The 30 Year Old Virgin

[AllIsWell]

Anyway thought I'd share my story. I'm 30 years old. I've had 2 relationships but these consisted of being with each girl about 4 months. I met both of them online, one on Match.com and one on eHarmony.

 

Both of them were more 'experienced' than me and whilst I was never one to wait til marriage to have sex, I did want it to be in a meaningful relationship. Suffice to say their sexual forwardness (that most guys would jump at) put me off and put them off and the relationships ended soon after.

 

Through my 20s I must have been on 50-60 dates with different people but as I feel very clear about who and what I want I didn't pursue things even if I knew the girl liked me because it wasn't what I wanted.

 

Before I used to work in the City and meeting people was easy. However, I didn't like the idea of hooking up with co-workers like other people did and as I live with my parents at home there was no way I was going to take girls back home so I never pursued that.

 

I've never been into bars or clubs as I'm not that forward a guy and I find the environment to be not conducive to actually meeting someone and learning more about them.

 

Fast forward and now I'm 30 and building 2 businesses. I've written a book, am a semi-professional musician and have loads of friends and loving family. But I'm the LAST guy in my entire family who is single.

 

As I am working hard on my businesses and don't meet people through work now, I don't get out a lot. I keep myself in decent shape and even though I'm losing my hair now, if I shaved it or kept it short I'd still look decent I think. Many people are shocked I am single and think I'm too picky for which they are probably correct.

 

I accepted a year ago that it is possible I might be alone my whole life and funnily enough it didn't upset or scare me. I LOVE my own company and have frequently gone on holiday, to dinner, to the movies etc. by myself with no awkwardness. I do feel though that looking at the younger generations I might be missing out on something. Add to the fact I'm pretty much a 30 year old virgin it adds to this stigma (especially when my last girlfriend found it to almost be freakish and even said to me once "it's like molesting a child trying to be intimate with you").

 

I tried to find people like me but it seems that everyone else in a similar situation is a victim of abuse, had some terrible event happen to them or something. I've literally had none of that but this part of life has passed me by even though I've done a hell of a lot more with it in other ways.

 

It's just nice to see there are similar people out there. Sometimes the painful thing about our experiences is not that we have them, but that we believe we are the only ones going through them.

 

AllIsWell

[HereNorThere]

Dude, here's a hint, DONT TELL THEM. I'm serious. The woman I lost my virginity to has no idea I was a virgin. In fact, no one in the world knows who I lost my virginity to and I intend to keep it that way.

 

Virginity isn't even a real thing. It's a concept made up by humans. There's nothing magical that happens once you've had sex. I remember thinking "that's it?"

 

Very few people have magical, movie moment first time sex. Most of us just get it out of the way. The magic happens when you get better at it. Once you have that confidence, you don't hunt them, they hunt you!

[ZA Dater]

Dude, here's a hint, DONT TELL THEM. I'm serious. The woman I lost my virginity to has no idea I was a virgin. In fact, no one in the world knows who I lost my virginity to and I intend to keep it that way.

 

Virginity isn't even a real thing. It's a concept made up by humans. There's nothing magical that happens once you've had sex. I remember thinking "that's it?"

 

Very few people have magical, movie moment first time sex. Most of us just get it out of the way. The magic happens when you get better at it. Once you have that confidence, you don't hunt them, they hunt you!

 

They can see it a mile away. OP I am in the same boat as you, though I am 32.

[normal person]

Anyway thought I'd share my story. I'm 30 years old. I've had 2 relationships but these consisted of being with each girl about 4 months. I met both of them online, one on Match.com and one on eHarmony.

 

Both of them were more 'experienced' than me and whilst I was never one to wait til marriage to have sex, I did want it to be in a meaningful relationship. Suffice to say their sexual forwardness (that most guys would jump at) put me off and put them off and the relationships ended soon after.

