Ex co-worker cheated on me a year ago ... out of nowhere she greets me happy bday

[Marc878]

sooooo I was at work today . on my lunch break ... saw them BOTH sitting behind me and i can see them thru the reflection of the computer screen laughing and talking ... =\ . Felt like 1,000,000 knives stabbing me allover again

 

Its almost like shes doing this just to get my attention and rubbing it in my face. She knows how i feel about her yet she can sit there and laugh with her new guy while im in the room ( just like she did with me the first time i ran into her ) ... I should have known from the start . I got myself into this and its up to me to get out

 

She doesnt care for me . Nor does she respect me . AT . ALL

 

I would NEVER put anyone in the same position shes put me --- its the worst feeling ive ever experienced in my life

 

Truth to be told ; im the only one who can do something about this and I dont wanna feel like this anymore . YOU'RE ALL RIGHT . I am doing this to myself and i need to leave this toxic environment once and for all .

 

I hope my transfer request commences in the new year ( they told me i have to wait till the new year cuz its too busy at the moment )

 

*sigh*

 

Yep, you get dumped and all your actions say are "you are worth so much more than me". You can treat me anyway you want and "I'm still here waiting".

 

Good god man please get some respect for yourself.

 

I just cringed reading this. Ugh!!!!!!

 

Read up "No More Mr Nice Guy" free PDF download. Please!!!!!!!!

[S2B]

Have you looked for a new job yet?

 

You can't blame her at this point - you are doing this to yourself since you haven't changed the situation.

 

Do something to change this. It's only up to you.

 

She's not doing it to you - you're doing it to yourself.

[Sweetfish]

sooooo I was at work today . on my lunch break ... saw them BOTH sitting behind me and i can see them thru the reflection of the computer screen laughing and talking ... =\ . Felt like 1,000,000 knives stabbing me allover again

 

Its almost like shes doing this just to get my attention and rubbing it in my face. She knows how i feel about her yet she can sit there and laugh with her new guy while im in the room ( just like she did with me the first time i ran into her ) ... I should have known from the start . I got myself into this and its up to me to get out

 

She doesnt care for me . Nor does she respect me . AT . ALL

 

I would NEVER put anyone in the same position shes put me --- its the worst feeling ive ever experienced in my life

 

Truth to be told ; im the only one who can do something about this and I dont wanna feel like this anymore . YOU'RE ALL RIGHT . I am doing this to myself and i need to leave this toxic environment once and for all .

 

I hope my transfer request commences in the new year ( they told me i have to wait till the new year cuz its too busy at the moment )

 

*sigh*

 

Something i learned later in my life. When people laugh as you described. When you look at facebook or social media and see people posting with friends and family or showing off their new toys. Sometimes its just a facade. Its fake or a cover-up.

 

Whom ever you see in life, don't assume a person is happy. Many rich, powerful, and oh so loving couples are not happy. Just because someone is cracking a smile doesnt mean anything. Its just an instance in time.

 

People who are truly happy with them selves don't go thru great lengths to laugh in front of your face.

 

Only thing she is doing is hiding her pain and guilt. Its a classic move. Trust me she is observing.

 

At this moment, the only thing that matters is you. If your just some guy who goes to work and goes straight home depressed. All your going to do is find another women in the future and your not going to be happy.

 

Because the name of the game is not to find the girl and live happily ever after. The name of the game is build your self and master your skills and reap the benefits of those skills.

 

Marriage is a 50/50 gamble. The divorce rate is 50%

I wonder what is the percent of people in marriage who are married and not happy.

 

Your just another person that dodged a bullet. Be thankful, do you want your kids raised by a woman who can be cold to her husband?

[triple-s]

Yep, you get dumped and all your actions say are "you are worth so much more than me". You can treat me anyway you want and "I'm still here waiting".

 

Good god man please get some respect for yourself.

 

I just cringed reading this. Ugh!!!!!!

