Should I pursue a mail order bride?

[road]

There is a wide range. What are you expecting the star of Quantico, the female lead of Royal Pains, a Mindy Kaling. ..?

 

Mindy is a "5" on her good days.

 

 

You want Indian go big or go home.

 

12 Things You Didn?t Know About Actress Hannah Simone

 

 

Then I found out she is only half.

 

 

So back to my original thought forget a MOB. Get your career going then look for a woman in real life. There are already lots of Indians living in the US. Develop your social skills and go out and just date.

[taiko]

Mindy is a "5" on her good days.

 

 

You want Indian go big or go home.

 

12 Things You Didn?t Know About Actress Hannah Simone

 

 

Then I found out she is only half.

 

 

So back to my original thought forget a MOB. Get your career going then look for a woman in real life. There are already lots of Indians living in the US. Develop your social skills and go out and just date.

The question becomes American 5 or a 5 in the home province where the woman is considering getting on a marriage broker site? I run into the factor with Filipinos whose beauty standards differ from American beauty standards so they don't understand why westerners would go with a moreno after they have tried so hard to lightened their skin. In any case she, Mindy Kaling passed the OP's screen so her sisters are good enough.

 

The question becomes that will a "5" be willing to leave home and possibly incompatible home culture for a junior enlisted soldier?

[mar96]

Mindy is a "5" on her good days.

 

 

You want Indian go big or go home.

 

12 Things You Didn?t Know About Actress Hannah Simone

 

 

Then I found out she is only half.

 

 

So back to my original thought forget a MOB. Get your career going then look for a woman in real life. There are already lots of Indians living in the US. Develop your social skills and go out and just date.

 

I've decided that I will not pursue a mob from another country, but I was thinking of the idea Hodor mentioned about finding a possible mob from a local club or religious communities.

[Hodor]

I've decided that I will not pursue a mob from another country, but I was thinking of the idea Hodor mentioned about finding a possible mob from a local club or religious communities.

 

Dont restrict yourself with tags like MOB and all. A girl on matrimony site in India isn't a MOB. She is there to genuinely find a partner and not special arrangements such as sugar daddy. She is there to stick with you in your good times and bad times and love you like she would love her husband from a Love marriage.

A girl specially on MOB site will have completely different intentions.

 

Girls here are brought up believing its their family who will find a partner for her. So mentally they are prepared for it. A girl worries when she finds a partner herself because the family might reject her choice.

 

There is a joke here-

Hey I just met you and this is crazy

But here is my biodata, marry me maybe?

[mar96]

Dont restrict yourself with tags like MOB and all. A girl on matrimony site in India isn't a MOB. She is there to genuinely find a partner and not special arrangements such as sugar daddy. She is there to stick with you in your good times and bad times and love you like she would love her husband from a Love marriage.

A girl specially on MOB site will have completely different intentions.

 

Girls here are brought up believing its their family who will find a partner for her. So mentally they are prepared for it. A girl worries when she finds a partner herself because the family might reject her choice.

 

There is a joke here-

Hey I just met you and this is crazy

But here is my biodata, marry me maybe?

 

I understand where you're coming from. I will look into the matrimonial sites you mentioned and keep those in mind. Thank you sir!

Edited December 29, 2016 by mar96

[ShatteredLady]

As girls we are raised surrounded by our cultural ideals of love & marriage.

 

A traditional Indian girl is not on a marriage site (or looking for a husband anywhere) because she's jaded about love & just wants a pay-check or a green card. Marriage means love...just love comes after marriage. Love is growing together, supporting each-other, taking care of each-other AND falling in love with each-other for life.

 

My advise would be the same no matter what culture you're looking to marry. Live, learn & grow. Until you really know yourself & get a bit of life under your belt you don't truly know what you want or NEED from a PARTNER in life.

 

Life can be very long if married to the wrong person.

 

Don't use women AND don't choose a woman who is going to use you! Life is beautiful if you find a true partner to love & work through all that life can throw at you...TOGETHER!

[GunslingerRoland]

Mindy is a "5" on her good days.

 

 

If Mindy is a 5 then clearly I see a lot of women of all races who are well into the negatives.

[mar96]

As girls we are raised surrounded by our cultural ideals of love & marriage.

