D-day happened yesterday for an A ended long ago. Wife wants meeting and inquistion

[elaine567]

I agree with Anika it is beyond cruel to his wife and daughter to continue to deny. HE has CONFESSED so if you have any feelings left for him why would you try to make him look like he is a complete fool here.

 

THEY all know about the affair, so it is nonsensical to deny.

I do not think you should go to an "inquisition" in person, but I think by denying what they already know, you are keeping this whole thing going.

YOU are ramping up the drama here.

It won't just go away that easily.

They have unfinished business here with you and so will keep on until they have the truth.

Come clean, answer their questions honestly by email and act like you are a decent person now, even if you didn't act in the best way then.

[watch210]

Is there any possible way he's been having affair with somebody else and instead of outing that he told him it was you

 

No, that's not possible at all.

[AutumnMoon]

No, that's not possible at all.

 

 

 

Seems very odd then that a year later it would come out if there is no evidence .

 

I feel like her gut instincts were right and he was cheating with somebody else and blamed it on you since it was already over or he broke under the constant pressure and confessed .

[MidnightBlue1980]

Is there any possible way he's been having affair with somebody else and instead of outing that he told him it was you

 

There could be something to this. If you know my story, I truly believe xmm had an affair in 2016 which triggered his BS to learn all about us in 2015. Where there's smoke, there's fire.

[Marc878]

I doubt the wife's crazy. She's probably gotten smart. As far as him. Poor muffin.

He's reaping what he's sewn.

[watch210]

Seems very odd then that a year later it would come out if there is no evidence .

 

I feel like her gut instincts were right and he was cheating with somebody else and blamed it on you since it was already over or he broke under the constant pressure and confessed .

 

 

There was some malware/adware on his computer that caused some porn pop ups and she saw them. Idk if in fact he was watching porn or not. After all this heated up almost 2 months ago I deleted a shared business folder once he told me that she was using his laptop since there was really no need since our business relationship was basically over anyway. She saw the notification in windows that the dropbox folder was gone and that's what made her zero in on me.

[watch210]

Sorry, I'm not up on all the acronyms. What is BH and WW exactly? I know what MM, MW, OW and OM are.

[MidnightBlue1980]

Sorry, I'm not up on all the acronyms. What is BH and WW exactly? I know what MM, MW, OW and OM are.

 

Betrayed Husband, Wandering WIfe

[anika99]

I agree with Anika it is beyond cruel to his wife and daughter to continue to deny. HE has CONFESSED so if you have any feelings left for him why would you try to make him look like he is a complete fool here.

 

THEY all know about the affair, so it is nonsensical to deny.

I do not think you should go to an "inquisition" in person, but I think by denying what they already know, you are keeping this whole thing going.

YOU are ramping up the drama here.

It won't just go away that easily.

They have unfinished business here with you and so will keep on until they have the truth.

Come clean, answer their questions honestly by email and act like you are a decent person now, even if you didn't act in the best way then.

 

I agree. I also think the OP should take care of herself but I think the best way for her to do that is just to get honest and tell the truth. The BW isn't going to stop until she gets the truth and as her husband has already told the truth the OP is just making herself look like a nutjob by continuing to cling to lies. At the very least she should stop actively lying and just go total no contact with both of them. All of this trying to rescue the MM from his "crazy wife" while she is telling lies and trying make the wife believe lies makes the OP sound more mentally unstable than the wife does.

[watch210]

That's the thing. He works from home so she IS able to watch his every move. The way he has been communicating with me since all hell broke lose 2 months ago is through his work email whereas before we primarily used skype.

[malvern99]

[]What do you gain by denying your role in the affair? Own up to it, and then go full no contact with everyone involved.

 

About his wife being crazy, stop with that. If you had someone who was willing to lie to you to the point where you question your own sanity, you'd act crazy too. How do you expect her to behave when her suspicions were finally confirmed?

Edited December 19, 2016 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Topical content

[JustJoe]

but she really has no way of knowing if the A is over unless she is to follow her husband around ALL day; she'd have to trust the OW and/or her husband. closure comes from within, not from other people.

 

when the A is present and you're trying to reconcile - the possibility of it still being active or happening again is ALWAYS there. nobody can guarantee you anything so when you look at the big picture - the OW's word won't mean much. the WS's word won't mean much. she will probably assume they're covering for each other. also - by responding, the OW is opening the door to further communication and questions and that's not a good idea. it will keep dragging on and on and on... and at the end of the day, the wife DOES know. her husband CONFESSED. what more does she need?

Well, like I said, the OP's policy of denial doesn't seem to be working too well, doe it? So, if she wants to end the drama, the truth will almost certainly do that. Plus by admitting tha Affair, she will give the BW less reason to contact her. When the lies fail, the truth is always a last resort.

[aliveagain]

My only question, how is lying to the woman and her daughter who's life you helped destroy helping you and your choices going forward? What does that say about who you are? I know what I get just reading your post and just my opinion but you have a very long way to go. Nothing good ever comes from lying. Why not give her the truth she needs so she can move on, after all, her issue is with her dishonest and unfaithful husband, you just happened to facilitate him but it could have been any woman who made herself available.

 

You can end this for the tree of them, why did you choose to lie? Your done with all of them one way or another. She will tell everyone in her world that you were the home wrecker, lying isn't going to change that but the truth may have set you all free.

[watch210]

Well, like I said, the OP's policy of denial doesn't seem to be working too well, doe it? So, if she wants to end the drama, the truth will almost certainly do that. Plus by admitting tha Affair, she will give the BW less reason to contact her. When the lies fail, the truth is always a last resort.

