Parents blabbing details behind separation

[iwillsurvive]

H and I separated May 31 as he had fallen in love with a co-worker.

 

When I told my parents on July 6th I asked them not to tell family members as we were unsure of what would be happening in the near future and also because A) my parents really were not told anything other than the very basic details and B) it is not really anyone else's business unless we chose to make it their business. If we want to tell people fine. But it should be us so things don't get mixed up or told wrong etc.

 

I finally told my Grandpa last weekend ( at my paretnsd urging as they said they felt uncomfortable with him not knowing). I on the other hand had felt uncomfortable bringing it up with my Grandpa, as I feel like I am a complete failure. But I did it.

 

In an email regarding some other things I said PS I have let Grandpa know of the situation.

 

What I should have put was I have let him know that we have separated, BUT have not discussed any details wit him.

 

I am to blame for not saying that part in full.

 

Anyway I find out from a cousin today that she and my Grandpa were at my parents house on tuesday night and my Mom was telling my Grandpa how we are separated because H has feeling for someone else.

 

I was livid to hear this.

 

But remember I just admitted that for my parents benefit I should have been more clear!

 

Anyway. I called my mom tonight and Itold her that I felt she owed me an apology. I was not angry like, I was calm. She said what for and I said for telling Grandpa why we have separated when I specifically asked you not to and you in turn said you would never tell anyone because it had to do with us not them. She said but you told him why.

(here is the miscommunication which I am partly to blame for). I said no, I told him we have separated but not the details, I didn't feel he needed to know.

 

Well my Dad (who thinks my Mom is always right when it comes to us kids, and apparently she can no wrong) could apparently hear this cell phone conversation as he says you said we could talk about it with him.

 

I said no what I said was he knows we are separated so you can talk about that. I never said ok go ahead and tell him all the gory details.

 

Well my Mom said she was sorry actually she said "well, I'm sorry BUT......"

 

I wish she had stopped there.

 

She than proceeded to tell me that my Grandpa (her dad) had been lecturing THEM that they needed to be lecturing ME about how you can't just throw away a marriage because of a fight. So my Mom responded well he fell in love with someone else.

 

I am hurting a lot right now.

 

Again I know I am partly to blame but I don't get it.

 

I asked them to keep quiet.

 

My mom was there when I told my two aunts and I didn't give them a single detail, so I am not sure why she suddenly thought it would be okay to reveal details to her dad.

 

So now my Grandpa, one aunt, and 18year old cousin all know....and the one aunt that knows may not keep it to herself.

 

The reason I didn't want them all to know the details is that I don't want my family to hold things against him if we stay together.

 

I obviously need to have a chat with my parents about what i will accept as appropriate actions regarding this...ie what they should or should not do!

[agnf666]

Sorry to hear about your situation. Sometimes Parents can be like that. They find out new gossip about someone and they have to blab it like they are in High School. Now the only think I can recommend if you plan on getting back together with him in the future I wouldn't tell anyone until your ready.

 

I think your family knows enough information about your situation so there is no need to fill anyone else in on anymore. I would just be really careful in what you say to your family. Before you know it at the next family thing everyone will know your business. What would be more interesting is if you bring him with you. Then they can't say a thing.

 

 

Good Luck with everything.

[A Fly onThe Wall]

I really can't give you any advice .. But I wanted to say that I'm sorry that your parents couldn't have kept quiet about it. I'm sure that hurts .

 

Even though parents are people to they are also bonded like no other and the nuturing effect should've kicked in and protected you

 

Hope it works out for you and good luck

[justjen]

This happened to me too as I've stated in another post I made. My mom promised she wouldn't tell anyone of our separation, and then told everyone and their dog. It hurt me so badly. When I confronted her, she defended herself by saying she "just needed someone to talk to about it". I told her she should've come to me if she wanted to talk about it. I also told her that she lost my trust.

 

My mom's always been a gossiper, but I thought for sure she'd keep a secret told to her by her own daughter. She promised me that. What further upset me was the fact that I had told my brother (my brother's practically my best friend) that I told mom about leaving. He said I shouldn't have done that. He told me she'd tell everyone about it. I defended her. I said I didn't think she'd ever do something like that to me. Even though I forgive her for what she did, I won't make that mistake again.