marriageproblems Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 We have been together for around 3 years and only recently got married a month ago. I found out my husband has been cheating on me with escorts, I assume for a long time. During our relationship, whilst we were engaged and about to get married and then after we got married. He is not aware that I know. I love my husband but I cannot look at him the same with what he is done. To add to my heartbreak, these women are completely different looking to me and stunning. My husband and I are both Asian and he has seeked mostly beautiful Caucasian escorts. I once heard that cheating with escorts is the worst type of betrayal and I believe that it is correct. What is the best way to approach this without losing myself as well? Link to post Share on other sites
mikeylo Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 How did you find out ? Confront him. Don't have any kids with him yet and don't invest in a house etc. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 Confront him. If this was true, he wouldn't be my husband anymore. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 I once heard that cheating with escorts is the worst type of betrayal and I believe that it is correct. It is very bad as escorts are everywhere, you cannot avoid them. He has leapt the hurdle of paying for sex, so it is very easy for him to find willing partners, any time, any place, any where. Not only is he cheating, he is draining marital finances too. I guess those "stunningly beautiful" girls do not come cheap. Personally I would divorce him as you have little baggage and could walk away virtually unscathed. Don't wait around, as once you add kids to the mix, you are essentially "trapped" with a guy who does not love and respect you in the way you deserve to be loved and respected as his wife. There is no "cure" here. Sorry. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 What I really recommend for any betrayed spouse in the first days after a discovery... Your default position should be that this is not behavior that you tolerate in a marriage. And so you don't tolerate it. You file for divorce. Bear in mind, divorces take a long time. If he shows true remorse (which is a lot of actions that we can discuss further if you like) such that you think you might be able to forgive him, then you can always halt the proceedings. And if he doesn't demonstrate sufficient remorse, then you're on the way to the divorce you need. That's how you don't "lose yourself" through all of this. You have done nothing wrong. He has. And he can either repair the damage or find himself single. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lucy_in_disguise Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 Consider yourself lucky that you found this out so early into your marriage. At one month in, you may be able to get the marriage annulled. I don't see any way to recover from this. It is clearly a long-standing habit for your husband, and that he did this all through your relationship, engagement, and into your marriage indicates he feels entitled and has no remorse. And he can find escorts easily anywhere. Cut your losses and dump this creep. Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 marriageproblems, I like to hope when I read these things, that there maybe a hope to salvage something. There is nothing here, divorce, and now. Some people are just not ready for marriage, and may never be. I wish you luck... Link to post Share on other sites
WilyWill Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 You need to look at this rationally, which is hard to do when you're in love. The naked truth is that he's a cheat, and that's all he'll ever be. The fact that he did this so early in your relationship suggests that he is unredeemable. This is just who he is. You made a mistake marrying him, but you learned an important lesson. Don't feel bad--other people have made worse mistakes with their lives. But get out of this relationship now, don't look back. Move out and divorce. Under no circumstances should you have sex with this man, who might be carrying all kinds of diseases. You should have yourself tested. Whatever you do, do not get pregnant. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 Talk to a lawyer, understand your rights, it is very likely your marriage can be annulled which would save you a fortune in legal fees. Do not have unprotected sex with him in fact avoid sex if you can until you know the course of action you are going to take, even if he wore condoms, condoms don't protect you against all STD's. Sex with a sex worker is very high risk. You need to be tested for all STD's ASAP. There is nothing to save here, he has been dishonest with you from the very beginning. How do you compete with a Caucasian fetish? Your best predictor of your future together is to look at your history, your still on your honeymoon, how do you keep him interested when the newness of the relationship cools down? Run. Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 PLEASE listen to what people are telling you. The fact that your husband can do this to you at this point in your relationship means he WILL NEVER be a loyal, faithful partner for you!! Even the greatest marriage ever has ups & downs. There are always stresses in life. Visiting prostetutes is different to infidelity. It's a line crossed that most men would never dream of doing!! As others have said, he knows that he can find a willing partner whenever he chooses. PLEASE run as fast as you can. This will destroy you! What do you think he's going to be doing when you're pregnant? Is he going to cripple or kill your unborn babies with STD's? What's he going to do to 'relax' from the stress & strain of a new baby? This is the rest of your life!! RUN! RUN! RUN! I'm so sorry. You don't love this man. You don't even know this man. This isn't the life that any woman wants. You will loose yourself. This will break you. Be strong!! Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 One month in, no kids, no joint assets? My advice is run away as fast as you can. See an attorney to determine your next steps, get tested for STD's. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
SeenNotHeard Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 Confront and run. So many issues creep up during a marriage that can challenge the best couples with a solid foundation. He is not who you think he not by a long shot. Add children, potential illnesses, and just general complacency that so often occurs in long term marriages. Please don't waste your life on this it will not define you, but if you stay it will. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 To add to my heartbreak, these women are completely different looking to me and stunning. My husband and I are both Asian and he has seeked mostly beautiful Caucasian escorts. These are the kind of crazy thoughts you have when you first find out. Would it really be somehow better if he was cheating with an Asian partner ? I once heard that cheating with escorts is the worst type of betrayal and I believe that it is correct. Escorts really represent the lowest bar in cheating. It takes some some game and opportunity to cultivate an AP, anyone with a credit card can hire an escort. Cheating is cheating, regardless of race, gender or (oldest) occupation. He should be your focus rather than who with or how he strayed... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 The odds of a marriage with infidelity early on surviving are very, very poor. Please find out from your lawyer about getting an annulment, I think your chances are good and it will save you huge money. Listen, you can't compete with an other woman who is an escort and stunning, they will always be available in every city as long as he has the money. Find out from your lawyer which way you come out ahead, divorce or annulment, an annulment can still have a negotiated settlement. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
monnieloves Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 I'm sorry that you have to go through the painful emotions of infidelity. Have you considered having a loving conversation with your husband to discuss the possible remedies to maintaining your marriage minus other women? I know that counseling can get the root of issues. I hope all works for you. We have been together for around 3 years and only recently got married a month ago. I found out my husband has been cheating on me with escorts, I assume for a long time. During our relationship, whilst we were engaged and about to get married and then after we got married. He is not aware that I know. I love my husband but I cannot look at him the same with what he is done. To add to my heartbreak, these women are completely different looking to me and stunning. My husband and I are both Asian and he has seeked mostly beautiful Caucasian escorts. I once heard that cheating with escorts is the worst type of betrayal and I believe that it is correct. What is the best way to approach this without losing myself as well? Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 I'm sorry. Even if he can be counseled out of visiting prostetutes for now he still sees it as a viable option. That's not the kind of man I would dedicate myself to. What happens when stress, pregnancy, boredom, illness etc hit in the future! No way!!! Most men do NOT consider visiting hookers acceptable. Once that line has been crossed.... No way!! Ever!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Zenstudent Posted December 19, 2016 Share Posted December 19, 2016 This early in the marriage, no kids? Without a doubt, cut your losses and find a man who'll respect you. Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted December 20, 2016 Share Posted December 20, 2016 I'm not sure that there is a "worst type" of betrayal. It's all excruciating. I agree with other posters that there is nothing to work with in your marriage now. Your husband has violated every possible promise and you must remove yourself from this toxic situation. I have a close friend, also Asian, whose Asian husband cheated on her for years with hookers, strippers, masseuses, and escorts. She is absolutely gorgeous, but it didn't matter to hi m. He slept with hundreds of other women of all races, even though she would catch him again and again. He spent tens of thousands of dollars on sex workers. It absolutely destroyed her and drove her to the brink of suicide. She has finally divorced him and is on the road back to health. He will not stop. Please protect yourself and remove him from your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts