Recently realized my friendship was an EA

[Friskyone4u]

She has been flirting and sexting with several men, not just this guy.

 

Yeah, but according to her always with husband there. So this OM is different. Husband has already told her it is a no go and so she is cheating behind his back.

 

Sassy, you need some IC to find out why you have this need to have this kind of intimate touchy interaction with men other than your husband. You can end this nonsense by telling your husband the truth and my guess is he will tell you what the consequences will be if you continue. So you will not go that route because your option to have sex with this guy will be gone.

 

No matter what anyone tells you here you keep telling everyone here why it is OK. At this point you really don't want advice. I think you want someone to tell you to go ahead and deceive your husband because you deserve to do it.

 

You can get that advice in Cosmo, but probably not from folks who have been on the receiving end of infidelity

[sandylee1]

SassyC, you're playing with fire, but I think you know that. There's an attraction there, maybe some unfinished business and there is a strong pull between the two of you.

 

Unless you put distance between you and the OM, it's only a matter of time before a physical line is crossed. It may start with a kiss ... some touching. ... then before you know it (with the opportunity and the right conditions), you'll end up sleeping with him.

 

I had a similar pull to someone years ago, way before I was married. There was some real sexual tension between us. It was just a matter of time before we took it where we shouldn't have, but if we had stopped the intense conversations we used to have, it wouldn't have got that far.

[CommittedToThis]

This is the kind of situation where, for H, he needs to trust his instincts and GTFO, now. He knows you're cheating on him with this particular boy (real men don't chase taken women even if they are being chased by one).

 

Sassy, he's already "letting" you be sexual with other men in front of him, lets you go on dates, and now you want H to cave-in and let you hang out with Butt Boy?

 

Man, talk about cake eating, seriously.

 

I think it's time for H to start "going on dates" with female friends and making conversation based entirely on sexual innuendo leading to physical contact (but no nudity or actual sex).

[Cephalopod]

I do. I try. Unfortunately as amazing of a team as we are, he's not as emotionally open as I am and I don't like projecting my fears on him and adding stress when it's things he's already worried about (example, possible nerve surgery directly below his brainstem). We talk about these things and share our love and concerns, but OM is that friend that I share all of my extreme emotions (fear, anxiety, etc...) with that my "real" life doesn't need the added stress of.

 

But you cannot do this.

 

You married your husband to share 100% of yourself with. You cannot be act single and be married at the same time. Marriage does not work that way. If he is emotionally unavailable, and cannot handle working and being a husband,, then he is not the man for you.

 

Conversely, you need to figure out how to become emotionally independent and stop relying on others for emotional equilibrium. Men don't make friends with women just to be friends. Every man you have had these affairs with is exacting a high price from you for their fake support. And that is what it is: fake. He is not a friend. Your OM is not there for you. He's there to feed you ego kibbles in the hopes of getting you to have sex with him.

 

Please stop doing what you are doing to your husband. If you cannot stay faithful then you need to be merciful and let him go.

[Cephalopod]

Yeah, but according to her always with husband there.

 

I don't believe her when she says that. I'm sorry, I don't buy it.

[somanymistakes]

That is sex Sassy. Simulated, written, talked-about....even if you never had physical contact with all these men, you are still a serial cheater.

 

That's ridiculous. If you have a friendship group that you go to with your husband and it's normal for people to talk flirtatiously among those friends and you do so, in full knowledge and approval of your husband, that somehow makes you a serial cheater? That is the opposite of what cheating means.

 

(Note: I have no idea what OP has actually done with other men, but you're right there saying that talking about sex and having no physical contact is cheating even if your husband agrees to it, that's what I'm objecting to.)

 

Don't we have enough to deal with around here with people who are actually having affairs?

[freengreen]

Ok, my question is to her husband.. how is he OK with sex talk with her male friends?. My MM flirts openly on facebook with other women ( making dates with them and calling them darling and hotty and all) and everyone can see it, including wife.

 

I am asking out of curiosity not out of attitue but HOW?

[Friskyone4u]

I don't believe her when she says that. I'm sorry, I don't buy it.

 

You could very well be correct. So maybe I am confused but apparently Sassy is telling us husband just stands there and lets men paw her and flirt with her and that she goes on alone dates, not business with males, with husbands knowledge. Something g is sounding a little fishy here. Not sure we have all tghe facts.

 

This thing is a bit confusing. But is really does not matter. Shes not going to stop. We all know that. All we have gotten so far is why it should be OK and why husband is b wing a meany for not approving. Sounds like she wants a polyamorous relationship that hubby will not agree to. Problem is shes doing it anyway

[Scarlett94]

His first wife cheated on him hence she's his first wife.

What do you think he's going to do when he finds out you are talking to this guy so much?

I can't imagine what you are thinking to put him through the pain he already went through with his first wife.

Do you want to do that?

[sour_pikle]

She isn't concerned with how her H feels. She concerned about the consequence of her actions and not about how they will affect others, but how it will affect her life and the security blanket that is her HUSBAND.

 

 

"He knew how I was when he met me" - I love that line. Women who want to justify there cheating and lies by saying "hey, I had lots of guy "friends" that flirt sexually with me and feed my pathetic need to feel wanted by every man in the room when he met me"

 

 

Be in a relationship or don't. take it from someone who's been there done that. You're justifying it to yourself, and there's no way your going to justify deceiving your husband here. I'm sure you a have a few GF's that you could simply get the approval to go sleep with this guy from because hey...you're a princess and you should get your cake and eat it too right!

 

 

Tell your H you want the approval to dangle on the edge of an PA with this guy. Maybe you'll bang him, maybe you won't. But, no matter what you decide I hope your husband is smart enough to see through your bulls hit and get a good divorce lawyer.

[sour_pikle]

I do. I try. Unfortunately as amazing of a team as we are, he's not as emotionally open as I am and I don't like projecting my fears on him and adding stress when it's things he's already worried about (example, possible nerve surgery directly below his brainstem). We talk about these things and share our love and concerns, but OM is that friend that I share all of my extreme emotions (fear, anxiety, etc...) with that my "real" life doesn't need the added stress of.

 

 

 

You're sharing intimate personal details of your life secretly with another man under with the excuse that you don't want to stress your husband out?

 

 

"hey honey, I've had a rough week and I really just need to talk to my boyfriend right now so he can make me feel better, cause I know you won't be able to handle it"