 

Read up "No More Mr Nice Guy" free PDF download. Please!!!!!!!!

 

Im working on it dude . I respect myself enough that I no longer want to feel this way . Right after that instance in the lunchroom , i just wanted to go home. I didnt even wanna look at her for the rest of the day .

 

I do need to get out of that place . THAT I KNOW NEEDS TO BE DONE

[triple-s]

Have you looked for a new job yet?

 

im in the process of getting transferred to a different location . this has already been aproved im just waiting for them to tell me WHEN.

You can't blame her at this point - you are doing this to yourself since you haven't changed the situation.

 

Yes. I agree. I am well aware of this.

 

Do something to change this. It's only up to you.

She's not doing it to you - you're doing it to yourself.

 

Working on this right now . Fully aware sir

 

 

Thank you for your feedback ... I know what you are saying . For a few months ive learned to put my feelings aside for her but because she emailed me on my bday ... things just kinda went back and resurfaced. This is not good. I need to take myself outta the equation. I am doing something about it . The problem isnt her its ME . I need to work on getting myself out of there.

 

Trust me , all the other relationships i had that didnt work, the woman DIDNT WORK WITH ME and i didnt have to see them ... THIS ONE DOES.

[triple-s]

 

People who are truly happy with them selves don't go thru great lengths to laugh in front of your face.Only thing she is doing is hiding her pain and guilt. Its a classic move. Trust me she is observing.

 

Thats a very interesting statement . ' she is observing ' -- to be honest thats f-king cold. I cant understand how someone can be so rude, hurtful to other people , total disregard to other peoples emotions.

 

She knows how much she meant to me . Now she hangs out with him IN FRONT OF ME like its nothing . Total lack of respect towards others . Its almost inhumane man ... IVE NEVER MET ANYONE SO COLD. she even human !?!?

 

I cant even fathom the thought if the tables were reversed . I would never put another human being in the position she made me feel .

At this moment, the only thing that matters is you. If your just some guy who goes to work and goes straight home depressed. All your going to do is find another women in the future and your not going to be happy.

 

She doesnt care for me . plain and simple. I dont wanna feel this way anymore bro /.... not for the next year I refuse to do this to myself for another year .

Because the name of the game is not to find the girl and live happily ever after. The name of the game is build your self and master your skills and reap the benefits of those skills.

 

 

Honestly ; im done after 2016 is way behind me . I wanna get myself 1) out of that toxic work environment 2) FOCUS ON MYSELF my CAREER 3) workout to become better version of myself 4) live a life free of this crap/ ****ty people 5) remove any negativity / negative people from now on ....

[triple-s]

For the record . Not once have i gotten tempted to look at her social media or anything related to her ... I maintained that throughout the entire year and im actually proud that i havent broken that

[dumbass2]

For the record . Not once have i gotten tempted to look at her social media or anything related to her ... I maintained that throughout the entire year and im actually proud that i havent broken that

 

 

Let me ask you something. IF she came back to you begging and pleading to get back, would you?

[triple-s]

Let me ask you something. IF she came back to you begging and pleading to get back, would you?

 

i would question how that could possibly work . trust is broken .

 

how is that even salvageable . i would be interested in hearing what she has to say if she begged and pleaded but we both know thats not gonna happen

 

get back together would be near impossible . if she were to give me agood explanation as to why and how it could go back to normal id be inclined to listen ( then i would ask everyones advice on here )

 

dumbass2 i just want to put it all behind me . believe me i am trying my best to move on . the biggest change i need to do is to transfer into a new office location . until that happens im afraid i cant help but see her and my feelings are like a rollercoaster . goes hot and cold .

[triple-s]

ive gotten over ex gfs many times before

 

out or sight out of mind

 

because i see her everyday and have to interact with her isnt helping one bit

i need to get out of that office to get my foot out the door once and for all

[Sweetfish]

i would question how that could possibly work . trust is broken .