 

That's your prerogative, which is fine, but you should realize that to the overwhelming majority of other people, sex can be more casual. I'm not just talking about one night stands and such, but these days it's pretty common to expect to sleep with someone after a few dates. Sex is a big part of relationships. For a lot of people, there's probably not much sense in entering into a "meaningful" relationship without knowing if there's sexual chemistry first. It's like asking someone to buy a car without letting them test drive it. Some people might, but most wouldn't want to.

 

Through my 20s I must have been on 50-60 dates with different people but as I feel very clear about who and what I want I didn't pursue things even if I knew the girl liked me because it wasn't what I wanted.

 

That's normal, I think. I've done things the same way.

 

Before I used to work in the City and meeting people was easy. However, I didn't like the idea of hooking up with co-workers like other people did and as I live with my parents at home there was no way I was going to take girls back home so I never pursued that.

 

That's fine if you're fine with it. But if you want a relationship, eventually you're going to have to bring someone home. Or go to their place.

 

I've never been into bars or clubs as I'm not that forward a guy and I find the environment to be not conducive to actually meeting someone and learning more about them.

 

It's fine if you don't like bars or clubs, but let's not pretend like they aren't a great place to meet people and learn about them. Before OLD this was probably the most efficient way to meet people. Just because you're both holding drinks doesn't mean your conversations will be less insightful. In fact, you could make an argument for the contrary. Some of the best conversations happen when people are a bit inhibited, let their guard down, and start saying what they really think. Even if you don't like the environment, you can still meet someone there and talk to them elsewhere. Kind of sounds like a cop out to me, to be honest.

 

 

Fast forward and now I'm 30 and building 2 businesses. I've written a book, am a semi-professional musician and have loads of friends and loving family. But I'm the LAST guy in my entire family who is single.

 

As I am working hard on my businesses and don't meet people through work now, I don't get out a lot. I keep myself in decent shape and even though I'm losing my hair now, if I shaved it or kept it short I'd still look decent I think. Many people are shocked I am single and think I'm too picky for which they are probably correct.

 

I'm in relatively the same boat, 30, one of the last unmarried amongst my friends, run my own business -- and people tell me I'm too picky. I don't think I am, I just have a very clear idea of the person I want and perhaps other people don't or are less particular, scrupulous, or lacking in foresight. It's funny how some of the people who tell me I'm too picky are unhappy or unsatisfied. Don't let other people tell you how to be happy. You should know what works for you and don't get discouraged by others.

 

I accepted a year ago that it is possible I might be alone my whole life and funnily enough it didn't upset or scare me. I LOVE my own company and have frequently gone on holiday, to dinner, to the movies etc. by myself with no awkwardness. I do feel though that looking at the younger generations I might be missing out on something. Add to the fact I'm pretty much a 30 year old virgin it adds to this stigma (especially when my last girlfriend found it to almost be freakish and even said to me once "it's like molesting a child trying to be intimate with you").

 

If you think you're happier not having less-than-meaningful sex, then I don't see what the problem is. Either you'll have to live the feeling that you might be missing out on something or make a compromise on it somehow.

 

I tried to find people like me but it seems that everyone else in a similar situation is a victim of abuse, had some terrible event happen to them or something. I've literally had none of that but this part of life has passed me by even though I've done a hell of a lot more with it in other ways.

 

It's just nice to see there are similar people out there. Sometimes the painful thing about our experiences is not that we have them, but that we believe we are the only ones going through them.

 

AllIsWell

 

I'm a lot like you, I've been single for most of my adult life by choice because I couldn't find the right girl and I didn't want to jump into relationships like my friends were doing it, and end up regretting it, like a few are now. But I haven't eschewed meeting girls and casual sex because that's a huge appeal of not tying yourself down early in life. Plus, when you're "the single one," there's much more of a spotlight on you when you're out with your friends and all the single women are usually clamoring to get to know you.

 

What's also great about being single is it gives you time to do all the things you want (like build a business) without having to compromise or surrender your time, or other desires, for your partner.

