand off your baby to your bf and his other gf for visitation. When his gf finds out she is likely to hate you.

 

I won't say anymore because I know that you already know this is very foolish as you said yourself.