Marriage/Relationship Decisions--when to give up?

[logged]

How do you determine when it's time to end a marriage/relationship?I'm not sure if i'm just afraid of being alone,or afraid of losing the marriage?Has anyone had any experience with this & how did you figure it out?

[Tony T]

You never end a marriage or a relationship, it ends itself. Just because you remain together doesn't mean you're married or in a relationship. It just means you're physically there.

 

You cease to be in these relationships when:

 

1. The other person no longer makes you feel loved, cared about or special around them.

 

2. You feel empty and unfulfilled and your partner seems indifferent about working on this aspect of the relationship.

 

3. Your partner seems to consistently have other things in his/her life that are far more important than you and is unwilling to give you the time you need to feel special and loved.

 

4. You are not getting out of the relationship the things you need to be fulfilled.

 

5. Your partner finds it necessary to cheat on you.

 

6. The communication in the relationship cannot be re-established because on partner has simply shut down and counselling won't work. In other words, one partner has simply lost interest.

 

7. You feel incapable or unwilling of meeting the constant expectations of a demanding partner.

 

8. You don't look forward to going home to your mate because of the way you know you'll feel when you get there.

 

Being in a bad marriage because you are afraid of being alone is like standing in a polluted river all day because you are afraid of dying of thirst.

 

But marriage is a two way thing and you can be as much or more of the problem than your partner. Before you end a relationship, hopefully you will work on whatever it is that's bugging you.

 

It used to be "til death do you part." I still think it is. But it's "til death of the feelings" rather than physical death. There is no good reason to remain in a miserable situation, whether there are kids or not. Staying together for the sake of children is insane. Kids deserve a good family atmosphere, one where the parents love and care for each other. Otherwise, they are better off with one and visiting the other.

 

I urge you to see a wise and capable counsellor before you ever consider ending a marriage. Divorce, whether you initiate it or the other person, is one of the most painful things a person can endure...in most cases. I have seen people celebrate them but not often.

[Tammie]

This describes exactly my last LTR, which was like a marriage. I am going to write this down.