 

One thing I'm proud to say is that I'm very happy with the way things are working out -- I'm living my dreams. My business is great, there's no shortage of women, and I do whatever I want, whenever I want to do it. You seem to be a virgin by choice, which is fine if that's what you think will make you happy. I say continue to trust your instincts. Don't assume other people know what will make you happy, especially if they aren't happy themselves.

 

Best of luck.

[spiderowl]

Maybe you need to think about why you are so worried about having sex with a woman. You seem very turned off by women who are sexual as if they are predators or something. Has something happened in the past that has made you afraid of getting physically close to a woman? What puts you off?

[SilverLining]

AllIsWell, you posted your story on my thread, but I thought I'd have better luck of your reading it if I responded on your own thread.

 

First of all, I'm not put off by someone who is a virgin in their 30s. I've been with 3 virgins, 1 of which who was 35 when he lost his virginity with me, and I consider him the best lover I've ever had. Being a good lover has nothing to do with 'experience'; rather, it has everything to do with listening to your partner, willingness to please, respecting, and having enthusiasm.

 

But reading your post, there were a couple things that concerned me. The first is that you speak of your former ex's 'experience' in a derogatory manner. It comes across as judgmental. I want to say something and I hope you give it some thought - having sexual experience does not detract from your quality as a person, and not having sexual experience does not add to it. You get no prizes in life for having sex or not having it.

 

You say you dated each of them for a period of 4 months, and at that point it is entirely natural for most couples to engage in some intimacy. That is a long time to be in an exclusive relationship without having sex unless there is a mutual agreement to not be having sex. What does a meaningful relationship look like to you? You should be making this clear to your girlfriends. It's all about communication, but the one thing you cannot do is demand that your significant other be faithful to you and at the same time deny her sexuality.

 

Not every man wants to jump into bed with every available woman. I have known lots of men who only want to be intimate with people that they care about or are in relationships with. It's not always easy for friends and family to understand, and it can feel like you are doing something wrong. You have every right to choose the parameters of your own sexuality without guilt or uncertainty. But then we get to the second concern, where your ex mentions that trying to be intimate with you feels like 'molesting a child'. OUCH, but I also think I know exactly what she means.

 

Another personal anecdote. My most recent boyfriend was a great person. He pursued me for awhile and I eventually agreed to a few dates, after which I totally fell for him. However, sex was...weird. It was incredibly awkward. He was attracted to me, but he didn't want me to see him, he didn't explore me, he wasn't enjoying it. He couldn't sustain his erection and he was incredibly embarrassed. We tried a few more times but it was more of the same. I was afraid to touch him, afraid to be intimate with him because our natural chemistry and compatibility would suddenly disappear into nothing and the only thing in its place would be his fear, timidity, and awkwardness. Eventually we never had any intimacy. Even though I asked him to repeatedly, he never, ever touched me. I would ask why he couldn't at least do something for me, but he could never give me an answer. It was like he was afraid of me. Our relationship completely died. Even though we both cared about each other, even though we were both very likely in love with each other, even though he said over and over that he'd never find anyone like me. He would say he was going to change things somehow, he'd fix it...but eventually I just didn't even want him to fix it anymore. I was done.

 

When your ex said she felt like she was molesting you to just touch you, that was exactly how I felt. Like somehow what is supposed to be a beautiful, enjoyable act meant to bring people together in closeness and affection was twisted into something terrifying and wrong. It's a nauseating sensation. This all leads to me say that there might be something going on with you. You might be asexual, or you might have some preconceived notions about sex that are ultimately unhealthy. I don't know. But if any of this rings true for you, it could be worth it to talk it over with someone.

[HereNorThere]

They can see it a mile away. OP I am in the same boat as you, though I am 32.

 

Obviously they can't always tell because here I am. And I lost mine to chick with much more more experience.

 

They only know what you tell you them. Honestly, I don't think any woman has ever straight up asked me how many people I've slept with. The answer should always be the same, no matter who asks you, it's always "there is no right answer to that question." For me, talking about past sexual experiences is a deal breaker. You get a chance or two to make a mistake and accidentally say something, but if a girl makes a comment about a past experience or partners, she can show herself out. Sorry, but that triggers something primal in me and I lose attraction quick.