 

how is that even salvageable . i would be interested in hearing what she has to say if she begged and pleaded but we both know thats not gonna happen

 

get back together would be near impossible . if she were to give me agood explanation as to why and how it could go back to normal id be inclined to listen ( then i would ask everyones advice on here )

 

dumbass2 i just want to put it all behind me . believe me i am trying my best to move on . the biggest change i need to do is to transfer into a new office location . until that happens im afraid i cant help but see her and my feelings are like a rollercoaster . goes hot and cold .

 

One naturally occurring trait that exists in all children is Egocentrism which means being self-absorbed or that they are preoccupied with their own internal world. But it can also be defined as ”a tendency of thoughts about the self and about self-relevant information to carry more weight in shaping comparative and likelihood judgments than do thoughts about others and other-relevant information” (Chambers & Windschitl, 2008: 253). For the self-absorbed, they can only see their point of view and hence are often unable to accost or acquiesce with the facts of reality.

 

Simply put, Egocentrism is all about ‘Me’.

 

I believe many women carry this trait into adulthood and breakups trigger this egocentrism. Its almost like the other person is less valued than a bum or dog on the street. Its amazing to watch.

 

Ive notice many of men COUNTLESS of times beg, cry, plead to be taken back. You would believe this is the ultimate approval of love. A grown A** man crying his eyes out lol.

 

Once the egocentrism kicks in, she cannot tap into empathy for you. She literally does not care about your feelings. This happens more when she is the dumper. Love letters, flowers, and poems have zero if not a negative impact.

 

She will take her feelings of love for you and impose them on another man because many women cannot end a relationship and go solo. It happens 99% but let the threads of LS here be the proof in the pudding.

 

I think after a breakups, women take a long time to rationalize what happened... this is why they start creeping back around after 2 or 3 months.

 

Men its usually happens in under a month.

 

Thats why working on your self is so important. I've read a lot of threads here and other forums where women have another guy lined up, dump the boyfriend and start regretting it later. But in these accounts between the breakup and regret the feelings towards the dumpee are like night and day.

 

Like a switch went off? Like the self reflection and the memories shut off this egocentrism and than thats when they start to feel the pain of what they have done...

 

Postpone grief.

 

Thats why NC has this creepy effect. The dumpee heals and finds a new person and the dumper feelings intersect. The dumper now starts to feel what the dumpee feels.

 

Thats when the breadcrumbs kick in and the weird random facebook likes come into effect. The unblocking and doors start to open.

 

When you read some of the womens comments its like they were two different people. After the breakup they feel a weight lifted off their shoulders and sudden weeks later the weight is back on. After the break-up they will openly admit to not giving one **** about the guy they "so-call" love and months later are blowing up the exes phone.

 

Look as Brad Pitt has been rational in his divorce.

Look how Jolie is looking for MAXIMUM damage.

 

This is my theory in action

 

So if you are around... she will door mat you hardcore and it will hurt. Its just some womens nature and it happens when they are the dumper?? Wtf.

 

Getting back together just means you know for a fact that when you guys get into bad times... the cat is out of the bag. She has full access to her darkside and when things dont go her way... she will default back to this egocentrism and you will feel 200,000 knives in your back again.

Edited December 25, 2016 by Sweetfish

[triple-s]

I believe many women carry this trait into adulthood and breakups trigger this egocentrism. Its almost like the other person is less valued than a bum or dog on the street. Its amazing to watch.

 

I'm convinced shes also a narcissist. lacks empathy and total disregard for other poeples emotions . One time she posted a photo of her wearing a t-shirt that had the guys name on it promoting his business ... I was gobsmacked how much i realized she really didnt give a **** how i felt.

 

I am in total shock somoene is capable of being so hurtful and turns out to be that someone i trusted and gave myself to

Ive notice many of men COUNTLESS of times beg, cry, plead to be taken back. You would believe this is the ultimate approval of love. A grown A** man crying his eyes out lol.

