sharz7931 Posted December 16, 2016 Share Posted December 16, 2016 Hi, I'm new to this message board thing. I'm from new zealand. Me and my partner have 2 young children together. In April things wernt good, he lost his job, things were a financial struggle to the point I took the kids and moved to my parents until August (I moved back, to which when I moved back he said he was finally getting used to me not living with him). We were still in a relationship - living in the same town, while i wasnt living with him we would see each other in the weekends I'd take the kids and stay at his from a Friday - Sunday night, as I was doing a hairdressing course during the week. So to cut a long story short. In November i decided to go a have a drink with my friend (who I met in Feb that does same course as me, we car pool to the next town, for course). She then tells me she had something to tell me, she mentioned that she had only just found out from her aunty....that her niece(my friends cousin) is having my partners baby. Obviously I went home after that and confronted him. Sure enough he said 'yes, but we wernt together' (to this day he still says this). We WERE TOGETHER WE WERE NEVER OVER. He says she told him her tubes were tied (she has four other children not in her care - as she is a druggie). He told me during the 'affair' she told him then discussed a abortion and both agreed on it. Obviously this didn't happen as after I found out she said she has told her family, she usbt answerable to anyone and she felt like a murderer and couldn't go through with the abortion and that she was moving to perth in a few days time(don't understand how as she is on a benefit???) and that she isn't putting a name down on the child's birth cert..nor does he have to have contact. He was still having sex with her while I moved back in with him. Apparently, she was having sex with two other guys as well as him(unsure if it's true, he was told this by someone). This news has been soooo hard to deal with I nearly failed my course as I had 1wk left to go when i found this devastating news out. I told him I would stay but I dont have the tools to deal with this, I dont know how to feel or act.... As he doesn't even seem to be remorseful says he just wants to leave it in the past. No effort has been made. Anyone else been in this position? How did you deal with it? What do I do??? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted December 16, 2016 Share Posted December 16, 2016 He has made it clear that he feels that your feelings are invalid. Instead of putting in 200% to fix things, he thinks you should get over it and just sweep it under a rug. You don't deal with it. You leave and find someone who values you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 16, 2016 Share Posted December 16, 2016 She is probably in love with your partner and that's why she has chosen to have his child. Are you sure he isn't still seeing her? I would guess he is. He cheated on you and is not being honest. Why did you go back without any consequences? You need to get tested for STDs. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted December 16, 2016 Share Posted December 16, 2016 I won't tell you to leave him, but I will tell you that I would. Definitely. Take care. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sharz7931 Posted December 17, 2016 Author Share Posted December 17, 2016 Yes I've been tested for STDs and there was nothing, luckily. And I wondered the same if she wanted to he with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 I told him I would stay Then be prepared to further be disrespected and lied to because you've just taught him that you have zero self-worth. As he doesn't even seem to be remorseful says he just wants to leave it in the past. That's because he does not care about you or how you feel. No effort has been made. Why would he make an effort when he knows you will tolerate bad behavior? Anyone else been in this position? How did you deal with it? What do I do??? I would leave. Love yourself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
eightytwenty Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 I would leave. Hands down. Actually I would of left yesterday.. lol Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 I told him I would stay but I dont have the tools to deal with this, I dont know how to feel or act.... As he doesn't even seem to be remorseful says he just wants to leave it in the past. No effort has been made. Anyone else been in this position? How did you deal with it? What do I do??? No, I haven't ever been in this particular position, but the way in which I would deal with it would have been to move out the moment he confessed to impregnating someone else. Him getting someone else pregnant is him saying that his relationship with you is expendable and unimportant. I would never in a million years agree to stay with someone who had no remorse for what he's done--there is nothing to work with there. If no effort is being made on his part, then that means he doesn't really give a rip about the fall out from his behavior because there are no consequences being applied by you. Crying and screaming aren't consequences, no matter how fearsome you may think your anger is. He'll just wait out your blasts. What he gets from you staying there is you'll make noise, but you aren't going anywhere, so he really doesn't have to fear you or the consequences of his actions. Well, he's going to have to financially provide for his child, who is the only innocent person between the 3 of them. The child should not be punished for having lunkheads for parents. This is an unpleasant situation that isn't going to become pleasant any time soon, sorry to say. It sucks that you've been thrust into this. Link to post Share on other sites
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