 

It's don't ask, don't tell over here. If someone is concerned and wants to go get tested together first, I welcome it. I never, ever sleep with someone without a condom unless we've been exclusive for a really long time and I've verified, with my own eyes, that she's trustworthy and on contraception.

 

Do you have condoms (regular and non latex,) lube, your "manscaping" done? A couple pairs of brand new boxer shorts, tee shirts, small socks, hair ties set aside so your date has something to put her hair up and sleep in? A clean set of sheets set aside, No? Well that's your problem. When was the last time cleaned your bathroom? What you think I'm joking? No games here, son...

 

At the very least, you need to look like you know what you're doing. Fake it to you make it, brother. If you want to be a virgin forever, that's your choice. If you want some genuine help and advice, I'll help you, but you have to listen. No girl is going to think you're virgin if you're prepared.

 

And another little secret. Of course you get better at with it with more experience but everyone is different. There's usually a period at the beginning where you both show each other what you like. Generally, as long as you ask for feedback and listen, a person will show you what they like. Be generous, caring and responsive and your lack of experience will totally make up for it until you get better.

Edited December 18, 2016 by HereNorThere

[LookAtThisPOst]

You might be asexual, or you might have some preconceived notions about sex that are ultimately unhealthy. I don't know. But if any of this rings true for you, it could be worth it to talk it over with someone.

 

I have to agree here. There's something just not right about the OP's situation. I was okay with some of what he said, but considering that it's been a few months and still struggling with intimacy...just speaks volumes right there.

[HereNorThere]

He doesn't sound asexual, he sounds like a 30 year old man who has never had sex is supposed to sound - FRUSTRATED.

 

The real issue here is that he wants sex on his terms and his way. Sorry chap, but this isn't Hollywood. The good, nerdy, Seth Rogan character doesn't end up with the girl at the end, the douchebag does.

 

There's enough advice on this the thread to help you. The woman who posted, OMG, I didn't even know they made women like that anymore. If she doesn't give you hope, I don't know what will. She basically drew you a map, it's up to you whether you decide to follow it.

[SilverLining]

If you were talking about me, wow, thank you.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I tried to find people like me but it seems that everyone else in a similar situation is a victim of abuse, had some terrible event happen to them or something. I've literally had none of that but this part of life has passed me by even though I've done a hell of a lot more with it in other ways.

 

It's just nice to see there are similar people out there. Sometimes the painful thing about our experiences is not that we have them, but that we believe we are the only ones going through them.

 

AllIsWell

 

There's actually a number of people in your situation.

 

I know guys 10+ years older than you who are not only virgins, but likely have had no type of romantic relationships or even anybody interested in them.

 

I work with them and the truth is that nobody asks them and nobody cares. And I really don't think they care that much themselves. They work, go home and eat dinner, and on the weekends have their own solitary hobbies and interests and are good with it.

 

You obviously have a more romanticized bent on life, which is fine. But realize that you are an outcast only in your own head.

 

The bottom line is if you are happy with it, then it's fine. If you are miserable, then do something about it.

[ZA Dater]

There's actually a number of people in your situation.

 

I know guys 10+ years older than you who are not only virgins, but likely have had no type of romantic relationships or even anybody interested in them.

 

I work with them and the truth is that nobody asks them and nobody cares. And I really don't think they care that much themselves. They work, go home and eat dinner, and on the weekends have their own solitary hobbies and interests and are good with it.

 

You obviously have a more romanticized bent on life, which is fine. But realize that you are an outcast only in your own head.

 

The bottom line is if you are happy with it, then it's fine. If you are miserable, then do something about it.

 

Good advice but I doubt many don't long for some form of companionship.

 

As for the bold part. Its difficult to actually do something about it, you need to look at the fundamentals, try and understand which parts need to change and then ascertain how much you can change.

 

You cannot change fundamentally, which is unfortunate.