 

Yup . Been there done that .

 

Once the egocentrism kicks in, she cannot tap into empathy for you. She literally does not care about your feelings. This happens more when she is the dumper. Love letters, flowers, and poems have zero if not a negative impact.

 

I tried the flower thing .. She didnt give a **** . We slept together for one last time and She still told me at the end -- ' this doesnt change anything '

 

She will take her feelings of love for you and impose them on another man because many women cannot end a relationship and go solo. It happens 99% but let the threads of LS here be the proof in the pudding.

 

I think after a breakups, women take a long time to rationalize what happened... this is why they start creeping back around after 2 or 3 months.

 

Its been a year since we broke up ... why is she even lingering on my website commenting and leaving happy birthday msgs .

 

Thats why working on your self is so important. I've read a lot of threads here and other forums where women have another guy lined up, dump the boyfriend and start regretting it later. But in these accounts between the breakup and regret the feelings towards the dumpee are like night and day.

 

Are you saying this is the part shes regretting ? Her actions speak louder than words though and she has dont jack **** asides from the breadcrumb happy birthday

 

 

Like a switch went off? Like the self reflection and the memories shut off this egocentrism and than thats when they start to feel the pain of what they have done... Postpone grief.

 

When she saw my friends post my bday photos on their social media , thats when i noticed she came back . perhaps that triggered something .

 

Thats why NC has this creepy effect. The dumpee heals and finds a new person and the dumper feelings intersect. The dumper now starts to feel what the dumpee feels.

like i said, her action speak louder. I already said i miss you and she never replied back to it .

 

Thats when the breadcrumbs kick in and the weird random facebook likes come into effect. The unblocking and doors start to open.

 

thats what i thought too ... but right now shes a cold fish again. im not about to go harass or blow up her phone with mssgs or emails asking to reply or whats up

When you read some of the womens comments its like they were two different people. After the breakup they feel a weight lifted off their shoulders and sudden weeks later the weight is back on. After the break-up they will openly admit to not giving one **** about the guy they "so-call" love and months later are blowing up the exes phone.

 

I dunno about blowing up my phone but again, that one time she messaged me on my bday - what the hell was that for ? Totally unecessary. When it ws her bday i was aware what day it was i ddint go out of my way to wish her happy birtjday. she did .

 

Im not about to set myself up as a chump again. no way

Look as Brad Pitt has been rational in his divorce.

Look how Jolie is looking for MAXIMUM damage.

 

This is my theory in action

 

So if you are around... she will door mat you hardcore and it will hurt. Its just some womens nature and it happens when they are the dumper?? Wtf.

 

Around as in at work ? yes . This is why i want to gtfo of that work environment and trasnfer to a different location. Out of sight outta mind.

 

Theres an old saying " you must participate in your own rescue " --- this is what im doing . Digging myself out of the mess i got myself in

 

 

Getting back together just means you know for a fact that when you guys get into bad times... the cat is out of the bag. She has full access to her darkside and when things dont go her way... she will default back to this egocentrism and you will feel 200,000 knives in your back again.

 

I want to put this all aside. really guys im trying .

 

For the last year ive stayed strong. no contact . no temptation to look at her social media not even a peep.

 

I want to better myself and i dont want to feel like **** anymore .

 

No human being deserves to ever experience the pain she put me through.

 

its the worst feeling in the world

[triple-s]

Quick update ... Still in waiting mode . Transfer request to different store has been made but no go yet .

 

Until the day comes that my transfer has been approved . this **** feeling of having to face my ex is always going to linger. I know this will solve my issue once and for all .

 

The only thing I can do is absolutely nothing but work on myself. Something good did come out of this and thats to set a goal and to become a better version of myself.

 

I also figured out that she is a narcissist. That other guy is a supply. In time ( which i hope will eventually happen soon ) ... hell go through the same torture as I did .

 

God I hope he goes through it like i did.

 

It hurts like a motherf....

