In-House Separation

[ladydesigner]

We are currently in-house separated with very limited conversations. My stbxwh is still attempting to suck me back in (and at times my co-dependent self gets weak and my thoughts deceive me but I still have my mind set on separating and moving out by February). Any thoughts on how to not let him get under my skin?

 

Of course now that I am leaving he is doing and saying more than he ever has about his A's but it is too little to late for me and need peace at this point in my life.

[carhill]

Post a big 2017 calendar in your domicile and keep marking X's through the dates with the move-out date highlighted.

[ladydesigner]

Post a big 2017 calendar in your domicile and keep marking X's through the dates with the move-out date highlighted.

 

Right?!?!

[NTV]

I vote for pooping on the floor.

[Satu]

I would be anywhere else but there, no matter how unsatisfactory and inconvenient.

[ladydesigner]

I vote for pooping on the floor.

 

Ha ha ha good one maybe he will get the hint

[ladydesigner]

I would be anywhere else but there, no matter how unsatisfactory and inconvenient.

 

I was going to move to an apartment then he decided to leave for a few weeks but then came back I am trying to get through the holidays as normally as possible for the kids whatever that may be. But I have our other house to go to at the beginning of Feb. so trying to just walk a straight line until I get there. It's hard though.

[Satu]

I was going to move to an apartment then he decided to leave for a few weeks but then came back I am trying to get through the holidays as normally as possible for the kids whatever that may be. But I have our other house to go to at the beginning of Feb. so trying to just walk a straight line until I get there. It's hard though.

 

Good luck with it.

 

It's not something that anyone would find easy.

 

 

Take care.

[carhill]

Right?!?!

 

I would be anywhere else but there, no matter how unsatisfactory and inconvenient.

 

Actually, I can't take credit for the idea but how it came about addresses both your perspectives..... and, BTW, I agree with Satu but understand.....the story...

 

A good friend who ultimately went blind from diabetes was counting down to his days of retirement at my state's largest public utility and, for him, his super was the scourge of his life so what he did was buy a big calendar, I mean huge, hung it on the wall of the parts office (he was the parts guy who controlled everything in and out of the equipment shop) and every day when the supervisor would stop by he'd get up and put a big "X" through that day. In the end, he had nearly 18 months of vacation and sick leave built up so, well, there ya go... Not quitting and toughing it out gave him the rewards for 30 years of service. Sometimes marriages can end up the same way.

 

Not so funny, same guy, earlier on, right after I met him, I came across him sitting in his pasture with his horse, a bottle of Jack Daniels and his .45 automatic. He had come home from work, the house was bare and his kids were gone. Yup, you know, right? I'm glad I stopped by that night. Swear to god there was nothing in the house other than one plate, one fork, one spoon and one knife. He had retrieved the gun from his pickup where he always kept it and the wife left the pickup. After that, he ended up becoming one of my best friends.

 

You'll make it. One day at a time.

[OatsAndHall]

I would be anywhere else but there, no matter how unsatisfactory and inconvenient.

 

I had one of three choices when my ex and I separated: let her take the kids to her mother's, stay with my mother or live in the house. I chose to move to my mother's place just to get the hell away from everything. It wasn't pleasant but it was the best option.

[SolG]

Hi Lady

 

My ex and I were separated under one roof for close to a year. And it wasn't terrible for us. Not fantabulous... but not terrible.

 

I've heard it can be really difficult if one party hasn't accepted that it's over. My experience where we had mutually agreed it was done made it easier. In fact, when you take fear of rejection off the table (because you've both a accepted that ship has sailed) you can actually have some quite cathartic discourse if you wish.

 

And also part of accepting it's over is relinquishing any and all expectations and control associated with your erstwhile coupledom. Don't ask what the other wants for dinner or when. Don't expect anyone home on a Friday night. Sure, share leftovers. But don't expect to sit down and share a meal ofher than coincidently.

 

I guess try to be caring and considerate flatmates as opposed to integrated parts of each others lives.

 

 

Good luck Lady xo

[Miss Clavel]

I was going to move to an apartment then he decided to leave for a few weeks but then came back I am trying to get through the holidays as normally as possible for the kids whatever that may be. But I have our other house to go to at the beginning of Feb. so trying to just walk a straight line until I get there. It's hard though.

 

i'd go to the store and get a huge amount of boxes. and i'd spend all my time filling them up and hiding the things i want that he may or may not be entitled to half of.

 

treat the boxes and the moving as a new adventure. christmas being the celebration of birth and new beginnings you can approach it that way in front of the children and soon it really will be, new year, new place to live and "aren't we clever having gotten packed early".

 

don't let him suck you back in until you get your own place, space and time to figure it out. wait and see if he's really changed or if there is "no going back".

 

good luck

[dreamingoftigers]

I did the "in-home separation."

 

What an effing disaster.

 

Never again.