[Miss Clavel]

so this guy is going to go thru his entire life with either no sexual partners or only one?

 

which is going to bother him the most? the fact that he's never had sex or the fact that he is now married and committed to never having sex with anyone else, forever?

 

you see this alot. people that save themselves for marriage, for that special someone, go from thinking they invented sex, doing it day and night, anywhere and everywhere to thinking that having had only one person they've missed out. especially men.

 

after all, ask yourself if you will be content, 10, 20, 30 years from now knowing this special someone, that you're committed to to the point of no return is the only person you're ever going to see naked, leaving aside the internet, ever going to touch?

 

helllooo

[ZA Dater]

so this guy is going to go thru his entire life with either no sexual partners or only one?

 

which is going to bother him the most? the fact that he's never had sex or the fact that he is now married and committed to never having sex with anyone else, forever?

 

you see this alot. people that save themselves for marriage, for that special someone, go from thinking they invented sex, doing it day and night, anywhere and everywhere to thinking that having had only one person they've missed out. especially men.

 

after all, ask yourself if you will be content, 10, 20, 30 years from now knowing this special someone, that you're committed to to the point of no return is the only person you're ever going to see naked, leaving aside the internet, ever going to touch?

 

helllooo

 

There is a good and valid point here BUT.

 

Some people don't have the skills to attract multiple people, be it social, be it physical appeal. There are lots of reasons.

 

I can dazzle a room with knowledge, I can sit and debate but its a certainty I wont be the one taking anyone home, it'll be the guy who offers the thing everyone wants. My point is deviate from the norm, stand alone and your chances are zero of getting laid, unless you can appeal to some superficial want, be it material wealth or good looks.

 

Its easy to see the people who bed many, they are all much the same or have similar attributes, you either have those attributes or you don't, sure you might acquire them but its unlikely in my opinion.

 

Ladies will say its about personality, its about many things but if this really was the case why are there so many good guys sitting on the reserve bench and why is it the same players prosper all the time.

[LookAtThisPOst]

so this guy is going to go thru his entire life with either no sexual partners or only one?

 

helllooo

 

You say that going through life with having only had one partner as if it were a bad thing.

 

Some people don't have the skills to attract multiple people, be it social, be it physical appeal. There are lots of reasons.

 

I can dazzle a room with knowledge, I can sit and debate but its a certainty I wont be the one taking anyone home, it'll be the guy who offers the thing everyone wants. My point is deviate from the norm, stand alone and your chances are zero of getting laid, unless you can appeal to some superficial want, be it material wealth or good looks.

 

Its easy to see the people who bed many, they are all much the same or have similar attributes, you either have those attributes or you don't, sure you might acquire them but its unlikely in my opinion.

 

Ladies will say its about personality, its about many things but if this really was the case why are there so many good guys sitting on the reserve bench and why is it the same players prosper all the time.

 

Agreed...there are some people, including myself, that probably attract a certain woman once every few years. I'm not the kind of guy that have multiple dates lined up per week. I just don't operate that way, never have and...there's nothing wrong with that.

[ZA Dater]

While I am really grinding my axe today "Why do guys just want sex", well its really simply, many of us spent years trying to find relationships and got nothing more than a kick in the face for our trouble and yet the very same ladies deride guys who are merely after one thing.

[5x5]

While I am really grinding my axe today "Why do guys just want sex", well its really simply, many of us spent years trying to find relationships and got nothing more than a kick in the face for our trouble and yet the very same ladies deride guys who are merely after one thing.

 

That's not been my experience.

 

Most men manage to find sexual relationships without spending years trying to get them. Likewise most women like most men want and enjoy good sex as well.

[HereNorThere]

so this guy is going to go thru his entire life with either no sexual partners or only one?

 

which is going to bother him the most? the fact that he's never had sex or the fact that he is now married and committed to never having sex with anyone else, forever?

 

you see this alot. people that save themselves for marriage, for that special someone, go from thinking they invented sex, doing it day and night, anywhere and everywhere to thinking that having had only one person they've missed out. especially men.

