Divorced!!

[Strongerlife]

Hello everyone - just wanted to take a minute to post here. I came here back in February. Lost, in dismay. Married and heading for divorce. Two kids and a house.

 

I remember all those feelings. Anxiety, that awful feeling in the pit of your stomach. Not sleeping. Crying. Between February and June I lost 50 pounds with no effort and weight I didn't need to lose. Never slept but was always tired. Constantly worried and felt ready to cry at any second. Sound familiar? I am SO sorry if it does, it sucks big time.

 

I was very afraid. I had been a SAHM until 3 years ago. I had no family (most have died) and very few friends that were not mutual. He moved out in February and I literally was lost. How could I pay for it? The weekends that he took the kids I paced the house. Tried to keep busy but had no idea where to start. Had so much to do but felt like doing absolutely nothing. I never thought I"d do it. I spent alot of time watching tv and crying. I had been married for 14 years, together with only him since I was 17. I knew NO other life than being his wife. But there I was. Alone and in a new world.

 

But then someone told me - he is living life. Having a girlfriend. Enjoying his freedom. Why are you home sulking over someone who isn't worth it? So I decided I was going to date. I went shopping, bought some new items and went on a dating site. I went on some dates, and boy are there some oddballs out there. But I was getting out. Socializing. Living again. Even found myself laughing and looking forward to Saturday nights again.

 

Then. I met this man in starbucks. It was like I've only seen in movies. I felt drawn to him. Got lost in his blue eyes. I was compelled to touch him, touching his arm was amazing. We talked for hours. Now he is my boyfriend, he's a wonderful, caring, successful man who owns his own company and is everything I dreamed about. I've never known anyone so caring and responsible and generous. We've been together 6 months and he'll be moving in after the new year. We spend every moment together, weekends "living" together and my kids adore him and it is the fairytale romance I always dreamt of. My kids are always asking me when he's moving in, he's a great role model to them. I NEVER had anything remotely close to this when I was married. What I thought was "true love" was just routine.

 

So now I think back and wonder. Why? Why did I settle for so long? Why was I SO afraid of divorcing someone who was SO wrong for me? What made me think I desperately needed him? I think we all do it. We always hope for the best, even though we don't have what we deserve.

 

I'm proud to say I'm happy. I work a great job for the government, own my house and absolutely love my life. I hope it inspires someone. I've been where you are. In that place of pure panic, of overwhelming fear. But REALLY take time to look at your spouse. What are you TRULY losing? Its scary because it's a new change.

 

I really hope that everyone that's here has a chance at the same happy ending.

[DKT3]

Hello everyone - just wanted to take a minute to post here. I came here back in February. Lost, in dismay. Married and heading for divorce. Two kids and a house.

 

I remember all those feelings. Anxiety, that awful feeling in the pit of your stomach. Not sleeping. Crying. Between February and June I lost 50 pounds with no effort and weight I didn't need to lose. Never slept but was always tired. Constantly worried and felt ready to cry at any second. Sound familiar? I am SO sorry if it does, it sucks big time.

 

I was very afraid. I had been a SAHM until 3 years ago. I had no family (most have died) and very few friends that were not mutual. He moved out in February and I literally was lost. How could I pay for it? The weekends that he took the kids I paced the house. Tried to keep busy but had no idea where to start. Had so much to do but felt like doing absolutely nothing. I never thought I"d do it. I spent alot of time watching tv and crying. I had been married for 14 years, together with only him since I was 17. I knew NO other life than being his wife. But there I was. Alone and in a new world.

 

But then someone told me - he is living life. Having a girlfriend. Enjoying his freedom. Why are you home sulking over someone who isn't worth it? So I decided I was going to date. I went shopping, bought some new items and went on a dating site. I went on some dates, and boy are there some oddballs out there. But I was getting out. Socializing. Living again. Even found myself laughing and looking forward to Saturday nights again.

 

Then. I met this man in starbucks. It was like I've only seen in movies. I felt drawn to him. Got lost in his blue eyes. I was compelled to touch him, touching his arm was amazing. We talked for hours. Now he is my boyfriend, he's a wonderful, caring, successful man who owns his own company and is everything I dreamed about. I've never known anyone so caring and responsible and generous. We've been together 6 months and he'll be moving in after the new year. We spend every moment together, weekends "living" together and my kids adore him and it is the fairytale romance I always dreamt of. My kids are always asking me when he's moving in, he's a great role model to them. I NEVER had anything remotely close to this when I was married. What I thought was "true love" was just routine.

 

So now I think back and wonder. Why? Why did I settle for so long? Why was I SO afraid of divorcing someone who was SO wrong for me? What made me think I desperately needed him? I think we all do it. We always hope for the best, even though we don't have what we deserve.

 

I'm proud to say I'm happy. I work a great job for the government, own my house and absolutely love my life. I hope it inspires someone. I've been where you are. In that place of pure panic, of overwhelming fear. But REALLY take time to look at your spouse. What are you TRULY losing? Its scary because it's a new change.

 

I really hope that everyone that's here has a chance at the same happy ending.

Maybe too much too fast. I know you think you've hit the jackpot, but a very common dynamic is going from bad(your ex husband) to worse (possibly, actually you know very little after six months) because the new person fills a void in one particular area that has been missing. This can cause a sensory overload of sorts and fill in gaps and ignore red flags and pitfalls. You have littles ones as well due diligence is a.must. just seems awfully fast, married divorced dating moving in with a new guy all within 6 months???

[Strongerlife]

I can see that, or how it would seem that way, it was fast. Definitely like lightning struck me. I've made sure I had everything checked out about him and he certainly knows all of me. I've had every check known to man for my job.

 

Guess I should clarify, while my kids aren't "little" they are teenagers.

 

I firmly believe he is my soulmate and what I always hoped for.

[DKT3]

I can see that, or how it would seem that way, it was fast. Definitely like lightning struck me. I've made sure I had everything checked out about him and he certainly knows all of me. I've had every check known to man for my job.

 

Guess I should clarify, while my kids aren't "little" they are teenagers.

 

I firmly believe he is my soulmate and what I always hoped for.

 

I'm not trying to be a wet rag, but you should research 80/20. You fit the description to a T. Long less then fulfilling relationship, maybe slightly abusive, divorce, quickly jumping into a serious relationship with the man of her dreams.

 

Most likely you are over looking obvious red flags.

 

80/20 says you've lived a long time on 80% you then begin to get that 20% you've never got and think you've found the complete partner when in reality you are simply settling for 20% that you never had.

[Satu]

Many people stay in broken relationships because they are trying to dodge the inevitable pain of a breakup.

 

Unfortunately, this brings them more pain rather than less.

 

 

Take care.

[DeeplyMissHer]

I would personally wait on the moving in part. I moved in with my first relationship after a 9 year relationship and it was much too soon. I realized quickly how not compatible and how much I wasna't actually into her. Don't do it. But now I'm back with my first girlfriend after 5 years of being apart. Mostly because we have a daughter together. And I'm even taking it slow and I know her quite well.

[Popsicle]

I agree with Satu so I'm glad you posted your story to show others and are doing well.