 

until the day i leave/transfer location ... the struggle continues

[triple-s]

Progress my friends !

 

My transfer has been approved and next week is my last week ! I couldnt be happier ! A lil nervous but thats a good thing right !

 

On a more interesting note : GET THIS ; she found out through some co workers and ... i kid you not out of nowhere she texts me DIRECTLY this time and says " you're going to be amazing "

 

WTF !?! ... WHY IS SHE TEXTING ME OUT OF THE BLUE AGAIN . Man this **** is so confusing .... the other guy is still around . I even saw them leave the office together ... only till after I noticed her phone number pop up and left me that message .

 

What do you all think of that ?

[Sweetfish]

Progress my friends !

 

My transfer has been approved and next week is my last week ! I couldnt be happier ! A lil nervous but thats a good thing right !

 

On a more interesting note : GET THIS ; she found out through some co workers and ... i kid you not out of nowhere she texts me DIRECTLY this time and says " you're going to be amazing "

 

WTF !?! ... WHY IS SHE TEXTING ME OUT OF THE BLUE AGAIN . Man this **** is so confusing .... the other guy is still around . I even saw them leave the office together ... only till after I noticed her phone number pop up and left me that message .

 

What do you all think of that ?

 

 

Time to close this chapter and go on to the next

[triple-s]

Time to close this chapter and go on to the next

 

I DID IT GUYS ! --- im out . Last day was yesterday and it was bittersweet

but it felt good to leave all that behind me. My co workers were very supporting and i needed it .

 

She didnt even bother to say bye to me/ say any parting words but it was me who went up to her and made sure I thanked her professionally for working together all those years ..

 

Truth to be told ---it was that moment i knew, this woman really is a narcissistic person. EVERYONE ELSE THERE WAS EMPATHIC ENOUGH TO CARE, took the time to thank each other, hugs ... except her. She had a cold blank stare . didnt say a word . just nodded smiled .

 

SMH .... So Im glad I got that in my final moments ... Imma let karma take care of the rest from here on in !

 

New life begins this weekend and im excited !

 

For everyone on this thread who listened and gave feedback --- im thankful to all of you as well

Edited April 20, 2017 by kylo-ren

[trustyourself]

Congrats on the transfer! Now the real healing can begin.

 

Woman can be very fickle. I get breadcrumbs about once a month. Last weekend was the last round. "I miss you, hope you are doing well. Have a wonderful day" " I had lunch at our favorite place. Made me think of you, it was not as fun as when we went together"

 

WTF?

 

I have no doubt that she misses me. I am awesome but you chose not to be with me, so you keep those thoughts to yourself.

 

Its all down to them having moments of loneliness and nostalgia. They dont think about the pain it causes us. Narcissistic? No. But selfish.

 

I guess the grass is not always greener on the other side, but they made the choice, and are usually too proud to admit it. So they fish to see where you are at.

[Sweetfish]

I DID IT GUYS ! --- im out . Last day was yesterday and it was bittersweet

but it felt good to leave all that behind me. My co workers were very supporting and i needed it .

 

She didnt even bother to say bye to me/ say any parting words but it was me who went up to her and made sure I thanked her professionally for working together all those years ..

 

Truth to be told ---it was that moment i knew, this woman really is a narcissistic person. EVERYONE ELSE THERE WAS EMPATHIC ENOUGH TO CARE, took the time to thank each other, hugs ... except her. She had a cold blank stare . didnt say a word . just nodded smiled .

 

SMH .... So Im glad I got that in my final moments ... Imma let karma take care of the rest from here on in !

 

New life begins this weekend and im excited !

 

For everyone on this thread who listened and gave feedback --- im thankful to all of you as well

 

 

I hope the link I showed you help you see the REAL person! Im glad your moving on.. the new guy will share the same faith :lmao:

[Tressugar]

Please do not date your next co worker at the new place or you'll have to start all over again in looking for another transfer.