 

A traditional Indian girl is not on a marriage site (or looking for a husband anywhere) because she's jaded about love & just wants a pay-check or a green card. Marriage means love...just love comes after marriage. Love is growing together, supporting each-other, taking care of each-other AND falling in love with each-other for life.

 

My advise would be the same no matter what culture you're looking to marry. Live, learn & grow. Until you really know yourself & get a bit of life under your belt you don't truly know what you want or NEED from a PARTNER in life.

 

Life can be very long if married to the wrong person.

 

Don't use women AND don't choose a woman who is going to use you! Life is beautiful if you find a true partner to love & work through all that life can throw at you...TOGETHER!

 

I understand, thanks!

Edited December 29, 2016 by mar96

[road]

If Mindy is a 5 then clearly I see a lot of women of all races who are well into the negatives.

 

 

Five is middle of the road average. Gentlemen never refer to a woman as 0 let alone a negative integer.

[AMarriedMan]

Hello. I'm a 20 year old American guy living in the US. I'm very interested in Indian women and I'm wondering should I consider getting an Indian/Bengali mail order bride? Or Am I too young? I graduated high school about a year ago and haven't done much since then but I am joining the military soon. I want to do this, but I have zero dating experience, I'm severely unattractive looking, socially awkward, and barely have any friends. Should I do this? If I do this, how long would it be until I would import her into the US after we have first met?

 

This seems like a plane crash waiting to happen for so many reasons.

 

First of all, you are only 20 years old. A guy your age would be a fool to marry in the first place. Your value on the sexual/relationship market is still far below your lifetime maximum. If you get an education, establish yourself in your career, gain psychological maturity, and develop a more masculine appearance as you age a little bit, you will get a much better wife than is currently possible.

 

Secondly, you have zero experience in relationships with women. There are a ton of relationship issues that you know nothing about. You are planning to make a commitment with very serious legal consequences to something you have no experience of. You should date and have girlfriends first. If sex is what preoccupies you, go to a place where hiring a prostitute is legal and get it out of your system.

 

Thirdly, not only do you plan to find a marriage partner but you want to marry a woman from a totally alien culture at that. If any man really wants to marry a woman from any culture, he should learn as much as he can about that culture. Do you know the first thing about Indian/Bengali culture? For example, would you be willing or even able to financially support your wife's relatives, too, if in her culture that was expected?

 

Fourthly, you are about to join the military. Chances are you are going to be deployed overseas for long periods at a time. When you are halfway across the world for months at a time, your wife will feel lonely and is at risk of meeting someone attractive and cheating on you. Note that you say you are unattractive and imply that this is a reason why you consider a mail order bride in the first place. Long absences are a particular problem the marriages of military personnel suffer from along with those in a few other occupations.

 

A mail order bride will not solve any of your problems and is likely to create many more.

 

Another thing is that marriage at least in North America makes zero sense from a man's perspective unless he really, really wants to have children. Women typically seek to gain resources through marriage. That is part of their biological programming because humans are mammals and women carry the fetuses and breastfeed the infants. Pregnancy makes a woman vulnerable and caring for an infant or a toddler is hard work. A man is there to help and protect her and provide her with resources. She will demand a lot from you. Even in a childless marriage or a relationship, your woman will take for granted that you will have to bring more to the table than her in almost every way. She will consciously or unconsciously expect you to be superior to her in terms of emotional strength, intelligence, income and in many other ways for her to be able to consider you worthy of her. Your woman's feelings toward you are informed by millions of years of evolution under conditions where the inevitable consequence of sexual relations was pregnancy. If she's a feminist, she may not admit to this but her actions will always speak louder than her words. Because you are very likely to be marrying someone with lower income and fewer assets than you, you stand to lose a great deal in case of a divorce, including assets and future income. (Not even marrying a professional woman with a high-powered career is a guarantee of getting to marry a financial equal. She may well decide to drop out of working life altogether or choose part time work to care for the children. A relative of mine did just that. She was a judge but opted to work part-time after the birth of her first child. Her husband, a lawyer, has worked very long hours for decades to support the family since then.) Some states have lifetime alimony after a certain number of years married, which means that you will have to pay her alimony for as long as you are both alive and she does not remarry. If she wants to alienate you from your children after divorce, she has many tools available to to her. In addition to alimony, you would have to pay child support, too, even if you have few or no visitation rights. Divorce is very common in the whole developed world. Some divorces are amicable and the former spouses are able to co-parent successfully. But many are ugly and divorce is always painful for everyone concerned.