 

after all, ask yourself if you will be content, 10, 20, 30 years from now knowing this special someone, that you're committed to to the point of no return is the only person you're ever going to see naked, leaving aside the internet, ever going to touch?

 

helllooo

 

This, this and this. ^^^^.

 

These people make up a huge percentage of the infidelity forum. It's pretty much the common theme amongst the posters. Young marriage, low partner count, felt like they missed out, destroyed their life only to figure out that they didn't miss out on anything.

 

I shamefully watched a reality tv show last night were a couple got engaged after knowing each other 5 months so they could have sex. Got freaking married so they could have sex. I don't even know how to explain how stupid that is. I'm sure they'll be getting divorced within a a couple years for the exact same reason.

[HereNorThere]

While I am really grinding my axe today "Why do guys just want sex", well its really simply, many of us spent years trying to find relationships and got nothing more than a kick in the face for our trouble and yet the very same ladies deride guys who are merely after one thing.

 

Okay, so you figured out that tactic doesn't work. That was one of my sticking points as well. Here's the thing, sex is part of relationships. It's much easier for a male to transition from a sexual relationship to a long term relationship than it is from a relationship to a sexual relationship. Why? Because if you put out friendly, courtship vibes, you risk getting friend-zoned. It's actually much more honest and authentic to be upfront about what you want out of a relationship. Don't be a nice guy™ be a genuinely nice guy. There's nothing nice about hiding your intentions.

 

Don't shoot the messenger. People here genuinely want to help you.

[ZA Dater]

Okay, so you figured out that tactic doesn't work. That was one of my sticking points as well. Here's the thing, sex is part of relationships. It's much easier for a male to transition from a sexual relationship to a long term relationship than it is from a relationship to a sexual relationship. Why? Because if you put out friendly, courtship vibes, you risk getting friend-zoned. It's actually much more honest and authentic to be upfront about what you want out of a relationship. Don't be a nice guy™ be a genuinely nice guy. There's nothing nice about hiding your intentions.

 

Don't shoot the messenger. People here genuinely want to help you.

 

Very interesting. Oh well that just means I am even more hopeless than ever if that logic is true and probably holds true for the OP too.

 

 

Eventually you just question whether all the grovelling is really worth it at the end of the day, especially when the whole thing is superficial anyway. Most guys can and a few guys cannot, that seems to be the way.

 

 

Again I guess it all depends on standards and where yours are to how possible or impossible things might be. I sometimes think its probably better to wonder than experience.

[GunslingerRoland]

How long does a relationship take to be meaningful for you? Just asking, because I'm thinking by your age, people are usually more direct in their relationships and 4 months should usually be getting to that serious point.

[5x5]

Eventually you just question whether all the grovelling is really worth it at the end of the day, especially when the whole thing is superficial anyway.

 

If a man wants to avoid having sex, he would do well to try grovelling.

[HereNorThere]

Very interesting. Oh well that just means I am even more hopeless than ever if that logic is true and probably holds true for the OP too.

 

 

Eventually you just question whether all the grovelling is really worth it at the end of the day, especially when the whole thing is superficial anyway. Most guys can and a few guys cannot, that seems to be the way.

 

 

Again I guess it all depends on standards and where yours are to how possible or impossible things might be. I sometimes think its probably better to wonder than experience.

 

I promise you, with every fiber of my being, that it's not impossible to make progress and have the relationships you want. The ironic part is that now you are in thirties, its actually MUCH easier than if you were in your twenties.

 

Don't get me wrong, it's a damn rat race out there. Seriously, dating can become a second job if you get too involved. Right now, you need to figure out what your sticking points are find other guys who can help you move past them. You would be surprised at how much other guys are willing to help you if you're receptive. You also have to be okay with going out of your comfort zone but that's really no different than anything else in life.

