How to accept the fact that my girlfriend got an ex boyfriend

[JCVD]

Hi, sorry for my bad english in advance.

 

I’m with my girlfriend since 6 month, we know each other since we are in middle school. After that she go in another school and in an other high school in the same town.

 

We are now both 20 years old, we started to speak together after all these years via facebook and we date some days after, she told me that she had 1 boyfriend during her last year of high school and it lasted 6 month, she lost her virginity with him and i appreciate a lot her honesty.

 

Now we love each other a lot, I see all my futur with her and for no reason i can break up, that’s the same for her.

At first the fact that she was no more virgin didn’t bother me at all ( I do not care if a girl is a virgin or non virgin ).

 

But the problem is that 3 month after we started this relationship i really fell in love with her and started thinking about her doing her first time with her ex boyfriend and a lot of more bad things. I was thinking that it’ll go outside my head with time ( i tried to no give matter to it ), but the fact is that the days passed and i was thinking more and more about it, i kept everything for me after 1 month of struggle i’ve decided to tell her what was going on.

 

I told her that i was thinking about all this and that it was bothered me since 1 month.

She answered me that she regret to have done her first time and to have be with him and that she is very sad about it, she didn’t know why she did this ( I think it’s because like a lot of people now she wanted to lose her virginity as soon as possible,specially at 20 years old and i understand this ).

 

It was during her last year in high school and he was in her class, she told me this is the thing that she regret the most in her life and if she could go back in times she would only change this, she told me that she was just attached to him and that she saw him only during class, that she slept only around 10 times with him and after 6 month he left her she said that she didn’t think about him one time since she is with me, that he is an and that she have forgot him with no difficulty ( I’m aware that i’m young, that it’s all my problem and that it’s all in my mind, and certainly not her problem ).

 

She said that she discovered the real love with me and that she love me more than everythings.

After this conversation i didn’t speak again about it with her because i don’t want, some days after, i spoke with her mom about this ( i know her since 10 years ) and she told me that my girlfriend wanted to see me and date me for years and that she was speaking about me everytimes, that i was in her mind everytime and that she never thought being with me one day.

 

The last thing i regret the most is that i come 6 months to late because she wouldn’t met this guy.( and i know that 100% of people in this world regret things in their life and that the majority would preserve himself/herself for the love of their life ).

I’m aware that there are a lot of worst thing in this world and i do my best everydays to get over it but i can’t and it’s hurting me everytime i think about it, and trust me i think a lot about this. I feel like i’m blocked because i can’t leave her but i can’t go back in time to change that, the only thing i can do is to accept it but i don’t even know if it’s possible

Is there any people who had nearly the same problem ?

 

How can i work on myself to accept this and stop hurting me with these thoughts ?

 

Thank to everybody who have read this and who try to help me and sorry again for this bad english.

[Lorenza]

What will you achieve with all these thoughts and regrets? Will you change the fact she had someone before you? No.

 

Accept that people have past. She existed and had a life even before you two were together and in that life there were things that happened. You're probably not a blank page either, are you?

 

So what she had a boyfriend? Now she's with you. Either get over it or find a virgin who's never been with anyone. But the older you get, the more past people will have. And that's ok. People live, feel and act.

[GoreSP]

Get over this insecurity and fast!

 

The older you get, the number of your girlfriend's exes will be bigger and a lot of them will have been significant relationships. If a six month ex boyfriend from high school, how will you deal with a girlfriend who was in a long term relationship for 2 years +??

[JCVD]

Accept that people have past. She existed and had a life even before you two were together and in that life there were things that happened. You're probably not a blank page either, are you?

 

Thank for your reply,

I'm not a blank page either ( and it does not bother her at all, she is certainly more mature than me )

 

I don't judge her for that and i'll never it's all my problem, I love her from all my heart and i can't break up with her.

 

I understand that the only thing i can do is to accept her past and would do all my best for that, I just don't know how to stop thinking about it and it break my heart everytimes i think about it.

[Lorenza]

What exactly does break your heart? If you say you don't care if she was a virgin, what is there to obsess about?

[JCVD]

What exactly does break your heart? If you say you don't care if she was a virgin, what is there to obsess about?

 

Before i fell in love with her I've never thing about the fact that she wasn't virgin ( I didn't care ) and step by step that idea of her having an ex boyfriend came in my mind and now it's stuck in my head.

 

What break my heart is everytimes i think about her being intimate or doing a relationship thing with an other man.

Edited December 16, 2016 by JCVD

[Lorenza]

Before i fell in love with her I've never thing about the fact that she wasn't virgin ( I didn't care ) and step by step that idea of her having an ex boyfriend came in my mind and now it's stuck in my head.

 

What break my heart is everytimes i think about her being intimate or doing a relationship thing with an other man.

 

That's in the past. You just have to stop obsessing over things that in no way affect you and your relationship with her. The fact that she had some boyfriend in high school she doesn't even like to remember, is in no way "heartbreaking". Don't be so dramatic and just focus on what you have right now. You want to lose her? If not, then work on your irrational and somewhat childish thoughts and don't let them take control over you. It takes emotional maturity and acceptance to be in a relationship. You need to develop both, otherwise neither you nor her will be happy. Grow as a person, Op! Good luck ?

[JCVD]

Grow as a person, Op! Good luck ?

 

Thank a lot for your help and your time i'll try the best to work on myself.

[smackie9]

What you are feeling is normal when you fall in love...you are jealous of anything in their past, worry about losing them, insecurity sets in....all NORMAL. In time as the infatuation stage of your relationship fades, it will all be meaningless....and you will see this fuss was for nothing.

 

You are young and inexperienced, and this is good learning experience for the both of you.

 

The only issue I have is letting her regret and feel bad about losing her virginity to someone else...shame on you. If she says that again, just stop her and tell her it's ok, there's nothing to feel guilty about....lets just focus on our experience together.

[lolablue17]

What seems to be a problem in the short term, might be your greatest blessing for the long run. I think that her past (her ex) is a constant reminder for you never to take her love for granted.

[central]

Did you have sex with anyone else before getting together with her? If so, then you have a double standard. If not, then it may be - in part - jealousy over her having had experiences you do not.

 

 

I commend you for realizing that this is a problem of your perception, for you to deal with, and for knowing that she did not do anything wrong.