 

I was only contacted last night and this morning. Hard to say if it will continue since it's pretty early still...

[elaine567]

Seeing as there is currently no affair, it was over a year ago, I would say she doesn't have to do anything. Collateral wasn't the word I wanted exactly but she doesn't need to be part of this crap. Let them deal with their own marriage and let her be. It's over, move on.

 

DDay happened yesterday, not a year ago. It may be old news to the OP and her MM, but the BW and the daughter have just newly found out.

Of course they are going to want the details and the facts, they cant just go, "Oh well that was a long time ago, so its all OK." can they?

[watch210]

Seems there are 2 prevailing opinions from you guys:

 

A) that I'm a sociopath of sorts for denying it and that I owe them the truth.

 

or

 

B) that I don't owe anyone anything and should look to my own self-preservation now.

[minimariah]

So, if she wants to end the drama, the truth will almost certainly do that.

 

if she wants to end the drama - she needs to go full NC... that's about it. telling the truth most likely won't end the drama... on the contrary. it will open a lot of other questions and it will actually give the BS MORE reason to contact her because she will absolutely want to know the details. how long, what, when, where... blah, blah. you're assuming that the BS is a sane woman, composed who only needs the closure to move on - even if the OW eggarates in her descriptions... constantly contacting the other person when you're specifically asked NOT TO... speaks volumes. folks like that very rarely give up, especially if you keep feeding them - and admitting to the A would be exactly that.

 

and again... the husband obviously confessed. so the need to even contact the OW is questionable, leading me to believe that she isn't calling for confirmation - but for the DETAILS. and that convo WILL drag on.

[watch210]

if she wants to end the drama - she needs to go full NC... that's about it. telling the truth most likely won't end the drama... on the contrary. it will open a lot of other questions and it will actually give the BS MORE reason to contact her because she will absolutely want to know the details. how long, what, when, where... blah, blah. you're assuming that the BS is a sane woman, composed who only needs the closure to move on - even if the OW eggarates in her descriptions... constantly contacting the other person when you're specifically asked NOT TO... speaks volumes. folks like that very rarely give up, especially if you keep feeding them - and admitting to the A would be exactly that.

 

and again... the husband obviously confessed. so the need to even contact the OW is questionable, leading me to believe that she isn't calling for confirmation - but for the DETAILS. and that convo WILL drag on.

 

Thank you for putting this into words that I couldn't. This is exactly my fear...

[minimariah]

*exaggerating. sorry!

[JustJoe]

I was only contacted last night and this morning. Hard to say if it will continue since it's pretty early still...

Then I would nip it in the bud...now. If she contacts you again, just tell her the bare facts , that yes, it happened,........ no, it is not still ongoing, and has been over for a year.....no, you have no future interest in her husband . Then have no contact with any of them.

[MJJean]

OP, you mentioned being worried the BW and daughter would continue to harass you if you admitted the truth because they'd want details. The simple solution is to provide details in the admission and THEN walk away.

 

Something like...

 

"Dear Ms. BW,

 

I did have an affair with your husband. I am sorry I lied to you. I was stunned and didn't know how else to respond.

 

Our affair was sexual between <date> and <date>. Our primary method of communication was <text,email, skype, whatsapp>. The affair has been over for some time and I assure you that I have no further interest in your husband.

 

Again, I am sorry that I wasn't forthcoming when you contacted me. I apologize for lying to you and for the hurt my actions has caused you.

 

Now that you have had confirmation the affair happened and know the details, I would appreciate it if you would cease contacting me and direct any questions you have to your husband. I will seek legal counsel if necessary, but I sincerely hope it won't come to that. I wish you and your family health and healing.

 

Sincerely,

<your name>

[watch210]

OP, you mentioned being worried the BW and daughter would continue to harass you if you admitted the truth because they'd want details. The simple solution is to provide details in the admission and THEN walk away.

 

Something like...

 

"Dear Ms. BW,

 

I did have an affair with your husband. I am sorry I lied to you. I was stunned and didn't know how else to respond.

 

Our affair was sexual between <date> and <date>. Our primary method of communication was <text,email, skype, whatsapp>. The affair has been over for some time and I assure you that I have no further interest in your husband.

 

Again, I am sorry that I wasn't forthcoming when you contacted me. I apologize for lying to you and for the hurt my actions has caused you.

 

Now that you have had confirmation the affair happened and know the details, I would appreciate it if you would cease contacting me and direct any questions you have to your husband. I will seek legal counsel if necessary, but I sincerely hope it won't come to that. I wish you and your family health and healing.

 

Sincerely,

<your name>

 

If I go that route do you think it would be best to corroborate with him so that the stories match? I'm guessing as soon as he starts work tomorrow he's gonna contact me...

[malvern99]

If I go that route do you think it would be best to corroborate with him so that the stories match? I'm guessing as soon as he starts work tomorrow he's gonna contact me...

 

If you tell your truth, there is no need to worry about corroborating. He is no longer your problem. If he wants to continue deceiving his family, that's on him.

[MJJean]

If I go that route do you think it would be best to corroborate with him so that the stories match? I'm guessing as soon as he starts work tomorrow he's gonna contact me...

 

No. No stories. Just the bare truth and then it's their problem to deal with. Once the truth has set you free, as they say, you're done and can put it all behind you.

[MidnightBlue1980]

If I go that route do you think it would be best to corroborate with him so that the stories match? I'm guessing as soon as he starts work tomorrow he's gonna contact me...

 

No, he is not your ally now. Figure out your story and stick to it. He will now do and say anything to escape blame with his wife, including sticking you with all the blame.