I dont know how I feel anymore.

[JQM]

So many things have happened in the past few months. I recently just got out of a 4+ relationship. Things just became very rocky we both were not in the same page of things, I am still in college and both of our goals changed in the past few years. Me and my ex did not live together nor we were engaged. We were just simply in a committed relationship. Well I began to get attracted with one of my co-workers and things got a bit hot there, and things happened which eventually let me to break up with my ex. it had to be done because I began to question everything and felt guilty.

 

I am here again because I feel very lost now. I don't really talk to the co-worker anymore either. I felt that I needed to stop what we started, I did not want to drown myself in that whole confusion.

 

In my work life I have been doing pretty well, I think my former employer is just waiting for me to graduate so they can fully take me on board. Which is great an all. I used to be very happy about that, but now I feel that I am not even as excited as I used to be. School has also been great and many other opportunities are falling in my plate. I am supposed to be happy and I don't feel happy... Since my break-up I haven't really talked to anyone and I have been feeling pretty lonely. I just want someone to converse with. I don't want a relationship at least not at the moment. I just want a person whom I can go on dates with and talk about our day etc.

 

I feel that I am in my point life where I just need to be single and focus in becoming a better me and in my career. It is the main reason why my me and my previous relationship did not work out. I know what I want , but sometimes I DONT and its making me feel lost and confused.

 

is it possible to find someone who is willing to just have a conversation with me? where can I find such person?

 

Yes I have friends but they are all in relationships, nothing wrong with that but we all know how that goes.

 

 

Maybe I should just continue to be alone, I feel that I kind of deserve this as I still feel so guilty for cheating.

 

Has anyone here ever been in the same situation? how do I deal with all of my emotions ??? please help......

[thecrucible]

I feel that I am in my point life where I just need to be single and focus in becoming a better me and in my career. It is the main reason why my me and my previous relationship did not work out. I know what I want , but sometimes I DONT and its making me feel lost and confused.

 

is it possible to find someone who is willing to just have a conversation with me? where can I find such person?

 

Yes I have friends but they are all in relationships, nothing wrong with that but we all know how that goes.

 

Maybe I should just continue to be alone, I feel that I kind of deserve this as I still feel so guilty for cheating.

 

Has anyone here ever been in the same situation? how do I deal with all of my emotions ??? please help......

 

I have been in your situation because I cheated in the past. Firstly, you did the right thing by just being single and not pursuing anything with the co-worker. Have you analysed the reasons why the situation came to be? This is really important so you can improve as a person and move on from your mistakes. Eventually you feel the feel magnitude of your actions and the guilt sets in - it goes beyond just a sense of shame in yourself. You can't turn back back time but you can say to yourself "I will never do this again".

 

It's best to stay single and not get involved with anyone if you are not sure what you want. I mean I have been mostly single for 5 years and I've not really enjoyed it totally but I have learned a lot about myself this way. I thought I needed to be alone but now I feel I'm not living life fully without a significant other. You should do what feels right for you because in a state of self-denial, you might end up making mistakes and getting into more sticky situations.

[JQM]

Hello, first thank you for replying. For a moment I thought I was the only one with this situation.

 

 

So tell me how have you managed to handle this?

 

And to answer your questions I really do not know what led me to cheat. It is a question that I am trying to figure out. I think I was mainly curious as I found my co worker very attractive and I liked how I was always approached. Maybe thats my answer, I think maybe I lost interest in my ex or our relationship got boring. Not sure what happened honestly. It sort of has taken a toll on me, I feel so guilty. If you dont mind me asking what is your age?

[thecrucible]

So tell me how have you managed to handle this?

 

I cried a lot. I felt like a horrible person. But eventually with the passing of time, I've just accepted that it happened. I'm a very emotional person so I didn't take it very well. He wanted to talk to me about it but I was too upset to talk. Now 5 years have passed, I would certainly try and respond to him if he wanted to talk about it and I would say a lot more to make it up to him. But otherwise I won't make any intrusion into this life because I feel that would be wrong.

 

You do have to be very careful who you talk to about it and make sure it's with people you trust. Find a close friend or a family member, maybe a parent. When it comes to friends, keep things light unless you are very close. You'll have to spend time building up the social life so you feel less lonely, but it will happen eventually with enough effort.

 

I tried to turn the experience into something positive. It made me really introspective and I thought a lot about whether I'm a good person. I've tried to channel this into being a good friend to others. I think it's unfair to say that people who cheat once, will do it again and again. I mean for me the self-doubt was a game changer. I'm hyper sensitive to the needs of others more than I used to be (and not in an approval-seeking way) and I'm more aware of communication and how I come across.

 

And to answer your questions I really do not know what led me to cheat. It is a question that I am trying to figure out. I think I was mainly curious as I found my co worker very attractive and I liked how I was always approached. Maybe thats my answer, I think maybe I lost interest in my ex or our relationship got boring.

 

There's always a deeper reason for it. Like for you, it could be that you're addicted to the honeymoon phase feeling of a relationship but that would only be an issue if you've noticed a pattern with that. Or it could be that it didn't feel right to get serious or maybe you jumped in too early and it fizzled.

 

For me it was emotional avoidance. Basically my boyfriend stopped talking very often (we were long distance) and when we did, he wouldn't let me see his face or hear his voice, he would only want to talk to me by typed messages. It went on like this for 3-4 months. When we did see each other, I didn't feel like we spent quality time together and he wouldn't make an effort to go out and do anything. He also didn't want to have sex for months because he said he was stressed out. I was unhappy but I didn't say anything about it. I think I should have done that rather than push my feelings to one side.

 

Not sure what happened honestly. It sort of has taken a toll on me, I feel so guilty. If you dont mind me asking what is your age?

 

I'm 27.

[JQM]

I cried a lot. I felt like a horrible person. But eventually with the passing of time, I've just accepted that it happened. I'm a very emotional person so I didn't take it very well. He wanted to talk to me about it but I was too upset to talk. Now 5 years have passed, I would certainly try and respond to him if he wanted to talk about it and I would say a lot more to make it up to him. But otherwise I won't make any intrusion into this life because I feel that would be wrong.

 

I am currently in the crying process. You are a strong person for going through all this and sharing your experience with me. I am a guy and I feel at times that I just don't deserve to ever be happy because I am afraid that I will never get passed this.

your ex wanted to talk to you? did you ever tell him that you cheated or did you just break up?

[JQM]

You do have to be very careful who you talk to about it and make sure it's with people you trust. Edited December 27, 2016 by JQM