 

If you have:

 

Social issues or suffer from ASD, guess what, there's a girl that has the same issue specifically looking for a guy like that she can relate with. If it's not that extreme and you are just shy, there's cognitive behavior techniques to help you get past it. Therapist use exposure therapy to help people get over irrational fears and it works!

 

Problems with your looks physically. This is the easiest one to overcome, no doubt. Besides the obvious ones like being overweight, etc, lets say you have a big nose. Guess what? There's a guy out there right now doing well with girls with a HUGE honker. The difference is that he didn't get caught up thinking about it. Just because you have a big nose, bald spot, crooked tooth, whatever doesn't mean that you shouldn't take care of the issues you can take care of. It's not hard to stay clean shaven, iron your clothes, find a friend who is good with fashion, etc. I iron every night before I go to bed. I taught myself how to tie ties from YouTube because my Dad never taught me. I shine my shoes, wash or replace the laces, make sure the belt matches the shoes, etc. Guys never notice, but I could accidentally wear the same shirt twice in a week and 3 different women at work will say something. Weird, but they pay attention to that kinda stuff. I keep a standing hair cut appointment (I actually trade computer services to my hairdresser and set up her customer calendar and wifi for hair cuts) As far as money, it honestly cost the same or less to dress nice if you want to do it. The girls at the mall love to show you sweet deals and help you find stuff. They're bored out of their mind anyway.

 

Sexual inexperience - After thinking about this and reading Silver Lining's post, I remember I dated a virgin for 9 months some years back. She was waiting for marriage for religious reasons. Guess what? We had just as fulfilling a relationship as any of my other partners. Man, that girl was creative. There's a billion manuals, videos, (the right kind of) porn, anonymous Internet strangers, etc that could help you with this. I've dated some acrobats and I've dated some dead fish. Surprisingly, their experience or partner count never actually correlated with how good they were at having sex.

 

Money - Man, there's a million broke chicks looking for broke guys. Not every woman is a gold digger. Actually, it's quite the opposite in some circles. A lot of girls feel more comfortable and relate better with someone on their level financially. If you actually have money, you can go therapy, hire a dating coach, have someone professionally do your OLD profile. The options are limitless really.

 

I swear, dude. If you could see me now and compare it to my senior picture, you'd laugh your a$$ off. Ugh, I was so cringe worthy back then. I'm a computer nerd, my dad isn't particularly masculine, my best friend was gay (Im straight as a board) etc. I just didn't grow up with that "alpha male" (which really isn't even a thing, we're not pack animals) influence. Never played or liked sports, none of it. I had a really bad break-up when I was younger that was probably related to my insecurity (not probably, but let me feel better) and decided I wasn't going to live like that anymore. I read books and more books, forced myself to meet people, learned from my mistakes, worked on my career and things got better. I don't have chiseled abs, I have an ironed, button up shirt. You'd be surprised at how that makes a difference.

 

Only you can decide, but I promise you that the answers are out there if you are willing to seek them. Don't get frustrated, get BETTER! I went on a million first dates, kissed a few fat girls, SO YOU DON"T HAVE TO.©

Edited December 19, 2016 by HereNorThere

[CommittedToThis]

kissed a few fat girls, SO YOU DON"T HAVE TO.©

 

Hey now, I like kissing reasonably-built women!

 

Great advice, glad you've turned things around, Here.

Edited December 19, 2016 by CommittedToThis

[HereNorThere]

Hey now, I like kissing normally-built women!

 

Great advice, glad you've turned things around, Here.

 

I knew I'd get called out for that joke. The truth is that once you have options, looks suddenly aren't that important when finding a partner. You're no longer trying to date the best looking person because you feel secure in who you are. So many guys want an amazingly good looking girl but it's only because they think it makes themselves look better. Now I'm much more interested in someone I don't feel like sending out of here in an Uber the next morning. Women aren't a fashion accessory or nice car. It gets to the point where the beauty of their personality shines through so much more than what you can see with your eyes. On the flip side, some of the beautiful women seem so ugly because their personality shines through in the same way.

Edited December 20, 2016 by HereNorThere