 

I seriously suggest you put off the entire idea of marriage for at least a full decade. You should focus on finding out who you are and finding your own place in the world, free of any serious commitments. Find an occupation that allows you to make a decent living without being soul-crushing drudgery. You are a young adult. Your task at this stage or your life is to develop yourself and build a lifestyle that suits your personality.

Edited December 30, 2016 by AMarriedMan

[mar96]

This seems like a plane crash waiting to happen for so many reasons.

 

First of all, you are only 20 years old. A guy your age would be a fool to marry in the first place. Your value on the sexual/relationship market is still far below your lifetime maximum. If you get an education, establish yourself in your career, gain psychological maturity, and develop a more masculine appearance as you age a little bit, you will get a much better wife than is currently possible.

 

Secondly, you have zero experience in relationships with women. There are a ton of relationship issues that you know nothing about. You are planning to make a commitment with very serious legal consequences to something you have no experience of. You should date and have girlfriends first. If sex is what preoccupies you, go to a place where hiring a prostitute is legal and get it out of your system.

 

Thirdly, not only do you plan to find a marriage partner but you want to marry a woman from a totally alien culture at that. If any man really wants to marry a woman from any culture, he should learn as much as he can about that culture. Do you know the first thing about Indian/Bengali culture? For example, would you be willing or even able to financially support your wife's relatives, too, if in her culture that was expected?

 

Fourthly, you are about to join the military. Chances are you are going to be deployed overseas for long periods at a time. When you are halfway across the world for months at a time, your wife will feel lonely and is at risk of meeting someone attractive and cheating on you. Note that you say you are unattractive and imply that this is a reason why you consider a mail order bride in the first place. Long absences are a particular problem the marriages of military personnel suffer from along with those in a few other occupations.

 

A mail order bride will not solve any of your problems and is likely to create many more.

 

Another thing is that marriage at least in North America makes zero sense from a man's perspective unless he really, really wants to have children. Women typically seek to gain resources through marriage. That is part of their biological programming because humans are mammals and women carry the fetuses and breastfeed the infants. Pregnancy makes a woman vulnerable and caring for an infant or a toddler is hard work. A man is there to help and protect her and provide her with resources. She will demand a lot from you. Even in a childless marriage or a relationship, your woman will take for granted that you will have to bring more to the table than her in almost every way. She will consciously or unconsciously expect you to be superior to her in terms of emotional strength, intelligence, income and in many other ways for her to be able to consider you worthy of her. Your woman's feelings toward you are informed by millions of years of evolution under conditions where the inevitable consequence of sexual relations was pregnancy. If she's a feminist, she may not admit to this but her actions will always speak louder than her words. Because you are very likely to be marrying someone with lower income and fewer assets than you, you stand to lose a great deal in case of a divorce, including assets and future income. (Not even marrying a professional woman with a high-powered career is a guarantee of getting to marry a financial equal. She may well decide to drop out of working life altogether or choose part time work to care for the children. A relative of mine did just that. She was a judge but opted to work part-time after the birth of her first child. Her husband, a lawyer, has worked very long hours for decades to support the family since then.) Some states have lifetime alimony after a certain number of years married, which means that you will have to pay her alimony for as long as you are both alive and she does not remarry. If she wants to alienate you from your children after divorce, she has many tools available to to her. In addition to alimony, you would have to pay child support, too, even if you have few or no visitation rights. Divorce is very common in the whole developed world. Some divorces are amicable and the former spouses are able to co-parent successfully. But many are ugly and divorce is always painful for everyone concerned.

 

I seriously suggest you put off the entire idea of marriage for at least a full decade. You should focus on finding out who you are and finding your own place in the world, free of any serious commitments. Find an occupation that allows you to make a decent living without being soul-crushing drudgery. You are a young adult. Your task at this stage or your life is to develop yourself and build a lifestyle that suits your personality.

 

Thank you very much for the advice! I wasn't aware of the many risks. I was looking forward to it because its like the only guaranteed way of having a beautiful wife sigh.

Edited December 31, 2016 by mar96